This Is My Truth, Tell Me Yours

Today's P&L: GBP 0.00

Today's Booze: Nothing at all

Today's Soundtrack: The Manic Street Preachers


No trading over Easter, anyway I am not really in the mood. The UK continues to be hamstrung by election jitters, with the news that the tories are twenty seats ahead in the polls. I despair of the English. The French were right the likelihood of a revolution in the UK is an impossibility, (despite the eighties efforts of Kitty as related in her blog - Kitty Tells It As It Is). The British are prepared to stage a riot over the off-chance of getting twenty percent discount in a sale however.

I am still suffering from my leg injury and my visit to the haematologist that wants to carve me up is drawing ever closer - I seem to be turning into Jefferey fucking Bernard. I have been told to keep my leg wound exposed as much as possible to prevent further infection. At least it means I can get a full shower. The other night I had this dream, I was standing in my shower and the water streams got stronger and stronger. I checked my calf to see it was ok and the skin graft was flowing off and disappearing down the plug hole. So I bent down and tried to pull the skin back while some of it was still attached to my leg and something on the other side of the plug started pulling against me, it was pulling much harder than I could and after a while the rest of my skin started unravelling from my body and when I looked in the mirror my body and skull was just muscle and bone and ligaments, like some kind of medical diagram. I think I may be losing it.

Haven't been listening to much music recently - even my computer has let me down. According to iTunes it would take me something like thirty two years to listen to every song on my hard drives. I think I am going to have to miss out on some Miles Davis and Robert Johnson. The top five songs today were:

Tsunami - A song that means a lot to me, or maybe just reflects my angst. "Can't work at this anymore, Can't move I want to stay at home, Tied up to all these crutches, Never far from your hands. Tsunami tsunami, Came washing over me, Tsunami tsunami, Came washing over me, Can't speak, can't think, won't talk, won't walk.
Doctors tells me that I'm cynical, I tell them that it must be chemical, So what am I doing girl, Cry into my drink I disappear". This song is guaranteed to make me reflective and to bring a tear to my eye.

A Design For Life - A misunderstood song if ever there was one. The message was lost in the lyrics "We don't talk about love, we only want to get drunk". The first verse is the song, "Libraries gave us power, Then work came and made us free, What price now for a shallow piece of dignity". We accepted consumerism as an alternative to freedom.

Kevin Carter - A brilliant song, the sneering delivery portrays the current contempt I have for most things and especially the "celebrity culture". I am sure most people are familiar with the story of Kevin Carter. The Pulitzer prize winning photo journalist who was hounded after his Time magazine cover shot of the dying African child with the vultures waiting for him to die. "Hi Time magazine hi Pulitzer Prize Vulture stalked white piped lie forever wasted your life in black and white...Kevin Carter, Kevin Carter". A lot of people talk about the tragedy of Africa, but you really have to go there to understand it. Bob Geldof and Bono talk about forget the corruption - just give them your money. Pointless and stupid beyond belief. The corruption is what has denied Africa a future and forget blaming the colonial history, it still goes on - do you think China is investing so heavily in Africa for the good of the people?

From Despair to Where - From Gold Against The Soul, Seems to be a common theme for the Manic Street Preachers, forgetting when you sold out. I try and forget when I sold out, I even try and pretend I had no choice after all I was young and alone, but you know that uncomfortable feeling you get sometimes when you wake up at three thirty in the morning, with a pain in the chest that feels like a blockage between your lungs. That's the feeling of compromise.

Motorcycle Emptiness - A fairly bleak song, but I guess that's how I feel right now. From the Manics first album Generation Terrorists. I was not involved in music by then but I remember being impressed by their casual arrogance. They had won a battle of the bands contest to get a record contract and instead of being sycophantic grateful pop idol types, they delivered a double album full of vitriol. This song says it all, "Drive away and it's the same, Everywhere death row, everyone's a victim
Your joys are counterfeit, This happiness corrupt political shit".

Close contenders were, Elvis Impersonator on Blackpool Pier, If You Tolerate This, Methadone Pretty and You Stole The Sun From My Heart.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!