No Better, No Worse

Fridays P&L: GBP 250.00

Fridays Booze: 4 Pints of Aspinall's Cider, 1 bottle of Rioja

Fridays Soundtrack: Music to avoid the daily problems to

So Cameron displayed some Spine and stood up to the Merkel/Sarkozy Euro dream. Actually it was inevitable, there was really no way he was going to allow the Euro mafia to impose the financial transaction tax on London. As the busiest stock market, foreign exchange market and derivatives market in the world, (despite what New York says - you stick to selling municipal bonds to pension funds), it was a tax squarely aimed at London. Some people say that the Europeans will pull out of London as a result, good luck with that it will make for splendid arbitrage if BNP deals out of Paris and Deutsche out of Frankfurt. Talk about history repeating itself does anyone remember the Euromarkets exist because the US imposed a withholding tax. As for us being excluded from the decision making table in Europe so what? The Eurozone has done so well this last decade. The stock markets rose, which continues to amuse me as I don't see the advantage in buying cash stock, from an analysts point of view they look cheap but once again price/earnings multiples are just numbers, sure the big corporations are cash rich right now but that is something that can change very quickly. The banks are still not lending to the corporate sector let alone the retail market, The commercial paper market is still thin so companies require cash fr day to day funding. I made a few shekels on a long position on the Dax 30, but could ave done much better. It is hard for me to trade a direction when I don't believe in the market should be moving that way - still prefer to make money than to be right. Just now I am looking for an entry point into gold futures. This is chancy because it may not go below seventeen hundred an ounce. Id ally would look to get in around sixteen hundred and exit at twenty one hundred. Still sometimes you have to screw your courage to the sticking place.


Still having trouble talking/dealing with the Stalker. Mostly I just wish she would leave me alone, I am in that place where no guy wishes to be - her project. Can't she just go and develop some property or something? Next year she plans to do another month of charity work and is looking at going to India to look after the poor children who work the rubbish dumps, can't come soon enough if you ask me - hope she doesn't expect me to come. I got a phone call from another ex girlfriend yesterday. This one is also a little crazed, (what is it about me and dysfunctional women)? She wants to see me to sort out a few unresolved issues, hope I don't owe her any money! and then the Lunatic rounded my evening off with a two hour skype call reasserting her demands that I agree to marry her before the end of the year. My life is not improved by all this female attention.

Today's music, my top five tracks:

Love is Strong - Rolling Stones. I was thinking about the Lunatic after her phone call, you know we met in really rather stupid circumstances in a city so far off the beaten track. We only went to her restaurant because the person I was with preferred the Chapatis to te one two doors before. The odd thing is I knew from the first moment I saw her we were going to have sex and didn't know our relationship would end up being so tortuous. It was quite odd because that afternoon I just decided to neglect going back to work and sat there talking to her. We were interrupted when a couple of guys who ran a surf business out on one of the Islands came in. She had been involved with one of the guys, he was younger and fitter than me but I recall the look of sadness in his eyes when she sat next to me instead of him. We were pretty much inseparable after that. Of course it ended badly, it always does.

The White Room - The KLF. A duo of producers that created their own mythology but good Scottish lads none the less. Groundbreaking in its time but now the template for modern recording. Reminds me of hot summers in the Mediterranean, back in the days before I cut myself off from most people. Think this album was number one on the last holiday I had with my younger brother.

La Tristesse Durera - Manic Street Preachers on Gold Against The Soul. The Manics have an underlying resentment and arrogance that really appeals to me.

Something Is Worrying Me - Otis, I love Otis, ok most people know him for one massive song but that's not so bad is it?. Music for a simpler time, when your concerns were lighter.

When The Levee Breaks - When it comes to over amped rock/blues its always Led Zeppelin, who else could it be? This is one of the finest. Reminds me of a rainy night in New Orleans what seems like a life time ago now, I was working for a Japanese bank and for some reason I can't quite remember ended up in the big easy. Think I was going through an Elvis thing and heading up to Memphis but New Orleans has a way of distracting you.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Still Alive???

Todays P&L: GBP 140.00

Todays Booze: 1 bottle of Tinto Pesquara 1994, 1 bottle of Piedra del Rayo

Todays Soundtrack: Music to help you remember

Its a dicey business trading in December. Most offices in the city are empty but despite the reluctance of our trader friends to make a decision the markets carry on. The Euro remains the problem. Can it be saved, should it be saved? As outsiders why do we care? Well I never thought it would work in the first place but as you may have noticed I am something of a pessimist. Chancellor Merkel thinks that fiscal integration is whats necessary and she is right. However easier said than done does anyone seriously think that Paris is going to be happy with the Germans dictating their budget or will the Netherlands or Italy? and who thinks that Germany will be assigned this role anyway just because they are the richest. so what then a committee, bet that works out well - talk about instant political deadlock, perhaps a revolving position, yes I can see Germany allowing Czech Republic to dictate its economy for a year. Sooner or later the Eurozone has to admit the dream is over, it will be easier now than later. The US continues to pump money into an ailing system, but there is no end to this. America is a remarkable economy but they have long passed the stage of financial reality. The American Dream is just that a dream. As the politicians focus on reelection the economy will coast on a tide of never ending cash, with the hope that one day America will replace the jobs flipping burgers and as nail technicians with real highly paid jobs.

I have been seeing the Stalker infrequently as she seems to hate me more and more. I don't mind, in fact I understand but I don't need the grief to be honest. Every now and then I have to point out that she was the one who sought me out after all these years and that I did warn her she was better off staying away as did all my family who she introduced herself too. Anyway she is telling me less and less about her own life, which I only regard as a good thing. The Lunatic keeps threatening to come and visit me, luckily she doesn't have my address. She has left Australia and is back in Jakarta and seems almost sane. My medical outlook seems bleak as ever although I have found out that my body repairs itself remarkably quickly and even ten days before an MRI I can get away with it. So predictably I go on the wagon ten days before any scans or blood tests. I am just feeling so continuously worn out and terribly cold, still worse things happen at sea.


Today's music, my top five tracks:

Need You Tonight - Lady Antebellum, this song is so nice, it reminds me of the Italian girl all those years ago when I was just Seventeen. I love songs when people expose themselves as in real life I am quite a guarded person

Nothing Compares To You - Sinead O'Conner. Written by Prince, I saw Prince perform this song at some concert - he was spectacular, shes good as well though. Its quite a bitter song about losing someone who means everything to you.

Never Tear Us Apart - A consistent favourite song of mine. You know, as I have found out, sometimes the passage of time doesn't dim the love between two people. People split up for any number of reasons, often they are the wrong ones.

Soul Survivor - Rolling Stones, Exile On Main Street. Not much to say about why I like this song, we all get ground down sometimes but despite it all we keep on fighting.

On The Beach - Chris Rea, I may not seem like the beach type and I certainly am not. I have spent a lot of time in the tropics and even have a house somewhere down in Spain but I prefer the beach at night. In one bank I worked I was nicknamed the Prince of Darkness because of my reluctance to go out in daylight. I think this song is about regret all that "take me back, to the place that I know" I can understand that.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Feeling Better?

Fridays P&L: GBP 340.00

Fridays Booze: 8 pints of Stella Artois

Fridays Soundtrack: Music to kill time too


Friday saw the markets take another downward trend. Their was a brief rally during the week but I fail to see any reason why. Many analysts point out that the markets are trading at relatively low price earnings ratios, which is true but in the current global climate, a world where seemingly all the previous rules don't apply, these things are meaningless. The continuing rise in the price of gold and the somewhat crazy decision of the Swiss central bank to draw a fixed exchange rate are proof that the world is looking for any stability. America is seemingly trapped in a jobless stasis. There is no credible solution, all the politicians are concerned about are the next elections. The Fed has painted itself into a corner similar to the one it criticized Japan for although Americas corporate sector is hardly as paternal as that of Japan. Further quantitative easing will do little more than increase the debt burden. Europe is in an even worse situation, the imposed currency restrictions of the Euro are causing the inevitable pain to the weaker nations and it remains a matter of time before Germany has to admit it cant pay for all of Europe. From a traders perspective, taking a chance on high yielding Spanish or Italian debt seems a sure fire way to make money in the short-term. At this stage Greek debt is probably too close to default to take a chance on. The UK is also in an equally dire situation, the coalition seems unable to make any headway and is just happy to blame everything on the previous administration. The banking sector, previously models of corporate success seem hopelessly mired in failure, the NHS, which I personally owe a great deal to, is continuing to bleed money and is surrounded by inept management and unnecessary government tinkering. In short it is all very bleak.


My personal life continues to be problematic, I nearly pissed off the Stalker enough for her to leave me but as usual she decided to give me another chance. This is strange because I am not very pleasant and she has no sympathy for my medical condition so its not like she is giving me an easy ride. My health continues to be a little dodgy but after a recent CT scan the operator said he can't see any sign of cirrhosis although my Pancreas is still fucked, predictably my way of taking the good news was to have a few pints - I'll never learn. Predictably my mother took my repaired liver as a gift from God, due to my new found faith, although I am hardly devout and in no way worthy of any miracle. My mother was there three of the times I was diagnosed with cirrhosis so she hopes for the best.

Today's music, my top five tracks:

Don't You Forget About Me - Simple Minds are two steps from the eighties revival circuit and yet at one point were absolutely huge. This song is always going to be known as the song from the Breakfast Club but its a great track on its own. I suppose I am a sucker for power chords and wearing your heart on your sleeve. In some ways I haven't changed since I was fourteen.

living For The City - Stevie Wonder is always great to listen to if you imagine yourself as a star in a blaxploitation movie, and this song is one of the best. I am always attracted to the countryside no matter which country I have lived in but can't shake the draw of urban living, the few times I have spent anytime in the country or jungle I have grown bored quite quickly.

The Chain - Fleetwood Mac in the middle of one of the most dysfunctional relationships in music during the recording of Rumors - is it any wonder I like this song. The lyric "If you don't love me now, we'll never love again", reminds me of the demands that the Stalker and especially the Lunatic placed upon me. I suppose I look at relationships the wrong way but I know I am selfish and arrogant neither of which are attractive qualities.

Pandora's Box - OMD and my eighties obsession. Apparently this song was inspired by Louise Brooks who featured heavily in the video. It seems to me to be about the need to escape the mundane life, something I feel empathy with. It is also a little about obsession.

Unfinished Sympathy - Massive Attack, I just like the way this song sounds. It reminds me of my brother for some reason although there are many things that remind me of him.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Los Desperados

Fridays P&L: GBP 60.00

Fridays Booze: 2 bottles of Chatau Poujeaux 2000

Fridays Soundtrack: Music to think about your girlfriends to


Friday was a difficult day for me, there was volatility in the market I was concentrating on, The DAX30, but I missed all the main action dealing with issues with the Stalker. The Europeans raised interest rates but the UK was unable to match them as they know the economy is to weak to withstand it. There is more to this than is immediately apparent. The UK doesn't have the fear of inflation that our German friends do but they are little concerned with the effects of inflation on the ordinary people. I suspect that the primary concern of the UK government is the amount of money tied up in the assets that the Bank of England has received in the form of collateral from the banking sector that they still support despite the fact the banks themselves are possibly even more mismanaged than before. The banking lobby in the UK must be very strong.
One of the strangest results of the banking crisis, which nearly destroyed the country is that the banks, which were mismanaged by out of touch old school bankers are now all run by former heads of trading. What happened to establishing a modicum of control. The nature of traders is to take risk, If you don't you will last less than six months in any trading floor in the world. It's sort of the job.

The Stalker has returned although we are still edgy around each other. She and I are constantly fencing when we should be spending what little time we may have happily. In a further complication the Lunatic has contacted me and given me an ultimatum to marry her and I have also received further contact from another ex who is Thai and slightly mad also. I am not so worried about the Thai girl as she is flirting with becoming a muslim, she lived in Abu Dhabi for some time and she knows I would never have a serious relationship with a muslim. The Lunatic however is a different matter, deep down I remember her fondly and she has even said it wasn't her that tried to kill me.

Today's music, my top five tracks:

Love Of My Life - Queen, the Lunatics favourite song. I suppose I have a soft spot for Freddie Mercury, even though the band always seemed to be deeply unfashionable. This song shows his powerful voice, but always reminds me of a party we had in her restaurant back in Indonesia. Good times. People who knew how to enjoy themselves.

I Don't Want To Lose You - A soft song from Tina Turner, Makes me think of all my serious relationships. Truth be told, all these girls are far too good for me. My father once said to me, "you know if you meet this fantastic woman, a really great girl - she is usually in love with some total asshole. Thats you".

Missing - One of my favourite songs from Everything But The Girl, The Stalker thinks this song appeals to me because of my over-dramatic personality. She may be right. When I am drunk, which is often, I like to listen to this "And I miss you, like the desert misses the rain" , all my significant relationships seem to involve this disturbing undercurrent of emotion. The Lunatic said she was completely changed and no longer felt so much for me - three phone calls later, each for several hours, and she issued her marriage demands. Just about the worst thing that could happen to me right now is for The Stalker and The Lunatic to get in contact. They both own property in Bali and in Jakarta so the last thing I want is for them to meet.

I'll Remember You - Not a huge fan of Madonna, I always got the impression she was trying too hard. I love this song mostly from the movie "With Honours". I watched this a few times, first time with The Lunatic when the homeless person died she said to me, "why do you want to be alone so much?". I hadn't realised that I did. Some things you can't learn in school.

Missing You - An eighties classic from John Waite - suits my self imposed sense of drama. I can spend a whole day listening to music like this. This song is all about how you feel when you stop seeing someone, usually its because she decided not to carry on the relationship - my specialty was behaving so badly no right minded woman would want to have anything to do with me.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Unforgiven

Today's P&L: GBP 160.00

Today's Booze: 1 bottle of Russian Standard Vodka

Today's Soundtrack: Music to forget the past to


A boring day, most Americans had left the office for the thanksgiving weekend and as usual when the Americans aren't in the market it sort of dies after half past two. I made a quick 169 on going long, (buying) the FTSE100 in the morning but it was the kind of day when I may as well not have bothered. Instead I was considering the current state of the markets. I am less bemused by the continuing rise of the stock markets, obviously the reason is the continuing low bond yields which make equities attractive. If I had the money I would take a punt on 2 year Irish debt. Greek bonds seem attractive but at this stage I wouldn't pick any up until yields were over 40% because default seems inevitable, no matter how much money the Germans throw at the situation. bond YTM, (yield to maturity), is inverse to the price so as the yield rises the price drops and the bonds tend to perform like an equity. when that happens its a pure risk trade so sometimes it pays off like in Indonesia in ninety seven and other times it fails like in Argentina and before that Russia. The economy of America is frustrating. The woefully inept Bernanke announced an end to quantitative easing but this was followed up by the Fed announcing it will buy up to three hundred billion dollars of debt issued by the fed! The US debt situation is becoming comical.

I haven't posted for a while because I have been in hospital on and off. I shall be going back in at the end of July again - things don't look too good for me but who knows I feel ok more or less so I am not too worried right now.

The stalker finally seems to have had enough of me and I guess the most recent break up was inevitable. Of course I am sad about this but, to be honest, I am not what she needs in her life. She can't change me no matter how much she tries. I was considering this because I suppose I met her about twenty years ago and I have been in touch with the lunatic as well who I last saw twelve years ago. Both these women have matured and grown up in that time, it seems I have not.

Today's music, my top five tracks:

Undercover Of The Night - The Rolling Stones. Much criticized but I still love them. Tropical music for dangerous places. I have been to a few of those, the odd thing is I actively seem to seek out the worst places wherever I am.

Some Like It Hot - At heart I am still an eighties boy. The Power Station were much underrated. The two boys from Duran played some great guitar and bass and Tony Thompson on the drums, RIP Tony. Robert Palmer adds some sheen to the act, this is a good song and a great one to get drunk to.

In The Evening - Led Zep. This is the first track of the much unloved in through the out door record. At this stage Led Zeppelin were literally falling apart. The enormous success they had enjoyed was killing them. A good anecdote is when they about to perform a show and Elvis finished his set and introduced them saying "I know who your all here to see" because he was aware that for every one record he sold they sold three. At the time this was recorded Bonham was close to death and a shadow of his former self. Page was addicted to heroin and Plant was still grieving over the death of his son. This is still a great song though with a crushing guitar riff from Jimmy Page.

Only You Can Rock Me - UFO, a somewhat forgotten hard rock band from the early eighties. I saw this band live when I was about twelve. Life seemed so much easier back then, mind you its not like my life has been a struggle since then. The only person that has made things difficult for me is me.

Shine On You Crazy Diamond - The Floyd. This song is very evocative but also, for me, quite sad. It is about the founding member who went a bit mad after taking far too many drugs. Its sort of crazy to think he was out of the band before they started to enjoy their stadium rock success. I am someone who identifies with self-destructive behaviour.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

The Rules

Today's P&L: GBP 120.00

Today's Booze: 1 bottles of not so good red wine

Today's Soundtrack: Music to drink to


Another quiet day. I was too lazy and or tired to really follow the markets. So I missed the dollars seemingly inevitable downward shift. The Americans must realize that if even the Euro seems a better choice then they really have to start addressing their finances. There was some bad news from Japan but really in the UK all everyone seems to be thinking about is the upcoming royal wedding. So tomorrow is a day off and means I'll have little chance to make any money.

A worrying request from my GP today not to attend my gastro consultant's appointment. Apparently my blood results are seriously abnormal again. My mother has entered int some mad depression, so I better not inform her and of course my father has his hands full with her. I told my brother but he still thinks I am indestructible, so is of little help. I have also broken a bone in my foot, which is somewhat painful.

I was thinking about my drinking and what it means to be a drunk. It's not as easy as you would think, you know. So what are the rules to being a drunk. It's a difficult question, I grant you because most people would assume the whole point of being a drunk is that there are no rules. Not so. There is a whole etiquette to being a serious drinker that the casual drunk may miss entirely. Here are a few of the rules:

Rule number one: If your sad, keep it to yourself. We all have a sob story, but don't bring your fellow drunks down with it - thats what blogs are for.

Rule number two: Know your fellow drunk. This is important as it can mean the difference between a good evening, an unexpected brawl and a night in prison. I will discuss the various types of drunk at a later date.

Rule number three: Travel light, whatever you have your going to stand a good chance of losing/gambling/ giving it away. Make sure it isn't anything important. For me, the things I tend to lose are pictures or letters from ex girlfriends - often torn up by new girlfriends. Some girlfriends are more important than others.

Rule number four: Don't go in to a bar without money. This may seem at odds with number three, but you don't want to be embarrassed. Even the most drunken group knows when a freeloader has attached themselves. Girls may get away with this but what man wants to be a girl?

Rule number five: Have a back-up plan. Again at odds with rule number three and really is dependant on how much of a drinker you are and where you may be. Sometimes you tell your girlfriend you are popping out for a pint of milk and the next thing you know you are waking up in Bangkok. Trust me, it happens. I used to always carry fifteen hundred dollars concealed about me and a copy of my passport. Just in case.

Rule number six: The barman/maid is not your friend. It's easy when you are drunk and especially when drinking alone to feel the person serving you has bonded with you. They haven't. You are just another drunk to them and someone they would never exchange hellos with in a regular social setting.

Rule number seven: Avoid single Scottish men.

Rule number eight: Don't try and move upmarket. How you are when you have your first drink is pretty much as good as it gets. It all goes downhill from there. I remember taking my younger brother out once and getting thrown out of The Savoy after we had been drinking, heavily, in various seedy bars.

Rule number nine: Stay away from the phone. It may seem obvious, but two thirty in the morning after drinking your own weight in alcohol is not the time to phone your ex, who you "never should have left". She is probably married with three children and living in Kent now.

Rule number ten: Careful what you say. When drinking with a companion who has experienced a recent broken relationship - tread warily. He needs your support. He is entitled to criticize his ex-wife/girlfriend but will not thank you for doing the same. And he will never appreciate you saying "she slept with all your friends, even me".

More of this later.


Today's music, my top five tracks:

We Have All The Time In The World - Listening to Louis Armstrong is like talking with your grandfather, quite reassuring and comforting. You know if I think of all the things we treat so dismissively. Time is the worst thing we waste. You work all day for what? Couple of hundred pounds, couple of thousand? Every second of your life is precious - fuck, who am I to talk? My two greatest loves I didn't speak to for years. Now time is running out and I finally realised I have spent it more recklessly than all the money I ever had.

Whiskey In The Jar - Perhaps a bit of an obvious choice, but who can ignore the coolest black Dubliner ever? The Thin Lizzy version of this appeals to me more than the traditional version, but maybe that's because I remember watching Lynott on the stage as a child. Great Song.

Fairytale Of New York - In my opinion the greatest Christmas song of all time, so somewhat out of season. The imagery of this song is so strong - anyone who's risked it all when drunk knows this feeling. This song will always remind me of my desperate relationship with The Lunatic.

I'm Still Standing - Elton John is an institution, sort of like the Queen. Not really one of my favourite artists, but this is a great song and good drinking music. We all go through that phase where we think screw what everyone else says I can do - I can do more.

Johnny Come Home - The Fine Young Cannibals and their breakthrough song. For some reason this song reminds me of my brother. He and I are almost interchangeable, there is little difference in the way we look and we were often mistaken for twins. He seems to have all the sense and responsibility whereas I am the one you always wonder if you will ever see again and sometimes hope you won't.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Soul Survivor

Today's P&L: Everyone in the city seems to have died or gone on holiday

Today's Booze: 2 bottles of good red wine

Today's Soundtrack: Music that hurts


Nothing happening in the markets there was some volatility but the hot weather in London and the Easter break seem to have pulled everyone from their desks. I remain convinced the markets are headed for a downfall of significant size. Just check out the gold price, it is now firmly established at the fifteen hundred dollar level. most of that is due to the worrying increase in inflation. All governments are reluctant to release genuine inflation numbers because inflation is like the genie in the bottle, when it gets free it is hard to control. China and India are admitting to eight and ten percent inflation respectively. But you can bet its a lot higher in real terms. the effect of that is to limit real economic spending power in those countries so the vaunted future growth centers of the world may not be as attractive as some imagine.

Received an unexpected call from the Lunatic this morning. One of the other great loves of my life, She is in Singapore just now and we spoke for five hours. She and I still have so much chemistry together. At the same time The Stalker is back in hospital, did I feel like a shit for talking to another woman when I should only have her in my thoughts? Of course I did. However, both these women left me a long time ago for some men who were not so "difficult". Didn't work out for either of them and they seemed to both know I would always be alone. I am beginning to feel like the last refuge for the lonely and heartbroken. The Stalker and The Lunatic are very similar in more than just their nationality. They are both volatile. I guess the biggest difference is The Stalker has a strong level of self-control, until she gets drunk. The Lunatic is completely out of hand. Perhaps she has changed, its eleven years since I last saw her. All I need now is The Princess and The Italian and the Turk to get in touch and I will have the full set. I suppose I have been lucky with women but also you could say I was very unlucky none of my serious relationships have ended well. We have both came out with scars and bruises. The one night stands were so much easier. Emotions hurt some times.

Easter was good, I went to church and finally felt good about myself. If even only for a few hours. I have to go back to hospital soon I don't want to tell the Stalker when, because I am beginning to feel obligated to her for her visits. Maybe I won't be in long this time but I rarely get away with a quick visit. This time maybe when they give me some indication of how long I have left. It seems so odd to be considering death despite my reckless lifestyle. I am sure it will have more impact later but just now I don't really feel anything. Of course I have had to lie to my parents as well, my mother in particular seems to be taking it hard. I told her already she has no duty to look after me but I guess that's what mothers do.


Today's music, my top five tracks:

I Might Have Been Queen - One of Tina's best. This song makes me think of the strong women I have known in my life, but its the last verse that gets to me every time. " I look up to the stars with my perfect memory, I look through it all and my futures no shock to me, I look down but I see no tragedy, I look up to the stars till I find my destiny..." ,why do things that hurt you feel so good?

Real Good Looking Boy - A great song from the post Keith Moon Who. Does this song apply to me? I am not sure, I am quite confident I am attractive but there has to be more to it than that. My demeanor and personality are not exactly what you would call sparkling. And my self-obsession can hardly be a bonus. Still, "Wise men say
Only fools, only fools rush in, But I - I can't help Falling in love, in love with you".

Storm Warning - Another old time favourite of mine, Hilary James has a really nice voice and in this song she sounds so desperate. Perhaps not everyone understands that feeling but I am sure most of us do. I had to tell The Lunatic about my illness today and she immediately said she will get on a plane to be with me. Not sure her current boyfriend would appreciate that though.

On Every Street - This song brings back so many memories for me. I really did revisit a lot of the old places I used to go with my girlfriends in the years we were apart, not deliberately looking for them but somehow hoping I would bump into them by accident. I guess they were too involved at the time to think about me but I remember everything about each of them. They came back to me but the irony is I am running out of time.

Don't Give Up - Kate Bush always has a song for me when I am feeling down. This is depression era music at its best. I suppose I have had a gifted life, things always came easily to me - perhaps too easily. My parents are from a different time and a very poor background but they both struggled and succeeded. I still remember asking my mother if she ever read No Mean City, a classic novel about the in between years in Glasgow and she replied "we didn't need to - we lived it".

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Is Luck On My Side?

Today's P&L: GBP 220.00

Today's Booze: 2 Pints of Kronenbourg 1664

Today's Soundtrack: Music That I Just Like


So the Equity markets had a brief downturn but seem to have recovered fine. After all what is there to worry about. Unrest in the Middle East, more European countries close to default, spiraling inflation, decline in real earnings. The Europeans are likely to raise interest rates on Thursday. The ECB is really just the Bundesbank in all but name and the Germans have fairly bad memories of inflation. The Bank of England will be under pressure to match the rise but the government knows that the UK economy is far to fragile. Proving once again that the UK is too far out of sync with the European economies to have ever been a member of the Euro. I made a quick trade on the DAX 30 prior to the US opening but really didn't do much the rest of the day. I wonder how much longer these economies can go along on essentially borrowing from future. The Japanese earthquake was tragic in terms of human loss but in financial terms it raised an important issues to the funding of the huge American debt. Japan is an enormously rich country but they are struggling with the situation and the aftermath. so it is necessary for them to repatriate some of their external holdings. Sooner or later America is going to have to make some harsh decisions as to what the federal government can afford. I imagine that social services, however minimal they are, will be the first to be cut.

So a quick reminder to me that its not all about me. In quick succession, the Stalker had to return to hospital, and it looks like a bad one and my father down in Spain is also in hospital. Its funny when you are ill and a bit of a drama queen, like me, you tend to forget about other people. I know the Stalker was sick, I mean really sick but she always seemed so full of life around me. My father is the same I just realised he is seventy one years old. He seems so fit and healthy. Because of my inability to express my feelings if either of them die I will never get the chance to
have told them how I feel about them. I recognize this but I also know, that if they are both ok, I will once again be unable to say such thoughts to either of them.


Today's music, my top five tracks:

We Let The Stars Go - Prefab Sprout, wonder if they are still around. Maybe its true, every Irish man is a poet, Paddy wrote some great songs. This song just makes me sad.

Talk Of The Town - "Maybe tomorrow, Maybe Someday" The Pretenders were such a good band, when they were at their peak I guess I was too young to really appreciate them. "Oh but it's hard to live by the rules - I never could and still never do". This song reminds me of a period when I lost it after splitting up, for good this time, with the Lunatic, I wouldn't say I was out of control but for a few months, even by my standards I was overdoing it.

Life's What you Make It - This is classic 80's Pop/Rock. Talk Talk are quite melancholic, a bit like me. I guess this song reminds me of those reflective moments we all get, maybe the ones I drink to avoid.

Storm Warning - Another long-time favourite of mine. I am not sure why I love this song so much, the girl who is the daughter of Bob James seems so sad when she sings, but also has that acceptance of the inevitability of it. This song reminds me of when I was a teenager on the ship, days watching the ocean and how restless it seemed.

Two Faces - Bruce Springsteen, I know he is not terribly popular anymore, but this is a great song. We all have at least two sides to us, I like to pretend I am strictly one dimensional but when I listen to this song, I think about how I ended up like this. As far as I can remember I have always tried to lock away my feelings and even now it seems far easier to write them on a faceless blog. When I listen to this song I think about the Stalker, I suspect she is beginning to see through my on demand pleasantness but she just can't seem to deal with my otherwise frosty attitude.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Amends To Be Made

Today's P&L: GBP 100.00

Today's Booze: Lots, it is Fat Tuesday

Today's Soundtrack: Music To Make You Regret


The markets continue to rise, they are looking weak. Some Economist was saying the Western economies are like a dying body kept alive by judicious use of steroids, meaning quantative easing. I totally agree with this. It has to end one day and I suspect the end will be sooner and more brutal than we expect. The UK has tv adverts for workday loans at an APR of two thousand five hundred percent, which should be illegle, but are allowed under our current government. Possibly because the majority state-owned bank, Lloyds-HBOS, is allowed to charge up to four thousand percent on unauthorized overdrafts. The Public sector is shedding jobs hand over fist and yet David Cameron can appear on prime time tv shows looking smug and saying we all have to share the pain. I doubt he is feeling it as much as most people. Gold took a Knock recently costing me a lot of money but has sprung up to an all-time high before retreating. The price of Gold is interesting because it reflects the lack of confidence in the global economy. Forget what the spin doctors and politicians tell you and keep hold of your gold. You may need it in the future. The situation in the middle east has obviously affected the price of oil, which I rarely trade. What I wonder is why these nations that have been dominated for thirty to forty years are suddenly finding a voice while we in the West put up with the same miserable situation we always have had at the hands of the ruling elite.

I was in Hospital for a week or so again, but as usual the tests are inconclusive. I am beginning to think I am some project for junior doctors.

So that was Fat Tuesday, I sort of exploited the fact that I am not going to drink, or at least try, for forty days. On Monday the Stalker paid me a visit and, needless to say we had a fairly savage argument. Wonder how long she can take this, she is tough but I am so use to things going on another level entirely with the Lunatic that she won't be able to outlast me. She did say, before she stormed out that she needed to know if going out with me is just chasing the wind. Its so odd because the last thing in the world I want is to hurt her and yet it seems inevitable. I really try to be nice to her but she is too grown up. It isn't like before. She needs stability and I still avoid it.


Today's music, my top five tracks:

Empire State Of Mind - A modern song, by my standards. Obviously I am not talking about the Jay Z version but the Alicia Keyes at the Piano one. This song reminds me of when I was young and thought I could do anything. I never feel like that anymore.

This Womans Work - My sensitive side. Of course I love Kate Bush with a passion, but this song is so sad it brings a tear to my eye. I guess when it comes down to it Mother and child have a special bond. My mother contacted the doctors, without my knowledge to ask if she could donate her liver to me. Unfortunately only my father and older brother are compatible. After all the time, she is just trying to do what she can for me. I would never tell her how much I appreciate her efforts and she would never expect me to say it.

I Don't Want To Miss A Thing - I am not a huge Aerosmith fan, apart from Dream On, but this song touches me when I am moody. Despite what all of my past girlfriends would say about my cold nature. I do feel this passion, I just don't know how to show my feelings.

Red Wine - UB40, Not Diamond. This seemed to be in the number one position for ever. Unlike most of my peers I was allowed to drink alcohol at a very young age on the basis I would treat it with respect. That worked out well! Don't judge though, my older brother was also allowed to drink and he is practically tee-total and has been for years. This song makes me think of when I regret things I didn't do - mostly women, for example if the Stalker finally leaves I know I will regret not letting her know I love her.

Run To You - Bryan Adams, I remember this vividly from when i was about fourteen years old. I was into Pop music back then but I liked this track because of the , I don't know desperation. Even then I had a flair for the dramatic. Reminds me of a girl who lived on the same road as me.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

It Doesn't Matter Anyway

Today's P&L: GBP 300.00

Today's Booze: 75cl of Imperial Vodka, 4 pints of Dry cider

Today's Soundtrack: Music To Wonder Why


Didn't do much in the markets today. Increasingly bemused by the relentless rise of the major indexes. Is it just me or has the world gone quite mad? America is printing money like its going out of fashion and their is significant turmoil in the middle east, perhaps they will notice now Bahrain is experiencing unrest after all the US 5th fleet is based there. Of course America and the UK is only concerned about Egypt because of the Suez canal, in these green times how can anyone afford to divert their ships around Africa if its closed? Personally I suspect getting rid of Mubarak was a bad move, I wouldn't be surprised to see Islamic fundamentalism getting a real hold in Egypt. The Muslim Brotherhood is presenting a nice face but they firmly believe in implementing sharia law when they are elected. Their stated aim is to restore islam "from Spain to Indonesia". Aside from the political issues, which when I worked in the city would be causing all kinds of volatility, I suppose the other issue that no one seems to have noticed is how the major corporations, especially in the US have decided its better to give money to stockholders than employ people. it seems the American dream is finally over.

The visit from my parents went quite well, it seems strange that my father doesn't change in appearance but my mother is definitely aging, she can tell it as well and is most unhappy. As usual they grilled me about my health but they seem surprisingly cool about it, mind you my doctor is the same, she says you look really healthy but I know how unwell you are. Still, the stalker is always there to ensure I suffer. she caught me drinking and we had an argument in which she said you did two things wrong you drank too much and you lied about it so I don't think we can continue our relationship - I won't talk to you for a while, maybe a month or so. Give her credit she lasted four days before phoning me.


Today's music, my top five tracks:

Blue Moon - The Elvis version, Billie Holliday sings it too fast for me. Elvis sounds like a guy who just broke up with his first girlfriend. All guys know what I am talking about.

San Marco - I have become rather obsessed with this track from Rondo Veneziano. Its kind of like pop classical music but I am just drawn to it. Not sure why, I have only been to Venice once but loved it. Perhaps a doomed city reminds me of my own situation.

You Are Everything - Marvin and Diana Ross, two motown superstars. I listen to this song quite often and it always reminds me of the Lunatic. "I just can't go on living life as I do, comparing each girl to you - when they just won't do". You know I feel these kind of emotions, I am sure I do I just have difficulty expressing my emotions. It saddens me that The Stalker and I will split up or one of us will die without her ever knowing how i really feel about her.

Michael Caine - I am not really a fan of Madness, which seems to be quite a London phenomena. This song is one of their better ones, to me it sounds like a study in obsession. I have little personal experience with really strong emotions, I just sort of drift through life, just occasionally getting caught up in extreme turbulence, with the Lunatic or The Stalker for example. My parents say its because everything came so easy to me I never really felt like trying.

I Quit - Not many people know this song by Hepburn. This shouldn't really be a song for me but perhaps for the Stalker. "There was a time when I would go walking backwards around the world, if you said your mine and I'd run blindfolded down the Kings Road if you would just arrive on time". Loving me isn't easy and I don't know why a girl who is used to so much better can't let me go.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

The Alcohol Imperative

Today's P&L: -240.00 GBP

Today's Booze: 6 pints of Kronenbourg 1664, 6 double Vodkas

Today's Soundtrack: Music to Wring Your Hands To

I was caught out badly by the decision from S&P to lower the rating of Japan. I managed to recover most of the damage, but like many others I question the timing. Why was this done at the London open, also there was some dodgy currency trades prior to the announcement. If you were a rating agency who would you downgrade Japan or the UK or the US? I also have taken some heavy losses on gold futures recently, which I find difficult to understand. In an environment where the governments have lost the ability to control interest rates and inflation is steadily increasing Gold is the perfect asset to hold.

The Stalker has been driving me crazy. She clearly knows me too well and is turning up unexpectedly. She has recently started showing me the sort of intense affection she did when we first met all those years ago. It is nice but I am uncomfortable with such intimacy. The closer she tries to get, the more I withdraw. She asked me if I thought I was going to survive the year and I said, honestly, I am not sure but it doesn't look great. Her reply was "well, you better make me pregnant soon then". I never thought I would be worrying about dying before my child was born. Aside from that my health is quite good. I got my scans back for my knees and it seems I have virtually no cartilage in my knees any more. So that explains why sitting down hurts so much.

I have to decide if I am going to fast before Easter, I haven't done it since I was ten and to be honest I doubt I have the will power, I would only be able to do the bread and water one. I know my doctor would advise against it, but I might give it a try Ash Wednesday is March the ninth this year so If I am going to attempt it, I'll be sure to have a fat Tuesday to remember.


Today's music, my top five tracks:

Wuthering Hights - After leaving a few messages at Bridgets blog, Tea and Digestives, I realised how much I love the music of Kate Bush. This is still my favourite because of the huge amount of passion she sings it with. Why I find it difficult to express my own feelings is another matter. The Stalker says I am lost in the universe.

Killing Me Softly - I much prefer the Fugees version to the Roberta Flack original. We have all had that feeling, when listening to a piece of music when we think - this could have been written about me, that's what I think this song is all about.

Your Still The One - Whatever happened to Shania Twain, she used to be everywhere. This is a real girls song, I remember it because there was a band in the city I lived with the Lunatic that sang this every night we were there. I had never heard the song before then but liked it a lot, there was that an some song called eternal triangle, which I think was sung by some Indonesian.

Cambodia - Kim Wilde singing a song with political overtones in the early eighties - who would have thunk it. I have been to Cambodia several times, its a sad country you only have to look around for the people who are missing a whole generation effectively wiped out, so much for atheism.

I Don't Want To Wait - Paula Cole always seems so unhappy about something, I suppose many women are with men like me who are reluctant to commit. I don't know if its my natural self destructiveness or my belief that I am never really going to die that make it hard for me. It is contradictory because the doctors are not exactly hopeful and yet, I still keep going.


In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Is That It ???

Yesterdays P&L: GBP 0.00

Yesterdays Booze: A Lot

Yesterdays Soundtrack: Music To stomp your feet to


No work yesterday, just had to see another doctor in a place called Reading, (no offence, but it looks like someone built a town in the middle of a large industrial estate).

So it was my birthday, I am an old man now, forty one - screw you to the people who said I'll never make it past twenty seven, except my mum and dad - seems ungrateful saying screw you to your parents on your birthday. So now I am in my forties, I have to ask - what next? A mid-life crisis seems sort of redundant for me, I have been having one of those since I was twelve. I am in rather uncharted territory, as mentioned absolutely nobody expected me to make it this far, but with a few exceptions I am from a rather conventional family. Both my brothers and all my cousins have got married and had children, it was clearly what was expected from me as well and once again I have proven to be something of a disappointment. In fact I feel even more detached and distant than ever before. My father called me when I eventually got home last night to wish me Happy Birthday - He was in Brazil when I was born. He and my Mother and Uncle had all been out in Spain celebrating my birthday, (its also a pretty big day in Spain, being the Epiphany). I asked him, you all went out without me and he replied, "of course. We always celebrate your birthday and your never with us". For the record I haven't been at home on my birthday since I was fourteen. It was typical for me also, spending my time in strange pubs and bars talking to people I don't know - still flirted heavily with three women, including one extremely exotic Indian girl. The Stalker wasn't around, which I am glad about as she managed to screw up Christmas and New Year for me. No doubt she will guess I have been drinking and give me a hard time for it later. She clearly has decided that as she has invested so much of her time and energy in me - I better produce results and quickly. It's kind of like going out with a tougher, female version of the drill instructor from the movie, "An Officer And A Gentleman".

So what have I learned over this year? Nothing, I guess. If I am honest I feel even more isolated than I did this time last year. I am aware that only I can improve my life and that I keep on making the same mistakes but I seem to have adopted the attitude that sayings like that are as serious as the rules on a swimming pool wall, (you know; no petting, no water bombing, etc). Compared to me, the Stalker is a virtual self-help book. Actually, often talking to her does feel like some Tony Robbins, conference at times. I imagine its because due to her medical problems she approaches life with an urgency, I just can't seem to muster. Deep down I still don't believe I am going to die. Anyway - that was it for another year, Like the Stones I keep on rolling and am once again planning a world tour. I don't make New Years resolutions, but this year, which maybe my last, (just, like for all of us), I have plans to shake this semi-comatose life style, Its about time I did something rather than be "full of promise". No one should still be full of undiscovered promise at forty one.


Today's music, my top five tracks:

Street Fighting Man - From the fantastic Beggars Banquet record. Long before the Stones were the biggest corporate entertainment the world has ever seen. Even a true believer like me is beginning to wonder just how contrived Keith is. At least Jagger is fairly obvious in his naked ambition and greed. Still a great band and still one I would buy tickets to see but I wonder when you exchange the fire and vitriol for packaged excess? The Rolling Stones are who U2 want to be when they grow up.

Wonderwall - I was never an Oasis fan, in fact the whole Britpop scene passed me by, as you can tell from my blog, I live far too much in the past. The first time I heard this song was in a bar in London, after a heavy night. It was about ten in the morning and only the hardcore drunks were fuelling their addiction. There were some drunks out in the street, and I remember thinking that apart from the glass window separating the bums in the street from me in the pub, there wasn't much difference between us. The next time I heard it was in a bar in Bow Lane on a busy winter evening when the packed bar spontaneously started singing along.

I Might Have Been Queen - What is it about Tina?. Maybe its her stage presence and her serious voice, maybe its because she finally decided, "Hey Ike touch me one more time and I'll fuck you up". Who Knows? This song is from Private Dancer one of my all time favourite albums. The meaning is quite feminine I guess, I am sure the Stalker would have more understanding than me. Maybe not, The Stalker is from a very rich family, this seems to be more about someone breaking out of the poor life and reinventing themselves - Far more my territory.

True Faith - Everyone talks about Blue Monday, but this is the best New Order track. I don't have much to say about this song, I just feel it applies to me in a way that I don't really understand.

Won't Get Fooled Again - The Who at their very best. I love this song, but can't help feeling that The Who are a band that can't quite be captured in recordings. The Original Who should have been seen live. It isn't just the extraordinary musicianship and the crushing volume, but more the simmering tension of the band members. This song reminds me of Indonesia in Ninety Seven, a time and place I still have a lot of unresolved feelings about. I also feel the same about one of my favourite books, "A Tale Of Two Cities", for some reason it reminds me of Indo in ninety seven.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Was it Worth It?

Today's P&L: 0.00 GBP

Today's Booze: 6 pints of Kronenbourg 1664

Today's Soundtrack: Music to burn flags to

Bernanke was in the news saying that more quantative easing may be the answer to the stubborn jobless situation in the US. He assured us all that providing further liquidity isn't the same as printing money - So that is a buy signal for gold then. If the US wants to employ more people it has to restart industry there is no real alternative. It should make for a boost in the DOW30 and S&P500 though. The market perception is that this money will feed through into the economy, unlike the earlier program. It is rubbish, of course. The plan is for the US to buy six hundred billion dollars of government bills from the banking sector which should encourage economic activity. This will increase stock and commodity prices. Of course it will increase inflationary pressures. So that's the solution to the US economy. Issue debt sell it to banks and then in order to protect the banks purchase the paper back from the banks and how does the US government pay for the debt it buys, by issuing more debt. The global economy is becoming more like a very dangerous game of pass the parcel.

I was looking at the pictures of the Princess on her facebook page the other day. Her wedding looks like quite the high dollar event. Made the Thai newspapers and was held at the Oriental, probably one of the most expensive places in Asia to get married. she looked fantastic of course but I can't help feeling how much better it would have been if she had married me - I would have lowered the tone somewhat. Not that I am especially low class. Just, there would be no way I would get married sober. I doubt that many of my friends would have fitted in, just a couple of them but I would have had to invite them anyway. I imagine she knew all along that we wouldn't get married, even though we were engaged. In her social group it is customary for the the man to give a dowry to the brides father, the number she indicated to me was rather daunting even though I was quite wealthy then. She told me not to worry, what would happen is that her guardian would give the money to her and that she would give it back to me - even so. The Princess was such a nice and even tempered girl, I can count the times I upset her on one hand, I made her cry a few more times but that was mainly because of injuries I started picking up. Before then I had always been in top condition. I don't think we would have been happy married though. She didn't drink and was such a girly girl whereas the women I had more intense relationships with were far more similar to me, unreasonable, jealous, angry and just a little out of control. Most of my girlfriends have been far too good for me, but the Princess was probably the one who compromised herself most by being with me.


Today's music, my top five tracks:

Rock The Casbah - One of my favourite Clash songs along with London Calling. Seventies punks dissect middle-eastern politics, well they couldn't do a worse job than Tony Blair.

Games Without Frontiers - I was just a child when this song hit the charts but it was still significant, even back then I was aware of the ebbs and flows of politics. My parents had taken me to a few third world countries.

The Lebanon - What can I say, I am an eighties boy and I have always loved The Human League, Beirut is one of those places I have never been, (I tend to avoid the middle east in general - better for them, better for me), but this is a great song about a tragic situation. I used to work with a woman who had worked for an American bank in Beirut and she told me lots of stories about the missile attacks and the bomb shelters in the basement.

Going Underground - The Jam. This band were a key part of my youth in the late seventies/early eighties. Paul Weller may be a bit of a twat and I have heard he is quite difficult to work with but he writes some damn good songs. "I turn in the news and my body froze, The braying sheep on my TV screen, Make this boy shout, make this boy scream, Going Underground, I'm going underground"

Living In This Town - "Why throw a dollar to a hungry man" Havana 3am should have been a great band but Paul Simonen is, if anything inconsistent, think he is a painter now. In Seventies UK he was one of the coolest people on the planet

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

The Stalker And I

Today's P&L: No markets today

Today's Booze: 2 pints of lager, 3 large glasses of red wine

Today's Soundtrack: Music to remember your past to


If any one's interested, I feel like talking about my relationship with the Stalker today. I don't really remember the date I met her although she remembers of course. It was about twenty years ago I guess, around about this time of year, in fact it was a freezing evening and the place was somewhere between Oxford Street and Regent Street. I was drinking a quad Rum and I met her relative, A very sexy but seriously out of control woman. I shared a few drinks with her while she sized me up and decided I wasn't for her but would be suitable for the Stalker. She disappeared for a while and the barman, some Italian guy who clearly thought too much of himself, laughed at me and said she won't come back. I didn't mind as my intention was drinking. However the girl did return with The Stalker. And that's where our relationship began.

The Stalker wasn't like any other woman I had met before. She is the oldest of eleven children and naturally quite assertive. I didn't have any idea how rich she was as true to my character I didn't really ask her too much about her background although in retrospect I should have wondered how come she spent so much money on restaurants and holidays. We had a lot of fun though, back then she used to be fun. She also wasn't easy, she had made some promise to her father that she wouldn't have sex until she was twenty one, so I had to wait but it was worth it. The problem was I treated our relationship like all the other ones I had been in while she was a little more serious. I still remember when she decided enough was enough and she came to my house. She said to me the usual break up bollocks. I hadn't seen it coming, so was somewhat surprised But I still remember saying to her just before she walked out. "fancy having one last fuck for old times sake" - not exactly Clark Gable. Anyway she just walked out and I didn't see her again for nearly five years. Apart from one brief encounter in sometime around ninety four, I guess that was her last fling before getting married.

That next time I saw her I had been in Indonesia and following the riots and the near civil war left the Lunatic behind, I like to spread the disappointment. Actually it wasn't so bad, I did offer the Lunatic the chance to escape with me but it was never going to happen her family had lots of money and had a plane to fly them to Singapore. I went out for a drink or two with the Stalker in the West End, By then I had not worked for some time but managed to get some consultancy work. I never heard from the Stalker again But The Lunatic used to phone me for about three hours almost every night.

Anyway, I made a bit of money and decided to go back to visit the Lunatic. It was one of those dramatic fly by night gestures that I am inclined to make. I arranged to finish my contract and flew from New York to Bangkok then down to Singapore and then Indonesia, it was her birthday so it seemed like the right thing to do although it cost me plenty of money. Anyway this isn't about the Lunatic, that story has a post all of its own. After a few years and a couple of major injuries The Lunatic and I finally separated permanently. Anyway I then managed to get some more consultancy work in London and that's where I met the Princess. The Princess is unusual in my history of women by being ten years younger than me. She was studying in London and working in a restaurant I visited three or four times a week. She knew I was going back to live in Bangkok but as usual I didn't ask a great deal about her background. Turned out she was quite the society girl and surprise, surprise I am not the ideal son in law. Anyway, her and I had a reasonable relationship for a few years until I got injured quite severely. Initially I thought I would get my legs fixed and be back in a few months so I paid for my apartment for another year. My injuries were much worse and after a while she moved to Tokyo and found someone else.

The end of the story is after my brother urged me to open a facebook account so I could maintain contact with him. The Stalker came across my name, and got in touch with me. At first I didn't think it was her, but after a while we arranged to meet on my birthday. I didn't turn up as I thought she wasn't serious, and after all those years and I knew she had been married, so she tried again and we met up at Waterloo Station. It is so odd seeing someone you know so well after so many years. After all that time we were both the same, she and I flirted a little and spoke as if we were two caged animals circling each other. Of course things have changed, Don't they always? She and I have both experienced so much in our time apart. And we are both so screwed up. The funny thing is to me, even though she can see how broken down I am, to me she looks almost exactly the same as she did when she was twenty. The only difference is the look in her eyes, she has been told she was dying twice, three times for me so I am the winner there. The difference between her and I is that she always fights, but I am just tired of it all.

Its quite funny, even after all these years and in our reduced circumstances, we still get along at least some of the time. I know she hates me but that's healthy enough, I can't stand all this we are not just husband and wife but best friends crap. We don't need to be best friends, and it really is better that way. She has a whole other life with her friends, they do and talk about things I am less than interested in. So she met up with me after I had seen the doctor. For once it was good news, unexpectedly she said my blood levels had almost returned to normal, just clotting remains an issue. My knee is fucked but she gave me an x-ray appointment for that. I am not so worried about broken bones, that's a pain I am used to. The Stalker looked great when she turned up. She rarely wears make-up when meeting me But she had been out with some friends and she looked fantastic. I was talking to three girls when she arrived but she wasn't too bothered, she knows I don't go for blondes anyway. Anyway we went and got something to eat and had a good night, so much so she returned two days later for a rematch. I still love it when she tells me how much she hates me, don't know what she gets out of it. In an interlude she told me that so far every member of my family that she has met has warned her about me and my father even described me as a liability - Bastard!

Today's music, my top five tracks:

Missing You - John Waite. A great song for us eighties boys. "I spend my time thinking about you, and its almost driving me wild". This song is about every ended relationship. When I was young I used to pretend it didn't matter to me when I stopped seeing a girl. Nowadays I really don't give a fuck, but how come the major relationships I have had keep coming back to haunt me?

I Drove All Night - Have you ever done it? Have you ever travelled a distance to tell a girl how you felt. Doesn't matter if she lives across town or in another continent. There is this feeling you get when you do it, like hey, I am putting it on the line, taking control of my situation. Doesn't matter if you get there and she isn't interested. Every man should risk looking stupid to express his feelings at least once in his life.

I Would Die 4 U - Prince never got better than on Purple Rain and 1999 if you ask me, although Sign 'o' The Times was good. This is a song about loving someone too much, but how much is too much? Good rule of thumb is if she takes out a restraining order, it's too much.

If You Were Here Tonight - The Italian loved this song by Alexander O'Neal. Nothing works out the way you plan it in my dysfunctional world. I guess if I am honest, I would have liked things to be different but I can't really see how things would have worked out if I had been more conventional.

Always On My Mind - "Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could, Little things I could have said and did - but I never took the time". This song kind of sums up all my relationships with women.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

My Life As A Dog

Today's P&L: Still out of the markets today

Today's Booze: 1 bottle of Stolichyna vodka

Today's Soundtrack: Music to chase bones to

So Ireland took the bail out, what a surprise, it couldn't be any other way. Initially there was some misguided strength on the Euro, but the market attention has switched to Spain already. With the yield rising to two point four percent over Bunds. That means that you receive two and a half percent interest over German bonds if you buy Spanish, of course because bond yields are inverse to prices an increase in yield means a decrease in price. It's nothing heavy yet, Ireland was up to at least eight percent over Bunds before the bail out but this is how it always starts so start preparing for a bail out for Spain. Europe can not afford this but sentiment is building and, much in the same way as if you live by the sword you die by it, if you depend on foreign investment to keep your economies alive you die when it is withdrawn. Spain has a huge potential market in South America and a exceptionally high academic standards but with twenty percent unemployment? The Euro seems to me like a dead duck. I was working at Bank of America on its official launch and doubted it then , many of my colleagues said "you will die before the Euro does", which seemed likely but I now firmly believe the Euro, as it is now, will split up before I die.

Didn't need to book an appointment to see the doctor, instead I received a request from her. Its never a good sign when they write "we need to talk to you" and put need in bold. If that wasn't bad enough the Stalker wants to meet me directly afterwards - how much good news in one day can a guy take? I know what the Stalker is going to say. She has a bulldozer approach to our relationship and just tends to ignore any small roadblocks like my objections, this comes because she genuinely believes she knows what is best for me. The first time we were together she was very inexperienced and in the intervening twenty years or so, by all accounts she has had one serious relationship but I imagine she was very much in control of him. So while I can no longer boss her around, she finds it very hard to bully me although that doesn't stop her trying. She was always a bit fiery but its got worse. We seem to spend all our time either hating each other or having sex, time in between is like one of those uncomfortable silences. Still if it was easy, it wouldn't be any fun.

Today's music, my top five tracks:

Dirty Old Town - The Pogues rather than Rod. "I met my love, by the gas work walls". Every time I used to come to London, the first thing I used to do was to find a Thameside pub and get a drink. Not at Windsor or Richmond, down by Greenwich or further, near Woolwich, where it isn't beautiful. I always travel light so it was no hardship.

Hounds Of Love - I guess, I have a thing about Kate Bush, she lives very near where I am now but you never see her. She is a bit of a recluse so my images of her are all from videos and record covers. Her picture on the front of The Dreaming appeals to me hugely. I have written about this song in the past, to me it is all about fear and taking your chances. It could be about love or it could be about work but life is all about chances. I am no guru but I have learned about missed opportunities. Now all I have to do is learn the other things that make me a regular person.

Move To Memphis - A-ha, Memorial Beach was an unloved record, but I rather liked it. This was my favourite song. To me its all about striking out on your own, leaving the past behind. When I left home it was a choice but before that, up until I was thirteen I had a safe normal life, then there was a few years of being put in situations I had no control over. That may explain a lot of my questionable decisions since then. Memphis, may not sound exotic to most people but to me, maybe its the Elvis connection, its a journey, Elvis was at his most credible in Memphis, before the bloat of Hollywood and Vegas. We all have our own Memphis. It's after that we lose our way.

Wishing I Was Lucky - Wet Wet Wet, not sure if they had any success overseas. Their debut album was great, despite the singers annoying grin, (mind you, if you have good teeth in Glasgow - you show them off). This song was very popular with people of my age who desired to work in the city - the lyrics were painfully obvious. Getting a job means entering the real world. I was on a very limited time scale when I got my first job, in fact if I had two more weeks without work, I would have been on the streets and the small room I was renting wasn't much better. Since then I been in a similar situation twice. Before all the security checks a good tip, if you were really in a bad way and had flown enough you could get a first or business class ticket at Heathrow, hit the lounge, eat, sleep, get some booze and have a shower and as long as you cancelled a half hour before the flight left, get out. I know that sounds dishonest but sometimes you have to do what you have to do and its better than sleeping in a public toilet or on the Heathrow tube. Anyway the ticket always goes on standby, so its best to use London to New York.

Sunshine - By Gabrielle, another song I keep coming back to. OK, this song shows appreciation for another person. Something I have never been able to bring myself to do. Its a great song though, worth listening to any time you feel down, Guess it would be nice to have that kind of support. I never really experienced that, it seems my whole life has been about my not fulfilling my potential or letting others down. Nowadays, I rarely seek recognition from other people.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

The Bear Necessities

Today's P&L: Out of the markets today

Today's Booze: 1 bottle of Morgan Spiced Rum

Today's Soundtrack: Music to wish your life away to

Didn't trade today, I am waiting to see what happens with the Irish debt situation. It's clear that the Euro elite are not too concerned about what happens to the Irish but they are worried about contagion. If Ireland defaults instead of taking aid then it is Portugal and Spain next. The markets in America, which set the tone for Asia and Europe, went nowhere although the dollar firmed as the rating agencies blustered that debt and deficits in the US won't affect its AAA rating. They would say that as a downgrade would have serious implications on their business.

There was some program on the television the other night that said that the amount of the UK economy that is public sector is now fifty four percent against forty six percent private. In, nominally communist, China the percentage of the economy under public control is about twenty seven percent. It is impossible to run a sustainable, dynamic economy with so much government interference.

I still haven't heard from the Stalker, guess she finally took my advice and found someone better for herself. I can't be too glum about it, I am not exactly good boyfriend material. I'll probably make an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow against my better instincts. I pretty much know there isn't much that can be done with my dodgy joints but I can at least find out if there are any pain killers I can take that won't affect my liver. I suppose I am just going to have to accept that I must be more careful and not keep throwing myself around.

Today's music, my top five tracks:

Communique - Always love a bit of Dire Straits. "Maybe he could talk about the tricks of the trade, Maybe he could talk about himself, Maybe he could talk about the money that he made, Maybe he'd be saying something else". I always thought I was pretty good at communicating with people, maybe not. Mind you who is really interested in listening to other people these days. So many voices trying to get heard, so many people who have something to say. No wonder people blot it all out.

The End Of The Innocence - Don Henley maybe a bit preachy, but he has written some really good music. I know this song has a lot of social and political commentary specific to America, but the sentiment is universal. I guess these is a point for all of us when we no longer believe in utopia.

You Might Need Somebody - I always have time for Randy Crawford as well. This song is so nice, even though I enjoy being alone, well y'know, maybe I will need someone some day.

Emily - Hot Chocolate, was a big UK seventies soul band, like ABBA they have long been regarded as a bit of a joke, despite some slick song writing and some smooth vocals. I blame the movie industry, this band will be forever linked with the film "The Full Monty". Emily is a song about a woman who dreamed of being a star and when she realised it was never going to happen committed suicide. There is one part in this song where he sings something about when she was at school and said she would be a movie star nobody laughed. I was a bit like that at school I remember dating this hot Indian girl in the year above me in the sixth form and asking her what she would do when she left school, she said what about you and I just said "My band will be famous by then" and she acted like I had just said I would get a job in a shop and said yes, I know.

No More Lonely Nights - Paul McCartney is an interesting character to me. He is so kitsch, but most of my favourite Beatles songs have him stamped all over them, especially Eleanor Rigby and Penny Lane. At the same time he is always associated with Lennon, (I mean he did some good stuff afterwards but the Beatles are kind of a hard act to top). He has developed this knack of appearing like the cheeky scouser you might bump into down the pub but there is no doubt he is a seriously assertive and private star. I remember having a conversation with someone who had met him and he said Paul has a very carefully crafted image but he is relentless in business and a lot tougher than you would think. No more lonely nights is a song, to me, about love with someone you shouldn't love.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Who's Going To Pay Attention To Your Dream

Today's P&L: GBP 90.00

Today's Booze: 1 litre of Smirnoff Red Vodka

Today's Soundtrack: Music to miss people to

Little trading done today, I know I am out of the loop somehow, so its best to stay out of the game until I can gain a firmer understanding although that goes against my reckless instincts. Ireland looks like it is going to have to call in the IMF, which by all reasoning should have a negative impact on the Euro, however the relentless supply of money in America is continuing to put the dollar under pressure. These markets are very thin just now and a huge downturn feels like it could happen any time but, having said that, we are now in the Christmas run up and people are reluctant to trade. It is almost inconceivable to me that a European nation like Ireland would be so close to default and the markets are failing to react. For Ireland it is just the end of an lucky ride they made the most of while it lasted, but going from three or four percent unemployment to nineteen percent in eighteen months must be devastating to any economy. The Irish will survive, U2 will eventually complete their skyscraper in Dublin but their plight shows an inherent weakness, not only in the ill-conceived Euro but in the global financial system. Nobody, including me, seems to have the answer.

I am feeling a little down right now - not sure why, I have hurt my knee quite badly and probably need surgery on it, but I shan't go to the hospital unless absolutely necessary. If they need to operate, it means at least a ten day stay. If its on my legs it usually ends up around a month. The stalker is staying clear just now - maybe because I am broke and she just cleared a million pounds on the sale of her Notting Hill flat. Don't know why she thinks it means anything to me, I have never asked her for money once in our troubled relationships, In fact when I first went out with her I didn't even know she was wealthy. I don't know why this gloom is surrounding me right now, I just feel something bad is going to happen to me. I was thinking about how I ended up like this the other night, its not as if I planned it in fact I never planned anything in my life. My biggest problem has always been lack of urgency, I never felt that I had to try too hard or rush anything. It always seemed that there would be more time. Now, all of a sudden it seems time is running out and every second seems like an unbearable loss. It doesn't help that my brother and his family are moving further away from London, I rarely see him as it is. Everyone who knows us thinks we are joined at the hip but over the last fifteen years, I have seen him about twenty times. We are close though. I have another brother as well but I never see him, we are not friends.

Today's music, my top five tracks:

True Colours - Cyndi Lauper is quite an underrated performer. This song is very simple and very beautiful. I guess this song is about showing your emotions, something that has never been that easy for me, (which is why I kind of use this blog as a place to show my feelings).

The Crying Game - Doesn't matter if it's Brenda Lee of Boy George, this is a great song. It is quite melancholic, but then again unrequited love usually is. I suppose I have been with lots of women who wanted me to be more serious with them, but maybe its just not in my character. Anyway, from the few I have heard from post relationship, they have all done just fine without me.

Echo Beach - I was listening a lot to the Gabriella Cilme version but, it can't match the original Martha and the Muffins song. I was wondering why the original low budget version with its cheap production sounded so much better. I think the remake is too much in your face, too upfront. The original has a sense of distance which fits in with the songs theme of longing - wishing you were in a better place. This is one of those songs that I have to listen to on a fairly regular basis, if I don't I just feel bad and I am not sure why.

I Can't Stand The Rain - I love the sequences running through this song, reminds me of how beautiful the rain is, When I lived in Bangkok and Indonesia I used to love it when it rained, it seemed like the city was clean for just a while. The road outside my apartment in Thailand always flooded to at least waist height and the young Thai kids would laugh at me trying to get home but also trying to avoid the flooded sewers. Tropical rainstorms are so much like life, no point trying to shield yourself from the rain, you are going to get drenched no matter what.

Lay Your Hands On Me - The Thompson Twins, I must have been about fourteen when this came out, I guess its about a guy finding salvation from his lover. For me it is a song about how weary life gets, that whole "when it almost seems too much" thing. Maybe its just because I'm feeling down, but hey, its not like I haven't been here before. I have done that whole gun against the head thing late at night.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Communication Breakdown

Fridays P&L: GBP -130.00

Fridays Booze: 2 litres of Dry Cider, 1 litre of Stolichnaya Vodka

Fridays Soundtrack: Music to burn bridges to

The stock markets loved the Fed's plan to purchase all those securities, OK the dollar took a dive but Bernanke clearly wants to inflate away US debt so that's fine, personally I think in a post-industrial economy a strong currency is a benefit. Anyway analysts and traders are already talking about quantitative easing three! Its probably easier to view the American economy as a patient in a coma on life support in a rather fancy hospital paid for by the Chinese - how much longer do they continue to foot the bill before telling the doctor to switch off life support? The UK has its own problems which seem equally insurmountable. The inept coalition seems clueless as to what to do. but in a way that's strangely comforting. Britain has a long tradition of, frankly, useless politicians. As a former banker I suppose its no surprise that I don't blame the finance industry for the current situation, although the eventual levels of greed were shocking even to me. Top level traders began to view themselves and were compensated like superstar athletes. It should be recognized, though, that all traders signed contracts which detail pay quite specifically. Anyway there are or at least should be plenty of regulators, both in-house and externally to have stopped the wilder excesses. If any ones interested I blame Greenspan and Bernanke and Summers as the primary cause. They can claim they were not responsible for the attitude of excess, but the loose monetary policy directly caused this.

I knew it was a bad idea to reply to the Lunatic ex, She asked me a few questions that were worded in her usual nonchalant manner. So I replied in what I thought was the run of a normal conversation. Clearly I didn't give her the right answer when she asked if I thought we would ever see each other again. I then got a few rather threatening emails for my trouble. At least for once, I wasn't dumb enough to give her any contact details or my phone number and she is on the other side of the world. Unfortunately the Stalker has some business to take care of in Jakarta and will be going there in the very near future, which is far too close for my liking. If I had my way I wouldn't have these two women in the same hemisphere.

Yesterday's music, my top five tracks:

I Was Right And You Were Wrong - Good old Deacon Blue. I am the kind of person who has to say I was right to women, even if I know I am wrong.

Play Dead - Still my favourite song from Bjork, not exactly a feel-good song.

It Doesn't Matter - Alison Krauss, This is quite a simple song but full of emotion. The singer has a great voice. When I hear this song I think of the Italian girl and some very specific regrets, even though it was recorded long after I knew her.

Fuck It - I used to drink in this seriously dodgy bar in Bangkok, the girls at the bar loved this song. I don't think they really understood what perspective the song was from but they certainly appreciated the sentiment. I love drinking in sleazy bars, which the Stalker has always found infuriating. It isn't the available women, its been a long time since that was a novelty to me. I have a soft spot for hookers, after all, who doesn't like a bruised angel. I admire their resilience, its not something I would do for a living but I am not qualified to judge anyone.

Don't Talk Old To Me - Who would have thought that Alice Cooper would become so establishment? This is a song from his wilderness years in the eighties, but Alice still has his sneer. It's an anti establishment, anti growing-up song, so I love it.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Diamond Dogs

Yesterdays P&L: GBP -90.00

Yesterdays Booze: 1 bottle of Smirnoff, 1 bottle of Australian red wine

Yesterdays Soundtrack: Music to watch cars go by

So the American mid-term elections were a little unkind to Obama. What is his approval rating now forty percent? Less? I am not sure what people expected of him but it is clear that the problems affecting America are far more significant than he and his team are equipped to deal with. The Fed surprised nobody by announcing plans to purchase up to six hundred billion in US securities to try and lower borrowing costs or, more likely, to stimulate inflation. Meanwhile analysts speculated that the flotation of GM may result in a billion dollar loss for the US government and in addition GM stands to benefit from a tax break of up to forty five billion dollars. Of course it is unlikely to protect GM from future competition. America, unless it declares a one hundred percent import tax on cars will have to accept its days as the industrial superpower are over. The mantra for American politicians has been that America continues to reinvent itself and becomes the leader in new industries. I suppose a good example is Solyndra, a US based manufacturer of solar panels that benefited from a half a billion dollars in loan guarantees following a visit from Obama has decided to freeze hiring in the US and shutter one of its existing factories to open a new production facility in Wuhan, China.

Seems to me America has so many of the problems that UK industry experienced, primarily financiers coming up with unsound expansion plans, consultants coming up with bizarre procedural changes in order to justify their fees and top heavy administration. My father has a good example of the later when the shipping company he worked for finally bit the dust. He remembers going to the company Head office as his was the last container ship and seeing a few weeping staff in the human resources department. The HR department had previously made almost all his colleagues redundant and given the advice to brighten up and look for new opportunities. My father asked what the problem was and one girl told him they had all been made redundant. He said of course. What do you mean a few of the staff said and my father replied well you are the personnel department, correct? why did you think you would be needed when you just spent the last five years getting rid of all the personnel?

Anyway as expected the additional funds pumped into the market had the anticipated effect and the stock markets soared. Doesn't anyone think things through? Quantitative easing is likely to be viewed retrospectively as one of the biggest mistakes ever. But as long as we avoid addressing the real problems now. It may seem that I am picking on the Americans but it isn't the case. At the end of every shift in power there is a period of immense hardship. I can't think of a seamless shift, I don't see why the decline of America should be any different.

The stalker is off to Switzerland for more medical treatment. Not sure what they do to her in these places, she told me she doesn't get chemo anymore but some stem cell thing. It's quite experimental and not offered by the NHS but they are very interested in the results. I am sure she will be ok - she is pretty tough. Still every time she comes back she looks a little drained. I understand why she hates my nihilistic attitude but she always knew what I was like. Maybe she still remembers me from the first time we went out together, but I was very immature then. I was even a little optimistic. I am not sure why she can't stay away from me. At this point, I have nothing to offer her. The sex is good but that's about it. We have a few things in common, but not enough to justify her overwhelming interest in me.

Yesterday's music, my top five tracks:

True Faith - I remember the first time I heard this song, in a dodgy club in Woolwich. I love the nihilism of the song, but it doesn't sound like a despondent song. The driving beat makes it sound quite upbeat. but the lyrics tell a different story, "My morning sun is the drug that brings me near To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear I used to think the day would never come, that my life would depend on the morning sun".

Old Red Wine - Quite a reflective song. The Who are like wine, the best stuff was made years ago but tastes good even now. Life is kind of like that, you make your fun in the sun and then you end up bottled and corked.

Suburbia - The Pet Shop Boys, these guys were huge when I was a kid. Suburbia is a song about those boring places that aren't the city and aren't the country. The outskirts of London are full of them. One of the greatest cities in the world, but one time when I was in hospital I was talking to a guy about nineteen in the next bed and he had never been into London, (this was about forty minutes by train from Paddington). So many people are just comfortable with what they know.

I Just Don't Know what To Do - Dusty Springfield was a great singer, to me her voice is always tinged with sadness - I get the impression she was rarely happy.

Blue Moon - The Elvis version, OK his voice was swimming in reverb but it's still Elvis. Saw the movie, Nowhere Boy about John Lennon, I loved the bit when he was in the cinema and sat bolt upright watching Elvis at work.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

I Told You I loved You, Now Get Out

Yesterdays P&L: GBP 410.00

Yesterdays Booze: 6 pints of Stella Artois

Yesterdays Soundtrack: Various

These markets are still driving me nuts. The US inflation data just came out following some worse than expected jobs data. Producer Inflation is up to four percent, this will inevitably have an impact on consumer inflation. While all inflation data is the US and UK is rigged the basic numbers don't add up. If inflation is so much higher than interest paid on fixed income bonds and bank accounts, investors real wealth is declining. No wonder the dollar is taking a pounding, (Australian dollar / US dollar parity is a sure thing now). The US finally has painted itself into a corner, it can only fund itself by issuing more debt which lowers the yield on existing debt or by raising interest rates and taxation, which they know will push the economy back into recession as its current anaemic growth is based on huge amounts of economic stimulus. I have always thought that the solution to the financial crisis, which to be fair was the only possible solution because of how late the regulators had waited, was only delaying a later, more severe, economic crash. I hope I am wrong.

The stalker continues to give me a hard time. For someone who thinks I am a dead beat she spends a lot of time on the phone to me. I think I have entered that horrible place no man ever wants to be where she has adopted me as some kind of project. As a rule I am not interested in married women but I can definitely see the benefits of having a relationship with a woman who has a serious partner and can only spare the time to see me for a couple of hours a week.
I was watching a tv show on BBC the other day about Scottish lesbians. Now, I don't have any gay friends as far as I know so I am quite uninformed, however this show was entertaining enough for me to suspect that perhaps its target audience wasn't the lesbian community. It was a bit like the American lesbian show and at least left me with an improved understanding of the sapphic community. The three most important points I learned are; firstly all lesbians are attractive, secondly all lesbians have great jobs. They are either international photographers, architects, renown designers or models - apparently lesbians do not work at supermarket check outs or as low level clerical assistants. Lastly lesbians are always ready for sex, no matter where. While some straight girls maybe too uptight to act on their impulses, all lesbians are happy to have sex in the nearest public toilet or broom cupboard or morgue at the drop of a hat.

Yesterday's music was quite varied, my top five tracks:

Out Of Touch - It's years since I last listened to Hall and Oates, I used to be quite a fan back in the eighties even saw them in concert once. This song reminds me of the eighties so much, in fact I was listening to it on my trusty walkman while I was waiting for my first date with the Italian girl. It seems so funny now, worrying about schoolwork, going for long walks on dates. Going to a bar and only having three or four drinks, her friends telling her that she could do much better, older guys with cars making a pass at your girlfriend. Mind you even then I was drinking too much.

It Was A Very Good Year - Good ol' Frankie. "When I was seventeen, it was a very good year, it was a very good year for small town girls and soft summer nights". A song about growing up, obviously. All Sinatra songs seem to have this bitter sweet flavour to them. Even triumphant songs like My Way and New York, but more so in this track and That's Life. Maybe all the things written about him were right and he did have more connection with the darker side of life than we know.

Justified and Ancient - The KLF are a fascinating band to me, not really a band I guess, more like producers. The White Room was an essential purchase back then. Then there's the bizarre appearance at the Brits, the filmed burning of a block of a million pound notes in Scotland, the guide book to making a number one record, the aborted road movie across the US and the trip to place a painting of Elvis at the most northerly light house so the spirit of Elvis could illuminate the world. The whole cut and paste approach to music seems to be the standard way these days. My memory of this record is sitting at a small beach bar overlooking the sea on a small island in Spain - no other customers, just me it was perfect.

It's Bad, You Know - Old school blues. I don't know much about this artist but I love the song and also the modern remix on The Sopranos. Burnside did time for murder, his defence may not have helped him: "I didn't mean to kill nobody ... I just meant to shoot the sonofabitch in the head. Him dying was between him and the Lord.".

The KKK Took My Baby Away - The Ramones are just one of those bands. I remember them for drunken parties back in the eighties, even back then I was quite a dark brooding character. The good thing about the Ramones is that even if you don't like their song its always over in about two minutes.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!