The drugs don't work

Yesterdays P&L: GBP-7.00
Yesterdays booze: 500 cl of Imperial Russian Vodka, 500 cl of Patron XO Tequilla

Christ, I cannot believe I spent all day burning my retinas in front of these screens to record a loss of seven quid. If I am going to lose money at least make it worth it! Back in the day, when I lived in sunny Bangkok, I was averaging $10-15,000 a day! How did it go so wrong?

At least I was pissed, the sweet, sweet alcohol takes away the suffering. But I can already tell that this is nearing it's end. I wonder how long I am going to be able to drink enough to take away the constant pain I am in. In the mornings when I come to, as an alcoholic, you never wake up you come too, the booze from the previous night has worn off and I have to brace myself before I swing my legs over the side of the bed and put the weight of my body on my shattered knees and ankles - the drinking starts soon after. I remember my grandfather, my mothers father. I was just a child when he died my mother had gone down to stay with him in his final days and dragged my older brother and me with her. He was a fine man and very stoic, but he was riddled with cancer, it had infected every part of him - his bones, his lymphatic system, everything. He was in extraordinary pain, my mother was terribly close to him and wanted to do anything to ease his suffering, when she asked the doctors for more morphine to help him they said it couldn't be done - if he took anymore he would go into a coma and die. Sometimes the drugs do not work any longer.