The Stalker And I

Today's P&L: No markets today

Today's Booze: 2 pints of lager, 3 large glasses of red wine

Today's Soundtrack: Music to remember your past to


If any one's interested, I feel like talking about my relationship with the Stalker today. I don't really remember the date I met her although she remembers of course. It was about twenty years ago I guess, around about this time of year, in fact it was a freezing evening and the place was somewhere between Oxford Street and Regent Street. I was drinking a quad Rum and I met her relative, A very sexy but seriously out of control woman. I shared a few drinks with her while she sized me up and decided I wasn't for her but would be suitable for the Stalker. She disappeared for a while and the barman, some Italian guy who clearly thought too much of himself, laughed at me and said she won't come back. I didn't mind as my intention was drinking. However the girl did return with The Stalker. And that's where our relationship began.

The Stalker wasn't like any other woman I had met before. She is the oldest of eleven children and naturally quite assertive. I didn't have any idea how rich she was as true to my character I didn't really ask her too much about her background although in retrospect I should have wondered how come she spent so much money on restaurants and holidays. We had a lot of fun though, back then she used to be fun. She also wasn't easy, she had made some promise to her father that she wouldn't have sex until she was twenty one, so I had to wait but it was worth it. The problem was I treated our relationship like all the other ones I had been in while she was a little more serious. I still remember when she decided enough was enough and she came to my house. She said to me the usual break up bollocks. I hadn't seen it coming, so was somewhat surprised But I still remember saying to her just before she walked out. "fancy having one last fuck for old times sake" - not exactly Clark Gable. Anyway she just walked out and I didn't see her again for nearly five years. Apart from one brief encounter in sometime around ninety four, I guess that was her last fling before getting married.

That next time I saw her I had been in Indonesia and following the riots and the near civil war left the Lunatic behind, I like to spread the disappointment. Actually it wasn't so bad, I did offer the Lunatic the chance to escape with me but it was never going to happen her family had lots of money and had a plane to fly them to Singapore. I went out for a drink or two with the Stalker in the West End, By then I had not worked for some time but managed to get some consultancy work. I never heard from the Stalker again But The Lunatic used to phone me for about three hours almost every night.

Anyway, I made a bit of money and decided to go back to visit the Lunatic. It was one of those dramatic fly by night gestures that I am inclined to make. I arranged to finish my contract and flew from New York to Bangkok then down to Singapore and then Indonesia, it was her birthday so it seemed like the right thing to do although it cost me plenty of money. Anyway this isn't about the Lunatic, that story has a post all of its own. After a few years and a couple of major injuries The Lunatic and I finally separated permanently. Anyway I then managed to get some more consultancy work in London and that's where I met the Princess. The Princess is unusual in my history of women by being ten years younger than me. She was studying in London and working in a restaurant I visited three or four times a week. She knew I was going back to live in Bangkok but as usual I didn't ask a great deal about her background. Turned out she was quite the society girl and surprise, surprise I am not the ideal son in law. Anyway, her and I had a reasonable relationship for a few years until I got injured quite severely. Initially I thought I would get my legs fixed and be back in a few months so I paid for my apartment for another year. My injuries were much worse and after a while she moved to Tokyo and found someone else.

The end of the story is after my brother urged me to open a facebook account so I could maintain contact with him. The Stalker came across my name, and got in touch with me. At first I didn't think it was her, but after a while we arranged to meet on my birthday. I didn't turn up as I thought she wasn't serious, and after all those years and I knew she had been married, so she tried again and we met up at Waterloo Station. It is so odd seeing someone you know so well after so many years. After all that time we were both the same, she and I flirted a little and spoke as if we were two caged animals circling each other. Of course things have changed, Don't they always? She and I have both experienced so much in our time apart. And we are both so screwed up. The funny thing is to me, even though she can see how broken down I am, to me she looks almost exactly the same as she did when she was twenty. The only difference is the look in her eyes, she has been told she was dying twice, three times for me so I am the winner there. The difference between her and I is that she always fights, but I am just tired of it all.

Its quite funny, even after all these years and in our reduced circumstances, we still get along at least some of the time. I know she hates me but that's healthy enough, I can't stand all this we are not just husband and wife but best friends crap. We don't need to be best friends, and it really is better that way. She has a whole other life with her friends, they do and talk about things I am less than interested in. So she met up with me after I had seen the doctor. For once it was good news, unexpectedly she said my blood levels had almost returned to normal, just clotting remains an issue. My knee is fucked but she gave me an x-ray appointment for that. I am not so worried about broken bones, that's a pain I am used to. The Stalker looked great when she turned up. She rarely wears make-up when meeting me But she had been out with some friends and she looked fantastic. I was talking to three girls when she arrived but she wasn't too bothered, she knows I don't go for blondes anyway. Anyway we went and got something to eat and had a good night, so much so she returned two days later for a rematch. I still love it when she tells me how much she hates me, don't know what she gets out of it. In an interlude she told me that so far every member of my family that she has met has warned her about me and my father even described me as a liability - Bastard!

Today's music, my top five tracks:

Missing You - John Waite. A great song for us eighties boys. "I spend my time thinking about you, and its almost driving me wild". This song is about every ended relationship. When I was young I used to pretend it didn't matter to me when I stopped seeing a girl. Nowadays I really don't give a fuck, but how come the major relationships I have had keep coming back to haunt me?

I Drove All Night - Have you ever done it? Have you ever travelled a distance to tell a girl how you felt. Doesn't matter if she lives across town or in another continent. There is this feeling you get when you do it, like hey, I am putting it on the line, taking control of my situation. Doesn't matter if you get there and she isn't interested. Every man should risk looking stupid to express his feelings at least once in his life.

I Would Die 4 U - Prince never got better than on Purple Rain and 1999 if you ask me, although Sign 'o' The Times was good. This is a song about loving someone too much, but how much is too much? Good rule of thumb is if she takes out a restraining order, it's too much.

If You Were Here Tonight - The Italian loved this song by Alexander O'Neal. Nothing works out the way you plan it in my dysfunctional world. I guess if I am honest, I would have liked things to be different but I can't really see how things would have worked out if I had been more conventional.

Always On My Mind - "Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could, Little things I could have said and did - but I never took the time". This song kind of sums up all my relationships with women.

In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!