Today's P&L: GBP 0.00
Today's Booze: 3 bottles of rioja
Today's Soundtrack: Motown
My blogging assignment has made me think about sex and my attitude to it. So I thought I'd give some more insight without being tawdry. Recently I have only been having sex with one girl, in fact, with a few exceptions I have been a serial monogamist all my life. Sex with her is a slightly unnerving experience she is very passionate and as she is quite strong she takes some controlling. As she is grinding away, she often seems lost to the world. She is easily pleased however and often seems to be climaxing as soon as we start. She is remarkably easy to make love to, I guess some people just fit together. Our bodies are older and more worn out but just seem so right with each other. She seems to enter some kind of dreamtime state but then we have a brief period of lucidity where she tells me how much she hates me, this is fun. Generally after forty to fifty minutes she is worn out and she lies there looking very pleased with herself. If I am lucky I can normally get three or four hours of peace before she starts telling me how she would reorganize my life. All in all sex with her is very satisfying even after all this time although it isn't a hearts and flowers kind of experience it is hot and sweaty. So what I said in my blogging Santa post isn't completely accurate in the case of the Stalker.
Tried trading today with a small short position on the DOW30. Didn't really do me any good and returned to exactly the place I sold at by the end of the trading session. Days like this happen often in the summer.
Today I was listening to more sweet, sweet Motown. The top five songs I listened to:
Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone - A great song for guys to feel sorry for themselves to.
Night Shift - A lot of people didn't like the Commodores after Lionel left but I think this is one of their best ever tracks. A bit of a homage to the motown greats but a good song in its own right. Reminds me that nothing lasts forever.
At Last - Etta James, great song Etta was a little nuts but who isn't? Its one of those songs I listen to in a dodgy bar. The stalker likes this kind of music as well.
Heard it on the Grapevine - Marvin, what a classic - this guy had a great voice and this song has the brooding jealousy that most men have felt, usually when they begin to suspect the woman has decided the relationship is over. If Marvin told us anything it is not to tell your father what you really think of him.
Sir Duke - Little Stevie Wonder, such a celebratory song. Stevie started composing when he was about six. So how come he turned out ok with his disability and Wacko Jacko was so tortured? Not my usual taste doesn't give me the chance to brood and look tragic, but a real feel good track.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Monday 30 August 2010
Tuesday 24 August 2010
Blogging Santa???
Today's P&L: GBP -60.00
Today's Booze: 1 bottle of rioja, 8 pints of Kronenbourg 1664.
Today's Soundtrack: Various
So I got my assignment from the blogging Santa who doesn't live at the North Pole but resides on the blog of lifebegins@30ty. my assigned questions were:
1. Write about the relationship between sex and love.
2. Most embarrassing sexual experience.
3. What sort of kink do you draw the line at?
I decided to write about the first, because I am deep like that, (but anyone who wants to hear my answers to the other questions just ask).
The relationship between love and sex? I could cover that easily - Sex is fun, Love hurts. But I suppose I should go into it in more depth. There is no point in denying it we first get in to a relationship because we are physically attracted to someone. That part in a relationship is the best part the whole teasing thing you do where you get a girl just about ready to boil over then decide you have to catch the last train home or whatever. The Lunatic was a sucker for that but she got her own back. Sex is great at first but for men it can become something of a chore, most men won't admit it but after a while you do it because she wants it and you are a pussy if you don't fulfil her needs, even if there is an important game on the box. The Stalker once recognised the extreme pain I was in while making love to her and afterwards said you didn't really want to have sex did you? Naturally I laughed it off and said of course I did and whispered sweet nothings into her ear. And why? Because deep down I suppose I love her. Its hard to say because most of the time we hate each other but we always seem to end up with each other. I know her life would be far better if she had nothing to do with me and my life would certainly be less hassle but we always seem to find each other. You would think on a planet of six billion people we could escape , but it never happens. Is it love or fate or destiny - who knows? Like I say sex is easy but love is hard, its kind of like the US invasion of Iraq - the sex bit was the initial rush to Baghdad when everything seems so easy the love bit is like maintaining the presence there. A long painful process that involves pain on both sides. I don't mean to trivialise war but you know what I mean. I guess at the end of the day I am no expert on love as I even dislike myself but I do know I could have sex with someone I didn't love but I could never love someone I didn't have sex with, not including family of course. This isn't the Pit Cairns.
Trading was annoyingly difficult today I made a few hundred on the dollar / Yen trade which finally broke Eighty five but lost more on a silly long position on the DAX30.
Today I was listening to lots of different artists. The top five songs I listened to:
Chasing Cars - maybe it was the questions about love, but this song struck a chord in me today. "Those three words are said too much, but not enough". I know its cheesy but, even I feel lonely sometimes, no forget that I am alone never lonely.
Sunshine - Gabrielle is such a good singer, and went to school not too far away on Telegraph Hill. Sunshine is such an optimistic song for me, "Made a wish, I can dream I can be what I want to be". I suppose no one lives in the kind of isolation I would prefer. The Stalker wants a child even though we are both in bad shape, my brother said doesn't matter if you both die I will look after your baby as if it was my own.
The Name of The Game - Abba, I have a softspot for Abba, this song I have a connection with. I spent all my time in relationships building a wall, trying to show I don't care.
Hounds of Love - Kate Bush is another artist I love. Hounds of Love with its delightfully retro 39 steps video is one of her best. I love the line "I have always been a coward and I don't know what's good for me". Maybe something changed me from when I was a child, maybe I was a pussy I don't remember much before my first brain injury, just snatches. Maybe I was one of those scared kids and that's why I feel I have to prove myself, by being as daring as I can.
Drive - The Cars finest moment. Most people in this country remember it from Live Aid and the heartbreaking video attached to it. I have been to West Africa and the slums of Asia and have seen enough poverty and suffering to last a life time, I may talk about that in another post. For this one I just think about the song, which in my mind is forever linked to the Lunatic. "Who's going to tell you when its too late, Who's going to tell you when things aren't so great". Apart from the Stalker the lunatic was the closest I ever got to marriage, we even brought a massive diamond ring. It was another one of those relationships where you either hate each other or love each other. The only times we were not fucking or drinking we were fighting, it was one of those relationships that is like being addicted to crack cocaine, you know it is killing you but you go back for more. I have heard she is far more normal without me in her life, but even the sound of her voice makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 1 bottle of rioja, 8 pints of Kronenbourg 1664.
Today's Soundtrack: Various
So I got my assignment from the blogging Santa who doesn't live at the North Pole but resides on the blog of lifebegins@30ty. my assigned questions were:
1. Write about the relationship between sex and love.
2. Most embarrassing sexual experience.
3. What sort of kink do you draw the line at?
I decided to write about the first, because I am deep like that, (but anyone who wants to hear my answers to the other questions just ask).
The relationship between love and sex? I could cover that easily - Sex is fun, Love hurts. But I suppose I should go into it in more depth. There is no point in denying it we first get in to a relationship because we are physically attracted to someone. That part in a relationship is the best part the whole teasing thing you do where you get a girl just about ready to boil over then decide you have to catch the last train home or whatever. The Lunatic was a sucker for that but she got her own back. Sex is great at first but for men it can become something of a chore, most men won't admit it but after a while you do it because she wants it and you are a pussy if you don't fulfil her needs, even if there is an important game on the box. The Stalker once recognised the extreme pain I was in while making love to her and afterwards said you didn't really want to have sex did you? Naturally I laughed it off and said of course I did and whispered sweet nothings into her ear. And why? Because deep down I suppose I love her. Its hard to say because most of the time we hate each other but we always seem to end up with each other. I know her life would be far better if she had nothing to do with me and my life would certainly be less hassle but we always seem to find each other. You would think on a planet of six billion people we could escape , but it never happens. Is it love or fate or destiny - who knows? Like I say sex is easy but love is hard, its kind of like the US invasion of Iraq - the sex bit was the initial rush to Baghdad when everything seems so easy the love bit is like maintaining the presence there. A long painful process that involves pain on both sides. I don't mean to trivialise war but you know what I mean. I guess at the end of the day I am no expert on love as I even dislike myself but I do know I could have sex with someone I didn't love but I could never love someone I didn't have sex with, not including family of course. This isn't the Pit Cairns.
Trading was annoyingly difficult today I made a few hundred on the dollar / Yen trade which finally broke Eighty five but lost more on a silly long position on the DAX30.
Today I was listening to lots of different artists. The top five songs I listened to:
Chasing Cars - maybe it was the questions about love, but this song struck a chord in me today. "Those three words are said too much, but not enough". I know its cheesy but, even I feel lonely sometimes, no forget that I am alone never lonely.
Sunshine - Gabrielle is such a good singer, and went to school not too far away on Telegraph Hill. Sunshine is such an optimistic song for me, "Made a wish, I can dream I can be what I want to be". I suppose no one lives in the kind of isolation I would prefer. The Stalker wants a child even though we are both in bad shape, my brother said doesn't matter if you both die I will look after your baby as if it was my own.
The Name of The Game - Abba, I have a softspot for Abba, this song I have a connection with. I spent all my time in relationships building a wall, trying to show I don't care.
Hounds of Love - Kate Bush is another artist I love. Hounds of Love with its delightfully retro 39 steps video is one of her best. I love the line "I have always been a coward and I don't know what's good for me". Maybe something changed me from when I was a child, maybe I was a pussy I don't remember much before my first brain injury, just snatches. Maybe I was one of those scared kids and that's why I feel I have to prove myself, by being as daring as I can.
Drive - The Cars finest moment. Most people in this country remember it from Live Aid and the heartbreaking video attached to it. I have been to West Africa and the slums of Asia and have seen enough poverty and suffering to last a life time, I may talk about that in another post. For this one I just think about the song, which in my mind is forever linked to the Lunatic. "Who's going to tell you when its too late, Who's going to tell you when things aren't so great". Apart from the Stalker the lunatic was the closest I ever got to marriage, we even brought a massive diamond ring. It was another one of those relationships where you either hate each other or love each other. The only times we were not fucking or drinking we were fighting, it was one of those relationships that is like being addicted to crack cocaine, you know it is killing you but you go back for more. I have heard she is far more normal without me in her life, but even the sound of her voice makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Thursday 19 August 2010
Don't Stand So Close To Me
Yesterdays P&L: GBP 150.00
Yesterdays Booze: 1 litre of Russian Standard Vodka
Yesterdays Soundtrack: The Police
Well that was good, The Stalker is back from her experimental cancer therapy and her first act...Go out with a friend and get smashed, she promptly got arrested after going all Bruce Lee on some black dude that kissed her coming out of the toilets, (she is a black belt at Karate and a gold belt at some other madcap martial art). I thought I was supposed to be the irresponsible one, I am feeling kind of left out. Anyway the guy didn't want to press charges - he was an American and probably didn't want to admit he got his ass kicked by a five foot eight inch Asian girl. I should be angry but I can't help but be impressed that she took on some big guy and his two friends, reminds me of my youth! She was feeling very sorry for herself the next day because she lost her wallet which always seems to have a load of cash in it and her Mont Blanc pen, but she has brightened up since then and seems as likely to cause trouble as before. I am beginning to suspect there is something she hasn't told me about the treatment she had abroad because she certainly has adopted my nihilistic approach to life.
Trading is as difficult as can be. Volatility is high because volumes are so low. Its all right for these fools on a guaranteed salary to take the summer off but I need to earn some money. Still squeezed a few quid out of a long position on the FTSE 100. Not because I have any faith in the market but just a short-term in and out trade at ten pounds per point. I missed my chance to benefit from the strengthening of the Yen, but all is not lost if it breaks through eighty five there is no real support until seventy six.
Yesterday I was listening to The Police, my top five songs:
Every Breath you take - forget the crap p diddy version, the original was a magnificent study in obsession. Anyone who has had a partner who won't accept its over knows what I am talking about. The moody black and white video adds to the sombre feeling. Predictably, it reminds me of the lunatic and her pleas for me to come back. I remember walking through the local airport thinking she knows anyone who counts in this town they will all tell her I have high tailed it out of here.
Wrapped around Your Finger - Ok we all know Sting is right up his own arse and the references to Scylla and Charybdis is a bit much for a pop song but underneath all that its a great track. All relationships have a dynamic to them - how could it be otherwise? I know the Stalker is rebelling just because its what I have always done and maybe her time is short so she wants to have a little zing, but she has a long way to go.
Message In A Bottle - This one is just for me, perhaps it is the reflection of the solution I seek in the bottom of a bottle. More likely the song stands out as a lonely man seeking some kind of redemption. "Just a castaway, an island lost at sea, oh. Another lonely day, with no one here but me, oh. More loneliness than any man could bear. Rescue me before I fall into despair, oh".
Can't Stand Losing You - Classic teenage angst. I was never like this as a child, didn't have the time. But that whole "You'll be sorry when I'm dead and all this guilt will be on your head", is just so typical of love struck teenagers. It's laughable to us now but don't we all remember when dating someone seemed more important than life or death.
Don't Stand So Close to Me - I must be the only person who prefers the eighty six remix to the original, but once again I feel the slowed down tempo gives the song that creepy obsession feeling it deserves. Of course Sting can't restrain himself from tossing in a reference to Lolita but this song really points to how strong the emerging sexuality of women is.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Yesterdays Booze: 1 litre of Russian Standard Vodka
Yesterdays Soundtrack: The Police
Well that was good, The Stalker is back from her experimental cancer therapy and her first act...Go out with a friend and get smashed, she promptly got arrested after going all Bruce Lee on some black dude that kissed her coming out of the toilets, (she is a black belt at Karate and a gold belt at some other madcap martial art). I thought I was supposed to be the irresponsible one, I am feeling kind of left out. Anyway the guy didn't want to press charges - he was an American and probably didn't want to admit he got his ass kicked by a five foot eight inch Asian girl. I should be angry but I can't help but be impressed that she took on some big guy and his two friends, reminds me of my youth! She was feeling very sorry for herself the next day because she lost her wallet which always seems to have a load of cash in it and her Mont Blanc pen, but she has brightened up since then and seems as likely to cause trouble as before. I am beginning to suspect there is something she hasn't told me about the treatment she had abroad because she certainly has adopted my nihilistic approach to life.
Trading is as difficult as can be. Volatility is high because volumes are so low. Its all right for these fools on a guaranteed salary to take the summer off but I need to earn some money. Still squeezed a few quid out of a long position on the FTSE 100. Not because I have any faith in the market but just a short-term in and out trade at ten pounds per point. I missed my chance to benefit from the strengthening of the Yen, but all is not lost if it breaks through eighty five there is no real support until seventy six.
Yesterday I was listening to The Police, my top five songs:
Every Breath you take - forget the crap p diddy version, the original was a magnificent study in obsession. Anyone who has had a partner who won't accept its over knows what I am talking about. The moody black and white video adds to the sombre feeling. Predictably, it reminds me of the lunatic and her pleas for me to come back. I remember walking through the local airport thinking she knows anyone who counts in this town they will all tell her I have high tailed it out of here.
Wrapped around Your Finger - Ok we all know Sting is right up his own arse and the references to Scylla and Charybdis is a bit much for a pop song but underneath all that its a great track. All relationships have a dynamic to them - how could it be otherwise? I know the Stalker is rebelling just because its what I have always done and maybe her time is short so she wants to have a little zing, but she has a long way to go.
Message In A Bottle - This one is just for me, perhaps it is the reflection of the solution I seek in the bottom of a bottle. More likely the song stands out as a lonely man seeking some kind of redemption. "Just a castaway, an island lost at sea, oh. Another lonely day, with no one here but me, oh. More loneliness than any man could bear. Rescue me before I fall into despair, oh".
Can't Stand Losing You - Classic teenage angst. I was never like this as a child, didn't have the time. But that whole "You'll be sorry when I'm dead and all this guilt will be on your head", is just so typical of love struck teenagers. It's laughable to us now but don't we all remember when dating someone seemed more important than life or death.
Don't Stand So Close to Me - I must be the only person who prefers the eighty six remix to the original, but once again I feel the slowed down tempo gives the song that creepy obsession feeling it deserves. Of course Sting can't restrain himself from tossing in a reference to Lolita but this song really points to how strong the emerging sexuality of women is.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Tuesday 3 August 2010
View From a Bridge
Today's P&L: GBP -260.00
Today's Booze: 1 litre of Patron XO Tequila, 2 pints of cider
Today's Soundtrack: Nothing
Ever stood on the ledge of a high building and wandered what it would be like just to let go? I did that a few times when I still had decent co-ordination. forty two floors is very beguiling, you almost feel like you could fly. I wouldn't do it now of course it would be almost certain suicide and we all know what Catholics think about suicide. I did a few DAX30 trades today but my heart wasn't in it. Despite my better instincts I am really worried about The Stalker, I would have laid odds on me dying before her but she is in really bad shape. I can't go and visit her because of her ongoing divorce and I wouldn't want to cause a scene. It just seems so unfair she is a really good person and her cancer wasn't caused by self-abuse like mine. She doesn't believe in God and seeing as I believe in Extra Ecclesiam Nulla Salus, I am worried we will never see each other again. Its ironic after all these years apart we finally meet up again only to be denied by our health. I don't regret all the things I did when I wasn't with her and I am sure she doesn't regret her life either. But no matter how far apart we go, we always seem to find one another. I don't care that she isn't as good looking as she was when she was twenty, even I don't look like I did back then, although I have changed less than her. The biggest difference between her then and now is she was so naive then now she is quite jaded. I remember when she asked me what my middle name was and I told her I couldn't afford one. "What do you mean" she asked and I told her that London was so overcrowded that if you had a middle name you had to pay a tax to have your extra name listed in the telephone directory. She accepted this and I forgot all about it until we were at a dinner party about a year later and this guy with four middle names told her his full name and she asked him "oh it must cost you a lot to pay for the telephone book". for about a second I couldn't work out what she was talking about then I spluttered the wine I was drinking as I realised what she meant. Back then I was even more of an asshole than I am now. I remember arranging to meet her at a bar in Leicester Square and going out with a broker instead I phoned the bar after an hour past when I should have met her and said is there an asian girl there drinking margaritas by herself the bar tender said yes so I said tell her I will be there soon, I turned up five hours later and she was still waiting but she wasn't very pleased.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 1 litre of Patron XO Tequila, 2 pints of cider
Today's Soundtrack: Nothing
Ever stood on the ledge of a high building and wandered what it would be like just to let go? I did that a few times when I still had decent co-ordination. forty two floors is very beguiling, you almost feel like you could fly. I wouldn't do it now of course it would be almost certain suicide and we all know what Catholics think about suicide. I did a few DAX30 trades today but my heart wasn't in it. Despite my better instincts I am really worried about The Stalker, I would have laid odds on me dying before her but she is in really bad shape. I can't go and visit her because of her ongoing divorce and I wouldn't want to cause a scene. It just seems so unfair she is a really good person and her cancer wasn't caused by self-abuse like mine. She doesn't believe in God and seeing as I believe in Extra Ecclesiam Nulla Salus, I am worried we will never see each other again. Its ironic after all these years apart we finally meet up again only to be denied by our health. I don't regret all the things I did when I wasn't with her and I am sure she doesn't regret her life either. But no matter how far apart we go, we always seem to find one another. I don't care that she isn't as good looking as she was when she was twenty, even I don't look like I did back then, although I have changed less than her. The biggest difference between her then and now is she was so naive then now she is quite jaded. I remember when she asked me what my middle name was and I told her I couldn't afford one. "What do you mean" she asked and I told her that London was so overcrowded that if you had a middle name you had to pay a tax to have your extra name listed in the telephone directory. She accepted this and I forgot all about it until we were at a dinner party about a year later and this guy with four middle names told her his full name and she asked him "oh it must cost you a lot to pay for the telephone book". for about a second I couldn't work out what she was talking about then I spluttered the wine I was drinking as I realised what she meant. Back then I was even more of an asshole than I am now. I remember arranging to meet her at a bar in Leicester Square and going out with a broker instead I phoned the bar after an hour past when I should have met her and said is there an asian girl there drinking margaritas by herself the bar tender said yes so I said tell her I will be there soon, I turned up five hours later and she was still waiting but she wasn't very pleased.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
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