Was it Worth It?

Today's P&L: 0.00 GBP

Today's Booze: 6 pints of Kronenbourg 1664

Today's Soundtrack: Music to burn flags to

Bernanke was in the news saying that more quantative easing may be the answer to the stubborn jobless situation in the US. He assured us all that providing further liquidity isn't the same as printing money - So that is a buy signal for gold then. If the US wants to employ more people it has to restart industry there is no real alternative. It should make for a boost in the DOW30 and S&P500 though. The market perception is that this money will feed through into the economy, unlike the earlier program. It is rubbish, of course. The plan is for the US to buy six hundred billion dollars of government bills from the banking sector which should encourage economic activity. This will increase stock and commodity prices. Of course it will increase inflationary pressures. So that's the solution to the US economy. Issue debt sell it to banks and then in order to protect the banks purchase the paper back from the banks and how does the US government pay for the debt it buys, by issuing more debt. The global economy is becoming more like a very dangerous game of pass the parcel.

I was looking at the pictures of the Princess on her facebook page the other day. Her wedding looks like quite the high dollar event. Made the Thai newspapers and was held at the Oriental, probably one of the most expensive places in Asia to get married. she looked fantastic of course but I can't help feeling how much better it would have been if she had married me - I would have lowered the tone somewhat. Not that I am especially low class. Just, there would be no way I would get married sober. I doubt that many of my friends would have fitted in, just a couple of them but I would have had to invite them anyway. I imagine she knew all along that we wouldn't get married, even though we were engaged. In her social group it is customary for the the man to give a dowry to the brides father, the number she indicated to me was rather daunting even though I was quite wealthy then. She told me not to worry, what would happen is that her guardian would give the money to her and that she would give it back to me - even so. The Princess was such a nice and even tempered girl, I can count the times I upset her on one hand, I made her cry a few more times but that was mainly because of injuries I started picking up. Before then I had always been in top condition. I don't think we would have been happy married though. She didn't drink and was such a girly girl whereas the women I had more intense relationships with were far more similar to me, unreasonable, jealous, angry and just a little out of control. Most of my girlfriends have been far too good for me, but the Princess was probably the one who compromised herself most by being with me.


Today's music, my top five tracks:

Rock The Casbah - One of my favourite Clash songs along with London Calling. Seventies punks dissect middle-eastern politics, well they couldn't do a worse job than Tony Blair.

Games Without Frontiers - I was just a child when this song hit the charts but it was still significant, even back then I was aware of the ebbs and flows of politics. My parents had taken me to a few third world countries.

The Lebanon - What can I say, I am an eighties boy and I have always loved The Human League, Beirut is one of those places I have never been, (I tend to avoid the middle east in general - better for them, better for me), but this is a great song about a tragic situation. I used to work with a woman who had worked for an American bank in Beirut and she told me lots of stories about the missile attacks and the bomb shelters in the basement.

Going Underground - The Jam. This band were a key part of my youth in the late seventies/early eighties. Paul Weller may be a bit of a twat and I have heard he is quite difficult to work with but he writes some damn good songs. "I turn in the news and my body froze, The braying sheep on my TV screen, Make this boy shout, make this boy scream, Going Underground, I'm going underground"

Living In This Town - "Why throw a dollar to a hungry man" Havana 3am should have been a great band but Paul Simonen is, if anything inconsistent, think he is a painter now. In Seventies UK he was one of the coolest people on the planet

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

The Stalker And I

Today's P&L: No markets today

Today's Booze: 2 pints of lager, 3 large glasses of red wine

Today's Soundtrack: Music to remember your past to


If any one's interested, I feel like talking about my relationship with the Stalker today. I don't really remember the date I met her although she remembers of course. It was about twenty years ago I guess, around about this time of year, in fact it was a freezing evening and the place was somewhere between Oxford Street and Regent Street. I was drinking a quad Rum and I met her relative, A very sexy but seriously out of control woman. I shared a few drinks with her while she sized me up and decided I wasn't for her but would be suitable for the Stalker. She disappeared for a while and the barman, some Italian guy who clearly thought too much of himself, laughed at me and said she won't come back. I didn't mind as my intention was drinking. However the girl did return with The Stalker. And that's where our relationship began.

The Stalker wasn't like any other woman I had met before. She is the oldest of eleven children and naturally quite assertive. I didn't have any idea how rich she was as true to my character I didn't really ask her too much about her background although in retrospect I should have wondered how come she spent so much money on restaurants and holidays. We had a lot of fun though, back then she used to be fun. She also wasn't easy, she had made some promise to her father that she wouldn't have sex until she was twenty one, so I had to wait but it was worth it. The problem was I treated our relationship like all the other ones I had been in while she was a little more serious. I still remember when she decided enough was enough and she came to my house. She said to me the usual break up bollocks. I hadn't seen it coming, so was somewhat surprised But I still remember saying to her just before she walked out. "fancy having one last fuck for old times sake" - not exactly Clark Gable. Anyway she just walked out and I didn't see her again for nearly five years. Apart from one brief encounter in sometime around ninety four, I guess that was her last fling before getting married.

That next time I saw her I had been in Indonesia and following the riots and the near civil war left the Lunatic behind, I like to spread the disappointment. Actually it wasn't so bad, I did offer the Lunatic the chance to escape with me but it was never going to happen her family had lots of money and had a plane to fly them to Singapore. I went out for a drink or two with the Stalker in the West End, By then I had not worked for some time but managed to get some consultancy work. I never heard from the Stalker again But The Lunatic used to phone me for about three hours almost every night.

Anyway, I made a bit of money and decided to go back to visit the Lunatic. It was one of those dramatic fly by night gestures that I am inclined to make. I arranged to finish my contract and flew from New York to Bangkok then down to Singapore and then Indonesia, it was her birthday so it seemed like the right thing to do although it cost me plenty of money. Anyway this isn't about the Lunatic, that story has a post all of its own. After a few years and a couple of major injuries The Lunatic and I finally separated permanently. Anyway I then managed to get some more consultancy work in London and that's where I met the Princess. The Princess is unusual in my history of women by being ten years younger than me. She was studying in London and working in a restaurant I visited three or four times a week. She knew I was going back to live in Bangkok but as usual I didn't ask a great deal about her background. Turned out she was quite the society girl and surprise, surprise I am not the ideal son in law. Anyway, her and I had a reasonable relationship for a few years until I got injured quite severely. Initially I thought I would get my legs fixed and be back in a few months so I paid for my apartment for another year. My injuries were much worse and after a while she moved to Tokyo and found someone else.

The end of the story is after my brother urged me to open a facebook account so I could maintain contact with him. The Stalker came across my name, and got in touch with me. At first I didn't think it was her, but after a while we arranged to meet on my birthday. I didn't turn up as I thought she wasn't serious, and after all those years and I knew she had been married, so she tried again and we met up at Waterloo Station. It is so odd seeing someone you know so well after so many years. After all that time we were both the same, she and I flirted a little and spoke as if we were two caged animals circling each other. Of course things have changed, Don't they always? She and I have both experienced so much in our time apart. And we are both so screwed up. The funny thing is to me, even though she can see how broken down I am, to me she looks almost exactly the same as she did when she was twenty. The only difference is the look in her eyes, she has been told she was dying twice, three times for me so I am the winner there. The difference between her and I is that she always fights, but I am just tired of it all.

Its quite funny, even after all these years and in our reduced circumstances, we still get along at least some of the time. I know she hates me but that's healthy enough, I can't stand all this we are not just husband and wife but best friends crap. We don't need to be best friends, and it really is better that way. She has a whole other life with her friends, they do and talk about things I am less than interested in. So she met up with me after I had seen the doctor. For once it was good news, unexpectedly she said my blood levels had almost returned to normal, just clotting remains an issue. My knee is fucked but she gave me an x-ray appointment for that. I am not so worried about broken bones, that's a pain I am used to. The Stalker looked great when she turned up. She rarely wears make-up when meeting me But she had been out with some friends and she looked fantastic. I was talking to three girls when she arrived but she wasn't too bothered, she knows I don't go for blondes anyway. Anyway we went and got something to eat and had a good night, so much so she returned two days later for a rematch. I still love it when she tells me how much she hates me, don't know what she gets out of it. In an interlude she told me that so far every member of my family that she has met has warned her about me and my father even described me as a liability - Bastard!

Today's music, my top five tracks:

Missing You - John Waite. A great song for us eighties boys. "I spend my time thinking about you, and its almost driving me wild". This song is about every ended relationship. When I was young I used to pretend it didn't matter to me when I stopped seeing a girl. Nowadays I really don't give a fuck, but how come the major relationships I have had keep coming back to haunt me?

I Drove All Night - Have you ever done it? Have you ever travelled a distance to tell a girl how you felt. Doesn't matter if she lives across town or in another continent. There is this feeling you get when you do it, like hey, I am putting it on the line, taking control of my situation. Doesn't matter if you get there and she isn't interested. Every man should risk looking stupid to express his feelings at least once in his life.

I Would Die 4 U - Prince never got better than on Purple Rain and 1999 if you ask me, although Sign 'o' The Times was good. This is a song about loving someone too much, but how much is too much? Good rule of thumb is if she takes out a restraining order, it's too much.

If You Were Here Tonight - The Italian loved this song by Alexander O'Neal. Nothing works out the way you plan it in my dysfunctional world. I guess if I am honest, I would have liked things to be different but I can't really see how things would have worked out if I had been more conventional.

Always On My Mind - "Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could, Little things I could have said and did - but I never took the time". This song kind of sums up all my relationships with women.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

My Life As A Dog

Today's P&L: Still out of the markets today

Today's Booze: 1 bottle of Stolichyna vodka

Today's Soundtrack: Music to chase bones to

So Ireland took the bail out, what a surprise, it couldn't be any other way. Initially there was some misguided strength on the Euro, but the market attention has switched to Spain already. With the yield rising to two point four percent over Bunds. That means that you receive two and a half percent interest over German bonds if you buy Spanish, of course because bond yields are inverse to prices an increase in yield means a decrease in price. It's nothing heavy yet, Ireland was up to at least eight percent over Bunds before the bail out but this is how it always starts so start preparing for a bail out for Spain. Europe can not afford this but sentiment is building and, much in the same way as if you live by the sword you die by it, if you depend on foreign investment to keep your economies alive you die when it is withdrawn. Spain has a huge potential market in South America and a exceptionally high academic standards but with twenty percent unemployment? The Euro seems to me like a dead duck. I was working at Bank of America on its official launch and doubted it then , many of my colleagues said "you will die before the Euro does", which seemed likely but I now firmly believe the Euro, as it is now, will split up before I die.

Didn't need to book an appointment to see the doctor, instead I received a request from her. Its never a good sign when they write "we need to talk to you" and put need in bold. If that wasn't bad enough the Stalker wants to meet me directly afterwards - how much good news in one day can a guy take? I know what the Stalker is going to say. She has a bulldozer approach to our relationship and just tends to ignore any small roadblocks like my objections, this comes because she genuinely believes she knows what is best for me. The first time we were together she was very inexperienced and in the intervening twenty years or so, by all accounts she has had one serious relationship but I imagine she was very much in control of him. So while I can no longer boss her around, she finds it very hard to bully me although that doesn't stop her trying. She was always a bit fiery but its got worse. We seem to spend all our time either hating each other or having sex, time in between is like one of those uncomfortable silences. Still if it was easy, it wouldn't be any fun.

Today's music, my top five tracks:

Dirty Old Town - The Pogues rather than Rod. "I met my love, by the gas work walls". Every time I used to come to London, the first thing I used to do was to find a Thameside pub and get a drink. Not at Windsor or Richmond, down by Greenwich or further, near Woolwich, where it isn't beautiful. I always travel light so it was no hardship.

Hounds Of Love - I guess, I have a thing about Kate Bush, she lives very near where I am now but you never see her. She is a bit of a recluse so my images of her are all from videos and record covers. Her picture on the front of The Dreaming appeals to me hugely. I have written about this song in the past, to me it is all about fear and taking your chances. It could be about love or it could be about work but life is all about chances. I am no guru but I have learned about missed opportunities. Now all I have to do is learn the other things that make me a regular person.

Move To Memphis - A-ha, Memorial Beach was an unloved record, but I rather liked it. This was my favourite song. To me its all about striking out on your own, leaving the past behind. When I left home it was a choice but before that, up until I was thirteen I had a safe normal life, then there was a few years of being put in situations I had no control over. That may explain a lot of my questionable decisions since then. Memphis, may not sound exotic to most people but to me, maybe its the Elvis connection, its a journey, Elvis was at his most credible in Memphis, before the bloat of Hollywood and Vegas. We all have our own Memphis. It's after that we lose our way.

Wishing I Was Lucky - Wet Wet Wet, not sure if they had any success overseas. Their debut album was great, despite the singers annoying grin, (mind you, if you have good teeth in Glasgow - you show them off). This song was very popular with people of my age who desired to work in the city - the lyrics were painfully obvious. Getting a job means entering the real world. I was on a very limited time scale when I got my first job, in fact if I had two more weeks without work, I would have been on the streets and the small room I was renting wasn't much better. Since then I been in a similar situation twice. Before all the security checks a good tip, if you were really in a bad way and had flown enough you could get a first or business class ticket at Heathrow, hit the lounge, eat, sleep, get some booze and have a shower and as long as you cancelled a half hour before the flight left, get out. I know that sounds dishonest but sometimes you have to do what you have to do and its better than sleeping in a public toilet or on the Heathrow tube. Anyway the ticket always goes on standby, so its best to use London to New York.

Sunshine - By Gabrielle, another song I keep coming back to. OK, this song shows appreciation for another person. Something I have never been able to bring myself to do. Its a great song though, worth listening to any time you feel down, Guess it would be nice to have that kind of support. I never really experienced that, it seems my whole life has been about my not fulfilling my potential or letting others down. Nowadays, I rarely seek recognition from other people.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

The Bear Necessities

Today's P&L: Out of the markets today

Today's Booze: 1 bottle of Morgan Spiced Rum

Today's Soundtrack: Music to wish your life away to

Didn't trade today, I am waiting to see what happens with the Irish debt situation. It's clear that the Euro elite are not too concerned about what happens to the Irish but they are worried about contagion. If Ireland defaults instead of taking aid then it is Portugal and Spain next. The markets in America, which set the tone for Asia and Europe, went nowhere although the dollar firmed as the rating agencies blustered that debt and deficits in the US won't affect its AAA rating. They would say that as a downgrade would have serious implications on their business.

There was some program on the television the other night that said that the amount of the UK economy that is public sector is now fifty four percent against forty six percent private. In, nominally communist, China the percentage of the economy under public control is about twenty seven percent. It is impossible to run a sustainable, dynamic economy with so much government interference.

I still haven't heard from the Stalker, guess she finally took my advice and found someone better for herself. I can't be too glum about it, I am not exactly good boyfriend material. I'll probably make an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow against my better instincts. I pretty much know there isn't much that can be done with my dodgy joints but I can at least find out if there are any pain killers I can take that won't affect my liver. I suppose I am just going to have to accept that I must be more careful and not keep throwing myself around.

Today's music, my top five tracks:

Communique - Always love a bit of Dire Straits. "Maybe he could talk about the tricks of the trade, Maybe he could talk about himself, Maybe he could talk about the money that he made, Maybe he'd be saying something else". I always thought I was pretty good at communicating with people, maybe not. Mind you who is really interested in listening to other people these days. So many voices trying to get heard, so many people who have something to say. No wonder people blot it all out.

The End Of The Innocence - Don Henley maybe a bit preachy, but he has written some really good music. I know this song has a lot of social and political commentary specific to America, but the sentiment is universal. I guess these is a point for all of us when we no longer believe in utopia.

You Might Need Somebody - I always have time for Randy Crawford as well. This song is so nice, even though I enjoy being alone, well y'know, maybe I will need someone some day.

Emily - Hot Chocolate, was a big UK seventies soul band, like ABBA they have long been regarded as a bit of a joke, despite some slick song writing and some smooth vocals. I blame the movie industry, this band will be forever linked with the film "The Full Monty". Emily is a song about a woman who dreamed of being a star and when she realised it was never going to happen committed suicide. There is one part in this song where he sings something about when she was at school and said she would be a movie star nobody laughed. I was a bit like that at school I remember dating this hot Indian girl in the year above me in the sixth form and asking her what she would do when she left school, she said what about you and I just said "My band will be famous by then" and she acted like I had just said I would get a job in a shop and said yes, I know.

No More Lonely Nights - Paul McCartney is an interesting character to me. He is so kitsch, but most of my favourite Beatles songs have him stamped all over them, especially Eleanor Rigby and Penny Lane. At the same time he is always associated with Lennon, (I mean he did some good stuff afterwards but the Beatles are kind of a hard act to top). He has developed this knack of appearing like the cheeky scouser you might bump into down the pub but there is no doubt he is a seriously assertive and private star. I remember having a conversation with someone who had met him and he said Paul has a very carefully crafted image but he is relentless in business and a lot tougher than you would think. No more lonely nights is a song, to me, about love with someone you shouldn't love.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Who's Going To Pay Attention To Your Dream

Today's P&L: GBP 90.00

Today's Booze: 1 litre of Smirnoff Red Vodka

Today's Soundtrack: Music to miss people to

Little trading done today, I know I am out of the loop somehow, so its best to stay out of the game until I can gain a firmer understanding although that goes against my reckless instincts. Ireland looks like it is going to have to call in the IMF, which by all reasoning should have a negative impact on the Euro, however the relentless supply of money in America is continuing to put the dollar under pressure. These markets are very thin just now and a huge downturn feels like it could happen any time but, having said that, we are now in the Christmas run up and people are reluctant to trade. It is almost inconceivable to me that a European nation like Ireland would be so close to default and the markets are failing to react. For Ireland it is just the end of an lucky ride they made the most of while it lasted, but going from three or four percent unemployment to nineteen percent in eighteen months must be devastating to any economy. The Irish will survive, U2 will eventually complete their skyscraper in Dublin but their plight shows an inherent weakness, not only in the ill-conceived Euro but in the global financial system. Nobody, including me, seems to have the answer.

I am feeling a little down right now - not sure why, I have hurt my knee quite badly and probably need surgery on it, but I shan't go to the hospital unless absolutely necessary. If they need to operate, it means at least a ten day stay. If its on my legs it usually ends up around a month. The stalker is staying clear just now - maybe because I am broke and she just cleared a million pounds on the sale of her Notting Hill flat. Don't know why she thinks it means anything to me, I have never asked her for money once in our troubled relationships, In fact when I first went out with her I didn't even know she was wealthy. I don't know why this gloom is surrounding me right now, I just feel something bad is going to happen to me. I was thinking about how I ended up like this the other night, its not as if I planned it in fact I never planned anything in my life. My biggest problem has always been lack of urgency, I never felt that I had to try too hard or rush anything. It always seemed that there would be more time. Now, all of a sudden it seems time is running out and every second seems like an unbearable loss. It doesn't help that my brother and his family are moving further away from London, I rarely see him as it is. Everyone who knows us thinks we are joined at the hip but over the last fifteen years, I have seen him about twenty times. We are close though. I have another brother as well but I never see him, we are not friends.

Today's music, my top five tracks:

True Colours - Cyndi Lauper is quite an underrated performer. This song is very simple and very beautiful. I guess this song is about showing your emotions, something that has never been that easy for me, (which is why I kind of use this blog as a place to show my feelings).

The Crying Game - Doesn't matter if it's Brenda Lee of Boy George, this is a great song. It is quite melancholic, but then again unrequited love usually is. I suppose I have been with lots of women who wanted me to be more serious with them, but maybe its just not in my character. Anyway, from the few I have heard from post relationship, they have all done just fine without me.

Echo Beach - I was listening a lot to the Gabriella Cilme version but, it can't match the original Martha and the Muffins song. I was wondering why the original low budget version with its cheap production sounded so much better. I think the remake is too much in your face, too upfront. The original has a sense of distance which fits in with the songs theme of longing - wishing you were in a better place. This is one of those songs that I have to listen to on a fairly regular basis, if I don't I just feel bad and I am not sure why.

I Can't Stand The Rain - I love the sequences running through this song, reminds me of how beautiful the rain is, When I lived in Bangkok and Indonesia I used to love it when it rained, it seemed like the city was clean for just a while. The road outside my apartment in Thailand always flooded to at least waist height and the young Thai kids would laugh at me trying to get home but also trying to avoid the flooded sewers. Tropical rainstorms are so much like life, no point trying to shield yourself from the rain, you are going to get drenched no matter what.

Lay Your Hands On Me - The Thompson Twins, I must have been about fourteen when this came out, I guess its about a guy finding salvation from his lover. For me it is a song about how weary life gets, that whole "when it almost seems too much" thing. Maybe its just because I'm feeling down, but hey, its not like I haven't been here before. I have done that whole gun against the head thing late at night.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Communication Breakdown

Fridays P&L: GBP -130.00

Fridays Booze: 2 litres of Dry Cider, 1 litre of Stolichnaya Vodka

Fridays Soundtrack: Music to burn bridges to

The stock markets loved the Fed's plan to purchase all those securities, OK the dollar took a dive but Bernanke clearly wants to inflate away US debt so that's fine, personally I think in a post-industrial economy a strong currency is a benefit. Anyway analysts and traders are already talking about quantitative easing three! Its probably easier to view the American economy as a patient in a coma on life support in a rather fancy hospital paid for by the Chinese - how much longer do they continue to foot the bill before telling the doctor to switch off life support? The UK has its own problems which seem equally insurmountable. The inept coalition seems clueless as to what to do. but in a way that's strangely comforting. Britain has a long tradition of, frankly, useless politicians. As a former banker I suppose its no surprise that I don't blame the finance industry for the current situation, although the eventual levels of greed were shocking even to me. Top level traders began to view themselves and were compensated like superstar athletes. It should be recognized, though, that all traders signed contracts which detail pay quite specifically. Anyway there are or at least should be plenty of regulators, both in-house and externally to have stopped the wilder excesses. If any ones interested I blame Greenspan and Bernanke and Summers as the primary cause. They can claim they were not responsible for the attitude of excess, but the loose monetary policy directly caused this.

I knew it was a bad idea to reply to the Lunatic ex, She asked me a few questions that were worded in her usual nonchalant manner. So I replied in what I thought was the run of a normal conversation. Clearly I didn't give her the right answer when she asked if I thought we would ever see each other again. I then got a few rather threatening emails for my trouble. At least for once, I wasn't dumb enough to give her any contact details or my phone number and she is on the other side of the world. Unfortunately the Stalker has some business to take care of in Jakarta and will be going there in the very near future, which is far too close for my liking. If I had my way I wouldn't have these two women in the same hemisphere.

Yesterday's music, my top five tracks:

I Was Right And You Were Wrong - Good old Deacon Blue. I am the kind of person who has to say I was right to women, even if I know I am wrong.

Play Dead - Still my favourite song from Bjork, not exactly a feel-good song.

It Doesn't Matter - Alison Krauss, This is quite a simple song but full of emotion. The singer has a great voice. When I hear this song I think of the Italian girl and some very specific regrets, even though it was recorded long after I knew her.

Fuck It - I used to drink in this seriously dodgy bar in Bangkok, the girls at the bar loved this song. I don't think they really understood what perspective the song was from but they certainly appreciated the sentiment. I love drinking in sleazy bars, which the Stalker has always found infuriating. It isn't the available women, its been a long time since that was a novelty to me. I have a soft spot for hookers, after all, who doesn't like a bruised angel. I admire their resilience, its not something I would do for a living but I am not qualified to judge anyone.

Don't Talk Old To Me - Who would have thought that Alice Cooper would become so establishment? This is a song from his wilderness years in the eighties, but Alice still has his sneer. It's an anti establishment, anti growing-up song, so I love it.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Diamond Dogs

Yesterdays P&L: GBP -90.00

Yesterdays Booze: 1 bottle of Smirnoff, 1 bottle of Australian red wine

Yesterdays Soundtrack: Music to watch cars go by

So the American mid-term elections were a little unkind to Obama. What is his approval rating now forty percent? Less? I am not sure what people expected of him but it is clear that the problems affecting America are far more significant than he and his team are equipped to deal with. The Fed surprised nobody by announcing plans to purchase up to six hundred billion in US securities to try and lower borrowing costs or, more likely, to stimulate inflation. Meanwhile analysts speculated that the flotation of GM may result in a billion dollar loss for the US government and in addition GM stands to benefit from a tax break of up to forty five billion dollars. Of course it is unlikely to protect GM from future competition. America, unless it declares a one hundred percent import tax on cars will have to accept its days as the industrial superpower are over. The mantra for American politicians has been that America continues to reinvent itself and becomes the leader in new industries. I suppose a good example is Solyndra, a US based manufacturer of solar panels that benefited from a half a billion dollars in loan guarantees following a visit from Obama has decided to freeze hiring in the US and shutter one of its existing factories to open a new production facility in Wuhan, China.

Seems to me America has so many of the problems that UK industry experienced, primarily financiers coming up with unsound expansion plans, consultants coming up with bizarre procedural changes in order to justify their fees and top heavy administration. My father has a good example of the later when the shipping company he worked for finally bit the dust. He remembers going to the company Head office as his was the last container ship and seeing a few weeping staff in the human resources department. The HR department had previously made almost all his colleagues redundant and given the advice to brighten up and look for new opportunities. My father asked what the problem was and one girl told him they had all been made redundant. He said of course. What do you mean a few of the staff said and my father replied well you are the personnel department, correct? why did you think you would be needed when you just spent the last five years getting rid of all the personnel?

Anyway as expected the additional funds pumped into the market had the anticipated effect and the stock markets soared. Doesn't anyone think things through? Quantitative easing is likely to be viewed retrospectively as one of the biggest mistakes ever. But as long as we avoid addressing the real problems now. It may seem that I am picking on the Americans but it isn't the case. At the end of every shift in power there is a period of immense hardship. I can't think of a seamless shift, I don't see why the decline of America should be any different.

The stalker is off to Switzerland for more medical treatment. Not sure what they do to her in these places, she told me she doesn't get chemo anymore but some stem cell thing. It's quite experimental and not offered by the NHS but they are very interested in the results. I am sure she will be ok - she is pretty tough. Still every time she comes back she looks a little drained. I understand why she hates my nihilistic attitude but she always knew what I was like. Maybe she still remembers me from the first time we went out together, but I was very immature then. I was even a little optimistic. I am not sure why she can't stay away from me. At this point, I have nothing to offer her. The sex is good but that's about it. We have a few things in common, but not enough to justify her overwhelming interest in me.

Yesterday's music, my top five tracks:

True Faith - I remember the first time I heard this song, in a dodgy club in Woolwich. I love the nihilism of the song, but it doesn't sound like a despondent song. The driving beat makes it sound quite upbeat. but the lyrics tell a different story, "My morning sun is the drug that brings me near To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear I used to think the day would never come, that my life would depend on the morning sun".

Old Red Wine - Quite a reflective song. The Who are like wine, the best stuff was made years ago but tastes good even now. Life is kind of like that, you make your fun in the sun and then you end up bottled and corked.

Suburbia - The Pet Shop Boys, these guys were huge when I was a kid. Suburbia is a song about those boring places that aren't the city and aren't the country. The outskirts of London are full of them. One of the greatest cities in the world, but one time when I was in hospital I was talking to a guy about nineteen in the next bed and he had never been into London, (this was about forty minutes by train from Paddington). So many people are just comfortable with what they know.

I Just Don't Know what To Do - Dusty Springfield was a great singer, to me her voice is always tinged with sadness - I get the impression she was rarely happy.

Blue Moon - The Elvis version, OK his voice was swimming in reverb but it's still Elvis. Saw the movie, Nowhere Boy about John Lennon, I loved the bit when he was in the cinema and sat bolt upright watching Elvis at work.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

I Told You I loved You, Now Get Out

Yesterdays P&L: GBP 410.00

Yesterdays Booze: 6 pints of Stella Artois

Yesterdays Soundtrack: Various

These markets are still driving me nuts. The US inflation data just came out following some worse than expected jobs data. Producer Inflation is up to four percent, this will inevitably have an impact on consumer inflation. While all inflation data is the US and UK is rigged the basic numbers don't add up. If inflation is so much higher than interest paid on fixed income bonds and bank accounts, investors real wealth is declining. No wonder the dollar is taking a pounding, (Australian dollar / US dollar parity is a sure thing now). The US finally has painted itself into a corner, it can only fund itself by issuing more debt which lowers the yield on existing debt or by raising interest rates and taxation, which they know will push the economy back into recession as its current anaemic growth is based on huge amounts of economic stimulus. I have always thought that the solution to the financial crisis, which to be fair was the only possible solution because of how late the regulators had waited, was only delaying a later, more severe, economic crash. I hope I am wrong.

The stalker continues to give me a hard time. For someone who thinks I am a dead beat she spends a lot of time on the phone to me. I think I have entered that horrible place no man ever wants to be where she has adopted me as some kind of project. As a rule I am not interested in married women but I can definitely see the benefits of having a relationship with a woman who has a serious partner and can only spare the time to see me for a couple of hours a week.
I was watching a tv show on BBC the other day about Scottish lesbians. Now, I don't have any gay friends as far as I know so I am quite uninformed, however this show was entertaining enough for me to suspect that perhaps its target audience wasn't the lesbian community. It was a bit like the American lesbian show and at least left me with an improved understanding of the sapphic community. The three most important points I learned are; firstly all lesbians are attractive, secondly all lesbians have great jobs. They are either international photographers, architects, renown designers or models - apparently lesbians do not work at supermarket check outs or as low level clerical assistants. Lastly lesbians are always ready for sex, no matter where. While some straight girls maybe too uptight to act on their impulses, all lesbians are happy to have sex in the nearest public toilet or broom cupboard or morgue at the drop of a hat.

Yesterday's music was quite varied, my top five tracks:

Out Of Touch - It's years since I last listened to Hall and Oates, I used to be quite a fan back in the eighties even saw them in concert once. This song reminds me of the eighties so much, in fact I was listening to it on my trusty walkman while I was waiting for my first date with the Italian girl. It seems so funny now, worrying about schoolwork, going for long walks on dates. Going to a bar and only having three or four drinks, her friends telling her that she could do much better, older guys with cars making a pass at your girlfriend. Mind you even then I was drinking too much.

It Was A Very Good Year - Good ol' Frankie. "When I was seventeen, it was a very good year, it was a very good year for small town girls and soft summer nights". A song about growing up, obviously. All Sinatra songs seem to have this bitter sweet flavour to them. Even triumphant songs like My Way and New York, but more so in this track and That's Life. Maybe all the things written about him were right and he did have more connection with the darker side of life than we know.

Justified and Ancient - The KLF are a fascinating band to me, not really a band I guess, more like producers. The White Room was an essential purchase back then. Then there's the bizarre appearance at the Brits, the filmed burning of a block of a million pound notes in Scotland, the guide book to making a number one record, the aborted road movie across the US and the trip to place a painting of Elvis at the most northerly light house so the spirit of Elvis could illuminate the world. The whole cut and paste approach to music seems to be the standard way these days. My memory of this record is sitting at a small beach bar overlooking the sea on a small island in Spain - no other customers, just me it was perfect.

It's Bad, You Know - Old school blues. I don't know much about this artist but I love the song and also the modern remix on The Sopranos. Burnside did time for murder, his defence may not have helped him: "I didn't mean to kill nobody ... I just meant to shoot the sonofabitch in the head. Him dying was between him and the Lord.".

The KKK Took My Baby Away - The Ramones are just one of those bands. I remember them for drunken parties back in the eighties, even back then I was quite a dark brooding character. The good thing about the Ramones is that even if you don't like their song its always over in about two minutes.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Blues For My Baby

Yesterdays P&L: GBP 110.00

Yesterdays Booze: 3 Bottles of Rioja

Yesterdays Soundtrack: Blues

We were right - you were wrong. You know how they have those movies were the evildoer always gets his bitter desserts at the end of the film, well as previously suspected they are just fairy stories. The UK banking sector which, using the kind of logic only civil servants understand, decided that the way to deal with banks that are "too big to fail" was to merge them with other banks and make them bigger has used similar thinking to deal with the high wages and lack of accountability of investment bankers. As a result all four of the major UK banks are now run by the heads of investment banks. Perhaps the thinking is that the commercial and retail bankers who used to be in the jobs were ill-prepared to understand the complexity of the modern financial markets, (in which case they should have been playing golf at the club or doddering around some old folks home). It's like putting the wolf in charge of the sheep. Any investment banker who made it to the level of Bob Diamond at Barclays or Stuart Gulliver at HSBC has the thinking and profit motivation of a trader/investment banker ingrained in his blood.

The fantasy world the markets are operating in continues to bemuse me. I understand Why gold is so high and, seemingly, going much higher. Paper currency is looking extremely unreliable, a situation that won't improve as long as the central banks keep printing the stuff to pay their bills. Gold has always been a hedge against inflation, but also a vote of lack of confidence in paper money. I had a friend who collected banknotes and I remember bringing him back stacks of pre-Khmer Cambodian Riels and French Piastres, Burmese Rupees and Brazilian Cruzeiros - all of them worthless no matter how beautifully decorated the notes were, (the Cambodian Riels were particularly attractive). Equities are also as good a financial instrument as you can get in an inflationary environment, providing the companies you invest in don't go bust due to the economic situation. A bigger problem is the bond markets. Bonds are often called fixed income because that's what you get. If you buy the safest bond, typically a US treasury for say ten years you get the coupon paid semi-annually and your money returned at the end of the ten years. However if inflation is four percent and the coupon is two and a half percent per annum, then you have lent your money for ten years to the government and are losing one and a half percent per year. This may not seem so bad as at least you get your original principal back, (less the inflation adjusted loss), in ten years, provided the issuer of your bonds doesn't default, like Argentina, (two thousand and two) and Russia, (ninety eight), have. The problem is the companies that manage your pensions and generally are little more than overpaid telephone clerks usually invest in a mixture of bonds, equities and cash. So the money that is being built up to pay for your golden years will likely be far less than you expect. At least if you invest in property like the lovely Bridget at teaanddigestives.blogspot.com you get to own something real, bonus points if its somewhere like Italy. Luckily I don't have a pension plan - I just hope I die before I spend all my money.

Receiving overtures of reconciliation from the Stalker, she must be having some problems as I seem to be the male equivalent of light relief for depressed women. Perhaps my own situation is so bad they can look at their own lives and say "at least I'm not that fucker", actually she's probably just horny. Most female partners I have had know I am a good place to go for complication-free sex. Actually I am sure that's the case as when I told her my mother was paying a visit, she suggested a hotel, which I don't mind in the slightest as I spent a lot of time living in hotels and service apartments and she isn't exactly the travel lodge kind of woman. Mind you, I still recall when we went to a hotel in Green Park that has an excellent malt whisky bar, over two hundred and seventy types, we took a break and decided to see how well we could taste the differences between them. Even I winced when she got the bill.

Yesterday's music was Blues, my top five tracks:

Misty Blue - Dorothy Moore, what a great song, reminds me of good old days and better nights. I can't be the only person that lives their life as if it had a soundtrack attached.

Hellhound On My Tail - "I got to keep movin, got to keep movin" Old Robert supposedly sold his soul to the devil to achieve success. I wonder if I would ever do that, mind you the going rate for my soul is probably enough to get me to the first round of X factor or an appearance on big brother.

Stormy Weather - The Lena Horne version, "Stormy weather, just can't get myself together - I am weary all the time, I'm weary all the time". Am I the only person that thinks this song is cheerful? Another good version is the Sinatra one on the album No One Cares.

One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer - A song by John Lee Hooker, classic drinking music. Last call for alcohol, funny how some days you go into a bar, just for a quick drink and before you know it they are telling you its closing time.

Same Old Blues - Eric Clapton, he loves the blues so much he built an entire fortune on it. Strange how music from the plantations in the deep south ended up with Clapton driving his Ferrari to his residency in the Albert Hall. Still, no doubt Clapton is a brilliant blues guitarist. Every man who ever lost his girl or his job or his house should have some empathy with the blues.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

The World Ain't Been The Same

Fridays P&L: GBP 110.00

Fridays Booze: 1 bottle of Tinto Pesqura 1994, 4 pints of Stella Artois, 3 pints of Aspinall's cider

Fridays Soundtrack: Rock Music


Took my first tentative steps back into trading, after all what else can I do? Its going to take a lot of days earning this little to make up my last loss. I made some money on a small short on the FTSE100 and then just watched the market as it climbed, this is why I hate trading on a Friday. The equity indexes are still operating in cloud cuckoo land so I should probably leave them alone as I cannot believe they should be so high, anyway the action recently has been taking place on the currency markets. Japan's intervention in the markets in Wednesday was really no solution the Yen continues to look strong, not because Japan is any stronger than Europe or America but because global interest rates are so low that any yield pick-up by being in other currencies is negligible. Gold as usual is benefiting. The desk traders should be back at work by now, following the summer quiet period which should give a few months of activity before the Christmas slow season starts. Lets see if I can recover from what seems a hopeless situation.

I have inadvertently given the Stalker her perfect easy escape route by responding to a facebook request from the Lunatic. Facebook is truly the invention of the devil. Not really knowing anything about these type of sites, I had no idea that everyone else can see your conversations on that site, so she has already phoned me to express her anger. Women are so odd, it is clear to me that she wants to end the relationship, yet she remains extremely jealous. She definitely views herself as an alpha female and even if she doesn't want something she doesn't want any other woman to have it.

Fridays music was various rock and roll tracks, (I have had enough heartache music recently):

Woke Up This Morning - The music from the Sopranos. "Born under a bad sign", maybe that was me, both my grandmothers had nothing good to say about me, actually that is putting it mildly - my maternal grandmother described me as the spawn of Satan, I was six years old. I wonder what I did that was so bad to them. This song was a big hit because of the huge popularity of the tv program, but its an excellent song in its own right - in fact the whole album is cool the other track I listen to a lot is Mao Tse Tung Said, I have always enjoyed flirting with totalitarianism.

Solsbury Hill - This is a very joyous track. Peter Gabriel is another artist who is a bit mad. He is very involved in social causes though, without being as cringe inducing as Bono or Sting. It's easy for someone like me, who has never done anything worthwhile to knock these guys. This song reminds me of a day when just about everything went right. I was about seventeen and its all I could do to stop myself punching the air.

You Could Be Mine - Guns and Roses, just before they imploded. Axl Rose is certainly not operating with a full deck of cards, OK they made it to the big leagues but they didn't stick around long. I sometimes wonder how bands like The Stones can keep going year after year at the highest level and yet other bands rip themselves apart after a short period. This song reminds me of a demanding woman, I have known a few of them.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot - Anyone remember Pat Benetar. I imagine she is like some housewife now, but who knows - like Chrissy Hynde she was an authentic rock chick. This song is from the album called Crimes of Passion - my kind of title. This song has all the attitude that should be in rock, it doesn't matter if it doesn't make you strut. Sometimes I forget I am forty and still think I am fifteen.

In The Evening - The mighty Led Zep, this song has all the usual mix problems that Led Zep records have, (a lot of their songs have dated so badly because of the mix - God knows what they were using for monitors back then). But it's Zep and its another killer riff from Jimmy Page, Even the Stones can't match these guys for decadence. This song is dark, but in a good way - goes well with heavy drinking.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

I'd Sooner Forget, But I Remember Those Nights

Today's P&L: Still no trading

Today's Booze: 3 bottles of Tinto Pesqura 1994

Today's Soundtrack:

Found a case of wine I didn't know I had, lucky me - would have been better if it was Vega Sicillia Unico. My palette is so uneducated, but even I can tell this is good grog.

The Stalker knows a lot about wine and that's kind of fitting because this post is about her. We are splitting up, she hasn't said anything yet but I know its happening. You want to know how I know? she offered me money, OK it was only fifty thousand pounds. As I have already mentioned women are an ungenerous sex at the best of times and in her case, I know her ex-husband, (come to think of it I never saw any divorce papers), controls all her finances despite losing a truckload in the recent credit crisis. It was after a pretty energetic sexual encounter, where I feel I was almost the man I used to be and I think in her mind it reminded her of why she left me all those years ago. Anyway a while later, when she had regained her composure, she was using one of my computers and suddenly came up with this "undiscovered" bank account which in her generosity she decided to give me. OK the money would clear my troubles with the tax man and a broker but I'll never take it. I didn't let the smile slip from my face as she told me, but I knew straight away what was happening.

You must understand, the Stalker thinks I am stupid. I didn't go to university and in her eyes I am an uneducated dolt. I can see her thought processes forming before she even opens her mouth. And she also forgets we have done this exact scenario at least twice before - OK it was Ninety Two and Ninety Five. This time will be the last. Her husband had an affair and I guess I was her retaliation. I should feel cheap and used and I do - but I kind of like that feeling. At the end of the day I want what's best for her and I am pretty sure it isn't me. My father, if he was here, would urge me to fight for her, (he adores her), but that's not my style. She will come back to me but perhaps next time I won't be around.

Coincidently I got an email from the lunatic asking me to be a facebook friend. Looks like she finally got around to learning how to plug in her computer. On her page there is a black and white picture of her that reminds me of our time together. She is older of course but she still has that distant sad look in her eyes that breaks my heart every time I see it. She is such a special woman, I really hope she finds someone because she is one of those girls that is not built to be alone. Now I know the Stalker and I are splitting up I even considered phoning her, then I remembered what it was like. She and I are not compatible, its like oil and water. It always starts well enough but it always ends the same way with me dodging bullets and heading for the airport. Every mutual acquaintance we have says "no man, she's calmed down she isn't like before" I'll never believe it, I think over the four or five years we were together I had to do the airport run maybe thirty times. she has such limitless anger when she is with me - If she is calm with other guys, then she should find one.

Still not trading, I need some money urgently - its got to the stage where I am finding all my old currency to take to the Post Office, hope they take Thai Baht, Dhirams, Sing Dollars and Malysian Ringgit.

Today the music was predictably enough, broken heart music, I have mentioned most of these before:

It Never Rains - Probably my all time favourite song ever. It reminds me of the grimy dismal English life in small towns. I still don't understand the lyrics fully but I love that line "The bigger they are, babe - the harder they fall on you". Recently my life has seen a lot of rain and not much sunshine. Everyone says it can only get better, but somehow it never does. People ask you, are you a glass half full or half empty kind of person - the true dipsomaniac answer is of course, "you not finishing that, mate".

My Army Of Lovers - "I lost my soul in Tokyo", I wonder where I lost my heart. This song is so decadent. My younger brother still laughs about the time I took a Japanese girl to the airport where she was so grateful but I had to catch a flight to Munich to meet another girl from a different terminal shortly after, so it was hardly a hardship. That Japanese girl still emails me occasionally. She was the one who said every time I try to grab you you slip away from me. Hope she is doing ok.

One Day I'll Fly Away - Randy Crawford is such a good singer. This song is kind of odd "leave your love behind me", I suppose I am a classic example of a guy who can't leave his emotional baggage. I wear my past relationships like emotional scars - But, hey I earned them the scars I carry from the Stalker and the Lunatic are duelling scars. When my brother complains about his wife giving him a hard time, I remind him that the lunatic once paid someone to shoot me. Still wouldn't be worth having if it was easy.

Everybody's Got To Learn Sometimes - "I need your loving, like the sunshine". For the longest time I thought this song was sung by a woman. It is a true sentiment though you have to learn otherwise you end up like me doomed to repeat the same mistakes again and again. I can tell myself that I was destined to be with the Stalker or The Lunatic but it isn't true nobody is forced to be with someone else. Its just bizarre co-incidence that we always seem to end up with each other.

Wuthering Hights - The song that always reminds me of the Lunatic, The absolute abandonment to passion is key to her - I wonder what her life is like without it. I imagine she has some aussie surfer dude who married her for her money, who wouldn't want a girlfriend with property in Jakarta, Hong Kong, Singapore and Sydney? You know the first time I met her I knew we would have sex, but I never imagined what an impact she would have on my life. I have turned down jobs and flown all the way around the world just to be with her.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Under Attack

Today's P&L: No trading

Today's Booze: just a half litre of Vodka - trying to cool it

Today's Soundtrack: Random

Still not trading, I am in need of a cash injection, it isn't cheap living out here - almost as bad as central London. I have had more bad news, my parents are returning, which means one of my brothers needs their help but I have to put them up and if that wasn't bad enough, the Stalker returns from Spain today so she is bound to turn up and I am going to disappoint her. She won't be pleased when she sees my latest injury as she will assume it is the result of drunken misadventure. I have no idea how to deal with the Stalker, she isn't afraid of me at all, even the Lunatic was wary of pushing me too far although she knew I am not the kind of man to hit a woman. All in all I have been pretty restrained when it comes to women, the Stalker has blacked my eye and the Lunatic has broken my nose. The stalker is a black belt so she has to be careful to pull her punches but the Lunatic hit me when I was asleep, how stupid was that? We were in a war zone at the time she is lucky I didn't kill her. I can't help thinking relationships shouldn't involve getting out of town alive and having a certain amount of fear - maybe I am just old fashioned.

Christ knows what my mother is going to make of my latest injury, she already has said I gave you a fantastic body and look what you have done with it - maybe she will be distracted by my fancy artwork. She is right though my body was remarkable and now I am a broken man, I remember going to Gieves & Hawkes for a few suits and they measured me up and the guy said "was it swimming or boxing sir". I still look alright though as long as you don't look too hard. so its going to be a night of recriminations, fights and nasty sex for me - The stalker will still demand sex, no matter how angry she is with me - I really am getting to old for all this.

Today the music was eighties:

The Night you Murdered Love - ABC classic, maybe I listened to this because of the impending arrival of the Stalker. ABC were so impossibly slick and Martin Fry even got away with a gold lame suit which is strictly Elvis territory.

Two out of Three Ain't Bad - Was Meatloaf eighties or Seventies? Anyway this song is beautiful reminds me that you can't find treasure everywhere, and that goes for trading as well as love.

Video Killed The Radio Star - Before MP3 killed CD, I don't know if this is song is about the progress of technology, but to me its about thinking about times gone by. Remember when you were a child and you played in the street or the fields with your friends, your best friend, your first crush? Then you start growing up and lose some of that innocence.

It's In The Way That You Use It - From August, one of Eric Claptons least popular albums, although I rather liked it. This song is more known because of its inclusion in the wildly underrated movie, The Colour Of Money. OK Tom Cruise was annoying as Vince but any move that has Paul Newman as Fast Eddie Felson is all right by me. For me this song is when your on the top, cresting, but just on the edge - ready to be knocked off your perch any time. I don't know if girls have that feeling, you know the one - when you get a date with the prettiest girl at school, when you win something when everyone said you couldn't do it. When you beat the odds. No feeling like it.

Livin' On The Edge Of The Night - Iggy Pop singing, I like to think, about me. "Maybe I know some people, Maybe I break some rules, But this is the street, I've got to compete, Baby, I ain't no fool". This song is very clean for Iggy Pop, but there is a feeling of wilful self destruction that just appeals to me. "Every wild desire, Beckons from the dark. I've made my bed but I can't rest my head, While I still swim with sharks, Everyone needs something. Sometimes they don't know why, But so much good's been misunderstood, in the blink of the eye"

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Run Lola Run

Today's P&L: No trading

Today's Booze: Not really sure, lots of empty bottles - at least 1 bottle of Tequila, 1 bottle of Stolichnaya and lots of Brahama beer

Today's Soundtrack: Sad songs

Bit of a madcap drinking session. I feel ok, more or less although I look shattered. The only hard part was pretending to be sober when the Stalker phoned from Spain. Luckily only had to deal with her, my parents are still refusing to speak to me. My mother has decided to take her dispute with the Stalker to me as well. Why do women hate their daughters in law, (or potential daughters in law), so much? The Stalker took a dislike to my mother when she left the day I checked into hospital for my leg injury and was given a forty eight hour lifespan without visiting me but flew back from Spain to babysit for my brother. I keep on telling her that my parents love me, we just don't have that kind of relationship. The stalker won't have it though. Women rarely understand how hard it is when they make you choose between the woman you love and the woman who gave birth to you. OK, my mother and I don't get along very well but she isn't the one that married some other guy all those years ago. Anyway had to go to the hospital and I have got a hairline fracture and 3 bone chips in my left wrist so I am in a cast yet again - my GP is going to love this when I go to get my prescription renewed.

In England it is customary to get your cast signed by your friends but as I don't have any I have painted a Nagel style portrait on my cast.

Today/Yesterday was all about feeling sorry for myself music wise. My top five tracks were:

Going Home - the theme tune from Local Hero, When I am at my lowest, I often listen to this song - ok I don't have anywhere to call home or really any family - even my brother is growing more and more distant, but this song makes me wish I did. Just for a second I can pretend I am part of something. It doesn't have any words, because it doesn't need any.

Snow On The Sahara - I can't get over how much I love this song, Angunn seems so desperate to please her lover. I first heard it in a town in Sumatra and the Lunatic dismissed the girl as "looking like a servant". To me its a song about passion and sacrifice.

Piano Man - "He says Bill I believe this is killing me as a smile ran away from his face". How many of us do things that we never thought we would? Remember when you were a child in school and people would ask you what you want to be when you grow up? How many of us are happy how it turned out?

On Every Street - A song by Dire Straits I always listen to when I am just close to giving up altogether. The first verse just kills me, "There's gotta be a record of you someplace, You gotta be on somebody's books, The lowdown - a picture of your face
Your injured looks, The sacred and profane, The pleasure and the pain
Somewhere your fingerprints remain concrete, And it's your face I'm looking for on every street". I have actually done all that, seen the desperately hurt look in a girls eyes as I walked away, then wandered around places I thought she would be - flown from England to Indonesia just on the chance I might bump into her. The Stalker can say what she wants but if she had wanted to find me during all those years apart she could have, The Lunatic tracked me down plenty of times and they are both more or less in the same income group.

Hand to Mouth - George Michael before he became too camp, "Smile and a quote from a vigilant movie, our boy Jimmy just blew them all away" This world is so dismal sometimes it just depresses me, "Sweet little baby on a doorstep", "just another hooker that the lucky can forget". The stalker has done so much for charity I am humbled every time I meet her, if she was selfish I would ask her for help but how can I when she does so much for the needy and its not just the money she donates its the time she spends - I don't know anyone else who would drag themselves out of their cancer ward to look after kids in Romania. Still doesn't stop me treating her like shit though.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

What's The First rule of The Dipsomaniac Diaries

Today's P&L: GBP -12,700.00

Today's Booze: 3 bottles of rioja, working my way through a bottle of Tequila

Today's Soundtrack: Nothing

You do not talk about the Dipsomaniac Diaries! Well I finally made one hundred posts. Its taken a while, since I started this blog I have been diagnosed as terminal, been given a reprieve, been reunited with a girl I never thought I would see again, lost a few parts of my leg, spent far too much time in hospital, rediscovered God, nearly been coherent and offended pretty much everyone who knows me. Seems unlikely I'll make another one hundred posts, however the doctors are undecided, as ever, what to do with me. My GP, who the stalker is convinced I am having sex with, (she wouldn't be a good stalker if she didn't have an irrational hatred of every woman I talk to), has provided me with a letter to say I have a chronic condition, which due to credit crunch cuts is about as much use to me as a Greek Drachma. Have I learned anything? Probably not.

Trading was bad today - I decided to roll the dice on a large short position on The Dow 30. I don't really know how much longer I can keep going to be honest. I was so frustrated I punched the wall next to my trading computer and think I have broken my wrist, so I might have to pay a visit to the hospital again, but I will avoid it unless the bruising turns black.

Didn't listen to any music during the day but anticipate a long night of sad songs this evening.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Ruthless People

Today's P&L: GBP 0.00

Today's Booze: 3 bottles of rioja

Today's Soundtrack: Motown

My blogging assignment has made me think about sex and my attitude to it. So I thought I'd give some more insight without being tawdry. Recently I have only been having sex with one girl, in fact, with a few exceptions I have been a serial monogamist all my life. Sex with her is a slightly unnerving experience she is very passionate and as she is quite strong she takes some controlling. As she is grinding away, she often seems lost to the world. She is easily pleased however and often seems to be climaxing as soon as we start. She is remarkably easy to make love to, I guess some people just fit together. Our bodies are older and more worn out but just seem so right with each other. She seems to enter some kind of dreamtime state but then we have a brief period of lucidity where she tells me how much she hates me, this is fun. Generally after forty to fifty minutes she is worn out and she lies there looking very pleased with herself. If I am lucky I can normally get three or four hours of peace before she starts telling me how she would reorganize my life. All in all sex with her is very satisfying even after all this time although it isn't a hearts and flowers kind of experience it is hot and sweaty. So what I said in my blogging Santa post isn't completely accurate in the case of the Stalker.

Tried trading today with a small short position on the DOW30. Didn't really do me any good and returned to exactly the place I sold at by the end of the trading session. Days like this happen often in the summer.

Today I was listening to more sweet, sweet Motown. The top five songs I listened to:

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone - A great song for guys to feel sorry for themselves to.

Night Shift - A lot of people didn't like the Commodores after Lionel left but I think this is one of their best ever tracks. A bit of a homage to the motown greats but a good song in its own right. Reminds me that nothing lasts forever.

At Last - Etta James, great song Etta was a little nuts but who isn't? Its one of those songs I listen to in a dodgy bar. The stalker likes this kind of music as well.

Heard it on the Grapevine - Marvin, what a classic - this guy had a great voice and this song has the brooding jealousy that most men have felt, usually when they begin to suspect the woman has decided the relationship is over. If Marvin told us anything it is not to tell your father what you really think of him.

Sir Duke - Little Stevie Wonder, such a celebratory song. Stevie started composing when he was about six. So how come he turned out ok with his disability and Wacko Jacko was so tortured? Not my usual taste doesn't give me the chance to brood and look tragic, but a real feel good track.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Blogging Santa???

Today's P&L: GBP -60.00

Today's Booze: 1 bottle of rioja, 8 pints of Kronenbourg 1664.

Today's Soundtrack: Various

So I got my assignment from the blogging Santa who doesn't live at the North Pole but resides on the blog of lifebegins@30ty. my assigned questions were:

1. Write about the relationship between sex and love.
2. Most embarrassing sexual experience.
3. What sort of kink do you draw the line at?

I decided to write about the first, because I am deep like that, (but anyone who wants to hear my answers to the other questions just ask).

The relationship between love and sex? I could cover that easily - Sex is fun, Love hurts. But I suppose I should go into it in more depth. There is no point in denying it we first get in to a relationship because we are physically attracted to someone. That part in a relationship is the best part the whole teasing thing you do where you get a girl just about ready to boil over then decide you have to catch the last train home or whatever. The Lunatic was a sucker for that but she got her own back. Sex is great at first but for men it can become something of a chore, most men won't admit it but after a while you do it because she wants it and you are a pussy if you don't fulfil her needs, even if there is an important game on the box. The Stalker once recognised the extreme pain I was in while making love to her and afterwards said you didn't really want to have sex did you? Naturally I laughed it off and said of course I did and whispered sweet nothings into her ear. And why? Because deep down I suppose I love her. Its hard to say because most of the time we hate each other but we always seem to end up with each other. I know her life would be far better if she had nothing to do with me and my life would certainly be less hassle but we always seem to find each other. You would think on a planet of six billion people we could escape , but it never happens. Is it love or fate or destiny - who knows? Like I say sex is easy but love is hard, its kind of like the US invasion of Iraq - the sex bit was the initial rush to Baghdad when everything seems so easy the love bit is like maintaining the presence there. A long painful process that involves pain on both sides. I don't mean to trivialise war but you know what I mean. I guess at the end of the day I am no expert on love as I even dislike myself but I do know I could have sex with someone I didn't love but I could never love someone I didn't have sex with, not including family of course. This isn't the Pit Cairns.

Trading was annoyingly difficult today I made a few hundred on the dollar / Yen trade which finally broke Eighty five but lost more on a silly long position on the DAX30.

Today I was listening to lots of different artists. The top five songs I listened to:

Chasing Cars - maybe it was the questions about love, but this song struck a chord in me today. "Those three words are said too much, but not enough". I know its cheesy but, even I feel lonely sometimes, no forget that I am alone never lonely.

Sunshine - Gabrielle is such a good singer, and went to school not too far away on Telegraph Hill. Sunshine is such an optimistic song for me, "Made a wish, I can dream I can be what I want to be". I suppose no one lives in the kind of isolation I would prefer. The Stalker wants a child even though we are both in bad shape, my brother said doesn't matter if you both die I will look after your baby as if it was my own.

The Name of The Game - Abba, I have a softspot for Abba, this song I have a connection with. I spent all my time in relationships building a wall, trying to show I don't care.

Hounds of Love - Kate Bush is another artist I love. Hounds of Love with its delightfully retro 39 steps video is one of her best. I love the line "I have always been a coward and I don't know what's good for me". Maybe something changed me from when I was a child, maybe I was a pussy I don't remember much before my first brain injury, just snatches. Maybe I was one of those scared kids and that's why I feel I have to prove myself, by being as daring as I can.

Drive - The Cars finest moment. Most people in this country remember it from Live Aid and the heartbreaking video attached to it. I have been to West Africa and the slums of Asia and have seen enough poverty and suffering to last a life time, I may talk about that in another post. For this one I just think about the song, which in my mind is forever linked to the Lunatic. "Who's going to tell you when its too late, Who's going to tell you when things aren't so great". Apart from the Stalker the lunatic was the closest I ever got to marriage, we even brought a massive diamond ring. It was another one of those relationships where you either hate each other or love each other. The only times we were not fucking or drinking we were fighting, it was one of those relationships that is like being addicted to crack cocaine, you know it is killing you but you go back for more. I have heard she is far more normal without me in her life, but even the sound of her voice makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Don't Stand So Close To Me

Yesterdays P&L: GBP 150.00

Yesterdays Booze: 1 litre of Russian Standard Vodka

Yesterdays Soundtrack: The Police

Well that was good, The Stalker is back from her experimental cancer therapy and her first act...Go out with a friend and get smashed, she promptly got arrested after going all Bruce Lee on some black dude that kissed her coming out of the toilets, (she is a black belt at Karate and a gold belt at some other madcap martial art). I thought I was supposed to be the irresponsible one, I am feeling kind of left out. Anyway the guy didn't want to press charges - he was an American and probably didn't want to admit he got his ass kicked by a five foot eight inch Asian girl. I should be angry but I can't help but be impressed that she took on some big guy and his two friends, reminds me of my youth! She was feeling very sorry for herself the next day because she lost her wallet which always seems to have a load of cash in it and her Mont Blanc pen, but she has brightened up since then and seems as likely to cause trouble as before. I am beginning to suspect there is something she hasn't told me about the treatment she had abroad because she certainly has adopted my nihilistic approach to life.

Trading is as difficult as can be. Volatility is high because volumes are so low. Its all right for these fools on a guaranteed salary to take the summer off but I need to earn some money. Still squeezed a few quid out of a long position on the FTSE 100. Not because I have any faith in the market but just a short-term in and out trade at ten pounds per point. I missed my chance to benefit from the strengthening of the Yen, but all is not lost if it breaks through eighty five there is no real support until seventy six.

Yesterday I was listening to The Police, my top five songs:

Every Breath you take - forget the crap p diddy version, the original was a magnificent study in obsession. Anyone who has had a partner who won't accept its over knows what I am talking about. The moody black and white video adds to the sombre feeling. Predictably, it reminds me of the lunatic and her pleas for me to come back. I remember walking through the local airport thinking she knows anyone who counts in this town they will all tell her I have high tailed it out of here.

Wrapped around Your Finger - Ok we all know Sting is right up his own arse and the references to Scylla and Charybdis is a bit much for a pop song but underneath all that its a great track. All relationships have a dynamic to them - how could it be otherwise? I know the Stalker is rebelling just because its what I have always done and maybe her time is short so she wants to have a little zing, but she has a long way to go.

Message In A Bottle - This one is just for me, perhaps it is the reflection of the solution I seek in the bottom of a bottle. More likely the song stands out as a lonely man seeking some kind of redemption. "Just a castaway, an island lost at sea, oh. Another lonely day, with no one here but me, oh. More loneliness than any man could bear. Rescue me before I fall into despair, oh".

Can't Stand Losing You - Classic teenage angst. I was never like this as a child, didn't have the time. But that whole "You'll be sorry when I'm dead and all this guilt will be on your head", is just so typical of love struck teenagers. It's laughable to us now but don't we all remember when dating someone seemed more important than life or death.

Don't Stand So Close to Me - I must be the only person who prefers the eighty six remix to the original, but once again I feel the slowed down tempo gives the song that creepy obsession feeling it deserves. Of course Sting can't restrain himself from tossing in a reference to Lolita but this song really points to how strong the emerging sexuality of women is.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

View From a Bridge

Today's P&L: GBP -260.00

Today's Booze: 1 litre of Patron XO Tequila, 2 pints of cider

Today's Soundtrack: Nothing

Ever stood on the ledge of a high building and wandered what it would be like just to let go? I did that a few times when I still had decent co-ordination. forty two floors is very beguiling, you almost feel like you could fly. I wouldn't do it now of course it would be almost certain suicide and we all know what Catholics think about suicide. I did a few DAX30 trades today but my heart wasn't in it. Despite my better instincts I am really worried about The Stalker, I would have laid odds on me dying before her but she is in really bad shape. I can't go and visit her because of her ongoing divorce and I wouldn't want to cause a scene. It just seems so unfair she is a really good person and her cancer wasn't caused by self-abuse like mine. She doesn't believe in God and seeing as I believe in Extra Ecclesiam Nulla Salus, I am worried we will never see each other again. Its ironic after all these years apart we finally meet up again only to be denied by our health. I don't regret all the things I did when I wasn't with her and I am sure she doesn't regret her life either. But no matter how far apart we go, we always seem to find one another. I don't care that she isn't as good looking as she was when she was twenty, even I don't look like I did back then, although I have changed less than her. The biggest difference between her then and now is she was so naive then now she is quite jaded. I remember when she asked me what my middle name was and I told her I couldn't afford one. "What do you mean" she asked and I told her that London was so overcrowded that if you had a middle name you had to pay a tax to have your extra name listed in the telephone directory. She accepted this and I forgot all about it until we were at a dinner party about a year later and this guy with four middle names told her his full name and she asked him "oh it must cost you a lot to pay for the telephone book". for about a second I couldn't work out what she was talking about then I spluttered the wine I was drinking as I realised what she meant. Back then I was even more of an asshole than I am now. I remember arranging to meet her at a bar in Leicester Square and going out with a broker instead I phoned the bar after an hour past when I should have met her and said is there an asian girl there drinking margaritas by herself the bar tender said yes so I said tell her I will be there soon, I turned up five hours later and she was still waiting but she wasn't very pleased.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Forgiven Not Forgotten

Yesterdayss P&L: GBP 520.00

Yesterdays Booze: 1 750cl bottle of Smirnoff Vodka, 3 pints of Kronenbourg 1664

Yesterdays Soundtrack: Local Hero

So made a few quid yesterday but still no consistency in my earnings. I wouldn't mind accepting a low wage of five or six hundred a day if I could at least get some regular income, just now its always one step forward two steps back. Mind you that isn't enough money if I have to fulfil the bucket list and definitely not if I have to bring the Stalker along, although that may be a moot point as she is back in hospital. I am fairly confident she will get through this latest set-back, I know what a tough girl she can be. It is worrying though, her hospital visits have recently become more frequent. Seems like one or the other of us has been in hospital most of this year so far.

Listened mostly to the soundtrack from Local Hero yesterday. I am a city boy and would probably be miserable in a small village like the one in that movie but sometimes it seems so attractive to be in a place like that. The Stalker sees all this beauty in the world that I don't even notice - maybe one day I will realise what I am missing.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Some People Call It A One Night Stand...

Today's P&L: GBP -380.00

Today's Booze: 1 litre of Smirnoff Black

Today's Soundtrack: more Duran Duran

Trading in the summer is so difficult. Anyone who doesn't think bankers are paid too much should walk around a trading floor in July or August. Volumes are way down, which allows easy manipulation of the markets. I got burned a little on some harmless FTSE 100 trades. The market has been waiting all day to see the results of the stress tests that we are assured will tell us if any of the banks are at risk in the event of a double dip recession or a European sovereign debt crisis. It is all meaningless of course, if there is one thing we have found out, it is that the banks lie and manipulate their figures to a level that would make Enron executives blush. The government is fully complicit in this as they know that a major bank failure would spell all kinds of doom for the economy.

I am beginning to find the endless corruption in the west tiresome, of course the seemingly constant drive to lower education standards stops the proles from asking questions. You wonder what the red top tabloids would say about some of the things that happen in this country if they took place in the third world. Not to say the third world is any more noble. A Standard Bank research paper estimated that in the last fifty years Nigeria has generated over six trillion dollars in oil revenue. I have spent some time in Lagos and would give you fifty quid for the country.

My health is quite good lately, (thanks Euro Anon). My most recent blood tests showed I had serious Anaemia, whatever that means, but generally I feel well and look quite sharp. The stalker is back harassing me. Don't get me wrong, she is a wonderful woman but I guess I am just too old to be told what to do. She is infuriating because while criticizing me, she refuses to recognize her own behaviour - at least I know when I act badly, she seems oblivious.

Today I was listening to Duran Duran. When I was in a band as a teenager, this was the band I most wanted to be in. The top five songs I listened to:

Last Chance On The Stairway - A song about a party about to end or something more desperate? To me it means the inevitable end everything comes to. You know how you just know when something is past its time, could be a relationship, could be a job - you just get this feeling that its over and no amount of talking or patching up is going to repair the damage.

Save A Prayer - Its a cliché, but this song reminds me of lots of exotic women I have slept with in exotic places. I suppose I have been luckier than most but being an alcoholic isn't all supermarket spirits and bottles of cider. I travelled the world and was usually staying in high dollar joints. Strangely, it doesn't remind me of any specific girlfriend, like the lyrics say, "Some people call it a one night stand but we can call it paradise".

Hungry Like The Wolf - This song is quite high energy and reminds me of the lunatic - she was definitely the kind of woman who went out hunting for men.

Rio - "And that means so much to me, like a birthday or a pretty view". Great song, kind of reminds me of my disposable life. Things that seem so important are really irrelevant. I wonder if someone like me has a mid-life crisis where I yearn for responsibility and commitment?

Skin Trade - I love this song, It is so well produced but also quite seedy and it isn't just the subject. We all work for the skin trade in one way or another, I am fairly harsh on strippers and hookers because I have lived in countries where you don't take your clothes off to buy a new set of rims for your car. Try telling a stripper in Vegas that in Cambodia a girl will stay all night with you for ten dollars. I suppose it just annoys me that so many strippers write blogs expressing how intelligent they are and how empowered by their jobs. I am no feminist but if I had a daughter, I sure as hell wouldn't want her stripping for a living.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Roll The Bones

Today's P&L: GBP 190.00

Today's Booze: 1 litre of Stolychnaya, 2 pints of lager

Today's Soundtrack: Prince

I know in an earlier post I complained about the nature of how I make my money, likening it to prostitution or lap dancing, I still stand by that. It isn't what was expected of someone like me. But I did a small trade today, nothing huge, just made me one hundred and thirty pounds on the December gold contract and I realised how much fun it can be. The other trades I did are still open, as a rule I hate leaving a trade open overnight because the financing cost are so high and also anything could happen, still added another sixty pounds to the gold trade. My father thinks that it isn't a real job, but he also says that if I had lived in America in the nineteenth century, I would probably be a poker player for a living - my dad loves westerns. Needless to say the Stalker can't stand what I do, but if you start doing what your girlfriend/wife asks I guess you might as well hand in your balls. Anyway, I have never done anything else and I guess I am too old to dust off the microphone and become a rock legend.

Today I feel quite good, apart the usual aches and pains from my shattered ankles and knees and my fingers which are generally fine apart from the two smallest ones on my left hand where the knuckles were badly broken. Days like this I feel I could live forever. My sleeping is not so good, I am finding it incredibly hard to sleep at all. I wonder why I can't do anything constructive in this time when I should be sleeping, I was much more productive when I was really drinking.

Today I was listening to Prince. Prince is a genius but also mad as can be. As a multi-instrumentalist maybe only Stevie Winwood comes close but he isn't as good a guitarist and doesn't have that funky mix, that my guitarist once described to me as chicken fat. The top five songs I listened to:

I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man - Love this song, women on the hunt for someone to take the place of their departed lover and father of their child. Some men don't mind being father figure to another mans children but to me it is too difficult a situation. Generally I don't agree with divorce unless there is violence involved - but really how hard is it for a guy not to get married or get a girl pregnant?

Lady Cab Driver - Misogynistic rape song. There is something compelling about this track though, the end section is actually quite disturbing, "This is 4 the cab U have 2 drive 4 no money at all. This is 4 why I wasn't born like my brother, handsome and tall. This is 4 politicians who r bored and believe in war. This -- Yeah, that's 4 me, that's who that 1's 4. This is 4 discrimination and egotists who think supreme. And this is 4 whoever taught U how 2 kiss in designer jeans. That 1's 4-- That 1's 4-- 4 U have 2 live" For me the best line is at the beginning, "Lady cab driver -- Can U take me 4 a ride? Don't know where I'm goin' 'cuz I don't know where I've been".

Purple Rain - Who can forget how big Prince was when this album was released? The song itself is kind of mesmerising. "Never meant to cause you any sorrow. I never meant to cause you any pain. I only wanted to one time see you laughing.I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain". Maybe its the time it was released bu this song reminds me of the Italian.

Little Red Corvette - My favourite Prince track. Not sure why, I have never felt intimidated by a woman, guess it's that whole cars and girls thing. Corvettes aren't very cool, (unless you get a fifties one), but neither are Porsche's and I loved mine when I had it. Like everything I love, I destroyed it. The best thing about this song is the imagery, "I guess I must be dumb 'cos you had a pocket full of horses, Trojan and some were used, but it was Saturday night. I guess that makes it all right, what have you got to lose". As i hope my blog makes it pretty clear, I have taken a few chances in my life. I have still missed out on somethings by not saying yes. I regret all those missed chances.

Uneedanotherloverlike - This song is quite intense and when Prince performs it live he is amazing. The lyrics are not so clear but to me it means ok, our relationship is done but you can't be with anyone else and if you are then you will still be thinking of me because you are always mine.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Excesses Of The Heart

Yesterdays P&L: GBP -90.00

Yesterdays Booze: 5 pints of lager, 4 pints of Aspinall Cider

Today's Soundtrack: The Stones / Mick Jagger

"Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall"
Measure for measure 2.1.42

So as expected the US data was pony, (pony and trap = crap, for any non-London readers). I knew this would be the case, but still failed to make any money because The Dow inexplicably rose on the news, before returning to rationale thought and selling off. There was then a mad spike at the end of the trading day, I should have remembered that trading on the last day of the month, before a US holiday, always involves the office workers doing "window dressing" for their accounts. Maybe next week will be better, Monday is bound to be dead as the UK traders often turn into Victorian maids without US traders to follow. The main problem for me is that it is shockingly clear by now how little knowledge was gained in the recent credit crunch. Bankers are being paid more than ever, interest rates remain at all time lows and the banks now follow a strategy of becoming too big to fail, witness Santander who have clearly decided being the European equivalent of Citicorp is the only way to guarantee government support. The Volcker plan is a joke and on Friday Morgan Stanley announced plans to hire upto five hundred bankers to sell "jumbo mortgages" and structured deals to clients, even though when Lehman collapsed it was generally acknowledged that the merging of investment and retail banking was a bad idea all round and that structured finance was the villain of the piece.

I have other concerns to worry about, the Stalker is back in town and demanding to see me - her strategy is to ignore my bad behaviour. The thing is just having her roaming around, (she has a key to my place), makes me feel uncomfortable. I make a special effort not to drink in front of her. Not because I am a pussy but because of the amount of distress it causes her. It is exactly the same when my mother is in the country. The Stalker is a remarkable woman but she and I have very little in common, (apart from both of us loving me). She does have a habit of making me feel guilty, and then failing to see why I resent her. Just because she chose to embrace responsibility, that's not my fault. She should know by now I am the opposite. I have avoided responsibility all my life. My experience with women, and I don't know if other men have found this, is that you can't shake them until they find some other guy - then its like you never existed. The Lunatic is just like that whenever I am plagued with e-mails from her, I know she is single, when I don't hear from her then she must be in a relationship. I sort of wish the Stalker would give someone else a go. Her and I cannot keep picking at the same wounds.

Yesterday I was listening to more Stones and Jagger solo stuff. The top five songs I listened to:

Almost Hear You Sigh - From Steel Wheels, a much underrated album, in my opinion. It is the album that kicked in the modern, corporate age of the Rolling Stones. This song is so smooth and slick but also has a lot of emotion. "What'll I do without you, They say that life goes on. I'm feeling sorry for myself, can't believe your gone". the flamenco style guitar break from Keith is unexpected. He is a great blues guitarist but no Clapton or Page.

Just Another Night - From She's The Boss, It could be a Stones song and really reminds me of Missing You. Mick Jagger wants to be regarded as a solo star so much, Like McCartney or Lennon. To me the Stones don't really function individually and its all based around Jagger, Richards and Charlie Watts. This is a great song, though and reminds me mostly of watching Live Aid on a ship of the West African coast. "I'm a stranger in this town, Can't I have my ups and downs. Can't you see that I'm human"?

Brown Sugar - Possibly the most politically incorrect song in the world. I have had few black girlfriends but quite a lot of Asian and Latin women. My brother used to think it was sexual imperialism, not at all, I don't see much difference between Asian women or English women, its just the type of girl that physically appeals to me is dark. No one makes the same assumptions about men who are attracted to Scandinavian type blonde's.

How Can I Stop - This song is an obvious choice for someone like me, "You offer me all your love and sympathy, Sweet affection baby, It's killing me". I am not as whiny as I seem though in real life, whilst I have a flair for the dramatic I am not a person who appears troubled - although most seasoned bar tenders know that someone that drinks a bottle of vodka at ten am probably has some issues. "How could I stop once I start", more importantly why would I stop? If I am going to be half a man, then I would rather take my chances.

Lonely At The Top - A great song about ambition. I only really think about things from the male perspective but I am sure women have the same dreams and ambitions that men do. This song says it all out of Sunset Boulevard to the Academy awards.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!