Yesterdays P&L: GBP-7.00
Yesterdays booze: 500 cl of Imperial Russian Vodka, 500 cl of Patron XO Tequilla
Christ, I cannot believe I spent all day burning my retinas in front of these screens to record a loss of seven quid. If I am going to lose money at least make it worth it! Back in the day, when I lived in sunny Bangkok, I was averaging $10-15,000 a day! How did it go so wrong?
At least I was pissed, the sweet, sweet alcohol takes away the suffering. But I can already tell that this is nearing it's end. I wonder how long I am going to be able to drink enough to take away the constant pain I am in. In the mornings when I come to, as an alcoholic, you never wake up you come too, the booze from the previous night has worn off and I have to brace myself before I swing my legs over the side of the bed and put the weight of my body on my shattered knees and ankles - the drinking starts soon after. I remember my grandfather, my mothers father. I was just a child when he died my mother had gone down to stay with him in his final days and dragged my older brother and me with her. He was a fine man and very stoic, but he was riddled with cancer, it had infected every part of him - his bones, his lymphatic system, everything. He was in extraordinary pain, my mother was terribly close to him and wanted to do anything to ease his suffering, when she asked the doctors for more morphine to help him they said it couldn't be done - if he took anymore he would go into a coma and die. Sometimes the drugs do not work any longer.
Saturday 22 December 2007
Friday 21 December 2007
Collateral
Yesterdays P&L: GBP-98.00
Yesterdays booze: 500cl Absolut Vodka, 2litres Irish cider, 750cl Rioja
Whatta revoltin' development, I lost money - I just can't afford a single day of losses right now. Last night I watched the movie Collateral, I love this film! It is so bleak, it just resonated within me like you wouldn't believe. I am a huge fan of Michael Mann, hey I am an 80's boy Miami Vice was so cool. I watched this movie with a friend, I don't have many. He couldn't see why I was so keen on it, he thought it was just an action film but for me the feelings it stirred up are difficult to explain.
The plot is simple, a cab driver picks up the wrong customer and is forced into assisting the customer, who is a relentless hitman, into his nights work. The execution of the film is just wonderful. Tom Cruise is the hitman and plays an extraordinay bad guy. Nothing is known about him, he is this guy called Vincent, he wears a smart gray suit, he could be anyone of hundreds of guys I knew in London or New York. I love when he says to the cabbie, (Jamie Foxx), "Since when was any of this negotiable". The other quote that really appeals to me is when he is talking about how cold LA is, he says something along the lines of a guy dies on a subway train and ries around for 6 hours without anyone knowing at the beginning of the movie and at the end of it when he dies on a subway train he says, "Guy gets on the subway and dies. Think anybody'll notice?".
What I love about this film is Cruise is relentless, he doesn't know why he is killing these people, he just does it, ain't no point in complaining when you have a job to do. At one point he says "Get with it. Millions of galaxies of hundreds of millions of stars, in a speck on one in a blink. That's us, lost in space. The cop, you, me... Who notices?" Later he says , when discussing the cabbies dreams, "Someday my dream will come. One night you'll wake up and you'll discover it never happened. It's all turned around on you and it never will. Suddenly you are old, didn't happened and it never will, 'cause you were never going to do it anyway."
My younger brother, who I love, thinks I am some kind of legend because I turned my back on convention, he said to me once that everyone talks about it, you know, just saying fuck it and walking away but I really did it. He is right in some respects but it hasn't been as easy as it seems. It is like a trapeze across the Grand Canyon without a safety net. For a while things were great, I lived an amazing life style, I remember one time crying in my booze at my favourite bar in Bangkok and a friend asked me what is the worst thing that happened to you this year, the only bad thing I could think of was that Emirates Airline ran out of Lobster before they served me. Anyway, if you haven't seen it watch Collateral and think, if you died on the underground who is going to know or care.
Yesterdays booze: 500cl Absolut Vodka, 2litres Irish cider, 750cl Rioja
Whatta revoltin' development, I lost money - I just can't afford a single day of losses right now. Last night I watched the movie Collateral, I love this film! It is so bleak, it just resonated within me like you wouldn't believe. I am a huge fan of Michael Mann, hey I am an 80's boy Miami Vice was so cool. I watched this movie with a friend, I don't have many. He couldn't see why I was so keen on it, he thought it was just an action film but for me the feelings it stirred up are difficult to explain.
The plot is simple, a cab driver picks up the wrong customer and is forced into assisting the customer, who is a relentless hitman, into his nights work. The execution of the film is just wonderful. Tom Cruise is the hitman and plays an extraordinay bad guy. Nothing is known about him, he is this guy called Vincent, he wears a smart gray suit, he could be anyone of hundreds of guys I knew in London or New York. I love when he says to the cabbie, (Jamie Foxx), "Since when was any of this negotiable". The other quote that really appeals to me is when he is talking about how cold LA is, he says something along the lines of a guy dies on a subway train and ries around for 6 hours without anyone knowing at the beginning of the movie and at the end of it when he dies on a subway train he says, "Guy gets on the subway and dies. Think anybody'll notice?".
What I love about this film is Cruise is relentless, he doesn't know why he is killing these people, he just does it, ain't no point in complaining when you have a job to do. At one point he says "Get with it. Millions of galaxies of hundreds of millions of stars, in a speck on one in a blink. That's us, lost in space. The cop, you, me... Who notices?" Later he says , when discussing the cabbies dreams, "Someday my dream will come. One night you'll wake up and you'll discover it never happened. It's all turned around on you and it never will. Suddenly you are old, didn't happened and it never will, 'cause you were never going to do it anyway."
My younger brother, who I love, thinks I am some kind of legend because I turned my back on convention, he said to me once that everyone talks about it, you know, just saying fuck it and walking away but I really did it. He is right in some respects but it hasn't been as easy as it seems. It is like a trapeze across the Grand Canyon without a safety net. For a while things were great, I lived an amazing life style, I remember one time crying in my booze at my favourite bar in Bangkok and a friend asked me what is the worst thing that happened to you this year, the only bad thing I could think of was that Emirates Airline ran out of Lobster before they served me. Anyway, if you haven't seen it watch Collateral and think, if you died on the underground who is going to know or care.
Thursday 20 December 2007
I hate Christmas
Yesterdays P&L: GBP98
Yesterdays Booze: 500cl Green Mark Vodka, 2 litres Irish cider, 750cl Spanish Cava
Why do I hate Christmas? It is not because of all the good cheer and ho, ho, ho. In fact in my earlier days I was the life and soul of a party, (despite my dipso melancholy), and I have always enjoyed a good ho! The reason I hate the Christmas /New Year holidays, (I am Scottish and New Year is far more important for us), is that business seems to shut down - completely. The bone-idle, overpaid bastards that now populate London and Wall Street have little or no interest in trading which makes markets very thin and very volatile, bad news for a day trader on his uppers such as myself. Still I persevere and every dodgy trade inspires me to more sad music and to reach for my bottle. I am currently enjoying a reasonably good vodka called Green Mark - it isn't bad and helps me eek out my supplies of Danzka, which is a seriously cool Danish vodka. Danzka is premium, smooth stuff but seems to be available only in Denmark and in Spain. I have no idea why as it is so good, with mixers or neat and it comes in cool aluminium flasks. Ideal for recycling, (enviromentaly-friendly Dipso), or the basis for a good Molitov pipe-bomb come the revolution. You see, being an alcoholic isn't all supermarket vodka and vomit stains on your suit, you can enjoy the finer things as well.
Today I am concerned about the absurdity of the markets, US chop-shop Bear Stearns announced appalling losses related to it's sub-prime and CDO exposure and the market decided to give it a break. Why? well because they feel it is good that financial institutions are revealing how much money they have lost rather than letting investors continue to guess. That makes sense, I mean the fact that these companies claimed firstly that exposure was limited, then announced huge 3rd quarter losses to "draw a line" under the problem and are now reporting 4th quarter losses way in excess of original estimations surely means they wouldn't lie to us again - doesn't it? I remember when a company would be punished by the market for proving itself incapable of doing its core business. The repurcussions of this are huge, these banks and investment companies are going hat in hand to the Middle East and Asia for new capital and paying through the nose to get it. When Citibank has to pay 11% plus to get funding how much do you think they are going to start charging thieir customers? Forget my Scrooge like mood folks, enjoy Christmas and The New Year because I suspect that bad times are coming.
Yesterdays Booze: 500cl Green Mark Vodka, 2 litres Irish cider, 750cl Spanish Cava
Why do I hate Christmas? It is not because of all the good cheer and ho, ho, ho. In fact in my earlier days I was the life and soul of a party, (despite my dipso melancholy), and I have always enjoyed a good ho! The reason I hate the Christmas /New Year holidays, (I am Scottish and New Year is far more important for us), is that business seems to shut down - completely. The bone-idle, overpaid bastards that now populate London and Wall Street have little or no interest in trading which makes markets very thin and very volatile, bad news for a day trader on his uppers such as myself. Still I persevere and every dodgy trade inspires me to more sad music and to reach for my bottle. I am currently enjoying a reasonably good vodka called Green Mark - it isn't bad and helps me eek out my supplies of Danzka, which is a seriously cool Danish vodka. Danzka is premium, smooth stuff but seems to be available only in Denmark and in Spain. I have no idea why as it is so good, with mixers or neat and it comes in cool aluminium flasks. Ideal for recycling, (enviromentaly-friendly Dipso), or the basis for a good Molitov pipe-bomb come the revolution. You see, being an alcoholic isn't all supermarket vodka and vomit stains on your suit, you can enjoy the finer things as well.
Today I am concerned about the absurdity of the markets, US chop-shop Bear Stearns announced appalling losses related to it's sub-prime and CDO exposure and the market decided to give it a break. Why? well because they feel it is good that financial institutions are revealing how much money they have lost rather than letting investors continue to guess. That makes sense, I mean the fact that these companies claimed firstly that exposure was limited, then announced huge 3rd quarter losses to "draw a line" under the problem and are now reporting 4th quarter losses way in excess of original estimations surely means they wouldn't lie to us again - doesn't it? I remember when a company would be punished by the market for proving itself incapable of doing its core business. The repurcussions of this are huge, these banks and investment companies are going hat in hand to the Middle East and Asia for new capital and paying through the nose to get it. When Citibank has to pay 11% plus to get funding how much do you think they are going to start charging thieir customers? Forget my Scrooge like mood folks, enjoy Christmas and The New Year because I suspect that bad times are coming.
Tuesday 18 December 2007
Why blog?
Yesterdays P&L: GBP192.00
Yesterdays booze: 750ml of Vodka, 1 litre of Artois, 1 litre of cider
Why do people blog? I guess people have a need to reveal their opinions to others, I mean it isn't quite the same as keeping a secret diary is it. Perhaps there is a new generation of wannabe writers who have recognized that this may be the quickest way, (possibly the only way), their writings are going to be introduced to others. Certainly it seems that the media companies and the distributors need content no matter how poor.
Many bloggers seem reluctant to accept comments that disagree with their opinions, in fact I read one blog from an Asian woman who complained about comments that she felt were contrary or hurtful. She compared her blog to a shop offering free products and seemed to feel that it was rude and wrong to criticise her on that basis. She was, of course, wrong as all she is doing is expressing her opinions and if you offer your opinions in a public place well then you have to accept that not everyone is going to agree with you and some people might pour scorn on you. Most bloggers seem to adopt the practice of not posting comments that annoy them or dismissing them as "trolls", (whatever that means), just like the drunk in the bar that refuses to listen to any other viewpoints or the child that sticks his fingers in his ears when he doesn't hear what he wants.
So why should I start a blog? I have never been one to collect memories, in fact despite being well-travelled, photographs and keep-sakes are conspicuously absent from my life. I never really felt I had a great deal to say, although I have recently taken a great deal of pleasure commenting, (and no-doubt annoying), other people on their blogs. I suppose the simple answer is I have far too much time on my hands right now and at least it will let me keep track of my manic drinking and my tragic trading activities.
Yesterdays booze: 750ml of Vodka, 1 litre of Artois, 1 litre of cider
Why do people blog? I guess people have a need to reveal their opinions to others, I mean it isn't quite the same as keeping a secret diary is it. Perhaps there is a new generation of wannabe writers who have recognized that this may be the quickest way, (possibly the only way), their writings are going to be introduced to others. Certainly it seems that the media companies and the distributors need content no matter how poor.
Many bloggers seem reluctant to accept comments that disagree with their opinions, in fact I read one blog from an Asian woman who complained about comments that she felt were contrary or hurtful. She compared her blog to a shop offering free products and seemed to feel that it was rude and wrong to criticise her on that basis. She was, of course, wrong as all she is doing is expressing her opinions and if you offer your opinions in a public place well then you have to accept that not everyone is going to agree with you and some people might pour scorn on you. Most bloggers seem to adopt the practice of not posting comments that annoy them or dismissing them as "trolls", (whatever that means), just like the drunk in the bar that refuses to listen to any other viewpoints or the child that sticks his fingers in his ears when he doesn't hear what he wants.
So why should I start a blog? I have never been one to collect memories, in fact despite being well-travelled, photographs and keep-sakes are conspicuously absent from my life. I never really felt I had a great deal to say, although I have recently taken a great deal of pleasure commenting, (and no-doubt annoying), other people on their blogs. I suppose the simple answer is I have far too much time on my hands right now and at least it will let me keep track of my manic drinking and my tragic trading activities.
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