Yesterdays P&L: GBP 110.00
Yesterdays Booze: 3 Bottles of Rioja
Yesterdays Soundtrack: Blues
We were right - you were wrong. You know how they have those movies were the evildoer always gets his bitter desserts at the end of the film, well as previously suspected they are just fairy stories. The UK banking sector which, using the kind of logic only civil servants understand, decided that the way to deal with banks that are "too big to fail" was to merge them with other banks and make them bigger has used similar thinking to deal with the high wages and lack of accountability of investment bankers. As a result all four of the major UK banks are now run by the heads of investment banks. Perhaps the thinking is that the commercial and retail bankers who used to be in the jobs were ill-prepared to understand the complexity of the modern financial markets, (in which case they should have been playing golf at the club or doddering around some old folks home). It's like putting the wolf in charge of the sheep. Any investment banker who made it to the level of Bob Diamond at Barclays or Stuart Gulliver at HSBC has the thinking and profit motivation of a trader/investment banker ingrained in his blood.
The fantasy world the markets are operating in continues to bemuse me. I understand Why gold is so high and, seemingly, going much higher. Paper currency is looking extremely unreliable, a situation that won't improve as long as the central banks keep printing the stuff to pay their bills. Gold has always been a hedge against inflation, but also a vote of lack of confidence in paper money. I had a friend who collected banknotes and I remember bringing him back stacks of pre-Khmer Cambodian Riels and French Piastres, Burmese Rupees and Brazilian Cruzeiros - all of them worthless no matter how beautifully decorated the notes were, (the Cambodian Riels were particularly attractive). Equities are also as good a financial instrument as you can get in an inflationary environment, providing the companies you invest in don't go bust due to the economic situation. A bigger problem is the bond markets. Bonds are often called fixed income because that's what you get. If you buy the safest bond, typically a US treasury for say ten years you get the coupon paid semi-annually and your money returned at the end of the ten years. However if inflation is four percent and the coupon is two and a half percent per annum, then you have lent your money for ten years to the government and are losing one and a half percent per year. This may not seem so bad as at least you get your original principal back, (less the inflation adjusted loss), in ten years, provided the issuer of your bonds doesn't default, like Argentina, (two thousand and two) and Russia, (ninety eight), have. The problem is the companies that manage your pensions and generally are little more than overpaid telephone clerks usually invest in a mixture of bonds, equities and cash. So the money that is being built up to pay for your golden years will likely be far less than you expect. At least if you invest in property like the lovely Bridget at teaanddigestives.blogspot.com you get to own something real, bonus points if its somewhere like Italy. Luckily I don't have a pension plan - I just hope I die before I spend all my money.
Receiving overtures of reconciliation from the Stalker, she must be having some problems as I seem to be the male equivalent of light relief for depressed women. Perhaps my own situation is so bad they can look at their own lives and say "at least I'm not that fucker", actually she's probably just horny. Most female partners I have had know I am a good place to go for complication-free sex. Actually I am sure that's the case as when I told her my mother was paying a visit, she suggested a hotel, which I don't mind in the slightest as I spent a lot of time living in hotels and service apartments and she isn't exactly the travel lodge kind of woman. Mind you, I still recall when we went to a hotel in Green Park that has an excellent malt whisky bar, over two hundred and seventy types, we took a break and decided to see how well we could taste the differences between them. Even I winced when she got the bill.
Yesterday's music was Blues, my top five tracks:
Misty Blue - Dorothy Moore, what a great song, reminds me of good old days and better nights. I can't be the only person that lives their life as if it had a soundtrack attached.
Hellhound On My Tail - "I got to keep movin, got to keep movin" Old Robert supposedly sold his soul to the devil to achieve success. I wonder if I would ever do that, mind you the going rate for my soul is probably enough to get me to the first round of X factor or an appearance on big brother.
Stormy Weather - The Lena Horne version, "Stormy weather, just can't get myself together - I am weary all the time, I'm weary all the time". Am I the only person that thinks this song is cheerful? Another good version is the Sinatra one on the album No One Cares.
One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer - A song by John Lee Hooker, classic drinking music. Last call for alcohol, funny how some days you go into a bar, just for a quick drink and before you know it they are telling you its closing time.
Same Old Blues - Eric Clapton, he loves the blues so much he built an entire fortune on it. Strange how music from the plantations in the deep south ended up with Clapton driving his Ferrari to his residency in the Albert Hall. Still, no doubt Clapton is a brilliant blues guitarist. Every man who ever lost his girl or his job or his house should have some empathy with the blues.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Wednesday 29 September 2010
Saturday 18 September 2010
The World Ain't Been The Same
Fridays P&L: GBP 110.00
Fridays Booze: 1 bottle of Tinto Pesqura 1994, 4 pints of Stella Artois, 3 pints of Aspinall's cider
Fridays Soundtrack: Rock Music
Took my first tentative steps back into trading, after all what else can I do? Its going to take a lot of days earning this little to make up my last loss. I made some money on a small short on the FTSE100 and then just watched the market as it climbed, this is why I hate trading on a Friday. The equity indexes are still operating in cloud cuckoo land so I should probably leave them alone as I cannot believe they should be so high, anyway the action recently has been taking place on the currency markets. Japan's intervention in the markets in Wednesday was really no solution the Yen continues to look strong, not because Japan is any stronger than Europe or America but because global interest rates are so low that any yield pick-up by being in other currencies is negligible. Gold as usual is benefiting. The desk traders should be back at work by now, following the summer quiet period which should give a few months of activity before the Christmas slow season starts. Lets see if I can recover from what seems a hopeless situation.
I have inadvertently given the Stalker her perfect easy escape route by responding to a facebook request from the Lunatic. Facebook is truly the invention of the devil. Not really knowing anything about these type of sites, I had no idea that everyone else can see your conversations on that site, so she has already phoned me to express her anger. Women are so odd, it is clear to me that she wants to end the relationship, yet she remains extremely jealous. She definitely views herself as an alpha female and even if she doesn't want something she doesn't want any other woman to have it.
Fridays music was various rock and roll tracks, (I have had enough heartache music recently):
Woke Up This Morning - The music from the Sopranos. "Born under a bad sign", maybe that was me, both my grandmothers had nothing good to say about me, actually that is putting it mildly - my maternal grandmother described me as the spawn of Satan, I was six years old. I wonder what I did that was so bad to them. This song was a big hit because of the huge popularity of the tv program, but its an excellent song in its own right - in fact the whole album is cool the other track I listen to a lot is Mao Tse Tung Said, I have always enjoyed flirting with totalitarianism.
Solsbury Hill - This is a very joyous track. Peter Gabriel is another artist who is a bit mad. He is very involved in social causes though, without being as cringe inducing as Bono or Sting. It's easy for someone like me, who has never done anything worthwhile to knock these guys. This song reminds me of a day when just about everything went right. I was about seventeen and its all I could do to stop myself punching the air.
You Could Be Mine - Guns and Roses, just before they imploded. Axl Rose is certainly not operating with a full deck of cards, OK they made it to the big leagues but they didn't stick around long. I sometimes wonder how bands like The Stones can keep going year after year at the highest level and yet other bands rip themselves apart after a short period. This song reminds me of a demanding woman, I have known a few of them.
Hit Me With Your Best Shot - Anyone remember Pat Benetar. I imagine she is like some housewife now, but who knows - like Chrissy Hynde she was an authentic rock chick. This song is from the album called Crimes of Passion - my kind of title. This song has all the attitude that should be in rock, it doesn't matter if it doesn't make you strut. Sometimes I forget I am forty and still think I am fifteen.
In The Evening - The mighty Led Zep, this song has all the usual mix problems that Led Zep records have, (a lot of their songs have dated so badly because of the mix - God knows what they were using for monitors back then). But it's Zep and its another killer riff from Jimmy Page, Even the Stones can't match these guys for decadence. This song is dark, but in a good way - goes well with heavy drinking.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Fridays Booze: 1 bottle of Tinto Pesqura 1994, 4 pints of Stella Artois, 3 pints of Aspinall's cider
Fridays Soundtrack: Rock Music
Took my first tentative steps back into trading, after all what else can I do? Its going to take a lot of days earning this little to make up my last loss. I made some money on a small short on the FTSE100 and then just watched the market as it climbed, this is why I hate trading on a Friday. The equity indexes are still operating in cloud cuckoo land so I should probably leave them alone as I cannot believe they should be so high, anyway the action recently has been taking place on the currency markets. Japan's intervention in the markets in Wednesday was really no solution the Yen continues to look strong, not because Japan is any stronger than Europe or America but because global interest rates are so low that any yield pick-up by being in other currencies is negligible. Gold as usual is benefiting. The desk traders should be back at work by now, following the summer quiet period which should give a few months of activity before the Christmas slow season starts. Lets see if I can recover from what seems a hopeless situation.
I have inadvertently given the Stalker her perfect easy escape route by responding to a facebook request from the Lunatic. Facebook is truly the invention of the devil. Not really knowing anything about these type of sites, I had no idea that everyone else can see your conversations on that site, so she has already phoned me to express her anger. Women are so odd, it is clear to me that she wants to end the relationship, yet she remains extremely jealous. She definitely views herself as an alpha female and even if she doesn't want something she doesn't want any other woman to have it.
Fridays music was various rock and roll tracks, (I have had enough heartache music recently):
Woke Up This Morning - The music from the Sopranos. "Born under a bad sign", maybe that was me, both my grandmothers had nothing good to say about me, actually that is putting it mildly - my maternal grandmother described me as the spawn of Satan, I was six years old. I wonder what I did that was so bad to them. This song was a big hit because of the huge popularity of the tv program, but its an excellent song in its own right - in fact the whole album is cool the other track I listen to a lot is Mao Tse Tung Said, I have always enjoyed flirting with totalitarianism.
Solsbury Hill - This is a very joyous track. Peter Gabriel is another artist who is a bit mad. He is very involved in social causes though, without being as cringe inducing as Bono or Sting. It's easy for someone like me, who has never done anything worthwhile to knock these guys. This song reminds me of a day when just about everything went right. I was about seventeen and its all I could do to stop myself punching the air.
You Could Be Mine - Guns and Roses, just before they imploded. Axl Rose is certainly not operating with a full deck of cards, OK they made it to the big leagues but they didn't stick around long. I sometimes wonder how bands like The Stones can keep going year after year at the highest level and yet other bands rip themselves apart after a short period. This song reminds me of a demanding woman, I have known a few of them.
Hit Me With Your Best Shot - Anyone remember Pat Benetar. I imagine she is like some housewife now, but who knows - like Chrissy Hynde she was an authentic rock chick. This song is from the album called Crimes of Passion - my kind of title. This song has all the attitude that should be in rock, it doesn't matter if it doesn't make you strut. Sometimes I forget I am forty and still think I am fifteen.
In The Evening - The mighty Led Zep, this song has all the usual mix problems that Led Zep records have, (a lot of their songs have dated so badly because of the mix - God knows what they were using for monitors back then). But it's Zep and its another killer riff from Jimmy Page, Even the Stones can't match these guys for decadence. This song is dark, but in a good way - goes well with heavy drinking.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Monday 13 September 2010
I'd Sooner Forget, But I Remember Those Nights
Today's P&L: Still no trading
Today's Booze: 3 bottles of Tinto Pesqura 1994
Today's Soundtrack:
Found a case of wine I didn't know I had, lucky me - would have been better if it was Vega Sicillia Unico. My palette is so uneducated, but even I can tell this is good grog.
The Stalker knows a lot about wine and that's kind of fitting because this post is about her. We are splitting up, she hasn't said anything yet but I know its happening. You want to know how I know? she offered me money, OK it was only fifty thousand pounds. As I have already mentioned women are an ungenerous sex at the best of times and in her case, I know her ex-husband, (come to think of it I never saw any divorce papers), controls all her finances despite losing a truckload in the recent credit crisis. It was after a pretty energetic sexual encounter, where I feel I was almost the man I used to be and I think in her mind it reminded her of why she left me all those years ago. Anyway a while later, when she had regained her composure, she was using one of my computers and suddenly came up with this "undiscovered" bank account which in her generosity she decided to give me. OK the money would clear my troubles with the tax man and a broker but I'll never take it. I didn't let the smile slip from my face as she told me, but I knew straight away what was happening.
You must understand, the Stalker thinks I am stupid. I didn't go to university and in her eyes I am an uneducated dolt. I can see her thought processes forming before she even opens her mouth. And she also forgets we have done this exact scenario at least twice before - OK it was Ninety Two and Ninety Five. This time will be the last. Her husband had an affair and I guess I was her retaliation. I should feel cheap and used and I do - but I kind of like that feeling. At the end of the day I want what's best for her and I am pretty sure it isn't me. My father, if he was here, would urge me to fight for her, (he adores her), but that's not my style. She will come back to me but perhaps next time I won't be around.
Coincidently I got an email from the lunatic asking me to be a facebook friend. Looks like she finally got around to learning how to plug in her computer. On her page there is a black and white picture of her that reminds me of our time together. She is older of course but she still has that distant sad look in her eyes that breaks my heart every time I see it. She is such a special woman, I really hope she finds someone because she is one of those girls that is not built to be alone. Now I know the Stalker and I are splitting up I even considered phoning her, then I remembered what it was like. She and I are not compatible, its like oil and water. It always starts well enough but it always ends the same way with me dodging bullets and heading for the airport. Every mutual acquaintance we have says "no man, she's calmed down she isn't like before" I'll never believe it, I think over the four or five years we were together I had to do the airport run maybe thirty times. she has such limitless anger when she is with me - If she is calm with other guys, then she should find one.
Still not trading, I need some money urgently - its got to the stage where I am finding all my old currency to take to the Post Office, hope they take Thai Baht, Dhirams, Sing Dollars and Malysian Ringgit.
Today the music was predictably enough, broken heart music, I have mentioned most of these before:
It Never Rains - Probably my all time favourite song ever. It reminds me of the grimy dismal English life in small towns. I still don't understand the lyrics fully but I love that line "The bigger they are, babe - the harder they fall on you". Recently my life has seen a lot of rain and not much sunshine. Everyone says it can only get better, but somehow it never does. People ask you, are you a glass half full or half empty kind of person - the true dipsomaniac answer is of course, "you not finishing that, mate".
My Army Of Lovers - "I lost my soul in Tokyo", I wonder where I lost my heart. This song is so decadent. My younger brother still laughs about the time I took a Japanese girl to the airport where she was so grateful but I had to catch a flight to Munich to meet another girl from a different terminal shortly after, so it was hardly a hardship. That Japanese girl still emails me occasionally. She was the one who said every time I try to grab you you slip away from me. Hope she is doing ok.
One Day I'll Fly Away - Randy Crawford is such a good singer. This song is kind of odd "leave your love behind me", I suppose I am a classic example of a guy who can't leave his emotional baggage. I wear my past relationships like emotional scars - But, hey I earned them the scars I carry from the Stalker and the Lunatic are duelling scars. When my brother complains about his wife giving him a hard time, I remind him that the lunatic once paid someone to shoot me. Still wouldn't be worth having if it was easy.
Everybody's Got To Learn Sometimes - "I need your loving, like the sunshine". For the longest time I thought this song was sung by a woman. It is a true sentiment though you have to learn otherwise you end up like me doomed to repeat the same mistakes again and again. I can tell myself that I was destined to be with the Stalker or The Lunatic but it isn't true nobody is forced to be with someone else. Its just bizarre co-incidence that we always seem to end up with each other.
Wuthering Hights - The song that always reminds me of the Lunatic, The absolute abandonment to passion is key to her - I wonder what her life is like without it. I imagine she has some aussie surfer dude who married her for her money, who wouldn't want a girlfriend with property in Jakarta, Hong Kong, Singapore and Sydney? You know the first time I met her I knew we would have sex, but I never imagined what an impact she would have on my life. I have turned down jobs and flown all the way around the world just to be with her.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 3 bottles of Tinto Pesqura 1994
Today's Soundtrack:
Found a case of wine I didn't know I had, lucky me - would have been better if it was Vega Sicillia Unico. My palette is so uneducated, but even I can tell this is good grog.
The Stalker knows a lot about wine and that's kind of fitting because this post is about her. We are splitting up, she hasn't said anything yet but I know its happening. You want to know how I know? she offered me money, OK it was only fifty thousand pounds. As I have already mentioned women are an ungenerous sex at the best of times and in her case, I know her ex-husband, (come to think of it I never saw any divorce papers), controls all her finances despite losing a truckload in the recent credit crisis. It was after a pretty energetic sexual encounter, where I feel I was almost the man I used to be and I think in her mind it reminded her of why she left me all those years ago. Anyway a while later, when she had regained her composure, she was using one of my computers and suddenly came up with this "undiscovered" bank account which in her generosity she decided to give me. OK the money would clear my troubles with the tax man and a broker but I'll never take it. I didn't let the smile slip from my face as she told me, but I knew straight away what was happening.
You must understand, the Stalker thinks I am stupid. I didn't go to university and in her eyes I am an uneducated dolt. I can see her thought processes forming before she even opens her mouth. And she also forgets we have done this exact scenario at least twice before - OK it was Ninety Two and Ninety Five. This time will be the last. Her husband had an affair and I guess I was her retaliation. I should feel cheap and used and I do - but I kind of like that feeling. At the end of the day I want what's best for her and I am pretty sure it isn't me. My father, if he was here, would urge me to fight for her, (he adores her), but that's not my style. She will come back to me but perhaps next time I won't be around.
Coincidently I got an email from the lunatic asking me to be a facebook friend. Looks like she finally got around to learning how to plug in her computer. On her page there is a black and white picture of her that reminds me of our time together. She is older of course but she still has that distant sad look in her eyes that breaks my heart every time I see it. She is such a special woman, I really hope she finds someone because she is one of those girls that is not built to be alone. Now I know the Stalker and I are splitting up I even considered phoning her, then I remembered what it was like. She and I are not compatible, its like oil and water. It always starts well enough but it always ends the same way with me dodging bullets and heading for the airport. Every mutual acquaintance we have says "no man, she's calmed down she isn't like before" I'll never believe it, I think over the four or five years we were together I had to do the airport run maybe thirty times. she has such limitless anger when she is with me - If she is calm with other guys, then she should find one.
Still not trading, I need some money urgently - its got to the stage where I am finding all my old currency to take to the Post Office, hope they take Thai Baht, Dhirams, Sing Dollars and Malysian Ringgit.
Today the music was predictably enough, broken heart music, I have mentioned most of these before:
It Never Rains - Probably my all time favourite song ever. It reminds me of the grimy dismal English life in small towns. I still don't understand the lyrics fully but I love that line "The bigger they are, babe - the harder they fall on you". Recently my life has seen a lot of rain and not much sunshine. Everyone says it can only get better, but somehow it never does. People ask you, are you a glass half full or half empty kind of person - the true dipsomaniac answer is of course, "you not finishing that, mate".
My Army Of Lovers - "I lost my soul in Tokyo", I wonder where I lost my heart. This song is so decadent. My younger brother still laughs about the time I took a Japanese girl to the airport where she was so grateful but I had to catch a flight to Munich to meet another girl from a different terminal shortly after, so it was hardly a hardship. That Japanese girl still emails me occasionally. She was the one who said every time I try to grab you you slip away from me. Hope she is doing ok.
One Day I'll Fly Away - Randy Crawford is such a good singer. This song is kind of odd "leave your love behind me", I suppose I am a classic example of a guy who can't leave his emotional baggage. I wear my past relationships like emotional scars - But, hey I earned them the scars I carry from the Stalker and the Lunatic are duelling scars. When my brother complains about his wife giving him a hard time, I remind him that the lunatic once paid someone to shoot me. Still wouldn't be worth having if it was easy.
Everybody's Got To Learn Sometimes - "I need your loving, like the sunshine". For the longest time I thought this song was sung by a woman. It is a true sentiment though you have to learn otherwise you end up like me doomed to repeat the same mistakes again and again. I can tell myself that I was destined to be with the Stalker or The Lunatic but it isn't true nobody is forced to be with someone else. Its just bizarre co-incidence that we always seem to end up with each other.
Wuthering Hights - The song that always reminds me of the Lunatic, The absolute abandonment to passion is key to her - I wonder what her life is like without it. I imagine she has some aussie surfer dude who married her for her money, who wouldn't want a girlfriend with property in Jakarta, Hong Kong, Singapore and Sydney? You know the first time I met her I knew we would have sex, but I never imagined what an impact she would have on my life. I have turned down jobs and flown all the way around the world just to be with her.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Sunday 12 September 2010
Under Attack
Today's P&L: No trading
Today's Booze: just a half litre of Vodka - trying to cool it
Today's Soundtrack: Random
Still not trading, I am in need of a cash injection, it isn't cheap living out here - almost as bad as central London. I have had more bad news, my parents are returning, which means one of my brothers needs their help but I have to put them up and if that wasn't bad enough, the Stalker returns from Spain today so she is bound to turn up and I am going to disappoint her. She won't be pleased when she sees my latest injury as she will assume it is the result of drunken misadventure. I have no idea how to deal with the Stalker, she isn't afraid of me at all, even the Lunatic was wary of pushing me too far although she knew I am not the kind of man to hit a woman. All in all I have been pretty restrained when it comes to women, the Stalker has blacked my eye and the Lunatic has broken my nose. The stalker is a black belt so she has to be careful to pull her punches but the Lunatic hit me when I was asleep, how stupid was that? We were in a war zone at the time she is lucky I didn't kill her. I can't help thinking relationships shouldn't involve getting out of town alive and having a certain amount of fear - maybe I am just old fashioned.
Christ knows what my mother is going to make of my latest injury, she already has said I gave you a fantastic body and look what you have done with it - maybe she will be distracted by my fancy artwork. She is right though my body was remarkable and now I am a broken man, I remember going to Gieves & Hawkes for a few suits and they measured me up and the guy said "was it swimming or boxing sir". I still look alright though as long as you don't look too hard. so its going to be a night of recriminations, fights and nasty sex for me - The stalker will still demand sex, no matter how angry she is with me - I really am getting to old for all this.
Today the music was eighties:
The Night you Murdered Love - ABC classic, maybe I listened to this because of the impending arrival of the Stalker. ABC were so impossibly slick and Martin Fry even got away with a gold lame suit which is strictly Elvis territory.
Two out of Three Ain't Bad - Was Meatloaf eighties or Seventies? Anyway this song is beautiful reminds me that you can't find treasure everywhere, and that goes for trading as well as love.
Video Killed The Radio Star - Before MP3 killed CD, I don't know if this is song is about the progress of technology, but to me its about thinking about times gone by. Remember when you were a child and you played in the street or the fields with your friends, your best friend, your first crush? Then you start growing up and lose some of that innocence.
It's In The Way That You Use It - From August, one of Eric Claptons least popular albums, although I rather liked it. This song is more known because of its inclusion in the wildly underrated movie, The Colour Of Money. OK Tom Cruise was annoying as Vince but any move that has Paul Newman as Fast Eddie Felson is all right by me. For me this song is when your on the top, cresting, but just on the edge - ready to be knocked off your perch any time. I don't know if girls have that feeling, you know the one - when you get a date with the prettiest girl at school, when you win something when everyone said you couldn't do it. When you beat the odds. No feeling like it.
Livin' On The Edge Of The Night - Iggy Pop singing, I like to think, about me. "Maybe I know some people, Maybe I break some rules, But this is the street, I've got to compete, Baby, I ain't no fool". This song is very clean for Iggy Pop, but there is a feeling of wilful self destruction that just appeals to me. "Every wild desire, Beckons from the dark. I've made my bed but I can't rest my head, While I still swim with sharks, Everyone needs something. Sometimes they don't know why, But so much good's been misunderstood, in the blink of the eye"
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: just a half litre of Vodka - trying to cool it
Today's Soundtrack: Random
Still not trading, I am in need of a cash injection, it isn't cheap living out here - almost as bad as central London. I have had more bad news, my parents are returning, which means one of my brothers needs their help but I have to put them up and if that wasn't bad enough, the Stalker returns from Spain today so she is bound to turn up and I am going to disappoint her. She won't be pleased when she sees my latest injury as she will assume it is the result of drunken misadventure. I have no idea how to deal with the Stalker, she isn't afraid of me at all, even the Lunatic was wary of pushing me too far although she knew I am not the kind of man to hit a woman. All in all I have been pretty restrained when it comes to women, the Stalker has blacked my eye and the Lunatic has broken my nose. The stalker is a black belt so she has to be careful to pull her punches but the Lunatic hit me when I was asleep, how stupid was that? We were in a war zone at the time she is lucky I didn't kill her. I can't help thinking relationships shouldn't involve getting out of town alive and having a certain amount of fear - maybe I am just old fashioned.
Christ knows what my mother is going to make of my latest injury, she already has said I gave you a fantastic body and look what you have done with it - maybe she will be distracted by my fancy artwork. She is right though my body was remarkable and now I am a broken man, I remember going to Gieves & Hawkes for a few suits and they measured me up and the guy said "was it swimming or boxing sir". I still look alright though as long as you don't look too hard. so its going to be a night of recriminations, fights and nasty sex for me - The stalker will still demand sex, no matter how angry she is with me - I really am getting to old for all this.
Today the music was eighties:
The Night you Murdered Love - ABC classic, maybe I listened to this because of the impending arrival of the Stalker. ABC were so impossibly slick and Martin Fry even got away with a gold lame suit which is strictly Elvis territory.
Two out of Three Ain't Bad - Was Meatloaf eighties or Seventies? Anyway this song is beautiful reminds me that you can't find treasure everywhere, and that goes for trading as well as love.
Video Killed The Radio Star - Before MP3 killed CD, I don't know if this is song is about the progress of technology, but to me its about thinking about times gone by. Remember when you were a child and you played in the street or the fields with your friends, your best friend, your first crush? Then you start growing up and lose some of that innocence.
It's In The Way That You Use It - From August, one of Eric Claptons least popular albums, although I rather liked it. This song is more known because of its inclusion in the wildly underrated movie, The Colour Of Money. OK Tom Cruise was annoying as Vince but any move that has Paul Newman as Fast Eddie Felson is all right by me. For me this song is when your on the top, cresting, but just on the edge - ready to be knocked off your perch any time. I don't know if girls have that feeling, you know the one - when you get a date with the prettiest girl at school, when you win something when everyone said you couldn't do it. When you beat the odds. No feeling like it.
Livin' On The Edge Of The Night - Iggy Pop singing, I like to think, about me. "Maybe I know some people, Maybe I break some rules, But this is the street, I've got to compete, Baby, I ain't no fool". This song is very clean for Iggy Pop, but there is a feeling of wilful self destruction that just appeals to me. "Every wild desire, Beckons from the dark. I've made my bed but I can't rest my head, While I still swim with sharks, Everyone needs something. Sometimes they don't know why, But so much good's been misunderstood, in the blink of the eye"
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Sunday 5 September 2010
Run Lola Run
Today's P&L: No trading
Today's Booze: Not really sure, lots of empty bottles - at least 1 bottle of Tequila, 1 bottle of Stolichnaya and lots of Brahama beer
Today's Soundtrack: Sad songs
Bit of a madcap drinking session. I feel ok, more or less although I look shattered. The only hard part was pretending to be sober when the Stalker phoned from Spain. Luckily only had to deal with her, my parents are still refusing to speak to me. My mother has decided to take her dispute with the Stalker to me as well. Why do women hate their daughters in law, (or potential daughters in law), so much? The Stalker took a dislike to my mother when she left the day I checked into hospital for my leg injury and was given a forty eight hour lifespan without visiting me but flew back from Spain to babysit for my brother. I keep on telling her that my parents love me, we just don't have that kind of relationship. The stalker won't have it though. Women rarely understand how hard it is when they make you choose between the woman you love and the woman who gave birth to you. OK, my mother and I don't get along very well but she isn't the one that married some other guy all those years ago. Anyway had to go to the hospital and I have got a hairline fracture and 3 bone chips in my left wrist so I am in a cast yet again - my GP is going to love this when I go to get my prescription renewed.
In England it is customary to get your cast signed by your friends but as I don't have any I have painted a Nagel style portrait on my cast.
Today/Yesterday was all about feeling sorry for myself music wise. My top five tracks were:
Going Home - the theme tune from Local Hero, When I am at my lowest, I often listen to this song - ok I don't have anywhere to call home or really any family - even my brother is growing more and more distant, but this song makes me wish I did. Just for a second I can pretend I am part of something. It doesn't have any words, because it doesn't need any.
Snow On The Sahara - I can't get over how much I love this song, Angunn seems so desperate to please her lover. I first heard it in a town in Sumatra and the Lunatic dismissed the girl as "looking like a servant". To me its a song about passion and sacrifice.
Piano Man - "He says Bill I believe this is killing me as a smile ran away from his face". How many of us do things that we never thought we would? Remember when you were a child in school and people would ask you what you want to be when you grow up? How many of us are happy how it turned out?
On Every Street - A song by Dire Straits I always listen to when I am just close to giving up altogether. The first verse just kills me, "There's gotta be a record of you someplace, You gotta be on somebody's books, The lowdown - a picture of your face
Your injured looks, The sacred and profane, The pleasure and the pain
Somewhere your fingerprints remain concrete, And it's your face I'm looking for on every street". I have actually done all that, seen the desperately hurt look in a girls eyes as I walked away, then wandered around places I thought she would be - flown from England to Indonesia just on the chance I might bump into her. The Stalker can say what she wants but if she had wanted to find me during all those years apart she could have, The Lunatic tracked me down plenty of times and they are both more or less in the same income group.
Hand to Mouth - George Michael before he became too camp, "Smile and a quote from a vigilant movie, our boy Jimmy just blew them all away" This world is so dismal sometimes it just depresses me, "Sweet little baby on a doorstep", "just another hooker that the lucky can forget". The stalker has done so much for charity I am humbled every time I meet her, if she was selfish I would ask her for help but how can I when she does so much for the needy and its not just the money she donates its the time she spends - I don't know anyone else who would drag themselves out of their cancer ward to look after kids in Romania. Still doesn't stop me treating her like shit though.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: Not really sure, lots of empty bottles - at least 1 bottle of Tequila, 1 bottle of Stolichnaya and lots of Brahama beer
Today's Soundtrack: Sad songs
Bit of a madcap drinking session. I feel ok, more or less although I look shattered. The only hard part was pretending to be sober when the Stalker phoned from Spain. Luckily only had to deal with her, my parents are still refusing to speak to me. My mother has decided to take her dispute with the Stalker to me as well. Why do women hate their daughters in law, (or potential daughters in law), so much? The Stalker took a dislike to my mother when she left the day I checked into hospital for my leg injury and was given a forty eight hour lifespan without visiting me but flew back from Spain to babysit for my brother. I keep on telling her that my parents love me, we just don't have that kind of relationship. The stalker won't have it though. Women rarely understand how hard it is when they make you choose between the woman you love and the woman who gave birth to you. OK, my mother and I don't get along very well but she isn't the one that married some other guy all those years ago. Anyway had to go to the hospital and I have got a hairline fracture and 3 bone chips in my left wrist so I am in a cast yet again - my GP is going to love this when I go to get my prescription renewed.
In England it is customary to get your cast signed by your friends but as I don't have any I have painted a Nagel style portrait on my cast.
Today/Yesterday was all about feeling sorry for myself music wise. My top five tracks were:
Going Home - the theme tune from Local Hero, When I am at my lowest, I often listen to this song - ok I don't have anywhere to call home or really any family - even my brother is growing more and more distant, but this song makes me wish I did. Just for a second I can pretend I am part of something. It doesn't have any words, because it doesn't need any.
Snow On The Sahara - I can't get over how much I love this song, Angunn seems so desperate to please her lover. I first heard it in a town in Sumatra and the Lunatic dismissed the girl as "looking like a servant". To me its a song about passion and sacrifice.
Piano Man - "He says Bill I believe this is killing me as a smile ran away from his face". How many of us do things that we never thought we would? Remember when you were a child in school and people would ask you what you want to be when you grow up? How many of us are happy how it turned out?
On Every Street - A song by Dire Straits I always listen to when I am just close to giving up altogether. The first verse just kills me, "There's gotta be a record of you someplace, You gotta be on somebody's books, The lowdown - a picture of your face
Your injured looks, The sacred and profane, The pleasure and the pain
Somewhere your fingerprints remain concrete, And it's your face I'm looking for on every street". I have actually done all that, seen the desperately hurt look in a girls eyes as I walked away, then wandered around places I thought she would be - flown from England to Indonesia just on the chance I might bump into her. The Stalker can say what she wants but if she had wanted to find me during all those years apart she could have, The Lunatic tracked me down plenty of times and they are both more or less in the same income group.
Hand to Mouth - George Michael before he became too camp, "Smile and a quote from a vigilant movie, our boy Jimmy just blew them all away" This world is so dismal sometimes it just depresses me, "Sweet little baby on a doorstep", "just another hooker that the lucky can forget". The stalker has done so much for charity I am humbled every time I meet her, if she was selfish I would ask her for help but how can I when she does so much for the needy and its not just the money she donates its the time she spends - I don't know anyone else who would drag themselves out of their cancer ward to look after kids in Romania. Still doesn't stop me treating her like shit though.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Thursday 2 September 2010
What's The First rule of The Dipsomaniac Diaries
Today's P&L: GBP -12,700.00
Today's Booze: 3 bottles of rioja, working my way through a bottle of Tequila
Today's Soundtrack: Nothing
You do not talk about the Dipsomaniac Diaries! Well I finally made one hundred posts. Its taken a while, since I started this blog I have been diagnosed as terminal, been given a reprieve, been reunited with a girl I never thought I would see again, lost a few parts of my leg, spent far too much time in hospital, rediscovered God, nearly been coherent and offended pretty much everyone who knows me. Seems unlikely I'll make another one hundred posts, however the doctors are undecided, as ever, what to do with me. My GP, who the stalker is convinced I am having sex with, (she wouldn't be a good stalker if she didn't have an irrational hatred of every woman I talk to), has provided me with a letter to say I have a chronic condition, which due to credit crunch cuts is about as much use to me as a Greek Drachma. Have I learned anything? Probably not.
Trading was bad today - I decided to roll the dice on a large short position on The Dow 30. I don't really know how much longer I can keep going to be honest. I was so frustrated I punched the wall next to my trading computer and think I have broken my wrist, so I might have to pay a visit to the hospital again, but I will avoid it unless the bruising turns black.
Didn't listen to any music during the day but anticipate a long night of sad songs this evening.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 3 bottles of rioja, working my way through a bottle of Tequila
Today's Soundtrack: Nothing
You do not talk about the Dipsomaniac Diaries! Well I finally made one hundred posts. Its taken a while, since I started this blog I have been diagnosed as terminal, been given a reprieve, been reunited with a girl I never thought I would see again, lost a few parts of my leg, spent far too much time in hospital, rediscovered God, nearly been coherent and offended pretty much everyone who knows me. Seems unlikely I'll make another one hundred posts, however the doctors are undecided, as ever, what to do with me. My GP, who the stalker is convinced I am having sex with, (she wouldn't be a good stalker if she didn't have an irrational hatred of every woman I talk to), has provided me with a letter to say I have a chronic condition, which due to credit crunch cuts is about as much use to me as a Greek Drachma. Have I learned anything? Probably not.
Trading was bad today - I decided to roll the dice on a large short position on The Dow 30. I don't really know how much longer I can keep going to be honest. I was so frustrated I punched the wall next to my trading computer and think I have broken my wrist, so I might have to pay a visit to the hospital again, but I will avoid it unless the bruising turns black.
Didn't listen to any music during the day but anticipate a long night of sad songs this evening.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
