Today's P&L: GBP-800.00
Today's Booze: 2 bottles of cheap red wine, 2 liters of dry cider, (its still only lunch-time).
Thanksgiving is a hell of a day to trade. London maybe the undisputed center of the financial world, but most of the traders look to New York for their lead and if the Americans don't work - then neither do we. The markets are so thin that all you are likely to do is lose money. I shouldn't trade on a day like this, but what can I do. I am so underwater that I have to take every chance I can. Anyway, its not like I have anything better to do.
I should be with my girlfriend but I think that has little time left to run. She can't stand my emotional distance and is being pursued by some Scandinavian who has recently been elevated to billionaire status. I should feel some kind of sadness that I think we are about to split up, but the truth is I can't really bring myself to feel anything. In fact, I am almost relieved. It is just too much responsibility to be held liable for someone else s happiness. Is that what relationships are all about, making other people happy? I can't do that, I seriously doubt I have ever made anyone happy in my life.
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7 comments:
Oh dear. Just discovered your blog...going to have a read down now.
plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
Noticed you stopped by my blog. Something about your comment on my post made me want to read your old posts... I was actually relieved to read this post cuz it gives me an idea of what must have gone thru my ex's brain when we split up - he was so closed off all the time, I was left having to guess what he was thinking.. that relationship is long over, I am still not over the hurt - the pain still stings me once in a while, but I am in a lot better state.
Relationships aren't really about making anyone else happy. It's about sharing one's joys and sorrow's. It's about having fun, making sweet love, fucking like animals, passion, companionship. It's about building a life together, it's about having history together. (That's my definition - may be I am living in a bubble and this does not exist in reality but I much rather prefer my perception instead of bitter reality if they differ)
If someone is unhappy in their lives, you will not be able to make them happy - so take this burden off your back. That you are meant to make someone happy. Your happiness just multiplies when you have someone to share it with.
You may be OK right now being distant from everyone, but if you allow yourself to love again - truly love someone, and care for them you'll realize that the world is a much better place when you allow someone inside your heart. You'll realize what you have been missing all along.
I loved my ex like I have never loved anyone before. But he wasn't ready to let me in because of horrible experiences in his past. I knew I had to leave that relationship before it damaged me. I took longer than I should have, because it did damage me a bit but I haven't lost hope.. I am still hoping that I'd be able to love again..
The last thing you probably wanted was some stranger to say things that are just too mushy and don't make much practical sense, but I just couldn't help myself..
Plentymorefish, Thanks for stopping by. I have enjoyed reading your blog and find your sense of humor very appealing. I am afraid my blog is not quite so light-hearted. I didn't really start listing my thoughts as a blog but more as a way to document the more self destructive aspects of my personality.
Miss OverThinker I also enjoy reading your blog and have no problem with you making any comments, my view on putting your thoughts down in a blog is that you are inviting comments no matter how negative or positive. I guess it is quite apparent that I have limited emotional skills despite having a lot of experience with relationships, (nothing like a little bragging). I am sure that the Americans have some psychological phrase for people like me, (and presumably your ex boyfriend).
Mate, I love the way you switch from a Chateau de Beaucastel to 8 cans of Kronenbourg 1664 in the same drinking session!
Hows London! Still going short on everything! I don't miss a thing. Got a whole bunch of british expats moaning about huge losses. Funny thing - great portfolios but all in USDs. Idiots!
Hey. Take the day off and then take the missus out for a meal.
Nice blog.
Thanks for the encouragement Danzers. My taste in alcohol is pretty basic - just has to be booze really and I freely admit to having no taste in good wine, I brought a load of expensive wine that had been foreclosed on and had no idea what was good or not, although I do like the Vega Sicillia Unico. If I am honest I would rather be drinking my Vodka but I am trying to stay off serious spirits.
London never changes that much, but I really think the economy is far more broken than anyone thinks.
It's near impossible to make someone else happy, why would you take on the burden?
But then the inner-pleaser in me would disagree!
PS I love the P&L and alcohol updates :)
30f - I don't know why I want to make anyone happy. If you asked anyone who knew me and probably my younger brother is the closest person to me, they would say I am emotionally empty. I don't think that is the case but I often wonder how much of my efforts are down to good old Catholic guilt.
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