Fridays P&L: GBP 250.00
Fridays Booze: 4 Pints of Aspinall's Cider, 1 bottle of Rioja
Fridays Soundtrack: Music to avoid the daily problems to
So Cameron displayed some Spine and stood up to the Merkel/Sarkozy Euro dream. Actually it was inevitable, there was really no way he was going to allow the Euro mafia to impose the financial transaction tax on London. As the busiest stock market, foreign exchange market and derivatives market in the world, (despite what New York says - you stick to selling municipal bonds to pension funds), it was a tax squarely aimed at London. Some people say that the Europeans will pull out of London as a result, good luck with that it will make for splendid arbitrage if BNP deals out of Paris and Deutsche out of Frankfurt. Talk about history repeating itself does anyone remember the Euromarkets exist because the US imposed a withholding tax. As for us being excluded from the decision making table in Europe so what? The Eurozone has done so well this last decade. The stock markets rose, which continues to amuse me as I don't see the advantage in buying cash stock, from an analysts point of view they look cheap but once again price/earnings multiples are just numbers, sure the big corporations are cash rich right now but that is something that can change very quickly. The banks are still not lending to the corporate sector let alone the retail market, The commercial paper market is still thin so companies require cash fr day to day funding. I made a few shekels on a long position on the Dax 30, but could ave done much better. It is hard for me to trade a direction when I don't believe in the market should be moving that way - still prefer to make money than to be right. Just now I am looking for an entry point into gold futures. This is chancy because it may not go below seventeen hundred an ounce. Id ally would look to get in around sixteen hundred and exit at twenty one hundred. Still sometimes you have to screw your courage to the sticking place.
Still having trouble talking/dealing with the Stalker. Mostly I just wish she would leave me alone, I am in that place where no guy wishes to be - her project. Can't she just go and develop some property or something? Next year she plans to do another month of charity work and is looking at going to India to look after the poor children who work the rubbish dumps, can't come soon enough if you ask me - hope she doesn't expect me to come. I got a phone call from another ex girlfriend yesterday. This one is also a little crazed, (what is it about me and dysfunctional women)? She wants to see me to sort out a few unresolved issues, hope I don't owe her any money! and then the Lunatic rounded my evening off with a two hour skype call reasserting her demands that I agree to marry her before the end of the year. My life is not improved by all this female attention.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Love is Strong - Rolling Stones. I was thinking about the Lunatic after her phone call, you know we met in really rather stupid circumstances in a city so far off the beaten track. We only went to her restaurant because the person I was with preferred the Chapatis to te one two doors before. The odd thing is I knew from the first moment I saw her we were going to have sex and didn't know our relationship would end up being so tortuous. It was quite odd because that afternoon I just decided to neglect going back to work and sat there talking to her. We were interrupted when a couple of guys who ran a surf business out on one of the Islands came in. She had been involved with one of the guys, he was younger and fitter than me but I recall the look of sadness in his eyes when she sat next to me instead of him. We were pretty much inseparable after that. Of course it ended badly, it always does.
The White Room - The KLF. A duo of producers that created their own mythology but good Scottish lads none the less. Groundbreaking in its time but now the template for modern recording. Reminds me of hot summers in the Mediterranean, back in the days before I cut myself off from most people. Think this album was number one on the last holiday I had with my younger brother.
La Tristesse Durera - Manic Street Preachers on Gold Against The Soul. The Manics have an underlying resentment and arrogance that really appeals to me.
Something Is Worrying Me - Otis, I love Otis, ok most people know him for one massive song but that's not so bad is it?. Music for a simpler time, when your concerns were lighter.
When The Levee Breaks - When it comes to over amped rock/blues its always Led Zeppelin, who else could it be? This is one of the finest. Reminds me of a rainy night in New Orleans what seems like a life time ago now, I was working for a Japanese bank and for some reason I can't quite remember ended up in the big easy. Think I was going through an Elvis thing and heading up to Memphis but New Orleans has a way of distracting you.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Saturday 10 December 2011
Thursday 8 December 2011
Still Alive???
Todays P&L: GBP 140.00
Todays Booze: 1 bottle of Tinto Pesquara 1994, 1 bottle of Piedra del Rayo
Todays Soundtrack: Music to help you remember
Its a dicey business trading in December. Most offices in the city are empty but despite the reluctance of our trader friends to make a decision the markets carry on. The Euro remains the problem. Can it be saved, should it be saved? As outsiders why do we care? Well I never thought it would work in the first place but as you may have noticed I am something of a pessimist. Chancellor Merkel thinks that fiscal integration is whats necessary and she is right. However easier said than done does anyone seriously think that Paris is going to be happy with the Germans dictating their budget or will the Netherlands or Italy? and who thinks that Germany will be assigned this role anyway just because they are the richest. so what then a committee, bet that works out well - talk about instant political deadlock, perhaps a revolving position, yes I can see Germany allowing Czech Republic to dictate its economy for a year. Sooner or later the Eurozone has to admit the dream is over, it will be easier now than later. The US continues to pump money into an ailing system, but there is no end to this. America is a remarkable economy but they have long passed the stage of financial reality. The American Dream is just that a dream. As the politicians focus on reelection the economy will coast on a tide of never ending cash, with the hope that one day America will replace the jobs flipping burgers and as nail technicians with real highly paid jobs.
I have been seeing the Stalker infrequently as she seems to hate me more and more. I don't mind, in fact I understand but I don't need the grief to be honest. Every now and then I have to point out that she was the one who sought me out after all these years and that I did warn her she was better off staying away as did all my family who she introduced herself too. Anyway she is telling me less and less about her own life, which I only regard as a good thing. The Lunatic keeps threatening to come and visit me, luckily she doesn't have my address. She has left Australia and is back in Jakarta and seems almost sane. My medical outlook seems bleak as ever although I have found out that my body repairs itself remarkably quickly and even ten days before an MRI I can get away with it. So predictably I go on the wagon ten days before any scans or blood tests. I am just feeling so continuously worn out and terribly cold, still worse things happen at sea.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Need You Tonight - Lady Antebellum, this song is so nice, it reminds me of the Italian girl all those years ago when I was just Seventeen. I love songs when people expose themselves as in real life I am quite a guarded person
Nothing Compares To You - Sinead O'Conner. Written by Prince, I saw Prince perform this song at some concert - he was spectacular, shes good as well though. Its quite a bitter song about losing someone who means everything to you.
Never Tear Us Apart - A consistent favourite song of mine. You know, as I have found out, sometimes the passage of time doesn't dim the love between two people. People split up for any number of reasons, often they are the wrong ones.
Soul Survivor - Rolling Stones, Exile On Main Street. Not much to say about why I like this song, we all get ground down sometimes but despite it all we keep on fighting.
On The Beach - Chris Rea, I may not seem like the beach type and I certainly am not. I have spent a lot of time in the tropics and even have a house somewhere down in Spain but I prefer the beach at night. In one bank I worked I was nicknamed the Prince of Darkness because of my reluctance to go out in daylight. I think this song is about regret all that "take me back, to the place that I know" I can understand that.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Todays Booze: 1 bottle of Tinto Pesquara 1994, 1 bottle of Piedra del Rayo
Todays Soundtrack: Music to help you remember
Its a dicey business trading in December. Most offices in the city are empty but despite the reluctance of our trader friends to make a decision the markets carry on. The Euro remains the problem. Can it be saved, should it be saved? As outsiders why do we care? Well I never thought it would work in the first place but as you may have noticed I am something of a pessimist. Chancellor Merkel thinks that fiscal integration is whats necessary and she is right. However easier said than done does anyone seriously think that Paris is going to be happy with the Germans dictating their budget or will the Netherlands or Italy? and who thinks that Germany will be assigned this role anyway just because they are the richest. so what then a committee, bet that works out well - talk about instant political deadlock, perhaps a revolving position, yes I can see Germany allowing Czech Republic to dictate its economy for a year. Sooner or later the Eurozone has to admit the dream is over, it will be easier now than later. The US continues to pump money into an ailing system, but there is no end to this. America is a remarkable economy but they have long passed the stage of financial reality. The American Dream is just that a dream. As the politicians focus on reelection the economy will coast on a tide of never ending cash, with the hope that one day America will replace the jobs flipping burgers and as nail technicians with real highly paid jobs.
I have been seeing the Stalker infrequently as she seems to hate me more and more. I don't mind, in fact I understand but I don't need the grief to be honest. Every now and then I have to point out that she was the one who sought me out after all these years and that I did warn her she was better off staying away as did all my family who she introduced herself too. Anyway she is telling me less and less about her own life, which I only regard as a good thing. The Lunatic keeps threatening to come and visit me, luckily she doesn't have my address. She has left Australia and is back in Jakarta and seems almost sane. My medical outlook seems bleak as ever although I have found out that my body repairs itself remarkably quickly and even ten days before an MRI I can get away with it. So predictably I go on the wagon ten days before any scans or blood tests. I am just feeling so continuously worn out and terribly cold, still worse things happen at sea.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Need You Tonight - Lady Antebellum, this song is so nice, it reminds me of the Italian girl all those years ago when I was just Seventeen. I love songs when people expose themselves as in real life I am quite a guarded person
Nothing Compares To You - Sinead O'Conner. Written by Prince, I saw Prince perform this song at some concert - he was spectacular, shes good as well though. Its quite a bitter song about losing someone who means everything to you.
Never Tear Us Apart - A consistent favourite song of mine. You know, as I have found out, sometimes the passage of time doesn't dim the love between two people. People split up for any number of reasons, often they are the wrong ones.
Soul Survivor - Rolling Stones, Exile On Main Street. Not much to say about why I like this song, we all get ground down sometimes but despite it all we keep on fighting.
On The Beach - Chris Rea, I may not seem like the beach type and I certainly am not. I have spent a lot of time in the tropics and even have a house somewhere down in Spain but I prefer the beach at night. In one bank I worked I was nicknamed the Prince of Darkness because of my reluctance to go out in daylight. I think this song is about regret all that "take me back, to the place that I know" I can understand that.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Monday 12 September 2011
Feeling Better?
Fridays P&L: GBP 340.00
Fridays Booze: 8 pints of Stella Artois
Fridays Soundtrack: Music to kill time too
Friday saw the markets take another downward trend. Their was a brief rally during the week but I fail to see any reason why. Many analysts point out that the markets are trading at relatively low price earnings ratios, which is true but in the current global climate, a world where seemingly all the previous rules don't apply, these things are meaningless. The continuing rise in the price of gold and the somewhat crazy decision of the Swiss central bank to draw a fixed exchange rate are proof that the world is looking for any stability. America is seemingly trapped in a jobless stasis. There is no credible solution, all the politicians are concerned about are the next elections. The Fed has painted itself into a corner similar to the one it criticized Japan for although Americas corporate sector is hardly as paternal as that of Japan. Further quantitative easing will do little more than increase the debt burden. Europe is in an even worse situation, the imposed currency restrictions of the Euro are causing the inevitable pain to the weaker nations and it remains a matter of time before Germany has to admit it cant pay for all of Europe. From a traders perspective, taking a chance on high yielding Spanish or Italian debt seems a sure fire way to make money in the short-term. At this stage Greek debt is probably too close to default to take a chance on. The UK is also in an equally dire situation, the coalition seems unable to make any headway and is just happy to blame everything on the previous administration. The banking sector, previously models of corporate success seem hopelessly mired in failure, the NHS, which I personally owe a great deal to, is continuing to bleed money and is surrounded by inept management and unnecessary government tinkering. In short it is all very bleak.
My personal life continues to be problematic, I nearly pissed off the Stalker enough for her to leave me but as usual she decided to give me another chance. This is strange because I am not very pleasant and she has no sympathy for my medical condition so its not like she is giving me an easy ride. My health continues to be a little dodgy but after a recent CT scan the operator said he can't see any sign of cirrhosis although my Pancreas is still fucked, predictably my way of taking the good news was to have a few pints - I'll never learn. Predictably my mother took my repaired liver as a gift from God, due to my new found faith, although I am hardly devout and in no way worthy of any miracle. My mother was there three of the times I was diagnosed with cirrhosis so she hopes for the best.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Don't You Forget About Me - Simple Minds are two steps from the eighties revival circuit and yet at one point were absolutely huge. This song is always going to be known as the song from the Breakfast Club but its a great track on its own. I suppose I am a sucker for power chords and wearing your heart on your sleeve. In some ways I haven't changed since I was fourteen.
living For The City - Stevie Wonder is always great to listen to if you imagine yourself as a star in a blaxploitation movie, and this song is one of the best. I am always attracted to the countryside no matter which country I have lived in but can't shake the draw of urban living, the few times I have spent anytime in the country or jungle I have grown bored quite quickly.
The Chain - Fleetwood Mac in the middle of one of the most dysfunctional relationships in music during the recording of Rumors - is it any wonder I like this song. The lyric "If you don't love me now, we'll never love again", reminds me of the demands that the Stalker and especially the Lunatic placed upon me. I suppose I look at relationships the wrong way but I know I am selfish and arrogant neither of which are attractive qualities.
Pandora's Box - OMD and my eighties obsession. Apparently this song was inspired by Louise Brooks who featured heavily in the video. It seems to me to be about the need to escape the mundane life, something I feel empathy with. It is also a little about obsession.
Unfinished Sympathy - Massive Attack, I just like the way this song sounds. It reminds me of my brother for some reason although there are many things that remind me of him.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Fridays Booze: 8 pints of Stella Artois
Fridays Soundtrack: Music to kill time too
Friday saw the markets take another downward trend. Their was a brief rally during the week but I fail to see any reason why. Many analysts point out that the markets are trading at relatively low price earnings ratios, which is true but in the current global climate, a world where seemingly all the previous rules don't apply, these things are meaningless. The continuing rise in the price of gold and the somewhat crazy decision of the Swiss central bank to draw a fixed exchange rate are proof that the world is looking for any stability. America is seemingly trapped in a jobless stasis. There is no credible solution, all the politicians are concerned about are the next elections. The Fed has painted itself into a corner similar to the one it criticized Japan for although Americas corporate sector is hardly as paternal as that of Japan. Further quantitative easing will do little more than increase the debt burden. Europe is in an even worse situation, the imposed currency restrictions of the Euro are causing the inevitable pain to the weaker nations and it remains a matter of time before Germany has to admit it cant pay for all of Europe. From a traders perspective, taking a chance on high yielding Spanish or Italian debt seems a sure fire way to make money in the short-term. At this stage Greek debt is probably too close to default to take a chance on. The UK is also in an equally dire situation, the coalition seems unable to make any headway and is just happy to blame everything on the previous administration. The banking sector, previously models of corporate success seem hopelessly mired in failure, the NHS, which I personally owe a great deal to, is continuing to bleed money and is surrounded by inept management and unnecessary government tinkering. In short it is all very bleak.
My personal life continues to be problematic, I nearly pissed off the Stalker enough for her to leave me but as usual she decided to give me another chance. This is strange because I am not very pleasant and she has no sympathy for my medical condition so its not like she is giving me an easy ride. My health continues to be a little dodgy but after a recent CT scan the operator said he can't see any sign of cirrhosis although my Pancreas is still fucked, predictably my way of taking the good news was to have a few pints - I'll never learn. Predictably my mother took my repaired liver as a gift from God, due to my new found faith, although I am hardly devout and in no way worthy of any miracle. My mother was there three of the times I was diagnosed with cirrhosis so she hopes for the best.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Don't You Forget About Me - Simple Minds are two steps from the eighties revival circuit and yet at one point were absolutely huge. This song is always going to be known as the song from the Breakfast Club but its a great track on its own. I suppose I am a sucker for power chords and wearing your heart on your sleeve. In some ways I haven't changed since I was fourteen.
living For The City - Stevie Wonder is always great to listen to if you imagine yourself as a star in a blaxploitation movie, and this song is one of the best. I am always attracted to the countryside no matter which country I have lived in but can't shake the draw of urban living, the few times I have spent anytime in the country or jungle I have grown bored quite quickly.
The Chain - Fleetwood Mac in the middle of one of the most dysfunctional relationships in music during the recording of Rumors - is it any wonder I like this song. The lyric "If you don't love me now, we'll never love again", reminds me of the demands that the Stalker and especially the Lunatic placed upon me. I suppose I look at relationships the wrong way but I know I am selfish and arrogant neither of which are attractive qualities.
Pandora's Box - OMD and my eighties obsession. Apparently this song was inspired by Louise Brooks who featured heavily in the video. It seems to me to be about the need to escape the mundane life, something I feel empathy with. It is also a little about obsession.
Unfinished Sympathy - Massive Attack, I just like the way this song sounds. It reminds me of my brother for some reason although there are many things that remind me of him.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Sunday 10 July 2011
Los Desperados
Fridays P&L: GBP 60.00
Fridays Booze: 2 bottles of Chatau Poujeaux 2000
Fridays Soundtrack: Music to think about your girlfriends to
Friday was a difficult day for me, there was volatility in the market I was concentrating on, The DAX30, but I missed all the main action dealing with issues with the Stalker. The Europeans raised interest rates but the UK was unable to match them as they know the economy is to weak to withstand it. There is more to this than is immediately apparent. The UK doesn't have the fear of inflation that our German friends do but they are little concerned with the effects of inflation on the ordinary people. I suspect that the primary concern of the UK government is the amount of money tied up in the assets that the Bank of England has received in the form of collateral from the banking sector that they still support despite the fact the banks themselves are possibly even more mismanaged than before. The banking lobby in the UK must be very strong.
One of the strangest results of the banking crisis, which nearly destroyed the country is that the banks, which were mismanaged by out of touch old school bankers are now all run by former heads of trading. What happened to establishing a modicum of control. The nature of traders is to take risk, If you don't you will last less than six months in any trading floor in the world. It's sort of the job.
The Stalker has returned although we are still edgy around each other. She and I are constantly fencing when we should be spending what little time we may have happily. In a further complication the Lunatic has contacted me and given me an ultimatum to marry her and I have also received further contact from another ex who is Thai and slightly mad also. I am not so worried about the Thai girl as she is flirting with becoming a muslim, she lived in Abu Dhabi for some time and she knows I would never have a serious relationship with a muslim. The Lunatic however is a different matter, deep down I remember her fondly and she has even said it wasn't her that tried to kill me.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Love Of My Life - Queen, the Lunatics favourite song. I suppose I have a soft spot for Freddie Mercury, even though the band always seemed to be deeply unfashionable. This song shows his powerful voice, but always reminds me of a party we had in her restaurant back in Indonesia. Good times. People who knew how to enjoy themselves.
I Don't Want To Lose You - A soft song from Tina Turner, Makes me think of all my serious relationships. Truth be told, all these girls are far too good for me. My father once said to me, "you know if you meet this fantastic woman, a really great girl - she is usually in love with some total asshole. Thats you".
Missing - One of my favourite songs from Everything But The Girl, The Stalker thinks this song appeals to me because of my over-dramatic personality. She may be right. When I am drunk, which is often, I like to listen to this "And I miss you, like the desert misses the rain" , all my significant relationships seem to involve this disturbing undercurrent of emotion. The Lunatic said she was completely changed and no longer felt so much for me - three phone calls later, each for several hours, and she issued her marriage demands. Just about the worst thing that could happen to me right now is for The Stalker and The Lunatic to get in contact. They both own property in Bali and in Jakarta so the last thing I want is for them to meet.
I'll Remember You - Not a huge fan of Madonna, I always got the impression she was trying too hard. I love this song mostly from the movie "With Honours". I watched this a few times, first time with The Lunatic when the homeless person died she said to me, "why do you want to be alone so much?". I hadn't realised that I did. Some things you can't learn in school.
Missing You - An eighties classic from John Waite - suits my self imposed sense of drama. I can spend a whole day listening to music like this. This song is all about how you feel when you stop seeing someone, usually its because she decided not to carry on the relationship - my specialty was behaving so badly no right minded woman would want to have anything to do with me.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Fridays Booze: 2 bottles of Chatau Poujeaux 2000
Fridays Soundtrack: Music to think about your girlfriends to
Friday was a difficult day for me, there was volatility in the market I was concentrating on, The DAX30, but I missed all the main action dealing with issues with the Stalker. The Europeans raised interest rates but the UK was unable to match them as they know the economy is to weak to withstand it. There is more to this than is immediately apparent. The UK doesn't have the fear of inflation that our German friends do but they are little concerned with the effects of inflation on the ordinary people. I suspect that the primary concern of the UK government is the amount of money tied up in the assets that the Bank of England has received in the form of collateral from the banking sector that they still support despite the fact the banks themselves are possibly even more mismanaged than before. The banking lobby in the UK must be very strong.
One of the strangest results of the banking crisis, which nearly destroyed the country is that the banks, which were mismanaged by out of touch old school bankers are now all run by former heads of trading. What happened to establishing a modicum of control. The nature of traders is to take risk, If you don't you will last less than six months in any trading floor in the world. It's sort of the job.
The Stalker has returned although we are still edgy around each other. She and I are constantly fencing when we should be spending what little time we may have happily. In a further complication the Lunatic has contacted me and given me an ultimatum to marry her and I have also received further contact from another ex who is Thai and slightly mad also. I am not so worried about the Thai girl as she is flirting with becoming a muslim, she lived in Abu Dhabi for some time and she knows I would never have a serious relationship with a muslim. The Lunatic however is a different matter, deep down I remember her fondly and she has even said it wasn't her that tried to kill me.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Love Of My Life - Queen, the Lunatics favourite song. I suppose I have a soft spot for Freddie Mercury, even though the band always seemed to be deeply unfashionable. This song shows his powerful voice, but always reminds me of a party we had in her restaurant back in Indonesia. Good times. People who knew how to enjoy themselves.
I Don't Want To Lose You - A soft song from Tina Turner, Makes me think of all my serious relationships. Truth be told, all these girls are far too good for me. My father once said to me, "you know if you meet this fantastic woman, a really great girl - she is usually in love with some total asshole. Thats you".
Missing - One of my favourite songs from Everything But The Girl, The Stalker thinks this song appeals to me because of my over-dramatic personality. She may be right. When I am drunk, which is often, I like to listen to this "And I miss you, like the desert misses the rain" , all my significant relationships seem to involve this disturbing undercurrent of emotion. The Lunatic said she was completely changed and no longer felt so much for me - three phone calls later, each for several hours, and she issued her marriage demands. Just about the worst thing that could happen to me right now is for The Stalker and The Lunatic to get in contact. They both own property in Bali and in Jakarta so the last thing I want is for them to meet.
I'll Remember You - Not a huge fan of Madonna, I always got the impression she was trying too hard. I love this song mostly from the movie "With Honours". I watched this a few times, first time with The Lunatic when the homeless person died she said to me, "why do you want to be alone so much?". I hadn't realised that I did. Some things you can't learn in school.
Missing You - An eighties classic from John Waite - suits my self imposed sense of drama. I can spend a whole day listening to music like this. This song is all about how you feel when you stop seeing someone, usually its because she decided not to carry on the relationship - my specialty was behaving so badly no right minded woman would want to have anything to do with me.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Saturday 2 July 2011
Unforgiven
Today's P&L: GBP 160.00
Today's Booze: 1 bottle of Russian Standard Vodka
Today's Soundtrack: Music to forget the past to
A boring day, most Americans had left the office for the thanksgiving weekend and as usual when the Americans aren't in the market it sort of dies after half past two. I made a quick 169 on going long, (buying) the FTSE100 in the morning but it was the kind of day when I may as well not have bothered. Instead I was considering the current state of the markets. I am less bemused by the continuing rise of the stock markets, obviously the reason is the continuing low bond yields which make equities attractive. If I had the money I would take a punt on 2 year Irish debt. Greek bonds seem attractive but at this stage I wouldn't pick any up until yields were over 40% because default seems inevitable, no matter how much money the Germans throw at the situation. bond YTM, (yield to maturity), is inverse to the price so as the yield rises the price drops and the bonds tend to perform like an equity. when that happens its a pure risk trade so sometimes it pays off like in Indonesia in ninety seven and other times it fails like in Argentina and before that Russia. The economy of America is frustrating. The woefully inept Bernanke announced an end to quantitative easing but this was followed up by the Fed announcing it will buy up to three hundred billion dollars of debt issued by the fed! The US debt situation is becoming comical.
I haven't posted for a while because I have been in hospital on and off. I shall be going back in at the end of July again - things don't look too good for me but who knows I feel ok more or less so I am not too worried right now.
The stalker finally seems to have had enough of me and I guess the most recent break up was inevitable. Of course I am sad about this but, to be honest, I am not what she needs in her life. She can't change me no matter how much she tries. I was considering this because I suppose I met her about twenty years ago and I have been in touch with the lunatic as well who I last saw twelve years ago. Both these women have matured and grown up in that time, it seems I have not.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Undercover Of The Night - The Rolling Stones. Much criticized but I still love them. Tropical music for dangerous places. I have been to a few of those, the odd thing is I actively seem to seek out the worst places wherever I am.
Some Like It Hot - At heart I am still an eighties boy. The Power Station were much underrated. The two boys from Duran played some great guitar and bass and Tony Thompson on the drums, RIP Tony. Robert Palmer adds some sheen to the act, this is a good song and a great one to get drunk to.
In The Evening - Led Zep. This is the first track of the much unloved in through the out door record. At this stage Led Zeppelin were literally falling apart. The enormous success they had enjoyed was killing them. A good anecdote is when they about to perform a show and Elvis finished his set and introduced them saying "I know who your all here to see" because he was aware that for every one record he sold they sold three. At the time this was recorded Bonham was close to death and a shadow of his former self. Page was addicted to heroin and Plant was still grieving over the death of his son. This is still a great song though with a crushing guitar riff from Jimmy Page.
Only You Can Rock Me - UFO, a somewhat forgotten hard rock band from the early eighties. I saw this band live when I was about twelve. Life seemed so much easier back then, mind you its not like my life has been a struggle since then. The only person that has made things difficult for me is me.
Shine On You Crazy Diamond - The Floyd. This song is very evocative but also, for me, quite sad. It is about the founding member who went a bit mad after taking far too many drugs. Its sort of crazy to think he was out of the band before they started to enjoy their stadium rock success. I am someone who identifies with self-destructive behaviour.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 1 bottle of Russian Standard Vodka
Today's Soundtrack: Music to forget the past to
A boring day, most Americans had left the office for the thanksgiving weekend and as usual when the Americans aren't in the market it sort of dies after half past two. I made a quick 169 on going long, (buying) the FTSE100 in the morning but it was the kind of day when I may as well not have bothered. Instead I was considering the current state of the markets. I am less bemused by the continuing rise of the stock markets, obviously the reason is the continuing low bond yields which make equities attractive. If I had the money I would take a punt on 2 year Irish debt. Greek bonds seem attractive but at this stage I wouldn't pick any up until yields were over 40% because default seems inevitable, no matter how much money the Germans throw at the situation. bond YTM, (yield to maturity), is inverse to the price so as the yield rises the price drops and the bonds tend to perform like an equity. when that happens its a pure risk trade so sometimes it pays off like in Indonesia in ninety seven and other times it fails like in Argentina and before that Russia. The economy of America is frustrating. The woefully inept Bernanke announced an end to quantitative easing but this was followed up by the Fed announcing it will buy up to three hundred billion dollars of debt issued by the fed! The US debt situation is becoming comical.
I haven't posted for a while because I have been in hospital on and off. I shall be going back in at the end of July again - things don't look too good for me but who knows I feel ok more or less so I am not too worried right now.
The stalker finally seems to have had enough of me and I guess the most recent break up was inevitable. Of course I am sad about this but, to be honest, I am not what she needs in her life. She can't change me no matter how much she tries. I was considering this because I suppose I met her about twenty years ago and I have been in touch with the lunatic as well who I last saw twelve years ago. Both these women have matured and grown up in that time, it seems I have not.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Undercover Of The Night - The Rolling Stones. Much criticized but I still love them. Tropical music for dangerous places. I have been to a few of those, the odd thing is I actively seem to seek out the worst places wherever I am.
Some Like It Hot - At heart I am still an eighties boy. The Power Station were much underrated. The two boys from Duran played some great guitar and bass and Tony Thompson on the drums, RIP Tony. Robert Palmer adds some sheen to the act, this is a good song and a great one to get drunk to.
In The Evening - Led Zep. This is the first track of the much unloved in through the out door record. At this stage Led Zeppelin were literally falling apart. The enormous success they had enjoyed was killing them. A good anecdote is when they about to perform a show and Elvis finished his set and introduced them saying "I know who your all here to see" because he was aware that for every one record he sold they sold three. At the time this was recorded Bonham was close to death and a shadow of his former self. Page was addicted to heroin and Plant was still grieving over the death of his son. This is still a great song though with a crushing guitar riff from Jimmy Page.
Only You Can Rock Me - UFO, a somewhat forgotten hard rock band from the early eighties. I saw this band live when I was about twelve. Life seemed so much easier back then, mind you its not like my life has been a struggle since then. The only person that has made things difficult for me is me.
Shine On You Crazy Diamond - The Floyd. This song is very evocative but also, for me, quite sad. It is about the founding member who went a bit mad after taking far too many drugs. Its sort of crazy to think he was out of the band before they started to enjoy their stadium rock success. I am someone who identifies with self-destructive behaviour.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Thursday 28 April 2011
The Rules
Today's P&L: GBP 120.00
Today's Booze: 1 bottles of not so good red wine
Today's Soundtrack: Music to drink to
Another quiet day. I was too lazy and or tired to really follow the markets. So I missed the dollars seemingly inevitable downward shift. The Americans must realize that if even the Euro seems a better choice then they really have to start addressing their finances. There was some bad news from Japan but really in the UK all everyone seems to be thinking about is the upcoming royal wedding. So tomorrow is a day off and means I'll have little chance to make any money.
A worrying request from my GP today not to attend my gastro consultant's appointment. Apparently my blood results are seriously abnormal again. My mother has entered int some mad depression, so I better not inform her and of course my father has his hands full with her. I told my brother but he still thinks I am indestructible, so is of little help. I have also broken a bone in my foot, which is somewhat painful.
I was thinking about my drinking and what it means to be a drunk. It's not as easy as you would think, you know. So what are the rules to being a drunk. It's a difficult question, I grant you because most people would assume the whole point of being a drunk is that there are no rules. Not so. There is a whole etiquette to being a serious drinker that the casual drunk may miss entirely. Here are a few of the rules:
Rule number one: If your sad, keep it to yourself. We all have a sob story, but don't bring your fellow drunks down with it - thats what blogs are for.
Rule number two: Know your fellow drunk. This is important as it can mean the difference between a good evening, an unexpected brawl and a night in prison. I will discuss the various types of drunk at a later date.
Rule number three: Travel light, whatever you have your going to stand a good chance of losing/gambling/ giving it away. Make sure it isn't anything important. For me, the things I tend to lose are pictures or letters from ex girlfriends - often torn up by new girlfriends. Some girlfriends are more important than others.
Rule number four: Don't go in to a bar without money. This may seem at odds with number three, but you don't want to be embarrassed. Even the most drunken group knows when a freeloader has attached themselves. Girls may get away with this but what man wants to be a girl?
Rule number five: Have a back-up plan. Again at odds with rule number three and really is dependant on how much of a drinker you are and where you may be. Sometimes you tell your girlfriend you are popping out for a pint of milk and the next thing you know you are waking up in Bangkok. Trust me, it happens. I used to always carry fifteen hundred dollars concealed about me and a copy of my passport. Just in case.
Rule number six: The barman/maid is not your friend. It's easy when you are drunk and especially when drinking alone to feel the person serving you has bonded with you. They haven't. You are just another drunk to them and someone they would never exchange hellos with in a regular social setting.
Rule number seven: Avoid single Scottish men.
Rule number eight: Don't try and move upmarket. How you are when you have your first drink is pretty much as good as it gets. It all goes downhill from there. I remember taking my younger brother out once and getting thrown out of The Savoy after we had been drinking, heavily, in various seedy bars.
Rule number nine: Stay away from the phone. It may seem obvious, but two thirty in the morning after drinking your own weight in alcohol is not the time to phone your ex, who you "never should have left". She is probably married with three children and living in Kent now.
Rule number ten: Careful what you say. When drinking with a companion who has experienced a recent broken relationship - tread warily. He needs your support. He is entitled to criticize his ex-wife/girlfriend but will not thank you for doing the same. And he will never appreciate you saying "she slept with all your friends, even me".
More of this later.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
We Have All The Time In The World - Listening to Louis Armstrong is like talking with your grandfather, quite reassuring and comforting. You know if I think of all the things we treat so dismissively. Time is the worst thing we waste. You work all day for what? Couple of hundred pounds, couple of thousand? Every second of your life is precious - fuck, who am I to talk? My two greatest loves I didn't speak to for years. Now time is running out and I finally realised I have spent it more recklessly than all the money I ever had.
Whiskey In The Jar - Perhaps a bit of an obvious choice, but who can ignore the coolest black Dubliner ever? The Thin Lizzy version of this appeals to me more than the traditional version, but maybe that's because I remember watching Lynott on the stage as a child. Great Song.
Fairytale Of New York - In my opinion the greatest Christmas song of all time, so somewhat out of season. The imagery of this song is so strong - anyone who's risked it all when drunk knows this feeling. This song will always remind me of my desperate relationship with The Lunatic.
I'm Still Standing - Elton John is an institution, sort of like the Queen. Not really one of my favourite artists, but this is a great song and good drinking music. We all go through that phase where we think screw what everyone else says I can do - I can do more.
Johnny Come Home - The Fine Young Cannibals and their breakthrough song. For some reason this song reminds me of my brother. He and I are almost interchangeable, there is little difference in the way we look and we were often mistaken for twins. He seems to have all the sense and responsibility whereas I am the one you always wonder if you will ever see again and sometimes hope you won't.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 1 bottles of not so good red wine
Today's Soundtrack: Music to drink to
Another quiet day. I was too lazy and or tired to really follow the markets. So I missed the dollars seemingly inevitable downward shift. The Americans must realize that if even the Euro seems a better choice then they really have to start addressing their finances. There was some bad news from Japan but really in the UK all everyone seems to be thinking about is the upcoming royal wedding. So tomorrow is a day off and means I'll have little chance to make any money.
A worrying request from my GP today not to attend my gastro consultant's appointment. Apparently my blood results are seriously abnormal again. My mother has entered int some mad depression, so I better not inform her and of course my father has his hands full with her. I told my brother but he still thinks I am indestructible, so is of little help. I have also broken a bone in my foot, which is somewhat painful.
I was thinking about my drinking and what it means to be a drunk. It's not as easy as you would think, you know. So what are the rules to being a drunk. It's a difficult question, I grant you because most people would assume the whole point of being a drunk is that there are no rules. Not so. There is a whole etiquette to being a serious drinker that the casual drunk may miss entirely. Here are a few of the rules:
Rule number one: If your sad, keep it to yourself. We all have a sob story, but don't bring your fellow drunks down with it - thats what blogs are for.
Rule number two: Know your fellow drunk. This is important as it can mean the difference between a good evening, an unexpected brawl and a night in prison. I will discuss the various types of drunk at a later date.
Rule number three: Travel light, whatever you have your going to stand a good chance of losing/gambling/ giving it away. Make sure it isn't anything important. For me, the things I tend to lose are pictures or letters from ex girlfriends - often torn up by new girlfriends. Some girlfriends are more important than others.
Rule number four: Don't go in to a bar without money. This may seem at odds with number three, but you don't want to be embarrassed. Even the most drunken group knows when a freeloader has attached themselves. Girls may get away with this but what man wants to be a girl?
Rule number five: Have a back-up plan. Again at odds with rule number three and really is dependant on how much of a drinker you are and where you may be. Sometimes you tell your girlfriend you are popping out for a pint of milk and the next thing you know you are waking up in Bangkok. Trust me, it happens. I used to always carry fifteen hundred dollars concealed about me and a copy of my passport. Just in case.
Rule number six: The barman/maid is not your friend. It's easy when you are drunk and especially when drinking alone to feel the person serving you has bonded with you. They haven't. You are just another drunk to them and someone they would never exchange hellos with in a regular social setting.
Rule number seven: Avoid single Scottish men.
Rule number eight: Don't try and move upmarket. How you are when you have your first drink is pretty much as good as it gets. It all goes downhill from there. I remember taking my younger brother out once and getting thrown out of The Savoy after we had been drinking, heavily, in various seedy bars.
Rule number nine: Stay away from the phone. It may seem obvious, but two thirty in the morning after drinking your own weight in alcohol is not the time to phone your ex, who you "never should have left". She is probably married with three children and living in Kent now.
Rule number ten: Careful what you say. When drinking with a companion who has experienced a recent broken relationship - tread warily. He needs your support. He is entitled to criticize his ex-wife/girlfriend but will not thank you for doing the same. And he will never appreciate you saying "she slept with all your friends, even me".
More of this later.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
We Have All The Time In The World - Listening to Louis Armstrong is like talking with your grandfather, quite reassuring and comforting. You know if I think of all the things we treat so dismissively. Time is the worst thing we waste. You work all day for what? Couple of hundred pounds, couple of thousand? Every second of your life is precious - fuck, who am I to talk? My two greatest loves I didn't speak to for years. Now time is running out and I finally realised I have spent it more recklessly than all the money I ever had.
Whiskey In The Jar - Perhaps a bit of an obvious choice, but who can ignore the coolest black Dubliner ever? The Thin Lizzy version of this appeals to me more than the traditional version, but maybe that's because I remember watching Lynott on the stage as a child. Great Song.
Fairytale Of New York - In my opinion the greatest Christmas song of all time, so somewhat out of season. The imagery of this song is so strong - anyone who's risked it all when drunk knows this feeling. This song will always remind me of my desperate relationship with The Lunatic.
I'm Still Standing - Elton John is an institution, sort of like the Queen. Not really one of my favourite artists, but this is a great song and good drinking music. We all go through that phase where we think screw what everyone else says I can do - I can do more.
Johnny Come Home - The Fine Young Cannibals and their breakthrough song. For some reason this song reminds me of my brother. He and I are almost interchangeable, there is little difference in the way we look and we were often mistaken for twins. He seems to have all the sense and responsibility whereas I am the one you always wonder if you will ever see again and sometimes hope you won't.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Monday 25 April 2011
Soul Survivor
Today's P&L: Everyone in the city seems to have died or gone on holiday
Today's Booze: 2 bottles of good red wine
Today's Soundtrack: Music that hurts
Nothing happening in the markets there was some volatility but the hot weather in London and the Easter break seem to have pulled everyone from their desks. I remain convinced the markets are headed for a downfall of significant size. Just check out the gold price, it is now firmly established at the fifteen hundred dollar level. most of that is due to the worrying increase in inflation. All governments are reluctant to release genuine inflation numbers because inflation is like the genie in the bottle, when it gets free it is hard to control. China and India are admitting to eight and ten percent inflation respectively. But you can bet its a lot higher in real terms. the effect of that is to limit real economic spending power in those countries so the vaunted future growth centers of the world may not be as attractive as some imagine.
Received an unexpected call from the Lunatic this morning. One of the other great loves of my life, She is in Singapore just now and we spoke for five hours. She and I still have so much chemistry together. At the same time The Stalker is back in hospital, did I feel like a shit for talking to another woman when I should only have her in my thoughts? Of course I did. However, both these women left me a long time ago for some men who were not so "difficult". Didn't work out for either of them and they seemed to both know I would always be alone. I am beginning to feel like the last refuge for the lonely and heartbroken. The Stalker and The Lunatic are very similar in more than just their nationality. They are both volatile. I guess the biggest difference is The Stalker has a strong level of self-control, until she gets drunk. The Lunatic is completely out of hand. Perhaps she has changed, its eleven years since I last saw her. All I need now is The Princess and The Italian and the Turk to get in touch and I will have the full set. I suppose I have been lucky with women but also you could say I was very unlucky none of my serious relationships have ended well. We have both came out with scars and bruises. The one night stands were so much easier. Emotions hurt some times.
Easter was good, I went to church and finally felt good about myself. If even only for a few hours. I have to go back to hospital soon I don't want to tell the Stalker when, because I am beginning to feel obligated to her for her visits. Maybe I won't be in long this time but I rarely get away with a quick visit. This time maybe when they give me some indication of how long I have left. It seems so odd to be considering death despite my reckless lifestyle. I am sure it will have more impact later but just now I don't really feel anything. Of course I have had to lie to my parents as well, my mother in particular seems to be taking it hard. I told her already she has no duty to look after me but I guess that's what mothers do.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
I Might Have Been Queen - One of Tina's best. This song makes me think of the strong women I have known in my life, but its the last verse that gets to me every time. " I look up to the stars with my perfect memory, I look through it all and my futures no shock to me, I look down but I see no tragedy, I look up to the stars till I find my destiny..." ,why do things that hurt you feel so good?
Real Good Looking Boy - A great song from the post Keith Moon Who. Does this song apply to me? I am not sure, I am quite confident I am attractive but there has to be more to it than that. My demeanor and personality are not exactly what you would call sparkling. And my self-obsession can hardly be a bonus. Still, "Wise men say
Only fools, only fools rush in, But I - I can't help Falling in love, in love with you".
Storm Warning - Another old time favourite of mine, Hilary James has a really nice voice and in this song she sounds so desperate. Perhaps not everyone understands that feeling but I am sure most of us do. I had to tell The Lunatic about my illness today and she immediately said she will get on a plane to be with me. Not sure her current boyfriend would appreciate that though.
On Every Street - This song brings back so many memories for me. I really did revisit a lot of the old places I used to go with my girlfriends in the years we were apart, not deliberately looking for them but somehow hoping I would bump into them by accident. I guess they were too involved at the time to think about me but I remember everything about each of them. They came back to me but the irony is I am running out of time.
Don't Give Up - Kate Bush always has a song for me when I am feeling down. This is depression era music at its best. I suppose I have had a gifted life, things always came easily to me - perhaps too easily. My parents are from a different time and a very poor background but they both struggled and succeeded. I still remember asking my mother if she ever read No Mean City, a classic novel about the in between years in Glasgow and she replied "we didn't need to - we lived it".
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 2 bottles of good red wine
Today's Soundtrack: Music that hurts
Nothing happening in the markets there was some volatility but the hot weather in London and the Easter break seem to have pulled everyone from their desks. I remain convinced the markets are headed for a downfall of significant size. Just check out the gold price, it is now firmly established at the fifteen hundred dollar level. most of that is due to the worrying increase in inflation. All governments are reluctant to release genuine inflation numbers because inflation is like the genie in the bottle, when it gets free it is hard to control. China and India are admitting to eight and ten percent inflation respectively. But you can bet its a lot higher in real terms. the effect of that is to limit real economic spending power in those countries so the vaunted future growth centers of the world may not be as attractive as some imagine.
Received an unexpected call from the Lunatic this morning. One of the other great loves of my life, She is in Singapore just now and we spoke for five hours. She and I still have so much chemistry together. At the same time The Stalker is back in hospital, did I feel like a shit for talking to another woman when I should only have her in my thoughts? Of course I did. However, both these women left me a long time ago for some men who were not so "difficult". Didn't work out for either of them and they seemed to both know I would always be alone. I am beginning to feel like the last refuge for the lonely and heartbroken. The Stalker and The Lunatic are very similar in more than just their nationality. They are both volatile. I guess the biggest difference is The Stalker has a strong level of self-control, until she gets drunk. The Lunatic is completely out of hand. Perhaps she has changed, its eleven years since I last saw her. All I need now is The Princess and The Italian and the Turk to get in touch and I will have the full set. I suppose I have been lucky with women but also you could say I was very unlucky none of my serious relationships have ended well. We have both came out with scars and bruises. The one night stands were so much easier. Emotions hurt some times.
Easter was good, I went to church and finally felt good about myself. If even only for a few hours. I have to go back to hospital soon I don't want to tell the Stalker when, because I am beginning to feel obligated to her for her visits. Maybe I won't be in long this time but I rarely get away with a quick visit. This time maybe when they give me some indication of how long I have left. It seems so odd to be considering death despite my reckless lifestyle. I am sure it will have more impact later but just now I don't really feel anything. Of course I have had to lie to my parents as well, my mother in particular seems to be taking it hard. I told her already she has no duty to look after me but I guess that's what mothers do.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
I Might Have Been Queen - One of Tina's best. This song makes me think of the strong women I have known in my life, but its the last verse that gets to me every time. " I look up to the stars with my perfect memory, I look through it all and my futures no shock to me, I look down but I see no tragedy, I look up to the stars till I find my destiny..." ,why do things that hurt you feel so good?
Real Good Looking Boy - A great song from the post Keith Moon Who. Does this song apply to me? I am not sure, I am quite confident I am attractive but there has to be more to it than that. My demeanor and personality are not exactly what you would call sparkling. And my self-obsession can hardly be a bonus. Still, "Wise men say
Only fools, only fools rush in, But I - I can't help Falling in love, in love with you".
Storm Warning - Another old time favourite of mine, Hilary James has a really nice voice and in this song she sounds so desperate. Perhaps not everyone understands that feeling but I am sure most of us do. I had to tell The Lunatic about my illness today and she immediately said she will get on a plane to be with me. Not sure her current boyfriend would appreciate that though.
On Every Street - This song brings back so many memories for me. I really did revisit a lot of the old places I used to go with my girlfriends in the years we were apart, not deliberately looking for them but somehow hoping I would bump into them by accident. I guess they were too involved at the time to think about me but I remember everything about each of them. They came back to me but the irony is I am running out of time.
Don't Give Up - Kate Bush always has a song for me when I am feeling down. This is depression era music at its best. I suppose I have had a gifted life, things always came easily to me - perhaps too easily. My parents are from a different time and a very poor background but they both struggled and succeeded. I still remember asking my mother if she ever read No Mean City, a classic novel about the in between years in Glasgow and she replied "we didn't need to - we lived it".
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Tuesday 5 April 2011
Is Luck On My Side?
Today's P&L: GBP 220.00
Today's Booze: 2 Pints of Kronenbourg 1664
Today's Soundtrack: Music That I Just Like
So the Equity markets had a brief downturn but seem to have recovered fine. After all what is there to worry about. Unrest in the Middle East, more European countries close to default, spiraling inflation, decline in real earnings. The Europeans are likely to raise interest rates on Thursday. The ECB is really just the Bundesbank in all but name and the Germans have fairly bad memories of inflation. The Bank of England will be under pressure to match the rise but the government knows that the UK economy is far to fragile. Proving once again that the UK is too far out of sync with the European economies to have ever been a member of the Euro. I made a quick trade on the DAX 30 prior to the US opening but really didn't do much the rest of the day. I wonder how much longer these economies can go along on essentially borrowing from future. The Japanese earthquake was tragic in terms of human loss but in financial terms it raised an important issues to the funding of the huge American debt. Japan is an enormously rich country but they are struggling with the situation and the aftermath. so it is necessary for them to repatriate some of their external holdings. Sooner or later America is going to have to make some harsh decisions as to what the federal government can afford. I imagine that social services, however minimal they are, will be the first to be cut.
So a quick reminder to me that its not all about me. In quick succession, the Stalker had to return to hospital, and it looks like a bad one and my father down in Spain is also in hospital. Its funny when you are ill and a bit of a drama queen, like me, you tend to forget about other people. I know the Stalker was sick, I mean really sick but she always seemed so full of life around me. My father is the same I just realised he is seventy one years old. He seems so fit and healthy. Because of my inability to express my feelings if either of them die I will never get the chance to
have told them how I feel about them. I recognize this but I also know, that if they are both ok, I will once again be unable to say such thoughts to either of them.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
We Let The Stars Go - Prefab Sprout, wonder if they are still around. Maybe its true, every Irish man is a poet, Paddy wrote some great songs. This song just makes me sad.
Talk Of The Town - "Maybe tomorrow, Maybe Someday" The Pretenders were such a good band, when they were at their peak I guess I was too young to really appreciate them. "Oh but it's hard to live by the rules - I never could and still never do". This song reminds me of a period when I lost it after splitting up, for good this time, with the Lunatic, I wouldn't say I was out of control but for a few months, even by my standards I was overdoing it.
Life's What you Make It - This is classic 80's Pop/Rock. Talk Talk are quite melancholic, a bit like me. I guess this song reminds me of those reflective moments we all get, maybe the ones I drink to avoid.
Storm Warning - Another long-time favourite of mine. I am not sure why I love this song so much, the girl who is the daughter of Bob James seems so sad when she sings, but also has that acceptance of the inevitability of it. This song reminds me of when I was a teenager on the ship, days watching the ocean and how restless it seemed.
Two Faces - Bruce Springsteen, I know he is not terribly popular anymore, but this is a great song. We all have at least two sides to us, I like to pretend I am strictly one dimensional but when I listen to this song, I think about how I ended up like this. As far as I can remember I have always tried to lock away my feelings and even now it seems far easier to write them on a faceless blog. When I listen to this song I think about the Stalker, I suspect she is beginning to see through my on demand pleasantness but she just can't seem to deal with my otherwise frosty attitude.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 2 Pints of Kronenbourg 1664
Today's Soundtrack: Music That I Just Like
So the Equity markets had a brief downturn but seem to have recovered fine. After all what is there to worry about. Unrest in the Middle East, more European countries close to default, spiraling inflation, decline in real earnings. The Europeans are likely to raise interest rates on Thursday. The ECB is really just the Bundesbank in all but name and the Germans have fairly bad memories of inflation. The Bank of England will be under pressure to match the rise but the government knows that the UK economy is far to fragile. Proving once again that the UK is too far out of sync with the European economies to have ever been a member of the Euro. I made a quick trade on the DAX 30 prior to the US opening but really didn't do much the rest of the day. I wonder how much longer these economies can go along on essentially borrowing from future. The Japanese earthquake was tragic in terms of human loss but in financial terms it raised an important issues to the funding of the huge American debt. Japan is an enormously rich country but they are struggling with the situation and the aftermath. so it is necessary for them to repatriate some of their external holdings. Sooner or later America is going to have to make some harsh decisions as to what the federal government can afford. I imagine that social services, however minimal they are, will be the first to be cut.
So a quick reminder to me that its not all about me. In quick succession, the Stalker had to return to hospital, and it looks like a bad one and my father down in Spain is also in hospital. Its funny when you are ill and a bit of a drama queen, like me, you tend to forget about other people. I know the Stalker was sick, I mean really sick but she always seemed so full of life around me. My father is the same I just realised he is seventy one years old. He seems so fit and healthy. Because of my inability to express my feelings if either of them die I will never get the chance to
have told them how I feel about them. I recognize this but I also know, that if they are both ok, I will once again be unable to say such thoughts to either of them.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
We Let The Stars Go - Prefab Sprout, wonder if they are still around. Maybe its true, every Irish man is a poet, Paddy wrote some great songs. This song just makes me sad.
Talk Of The Town - "Maybe tomorrow, Maybe Someday" The Pretenders were such a good band, when they were at their peak I guess I was too young to really appreciate them. "Oh but it's hard to live by the rules - I never could and still never do". This song reminds me of a period when I lost it after splitting up, for good this time, with the Lunatic, I wouldn't say I was out of control but for a few months, even by my standards I was overdoing it.
Life's What you Make It - This is classic 80's Pop/Rock. Talk Talk are quite melancholic, a bit like me. I guess this song reminds me of those reflective moments we all get, maybe the ones I drink to avoid.
Storm Warning - Another long-time favourite of mine. I am not sure why I love this song so much, the girl who is the daughter of Bob James seems so sad when she sings, but also has that acceptance of the inevitability of it. This song reminds me of when I was a teenager on the ship, days watching the ocean and how restless it seemed.
Two Faces - Bruce Springsteen, I know he is not terribly popular anymore, but this is a great song. We all have at least two sides to us, I like to pretend I am strictly one dimensional but when I listen to this song, I think about how I ended up like this. As far as I can remember I have always tried to lock away my feelings and even now it seems far easier to write them on a faceless blog. When I listen to this song I think about the Stalker, I suspect she is beginning to see through my on demand pleasantness but she just can't seem to deal with my otherwise frosty attitude.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Wednesday 9 March 2011
Amends To Be Made
Today's P&L: GBP 100.00
Today's Booze: Lots, it is Fat Tuesday
Today's Soundtrack: Music To Make You Regret
The markets continue to rise, they are looking weak. Some Economist was saying the Western economies are like a dying body kept alive by judicious use of steroids, meaning quantative easing. I totally agree with this. It has to end one day and I suspect the end will be sooner and more brutal than we expect. The UK has tv adverts for workday loans at an APR of two thousand five hundred percent, which should be illegle, but are allowed under our current government. Possibly because the majority state-owned bank, Lloyds-HBOS, is allowed to charge up to four thousand percent on unauthorized overdrafts. The Public sector is shedding jobs hand over fist and yet David Cameron can appear on prime time tv shows looking smug and saying we all have to share the pain. I doubt he is feeling it as much as most people. Gold took a Knock recently costing me a lot of money but has sprung up to an all-time high before retreating. The price of Gold is interesting because it reflects the lack of confidence in the global economy. Forget what the spin doctors and politicians tell you and keep hold of your gold. You may need it in the future. The situation in the middle east has obviously affected the price of oil, which I rarely trade. What I wonder is why these nations that have been dominated for thirty to forty years are suddenly finding a voice while we in the West put up with the same miserable situation we always have had at the hands of the ruling elite.
I was in Hospital for a week or so again, but as usual the tests are inconclusive. I am beginning to think I am some project for junior doctors.
So that was Fat Tuesday, I sort of exploited the fact that I am not going to drink, or at least try, for forty days. On Monday the Stalker paid me a visit and, needless to say we had a fairly savage argument. Wonder how long she can take this, she is tough but I am so use to things going on another level entirely with the Lunatic that she won't be able to outlast me. She did say, before she stormed out that she needed to know if going out with me is just chasing the wind. Its so odd because the last thing in the world I want is to hurt her and yet it seems inevitable. I really try to be nice to her but she is too grown up. It isn't like before. She needs stability and I still avoid it.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Empire State Of Mind - A modern song, by my standards. Obviously I am not talking about the Jay Z version but the Alicia Keyes at the Piano one. This song reminds me of when I was young and thought I could do anything. I never feel like that anymore.
This Womans Work - My sensitive side. Of course I love Kate Bush with a passion, but this song is so sad it brings a tear to my eye. I guess when it comes down to it Mother and child have a special bond. My mother contacted the doctors, without my knowledge to ask if she could donate her liver to me. Unfortunately only my father and older brother are compatible. After all the time, she is just trying to do what she can for me. I would never tell her how much I appreciate her efforts and she would never expect me to say it.
I Don't Want To Miss A Thing - I am not a huge Aerosmith fan, apart from Dream On, but this song touches me when I am moody. Despite what all of my past girlfriends would say about my cold nature. I do feel this passion, I just don't know how to show my feelings.
Red Wine - UB40, Not Diamond. This seemed to be in the number one position for ever. Unlike most of my peers I was allowed to drink alcohol at a very young age on the basis I would treat it with respect. That worked out well! Don't judge though, my older brother was also allowed to drink and he is practically tee-total and has been for years. This song makes me think of when I regret things I didn't do - mostly women, for example if the Stalker finally leaves I know I will regret not letting her know I love her.
Run To You - Bryan Adams, I remember this vividly from when i was about fourteen years old. I was into Pop music back then but I liked this track because of the , I don't know desperation. Even then I had a flair for the dramatic. Reminds me of a girl who lived on the same road as me.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: Lots, it is Fat Tuesday
Today's Soundtrack: Music To Make You Regret
The markets continue to rise, they are looking weak. Some Economist was saying the Western economies are like a dying body kept alive by judicious use of steroids, meaning quantative easing. I totally agree with this. It has to end one day and I suspect the end will be sooner and more brutal than we expect. The UK has tv adverts for workday loans at an APR of two thousand five hundred percent, which should be illegle, but are allowed under our current government. Possibly because the majority state-owned bank, Lloyds-HBOS, is allowed to charge up to four thousand percent on unauthorized overdrafts. The Public sector is shedding jobs hand over fist and yet David Cameron can appear on prime time tv shows looking smug and saying we all have to share the pain. I doubt he is feeling it as much as most people. Gold took a Knock recently costing me a lot of money but has sprung up to an all-time high before retreating. The price of Gold is interesting because it reflects the lack of confidence in the global economy. Forget what the spin doctors and politicians tell you and keep hold of your gold. You may need it in the future. The situation in the middle east has obviously affected the price of oil, which I rarely trade. What I wonder is why these nations that have been dominated for thirty to forty years are suddenly finding a voice while we in the West put up with the same miserable situation we always have had at the hands of the ruling elite.
I was in Hospital for a week or so again, but as usual the tests are inconclusive. I am beginning to think I am some project for junior doctors.
So that was Fat Tuesday, I sort of exploited the fact that I am not going to drink, or at least try, for forty days. On Monday the Stalker paid me a visit and, needless to say we had a fairly savage argument. Wonder how long she can take this, she is tough but I am so use to things going on another level entirely with the Lunatic that she won't be able to outlast me. She did say, before she stormed out that she needed to know if going out with me is just chasing the wind. Its so odd because the last thing in the world I want is to hurt her and yet it seems inevitable. I really try to be nice to her but she is too grown up. It isn't like before. She needs stability and I still avoid it.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Empire State Of Mind - A modern song, by my standards. Obviously I am not talking about the Jay Z version but the Alicia Keyes at the Piano one. This song reminds me of when I was young and thought I could do anything. I never feel like that anymore.
This Womans Work - My sensitive side. Of course I love Kate Bush with a passion, but this song is so sad it brings a tear to my eye. I guess when it comes down to it Mother and child have a special bond. My mother contacted the doctors, without my knowledge to ask if she could donate her liver to me. Unfortunately only my father and older brother are compatible. After all the time, she is just trying to do what she can for me. I would never tell her how much I appreciate her efforts and she would never expect me to say it.
I Don't Want To Miss A Thing - I am not a huge Aerosmith fan, apart from Dream On, but this song touches me when I am moody. Despite what all of my past girlfriends would say about my cold nature. I do feel this passion, I just don't know how to show my feelings.
Red Wine - UB40, Not Diamond. This seemed to be in the number one position for ever. Unlike most of my peers I was allowed to drink alcohol at a very young age on the basis I would treat it with respect. That worked out well! Don't judge though, my older brother was also allowed to drink and he is practically tee-total and has been for years. This song makes me think of when I regret things I didn't do - mostly women, for example if the Stalker finally leaves I know I will regret not letting her know I love her.
Run To You - Bryan Adams, I remember this vividly from when i was about fourteen years old. I was into Pop music back then but I liked this track because of the , I don't know desperation. Even then I had a flair for the dramatic. Reminds me of a girl who lived on the same road as me.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Wednesday 16 February 2011
It Doesn't Matter Anyway
Today's P&L: GBP 300.00
Today's Booze: 75cl of Imperial Vodka, 4 pints of Dry cider
Today's Soundtrack: Music To Wonder Why
Didn't do much in the markets today. Increasingly bemused by the relentless rise of the major indexes. Is it just me or has the world gone quite mad? America is printing money like its going out of fashion and their is significant turmoil in the middle east, perhaps they will notice now Bahrain is experiencing unrest after all the US 5th fleet is based there. Of course America and the UK is only concerned about Egypt because of the Suez canal, in these green times how can anyone afford to divert their ships around Africa if its closed? Personally I suspect getting rid of Mubarak was a bad move, I wouldn't be surprised to see Islamic fundamentalism getting a real hold in Egypt. The Muslim Brotherhood is presenting a nice face but they firmly believe in implementing sharia law when they are elected. Their stated aim is to restore islam "from Spain to Indonesia". Aside from the political issues, which when I worked in the city would be causing all kinds of volatility, I suppose the other issue that no one seems to have noticed is how the major corporations, especially in the US have decided its better to give money to stockholders than employ people. it seems the American dream is finally over.
The visit from my parents went quite well, it seems strange that my father doesn't change in appearance but my mother is definitely aging, she can tell it as well and is most unhappy. As usual they grilled me about my health but they seem surprisingly cool about it, mind you my doctor is the same, she says you look really healthy but I know how unwell you are. Still, the stalker is always there to ensure I suffer. she caught me drinking and we had an argument in which she said you did two things wrong you drank too much and you lied about it so I don't think we can continue our relationship - I won't talk to you for a while, maybe a month or so. Give her credit she lasted four days before phoning me.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Blue Moon - The Elvis version, Billie Holliday sings it too fast for me. Elvis sounds like a guy who just broke up with his first girlfriend. All guys know what I am talking about.
San Marco - I have become rather obsessed with this track from Rondo Veneziano. Its kind of like pop classical music but I am just drawn to it. Not sure why, I have only been to Venice once but loved it. Perhaps a doomed city reminds me of my own situation.
You Are Everything - Marvin and Diana Ross, two motown superstars. I listen to this song quite often and it always reminds me of the Lunatic. "I just can't go on living life as I do, comparing each girl to you - when they just won't do". You know I feel these kind of emotions, I am sure I do I just have difficulty expressing my emotions. It saddens me that The Stalker and I will split up or one of us will die without her ever knowing how i really feel about her.
Michael Caine - I am not really a fan of Madness, which seems to be quite a London phenomena. This song is one of their better ones, to me it sounds like a study in obsession. I have little personal experience with really strong emotions, I just sort of drift through life, just occasionally getting caught up in extreme turbulence, with the Lunatic or The Stalker for example. My parents say its because everything came so easy to me I never really felt like trying.
I Quit - Not many people know this song by Hepburn. This shouldn't really be a song for me but perhaps for the Stalker. "There was a time when I would go walking backwards around the world, if you said your mine and I'd run blindfolded down the Kings Road if you would just arrive on time". Loving me isn't easy and I don't know why a girl who is used to so much better can't let me go.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 75cl of Imperial Vodka, 4 pints of Dry cider
Today's Soundtrack: Music To Wonder Why
Didn't do much in the markets today. Increasingly bemused by the relentless rise of the major indexes. Is it just me or has the world gone quite mad? America is printing money like its going out of fashion and their is significant turmoil in the middle east, perhaps they will notice now Bahrain is experiencing unrest after all the US 5th fleet is based there. Of course America and the UK is only concerned about Egypt because of the Suez canal, in these green times how can anyone afford to divert their ships around Africa if its closed? Personally I suspect getting rid of Mubarak was a bad move, I wouldn't be surprised to see Islamic fundamentalism getting a real hold in Egypt. The Muslim Brotherhood is presenting a nice face but they firmly believe in implementing sharia law when they are elected. Their stated aim is to restore islam "from Spain to Indonesia". Aside from the political issues, which when I worked in the city would be causing all kinds of volatility, I suppose the other issue that no one seems to have noticed is how the major corporations, especially in the US have decided its better to give money to stockholders than employ people. it seems the American dream is finally over.
The visit from my parents went quite well, it seems strange that my father doesn't change in appearance but my mother is definitely aging, she can tell it as well and is most unhappy. As usual they grilled me about my health but they seem surprisingly cool about it, mind you my doctor is the same, she says you look really healthy but I know how unwell you are. Still, the stalker is always there to ensure I suffer. she caught me drinking and we had an argument in which she said you did two things wrong you drank too much and you lied about it so I don't think we can continue our relationship - I won't talk to you for a while, maybe a month or so. Give her credit she lasted four days before phoning me.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Blue Moon - The Elvis version, Billie Holliday sings it too fast for me. Elvis sounds like a guy who just broke up with his first girlfriend. All guys know what I am talking about.
San Marco - I have become rather obsessed with this track from Rondo Veneziano. Its kind of like pop classical music but I am just drawn to it. Not sure why, I have only been to Venice once but loved it. Perhaps a doomed city reminds me of my own situation.
You Are Everything - Marvin and Diana Ross, two motown superstars. I listen to this song quite often and it always reminds me of the Lunatic. "I just can't go on living life as I do, comparing each girl to you - when they just won't do". You know I feel these kind of emotions, I am sure I do I just have difficulty expressing my emotions. It saddens me that The Stalker and I will split up or one of us will die without her ever knowing how i really feel about her.
Michael Caine - I am not really a fan of Madness, which seems to be quite a London phenomena. This song is one of their better ones, to me it sounds like a study in obsession. I have little personal experience with really strong emotions, I just sort of drift through life, just occasionally getting caught up in extreme turbulence, with the Lunatic or The Stalker for example. My parents say its because everything came so easy to me I never really felt like trying.
I Quit - Not many people know this song by Hepburn. This shouldn't really be a song for me but perhaps for the Stalker. "There was a time when I would go walking backwards around the world, if you said your mine and I'd run blindfolded down the Kings Road if you would just arrive on time". Loving me isn't easy and I don't know why a girl who is used to so much better can't let me go.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Friday 28 January 2011
The Alcohol Imperative
Today's P&L: -240.00 GBP
Today's Booze: 6 pints of Kronenbourg 1664, 6 double Vodkas
Today's Soundtrack: Music to Wring Your Hands To
I was caught out badly by the decision from S&P to lower the rating of Japan. I managed to recover most of the damage, but like many others I question the timing. Why was this done at the London open, also there was some dodgy currency trades prior to the announcement. If you were a rating agency who would you downgrade Japan or the UK or the US? I also have taken some heavy losses on gold futures recently, which I find difficult to understand. In an environment where the governments have lost the ability to control interest rates and inflation is steadily increasing Gold is the perfect asset to hold.
The Stalker has been driving me crazy. She clearly knows me too well and is turning up unexpectedly. She has recently started showing me the sort of intense affection she did when we first met all those years ago. It is nice but I am uncomfortable with such intimacy. The closer she tries to get, the more I withdraw. She asked me if I thought I was going to survive the year and I said, honestly, I am not sure but it doesn't look great. Her reply was "well, you better make me pregnant soon then". I never thought I would be worrying about dying before my child was born. Aside from that my health is quite good. I got my scans back for my knees and it seems I have virtually no cartilage in my knees any more. So that explains why sitting down hurts so much.
I have to decide if I am going to fast before Easter, I haven't done it since I was ten and to be honest I doubt I have the will power, I would only be able to do the bread and water one. I know my doctor would advise against it, but I might give it a try Ash Wednesday is March the ninth this year so If I am going to attempt it, I'll be sure to have a fat Tuesday to remember.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Wuthering Hights - After leaving a few messages at Bridgets blog, Tea and Digestives, I realised how much I love the music of Kate Bush. This is still my favourite because of the huge amount of passion she sings it with. Why I find it difficult to express my own feelings is another matter. The Stalker says I am lost in the universe.
Killing Me Softly - I much prefer the Fugees version to the Roberta Flack original. We have all had that feeling, when listening to a piece of music when we think - this could have been written about me, that's what I think this song is all about.
Your Still The One - Whatever happened to Shania Twain, she used to be everywhere. This is a real girls song, I remember it because there was a band in the city I lived with the Lunatic that sang this every night we were there. I had never heard the song before then but liked it a lot, there was that an some song called eternal triangle, which I think was sung by some Indonesian.
Cambodia - Kim Wilde singing a song with political overtones in the early eighties - who would have thunk it. I have been to Cambodia several times, its a sad country you only have to look around for the people who are missing a whole generation effectively wiped out, so much for atheism.
I Don't Want To Wait - Paula Cole always seems so unhappy about something, I suppose many women are with men like me who are reluctant to commit. I don't know if its my natural self destructiveness or my belief that I am never really going to die that make it hard for me. It is contradictory because the doctors are not exactly hopeful and yet, I still keep going.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 6 pints of Kronenbourg 1664, 6 double Vodkas
Today's Soundtrack: Music to Wring Your Hands To
I was caught out badly by the decision from S&P to lower the rating of Japan. I managed to recover most of the damage, but like many others I question the timing. Why was this done at the London open, also there was some dodgy currency trades prior to the announcement. If you were a rating agency who would you downgrade Japan or the UK or the US? I also have taken some heavy losses on gold futures recently, which I find difficult to understand. In an environment where the governments have lost the ability to control interest rates and inflation is steadily increasing Gold is the perfect asset to hold.
The Stalker has been driving me crazy. She clearly knows me too well and is turning up unexpectedly. She has recently started showing me the sort of intense affection she did when we first met all those years ago. It is nice but I am uncomfortable with such intimacy. The closer she tries to get, the more I withdraw. She asked me if I thought I was going to survive the year and I said, honestly, I am not sure but it doesn't look great. Her reply was "well, you better make me pregnant soon then". I never thought I would be worrying about dying before my child was born. Aside from that my health is quite good. I got my scans back for my knees and it seems I have virtually no cartilage in my knees any more. So that explains why sitting down hurts so much.
I have to decide if I am going to fast before Easter, I haven't done it since I was ten and to be honest I doubt I have the will power, I would only be able to do the bread and water one. I know my doctor would advise against it, but I might give it a try Ash Wednesday is March the ninth this year so If I am going to attempt it, I'll be sure to have a fat Tuesday to remember.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Wuthering Hights - After leaving a few messages at Bridgets blog, Tea and Digestives, I realised how much I love the music of Kate Bush. This is still my favourite because of the huge amount of passion she sings it with. Why I find it difficult to express my own feelings is another matter. The Stalker says I am lost in the universe.
Killing Me Softly - I much prefer the Fugees version to the Roberta Flack original. We have all had that feeling, when listening to a piece of music when we think - this could have been written about me, that's what I think this song is all about.
Your Still The One - Whatever happened to Shania Twain, she used to be everywhere. This is a real girls song, I remember it because there was a band in the city I lived with the Lunatic that sang this every night we were there. I had never heard the song before then but liked it a lot, there was that an some song called eternal triangle, which I think was sung by some Indonesian.
Cambodia - Kim Wilde singing a song with political overtones in the early eighties - who would have thunk it. I have been to Cambodia several times, its a sad country you only have to look around for the people who are missing a whole generation effectively wiped out, so much for atheism.
I Don't Want To Wait - Paula Cole always seems so unhappy about something, I suppose many women are with men like me who are reluctant to commit. I don't know if its my natural self destructiveness or my belief that I am never really going to die that make it hard for me. It is contradictory because the doctors are not exactly hopeful and yet, I still keep going.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Friday 7 January 2011
Is That It ???
Yesterdays P&L: GBP 0.00
Yesterdays Booze: A Lot
Yesterdays Soundtrack: Music To stomp your feet to
No work yesterday, just had to see another doctor in a place called Reading, (no offence, but it looks like someone built a town in the middle of a large industrial estate).
So it was my birthday, I am an old man now, forty one - screw you to the people who said I'll never make it past twenty seven, except my mum and dad - seems ungrateful saying screw you to your parents on your birthday. So now I am in my forties, I have to ask - what next? A mid-life crisis seems sort of redundant for me, I have been having one of those since I was twelve. I am in rather uncharted territory, as mentioned absolutely nobody expected me to make it this far, but with a few exceptions I am from a rather conventional family. Both my brothers and all my cousins have got married and had children, it was clearly what was expected from me as well and once again I have proven to be something of a disappointment. In fact I feel even more detached and distant than ever before. My father called me when I eventually got home last night to wish me Happy Birthday - He was in Brazil when I was born. He and my Mother and Uncle had all been out in Spain celebrating my birthday, (its also a pretty big day in Spain, being the Epiphany). I asked him, you all went out without me and he replied, "of course. We always celebrate your birthday and your never with us". For the record I haven't been at home on my birthday since I was fourteen. It was typical for me also, spending my time in strange pubs and bars talking to people I don't know - still flirted heavily with three women, including one extremely exotic Indian girl. The Stalker wasn't around, which I am glad about as she managed to screw up Christmas and New Year for me. No doubt she will guess I have been drinking and give me a hard time for it later. She clearly has decided that as she has invested so much of her time and energy in me - I better produce results and quickly. It's kind of like going out with a tougher, female version of the drill instructor from the movie, "An Officer And A Gentleman".
So what have I learned over this year? Nothing, I guess. If I am honest I feel even more isolated than I did this time last year. I am aware that only I can improve my life and that I keep on making the same mistakes but I seem to have adopted the attitude that sayings like that are as serious as the rules on a swimming pool wall, (you know; no petting, no water bombing, etc). Compared to me, the Stalker is a virtual self-help book. Actually, often talking to her does feel like some Tony Robbins, conference at times. I imagine its because due to her medical problems she approaches life with an urgency, I just can't seem to muster. Deep down I still don't believe I am going to die. Anyway - that was it for another year, Like the Stones I keep on rolling and am once again planning a world tour. I don't make New Years resolutions, but this year, which maybe my last, (just, like for all of us), I have plans to shake this semi-comatose life style, Its about time I did something rather than be "full of promise". No one should still be full of undiscovered promise at forty one.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Street Fighting Man - From the fantastic Beggars Banquet record. Long before the Stones were the biggest corporate entertainment the world has ever seen. Even a true believer like me is beginning to wonder just how contrived Keith is. At least Jagger is fairly obvious in his naked ambition and greed. Still a great band and still one I would buy tickets to see but I wonder when you exchange the fire and vitriol for packaged excess? The Rolling Stones are who U2 want to be when they grow up.
Wonderwall - I was never an Oasis fan, in fact the whole Britpop scene passed me by, as you can tell from my blog, I live far too much in the past. The first time I heard this song was in a bar in London, after a heavy night. It was about ten in the morning and only the hardcore drunks were fuelling their addiction. There were some drunks out in the street, and I remember thinking that apart from the glass window separating the bums in the street from me in the pub, there wasn't much difference between us. The next time I heard it was in a bar in Bow Lane on a busy winter evening when the packed bar spontaneously started singing along.
I Might Have Been Queen - What is it about Tina?. Maybe its her stage presence and her serious voice, maybe its because she finally decided, "Hey Ike touch me one more time and I'll fuck you up". Who Knows? This song is from Private Dancer one of my all time favourite albums. The meaning is quite feminine I guess, I am sure the Stalker would have more understanding than me. Maybe not, The Stalker is from a very rich family, this seems to be more about someone breaking out of the poor life and reinventing themselves - Far more my territory.
True Faith - Everyone talks about Blue Monday, but this is the best New Order track. I don't have much to say about this song, I just feel it applies to me in a way that I don't really understand.
Won't Get Fooled Again - The Who at their very best. I love this song, but can't help feeling that The Who are a band that can't quite be captured in recordings. The Original Who should have been seen live. It isn't just the extraordinary musicianship and the crushing volume, but more the simmering tension of the band members. This song reminds me of Indonesia in Ninety Seven, a time and place I still have a lot of unresolved feelings about. I also feel the same about one of my favourite books, "A Tale Of Two Cities", for some reason it reminds me of Indo in ninety seven.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Yesterdays Booze: A Lot
Yesterdays Soundtrack: Music To stomp your feet to
No work yesterday, just had to see another doctor in a place called Reading, (no offence, but it looks like someone built a town in the middle of a large industrial estate).
So it was my birthday, I am an old man now, forty one - screw you to the people who said I'll never make it past twenty seven, except my mum and dad - seems ungrateful saying screw you to your parents on your birthday. So now I am in my forties, I have to ask - what next? A mid-life crisis seems sort of redundant for me, I have been having one of those since I was twelve. I am in rather uncharted territory, as mentioned absolutely nobody expected me to make it this far, but with a few exceptions I am from a rather conventional family. Both my brothers and all my cousins have got married and had children, it was clearly what was expected from me as well and once again I have proven to be something of a disappointment. In fact I feel even more detached and distant than ever before. My father called me when I eventually got home last night to wish me Happy Birthday - He was in Brazil when I was born. He and my Mother and Uncle had all been out in Spain celebrating my birthday, (its also a pretty big day in Spain, being the Epiphany). I asked him, you all went out without me and he replied, "of course. We always celebrate your birthday and your never with us". For the record I haven't been at home on my birthday since I was fourteen. It was typical for me also, spending my time in strange pubs and bars talking to people I don't know - still flirted heavily with three women, including one extremely exotic Indian girl. The Stalker wasn't around, which I am glad about as she managed to screw up Christmas and New Year for me. No doubt she will guess I have been drinking and give me a hard time for it later. She clearly has decided that as she has invested so much of her time and energy in me - I better produce results and quickly. It's kind of like going out with a tougher, female version of the drill instructor from the movie, "An Officer And A Gentleman".
So what have I learned over this year? Nothing, I guess. If I am honest I feel even more isolated than I did this time last year. I am aware that only I can improve my life and that I keep on making the same mistakes but I seem to have adopted the attitude that sayings like that are as serious as the rules on a swimming pool wall, (you know; no petting, no water bombing, etc). Compared to me, the Stalker is a virtual self-help book. Actually, often talking to her does feel like some Tony Robbins, conference at times. I imagine its because due to her medical problems she approaches life with an urgency, I just can't seem to muster. Deep down I still don't believe I am going to die. Anyway - that was it for another year, Like the Stones I keep on rolling and am once again planning a world tour. I don't make New Years resolutions, but this year, which maybe my last, (just, like for all of us), I have plans to shake this semi-comatose life style, Its about time I did something rather than be "full of promise". No one should still be full of undiscovered promise at forty one.
Today's music, my top five tracks:
Street Fighting Man - From the fantastic Beggars Banquet record. Long before the Stones were the biggest corporate entertainment the world has ever seen. Even a true believer like me is beginning to wonder just how contrived Keith is. At least Jagger is fairly obvious in his naked ambition and greed. Still a great band and still one I would buy tickets to see but I wonder when you exchange the fire and vitriol for packaged excess? The Rolling Stones are who U2 want to be when they grow up.
Wonderwall - I was never an Oasis fan, in fact the whole Britpop scene passed me by, as you can tell from my blog, I live far too much in the past. The first time I heard this song was in a bar in London, after a heavy night. It was about ten in the morning and only the hardcore drunks were fuelling their addiction. There were some drunks out in the street, and I remember thinking that apart from the glass window separating the bums in the street from me in the pub, there wasn't much difference between us. The next time I heard it was in a bar in Bow Lane on a busy winter evening when the packed bar spontaneously started singing along.
I Might Have Been Queen - What is it about Tina?. Maybe its her stage presence and her serious voice, maybe its because she finally decided, "Hey Ike touch me one more time and I'll fuck you up". Who Knows? This song is from Private Dancer one of my all time favourite albums. The meaning is quite feminine I guess, I am sure the Stalker would have more understanding than me. Maybe not, The Stalker is from a very rich family, this seems to be more about someone breaking out of the poor life and reinventing themselves - Far more my territory.
True Faith - Everyone talks about Blue Monday, but this is the best New Order track. I don't have much to say about this song, I just feel it applies to me in a way that I don't really understand.
Won't Get Fooled Again - The Who at their very best. I love this song, but can't help feeling that The Who are a band that can't quite be captured in recordings. The Original Who should have been seen live. It isn't just the extraordinary musicianship and the crushing volume, but more the simmering tension of the band members. This song reminds me of Indonesia in Ninety Seven, a time and place I still have a lot of unresolved feelings about. I also feel the same about one of my favourite books, "A Tale Of Two Cities", for some reason it reminds me of Indo in ninety seven.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
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