Yesterdays P&L: GBP - 540.00
Yesterdays Booze: Nothing, alright nothing, (do I sound irritable)?
Yesterdays Soundtrack: 80's madness but mostly Dire Straits
Another lousy day trading, I over traded and caught the market wrong every time. when I brought DAX30 futures it was at the top of the market and when I sold FTSE100 futures it was just at the bottom of the market. Another bite out of my rapidly dwindling trading capital. Damn. I am too old to go on the game. Still at least I am learning to cut my losses quickly. This has always been my major problem as a trader, I hang on to losing trades far too long, convinced that I am right. This is overconfidence that kills you. I may be almost as smart as I think I am but the market doesn't care. If you do what I do to make a living the golden rule is ride your profits and cut your losses. I know this but I also hate admitting I am wrong.
My music was eighties, mostly Dire Straits. No longer a fashionable band and looked down upon by most people but I disagree. I think Mark Knopfler is a genius the sound he makes from a guitar is exquisite. He was born in Glasgow but moved to Geordie land, (talk about out of the frying pan into the fire), when he was a child. His parents brought him a guitar but failed to take into account that he was left-handed. Most other guitarists in his position restrung the guitar and played it upside down. Knopfler simply played like a right-handed person would, which probably accounts for his extraordinary finger picking style.Picking just five of his songs is hard as my favourites change all the time. Its easy enough to pick the huge hits like Money For Nothing, when Dire Straits were for a while the biggest band in the world. I remember buying a copy of Brothers in Arms on vinyl the day of its release and knew it would be huge, it was one of those moments when everything aligns. MTV siezed on the , now laughable, cgi video but moreso it was the decision to release it on cd. At the time there was really only a few cd production plants in Europe and Dire Straits were selling so many copies that they effectively closed one down, forcing other artists to delay their releases. Anyway my five favourite songs:
It Never Rains - from the Telegraph Road album, this song is a hymn to the down on their luck. But its more than that it is about how human nature is to fight against all the odds, because when all is said and done, what else can you do. For me it reminds me of a lot of key moments in my life when, by coincidence it was playing on my walkman. When we arrived in gray old Tilbury and split up this is the song I was listening to as I wandered where I was going to live and if I would ever see my family again. When I lost my first job, this was the song that was in my headphones on the train home The line that gets me every time is at the beginning, "The bigger they are babe, The harder they fall on you, And you you're always the same you persevere, On the same old pleasure ground
Oh and it never rains around here, It just comes pouring down". The emphasis he puts on "you persevere", just cuts through to my heart.
On Every Street - The lead song from the record that had the unenviable task of following Brothers in Arms. It seems every artist that has colossal success with a record struggles afterwards. Wacko Jacko after Thriller, Fleetwood Mac after Rumours and Pink Floyd after Dark Side of The Moon has this problem. All the follow up albums were good and all went multi-platinum but the expectations were so high. Still I suppose there are worse problems to have. To me this song is about lost love. It reminds me of every break-up I ever had. They all end badly, if they didn't they wouldn't end at all. Knopfler is no singer but he uses words beautifully, "The lowdown - a picture of your face, Your injured looks, The sacred and profane, The pleasure and the pain. Somewhere your fingerprints remain concrete. And it's your face I'm looking for on every street" Reminds me of going to places where old girlfriends used to go, just to see if they were as unhappy as I was.
Telegraph Road - I song I discussed in a previous post. The story of the beginning, the achievement and the end. Both the town that was built around the telegraph road and the life of one of its inhabitants. The song speaks for how dreams fade and how love can wilt if circumstances conspire against you, "I'd sooner forget, but I remember those nights".
Sultans of Swing - I have also discussed this song in greater detail before. The Sultans, such a grand title for a London pub band. This song is about dreams. I love this song but it reminds me mostly of my guitarist, he came from a shitty background and really wanted success but life got in its way. I am sure he is happy enough now but if he had the chance to go back, to really push and to become what he dreamed about, I think he would snatch it in a second. It was different for me, He had all the faith in the world in me but I just lacked the urgency, I couldn't see the clock ticking while he felt every second of his life draining away.
Communique - Is this song about the messiah? What would it be like for Jesus in a second coming, "Maybe he could talk about the tricks of the trade, Maybe he could talk about himself, Maybe he could talk about the money that he made, Maybe he'd be saying something else". I have the terrible feeling that if there was a second coming it would be televised and Simon Cowell would probably say, "No I'm sorry, the sandals just don't fit the market and the beard is all wrong, Sorry Jesus but you are not going through to the next round".
Tunnel Of Love - A song about growing up and about leaving home. "She took off her silver locket and said remember me by this, she put my hand in my pocket, I got a keepsake and a kiss". Life leaves its marks on all of us, we all end up bruised and scarred in some way, but just imagine how terrible it would be if it didn't happen.
Imagine never feeling the pain of that first heartbreak, or the excitement of that first crush. This is what makes life worth living. I think my biggest problem is I am just too jaded.
So thats Dire Straits then, I listened to lots of their songs the ones that nearly made it were Espresso Love, Private Investigations, Waterline, Love over Gold, Your Latest Trick, Walking In The Wild West End and Portebello Belle.
Saturday 30 January 2010
Thursday 28 January 2010
London Calling
Todays P&L: GBP -350.00
Todays Booze: Still clean
Todays soundtrack: Varied
I was doing nothing in the markets today, didn't really have a grip and wasn't paying much attention. I was up about one hundred and ten pounds then rashly shorted, (sold), the DAX 30 too late in the day, so ended up with a loss. Damn, wish I was drinking.
Music today was London based, it is surprising how many songs mention or about London. I am not a Londoner but I love this city its the nearest I have to home, although Bangkok comes close as my second home. I remember when I first came to London to live. I had been here before as a child but mostly on my fathers ships or going to Heathrow. Coming here to live was odd. My mother still hadn't broken it to me that we were leaving the North West where I had been for a few years and was in school. She took me for a walk around the city and we had a drink in a pub near where the Shakespeare theater is now. I was twelve but could get served a pint even then. It was a Sunday and the city was deserted, then we moved towards the West End which is always busy.
Recently, I walked around the Old Victoria docks, I remember them from when I was about six, then they had lots of ships and they hummed with activity, I don't ever remember them being as crowded as the docks in Liverpool, which when I was at school, we would go and meet my father when his ship arrived. He worked for one of the oldest British shipping companies, Blue Funnel we called it although all the ships were named after Greek myths. I think the first ship I went on was called the Memnon or perhaps the Menastheus. I remember my mother picking me up from school and driving along the dock road and their being hundreds of ships. The Royal Docks were never that busy but my father assures me that in the sixties there were miles of ships. Now it is quite desolate, it is an extraordinary place but it hasn't had the rebirth that Canary Wharf had and its just on such a massive scale it is difficult to see what could fill it up. When I first moved to London Canary Wharf hadn't been built and the whole of the docklands was a mess. The people were forgotten about, "economically nonviable" was the term the government used. But that was London the wastelands of the old docks to the overpriced boutiques in Bond Street. My mother took me to dinner in Belgravia that first evening, there wasn't anywhere in the North West that had places to eat like that then. I guess apart from the ship, the most expensive restaurant I had been to at that time was the Clarence in Dublin. Anyway I fell in Love with London, I like to think I know the place as well as most but even now I find myself getting lost sometimes.
My favourite London Songs:
Baker Street - Touch and go with this and my second choice, but I think this just edges it, partly because Rafferty is a jock in exile also. The lyrics mean a lot to me, the world weary "He's got this dream about buyin' some land, He's gonna give up the booze and the one night stands And then he'll settle down there's a quiet little town and forget about everything". Or what about that feeling everyone in London has had at one time "Winding your way down on Baker Street, light in your head and dead on your feet, Well another crazy day, you'll drink the night away and forget about everything. This city desert makes you feel so cold It's got so many people but it's got no soul and it's taken you so long to find out you were wrong, when you thought it held everything." Shit this song could have been written about me and maybe twenty million other people.
Waterloo Sunset - This song is almost perfect, it is one of the few songs that I really, really wish I had written and it brings a tear to my eye every time I hear it. Something about this song just seems so right, when I hear it I stop to catch my breath. You walk around somewhere like Waterloo Station with all the people and nobody stops, nobody takes a second. I am sure Waterloo is nothing like it was when the Kinks wrote this track but all I need is to hear those opening lyrics "Dirty old river, must you keep rolling, flowing into the night, People so busy, makes me feel dizzy, Taxi light shines so bright, But I don't need no friends
As long as I gaze on Waterloo sunset, I am in paradise". This song makes me feel alone but it makes me feel good about being alone.
Tempted - Not specifically about London, but Squeeze are the quintessential South London band. I lived in Deptford / New Cross for a while, what a shit hole. Tempted reminds me of the daily dramas that go on all around us without us ever knowing. People say life isn't like the movies, but the truth is that it is. My life is like Leaving Las Vegas. If you live in a city, just take a look out your window, all those people experiencing pain, sadness, passion...whatever. My problems aren't any more important than anyone else's just because they came with a higher price tag.
In My Darkest Hour - Ok Hanoi Rocks were Danish and this song doesn't mention London, but they were based in London and this song clearly is about London. Reminds me of an allnighter in the West End with my guitarist, we were freezing after getting thrown out of a Chinese restaurant. We wondered down into the underground to keep warm. after a while a train pulled up so we got on it. It turned out to be the Heathrow loop we woke up a few hours later sprawled out on the seats, late for school.
West End Girls - Two pretentious gay blokes who carved out their own space. They should never have been successful but Neil Tennant, who was a music journalist, took a look at the current music scene and said "I could do better". Many people say these things but he actually went out and did it. West End Girls was a huge hit in the UK. I guess there is some kind of lesson there. I had lots of opportunities practically gifted to me and blew all my chances.
So there it is, There could have been plenty of other songs, I listened a lot to the Pogues, Madness, the Jam and XTC. I am not a Londoner but this is my home.
Todays Booze: Still clean
Todays soundtrack: Varied
I was doing nothing in the markets today, didn't really have a grip and wasn't paying much attention. I was up about one hundred and ten pounds then rashly shorted, (sold), the DAX 30 too late in the day, so ended up with a loss. Damn, wish I was drinking.
Music today was London based, it is surprising how many songs mention or about London. I am not a Londoner but I love this city its the nearest I have to home, although Bangkok comes close as my second home. I remember when I first came to London to live. I had been here before as a child but mostly on my fathers ships or going to Heathrow. Coming here to live was odd. My mother still hadn't broken it to me that we were leaving the North West where I had been for a few years and was in school. She took me for a walk around the city and we had a drink in a pub near where the Shakespeare theater is now. I was twelve but could get served a pint even then. It was a Sunday and the city was deserted, then we moved towards the West End which is always busy.
Recently, I walked around the Old Victoria docks, I remember them from when I was about six, then they had lots of ships and they hummed with activity, I don't ever remember them being as crowded as the docks in Liverpool, which when I was at school, we would go and meet my father when his ship arrived. He worked for one of the oldest British shipping companies, Blue Funnel we called it although all the ships were named after Greek myths. I think the first ship I went on was called the Memnon or perhaps the Menastheus. I remember my mother picking me up from school and driving along the dock road and their being hundreds of ships. The Royal Docks were never that busy but my father assures me that in the sixties there were miles of ships. Now it is quite desolate, it is an extraordinary place but it hasn't had the rebirth that Canary Wharf had and its just on such a massive scale it is difficult to see what could fill it up. When I first moved to London Canary Wharf hadn't been built and the whole of the docklands was a mess. The people were forgotten about, "economically nonviable" was the term the government used. But that was London the wastelands of the old docks to the overpriced boutiques in Bond Street. My mother took me to dinner in Belgravia that first evening, there wasn't anywhere in the North West that had places to eat like that then. I guess apart from the ship, the most expensive restaurant I had been to at that time was the Clarence in Dublin. Anyway I fell in Love with London, I like to think I know the place as well as most but even now I find myself getting lost sometimes.
My favourite London Songs:
Baker Street - Touch and go with this and my second choice, but I think this just edges it, partly because Rafferty is a jock in exile also. The lyrics mean a lot to me, the world weary "He's got this dream about buyin' some land, He's gonna give up the booze and the one night stands And then he'll settle down there's a quiet little town and forget about everything". Or what about that feeling everyone in London has had at one time "Winding your way down on Baker Street, light in your head and dead on your feet, Well another crazy day, you'll drink the night away and forget about everything. This city desert makes you feel so cold It's got so many people but it's got no soul and it's taken you so long to find out you were wrong, when you thought it held everything." Shit this song could have been written about me and maybe twenty million other people.
Waterloo Sunset - This song is almost perfect, it is one of the few songs that I really, really wish I had written and it brings a tear to my eye every time I hear it. Something about this song just seems so right, when I hear it I stop to catch my breath. You walk around somewhere like Waterloo Station with all the people and nobody stops, nobody takes a second. I am sure Waterloo is nothing like it was when the Kinks wrote this track but all I need is to hear those opening lyrics "Dirty old river, must you keep rolling, flowing into the night, People so busy, makes me feel dizzy, Taxi light shines so bright, But I don't need no friends
As long as I gaze on Waterloo sunset, I am in paradise". This song makes me feel alone but it makes me feel good about being alone.
Tempted - Not specifically about London, but Squeeze are the quintessential South London band. I lived in Deptford / New Cross for a while, what a shit hole. Tempted reminds me of the daily dramas that go on all around us without us ever knowing. People say life isn't like the movies, but the truth is that it is. My life is like Leaving Las Vegas. If you live in a city, just take a look out your window, all those people experiencing pain, sadness, passion...whatever. My problems aren't any more important than anyone else's just because they came with a higher price tag.
In My Darkest Hour - Ok Hanoi Rocks were Danish and this song doesn't mention London, but they were based in London and this song clearly is about London. Reminds me of an allnighter in the West End with my guitarist, we were freezing after getting thrown out of a Chinese restaurant. We wondered down into the underground to keep warm. after a while a train pulled up so we got on it. It turned out to be the Heathrow loop we woke up a few hours later sprawled out on the seats, late for school.
West End Girls - Two pretentious gay blokes who carved out their own space. They should never have been successful but Neil Tennant, who was a music journalist, took a look at the current music scene and said "I could do better". Many people say these things but he actually went out and did it. West End Girls was a huge hit in the UK. I guess there is some kind of lesson there. I had lots of opportunities practically gifted to me and blew all my chances.
So there it is, There could have been plenty of other songs, I listened a lot to the Pogues, Madness, the Jam and XTC. I am not a Londoner but this is my home.
Wednesday 27 January 2010
Good Times, Bad Times
Todays P&L: GBP 220.00
Todays Booze: Still dry
Todays Soundtrack: Hard Rock Wednesday, Led Zeppelin
Another dry day, this is getting ridiculous. I want to drink and feel I should at least have a whiskey, but I think I shall wait until after I have seen the quack.
The markets were negative today, despite Apple promising to revolutionize the way we have our media with the all new iPad. Caterpillar set the tone by announcing dismal earnings before the US market opened. They are an interesting company to watch because aside from being one of Americas declining industrial manufacturers, they usually give a good indication of the tone of the construction market, both retail and commercial. A more key indicator was the S&P500 future trading below 1,091. I am not a chartist, (someone who rigidly follows by and sell indicators on the charts that are generated by asset movements), but there are so many out there and so many program trades, that it pays to follow them. 1,091 in the S&P is a below the moving average and a point where the people who are bullish, (have brought the market), may feel inclined to give up their positions, thus causing further selling. It is difficult for me because my overwhelming belief is that the governments are in far more trouble than we know as a result of bailing out the private sector. This should mean they have to raise rates in order to attract investment which should lead to inflation and in an inflationary environment the last thing you want to be holding is fixed income bonds, so equities are usually as inflation proof as you can get, apart from gold of course which if it drops to 1,000 dollars per oz I will be buying.
Today I was listening to a lot of rock music, which and I know this is a cliche, but I find difficult to listen to without a bottle of Vodka and Wild Turkey, (I am nothing if not a traditionalist). When it comes to hard rock for me it has to be Zeppelin. One of the few bands I wanted to see but never got the chance. I was too young when they were at their peak and was somewhat annoyed when the Stalker told me she had two tickets to go and see the O2 reunion concert but gave them away as she was too busy to go. This was prior to our reuniting. Anyway, my top five Led Zeppelin tracks:
Whole Lotta Love - For a lot of people my age in the UK it was the music from Top of the Pops. A brutal, simple song that batters people into submission, the lyrics are questionable at best, but that doesn't matter just turn those amplifiers up all the way. Reminds me of talking to my guitarist friend at school, discussing how we were going to take over the world.
All Of My Love - One of the least popular Zeppelin songs ever, but I love it. Robert Plant supposedly wrote the lyrics in memory of his dead son. Even an industrial, commercial monster like Led Zeppelin is allowed to show some emotion sometimes.
When The Levee Breaks - Classic Led Zep hyper blues and possibly the most sampled drum sound of all time. The song is all about how nature can really screw up the plans of men. It reminds me of a mad holiday in New Orleans, sitting across the river looking at Algiers, wondering how long I could stay before I got mugged. Actually got mugged the next night coming back from the Napoleon House and heading behind Jackson Square - got to love New Orleans.
Rock And Roll - More good time music, to me this song seems to have an almost irresistible urge to it. For some reason when I am listening to it I can't help thinking of a snake oil salesman in some frontier town, possibly with his sidekick playing honkey tonk piano. Led Zeppelin will always seem more American than British to me.
Babe I'm Gonna Leave You - Led Zeppelin back in the days before it was all about the high octane volume and the money. Robert Plant sings like he never read Tolkien and Jimmy Page resists the urge to crush everyone into submission with a guitar riff. Bonham still hits the drums like they are weapons of mass destruction but that's just the way he was apparently.
So that's my favourite Led Zeppelin songs. Even New romantics like me in the eighties wanted to strut the stage like Jimmy Page and almost everyone who picked up a guitar HAD to learn the riff from Whole Lotta Love. Other bands did similar things, Black Sabbath may have been heavier. Deep Purple may have been bluesier, The Who may have been louder but Led Zeppelin were just more. I remember in the punk days reading a headline in some music paper, (Sounds or the NME - remember them)? The headline was Led Zeppelin saves the music industry and the by-line was new album causes world-wide vinyl shortage.
Disclaimer
I am not responsible for what may happen if you read this post backwards.
Todays Booze: Still dry
Todays Soundtrack: Hard Rock Wednesday, Led Zeppelin
Another dry day, this is getting ridiculous. I want to drink and feel I should at least have a whiskey, but I think I shall wait until after I have seen the quack.
The markets were negative today, despite Apple promising to revolutionize the way we have our media with the all new iPad. Caterpillar set the tone by announcing dismal earnings before the US market opened. They are an interesting company to watch because aside from being one of Americas declining industrial manufacturers, they usually give a good indication of the tone of the construction market, both retail and commercial. A more key indicator was the S&P500 future trading below 1,091. I am not a chartist, (someone who rigidly follows by and sell indicators on the charts that are generated by asset movements), but there are so many out there and so many program trades, that it pays to follow them. 1,091 in the S&P is a below the moving average and a point where the people who are bullish, (have brought the market), may feel inclined to give up their positions, thus causing further selling. It is difficult for me because my overwhelming belief is that the governments are in far more trouble than we know as a result of bailing out the private sector. This should mean they have to raise rates in order to attract investment which should lead to inflation and in an inflationary environment the last thing you want to be holding is fixed income bonds, so equities are usually as inflation proof as you can get, apart from gold of course which if it drops to 1,000 dollars per oz I will be buying.
Today I was listening to a lot of rock music, which and I know this is a cliche, but I find difficult to listen to without a bottle of Vodka and Wild Turkey, (I am nothing if not a traditionalist). When it comes to hard rock for me it has to be Zeppelin. One of the few bands I wanted to see but never got the chance. I was too young when they were at their peak and was somewhat annoyed when the Stalker told me she had two tickets to go and see the O2 reunion concert but gave them away as she was too busy to go. This was prior to our reuniting. Anyway, my top five Led Zeppelin tracks:
Whole Lotta Love - For a lot of people my age in the UK it was the music from Top of the Pops. A brutal, simple song that batters people into submission, the lyrics are questionable at best, but that doesn't matter just turn those amplifiers up all the way. Reminds me of talking to my guitarist friend at school, discussing how we were going to take over the world.
All Of My Love - One of the least popular Zeppelin songs ever, but I love it. Robert Plant supposedly wrote the lyrics in memory of his dead son. Even an industrial, commercial monster like Led Zeppelin is allowed to show some emotion sometimes.
When The Levee Breaks - Classic Led Zep hyper blues and possibly the most sampled drum sound of all time. The song is all about how nature can really screw up the plans of men. It reminds me of a mad holiday in New Orleans, sitting across the river looking at Algiers, wondering how long I could stay before I got mugged. Actually got mugged the next night coming back from the Napoleon House and heading behind Jackson Square - got to love New Orleans.
Rock And Roll - More good time music, to me this song seems to have an almost irresistible urge to it. For some reason when I am listening to it I can't help thinking of a snake oil salesman in some frontier town, possibly with his sidekick playing honkey tonk piano. Led Zeppelin will always seem more American than British to me.
Babe I'm Gonna Leave You - Led Zeppelin back in the days before it was all about the high octane volume and the money. Robert Plant sings like he never read Tolkien and Jimmy Page resists the urge to crush everyone into submission with a guitar riff. Bonham still hits the drums like they are weapons of mass destruction but that's just the way he was apparently.
So that's my favourite Led Zeppelin songs. Even New romantics like me in the eighties wanted to strut the stage like Jimmy Page and almost everyone who picked up a guitar HAD to learn the riff from Whole Lotta Love. Other bands did similar things, Black Sabbath may have been heavier. Deep Purple may have been bluesier, The Who may have been louder but Led Zeppelin were just more. I remember in the punk days reading a headline in some music paper, (Sounds or the NME - remember them)? The headline was Led Zeppelin saves the music industry and the by-line was new album causes world-wide vinyl shortage.
Disclaimer
I am not responsible for what may happen if you read this post backwards.
Tuesday 26 January 2010
All My Troubles Seemed So Far Away
Yesterdays P&L: GBP 200.00
Yesterdays Booze: Not a thing
Yesterdays Soundtrack: The Beatles
Still no booze! If Keith Richards can give it up for a few months then so can I. Still not concentrating on trading properly, which pisses me off to no end as when I don't have any money on it my initial assumptions are generally right. I had a pretty good idea that Apple were going to do well and drag along the rest of the market. Apple seems to be able to do no wrong right now, which is curious as they generally supply a high-end segment in the market and the current recession should have favoured the lower end. Apple are quite a brand. I mainly use pc computers for working on but have owned a number of macintosh computers in the past and of course I have my Apple ipod touch. They seem to have made paying over the odds satisfying, like German automobiles. Products like this make you feel good even if you know you could get the same basic product cheaper. Its like my Montblanc pen or Patek Phillipe watch. I imagine its how women feel when they spend a lot of money on shoes or handbags or when someone gives them a gift from Tiffany. Anyway, I shall probably buy a new Apple computer when I have some more disposable income and just use it for something like music or video or something else I fancy myself doing in the future - a true vanity purchase.
Today I have been listening to lots of different music but mostly the Beatles, it really is an apple themed day. I suppose everyone likes the Beatles. but even people as old as me can't really appreciate the impact they must have had in the sixties. My father makes it out like the Beatles would release a record which would be number one until they released a new record which would take over. I knew they were huge but they couldn't have been that dominant. Anyway, my top five Beatles records:
Eleanor Rigby - An impossibly good song, perfect for those who feel isolated, first time I heard it was watching Yellow Submarine when I was a child. "All the lonely people, Where do they all belong"?
Penny Lane - For me this is a feel good song, although someone once told me that Penny Lane actually used to be the site of a slave market in Liverpool. I was at a Paul McCartney concert when he sang this and he seemed so ebullient when he sang "Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes" the crowd went nuts. But what is "Four of fish and finger pies"?
Paperback Writer - Ambitious song. A young man on the make, who wouldn't want to be a writer? You have to love the verse that goes;
"It's the dirty story of a dirty man
And his clinging wife doesn't understand.
His son is working for the Daily Mail,
It's a steady job but he wants to be a paperback writer, Paperback writer."
Help - What a surprise, someone like me loving a song like this, actually if I am honest I prefer the stilted cover version Tina did on her Private Dancer album."When I was younger, so much younger than today, I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured"
Nowhere Man - This song appeals to me so much, I am not one of life's planners. I just tend to ricochet from situation to situation, seems like its always been that way.
Yesterdays Booze: Not a thing
Yesterdays Soundtrack: The Beatles
Still no booze! If Keith Richards can give it up for a few months then so can I. Still not concentrating on trading properly, which pisses me off to no end as when I don't have any money on it my initial assumptions are generally right. I had a pretty good idea that Apple were going to do well and drag along the rest of the market. Apple seems to be able to do no wrong right now, which is curious as they generally supply a high-end segment in the market and the current recession should have favoured the lower end. Apple are quite a brand. I mainly use pc computers for working on but have owned a number of macintosh computers in the past and of course I have my Apple ipod touch. They seem to have made paying over the odds satisfying, like German automobiles. Products like this make you feel good even if you know you could get the same basic product cheaper. Its like my Montblanc pen or Patek Phillipe watch. I imagine its how women feel when they spend a lot of money on shoes or handbags or when someone gives them a gift from Tiffany. Anyway, I shall probably buy a new Apple computer when I have some more disposable income and just use it for something like music or video or something else I fancy myself doing in the future - a true vanity purchase.
Today I have been listening to lots of different music but mostly the Beatles, it really is an apple themed day. I suppose everyone likes the Beatles. but even people as old as me can't really appreciate the impact they must have had in the sixties. My father makes it out like the Beatles would release a record which would be number one until they released a new record which would take over. I knew they were huge but they couldn't have been that dominant. Anyway, my top five Beatles records:
Eleanor Rigby - An impossibly good song, perfect for those who feel isolated, first time I heard it was watching Yellow Submarine when I was a child. "All the lonely people, Where do they all belong"?
Penny Lane - For me this is a feel good song, although someone once told me that Penny Lane actually used to be the site of a slave market in Liverpool. I was at a Paul McCartney concert when he sang this and he seemed so ebullient when he sang "Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes" the crowd went nuts. But what is "Four of fish and finger pies"?
Paperback Writer - Ambitious song. A young man on the make, who wouldn't want to be a writer? You have to love the verse that goes;
"It's the dirty story of a dirty man
And his clinging wife doesn't understand.
His son is working for the Daily Mail,
It's a steady job but he wants to be a paperback writer, Paperback writer."
Help - What a surprise, someone like me loving a song like this, actually if I am honest I prefer the stilted cover version Tina did on her Private Dancer album."When I was younger, so much younger than today, I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured"
Nowhere Man - This song appeals to me so much, I am not one of life's planners. I just tend to ricochet from situation to situation, seems like its always been that way.
Friday 22 January 2010
Better Days
Todays P&L: GBP 210.00
Todays Booze: Nothing at all
Todays Soundtrack: Too many to mention but lots of 80's pop
I received some comments on yesterdays post which surprised me, I thought any readers would be more inclined to argue the merits of my taste in soul music. I was asked about the stalker so I thought I should clarify the nature of our association. If I have given the impression I dislike the stalker that is simply not true, she is a wonderful woman. She is called the stalker purely because of the depth of her interest in me and the certainty with which she involved herself in me. It isn't that she was an unknown quantity, I had been in a serious relationship with her a long, long time ago, but we had gone our separate ways at her decision. I just use the stalker label to identify here, she has a very active life and I am certainly not the center of it although she does seem unable to give me up despite knowing my character flaws.
The Lunatic is also unable to completely let go despite it being ten years since we last spoke. For geographic reasons she communicates with me via email. Due to events that happened when we were together, I haven't provided her with my phone number, she wasn't given the lunatic moniker for nothing. Although she seems quite rational nowadays. Lunatic is just a convenient reference. The same with the Princess, who wasn't really a princess but lived near the palace and was from quite a high society family. There are other long-term relationships I have been in and I will probably refer to them in some off-hand way if they should come up in my blog. Most of my relationships have been very short-term for a number of reasons but mostly due to my unwillingness to commit.
I suppose I still have commitment issues and despite knowing full-well that most of my girlfriends have had far better options than a washed up, alcoholic gambler with a dubious past, still find a way to pull away from people. The stalker got her nickname for the way that she just bypassed my defense and re-inserted herself into my life. Take for example my recent birthday when she invited herself along to an impromptu dinner with my parents, who she is now on excellent terms with. Something that I don't necessarily think is a good thing.
Anyway I still wasn't trading properly today and missed another big sell-off in the equity markets, concentration issues due to no grog I imagine. The markets so not seem to like the Obama bank plan and with good reason. The banking system may be flawed but what he is proposing will not make things better. By banning proprietary trading from the banks and limiting their size he is insuring that retail customers will receive a bad deal. The banks may have allowed their risk taking activities to spiral out of control but leaving them with customer only orientated business will squeeze their revenues and reduce the ability of them to offer competitive lending to customers. In addition a new breed of less regulated financial services companies will spring up to offer the services that grease the capital markets of the world and will either cater only for the rich or will be tremendously risky for other investors.His proposals will affect every part of the sophisticated financial services that Europe and America have developed. I assume that his plans will also include the finance divisions of corporates as well, at least those that have received state aid. So General Motors will have to close GMAC and without the financing available you will have to either obtain a loan from a traditional bank or pay in cash for a new car. I imagine there will also be difficulty with deciding on the role of corporate treasury departments as well. After all how much of the currency and commodity trading done by Delta and United is pure hedging and how much is prop trading? In fact all commodity trading wouldn't be easily justified by the banks which would impact the exchanges. Of course if any country didn't have the same approach to bank regulation, they would have a major advantage over the US banks. All in all it is a poorly thought out plan which smacks of a man who has just received a lot of criticism for failing to do anything in his first year in office.
Todays Booze: Nothing at all
Todays Soundtrack: Too many to mention but lots of 80's pop
I received some comments on yesterdays post which surprised me, I thought any readers would be more inclined to argue the merits of my taste in soul music. I was asked about the stalker so I thought I should clarify the nature of our association. If I have given the impression I dislike the stalker that is simply not true, she is a wonderful woman. She is called the stalker purely because of the depth of her interest in me and the certainty with which she involved herself in me. It isn't that she was an unknown quantity, I had been in a serious relationship with her a long, long time ago, but we had gone our separate ways at her decision. I just use the stalker label to identify here, she has a very active life and I am certainly not the center of it although she does seem unable to give me up despite knowing my character flaws.
The Lunatic is also unable to completely let go despite it being ten years since we last spoke. For geographic reasons she communicates with me via email. Due to events that happened when we were together, I haven't provided her with my phone number, she wasn't given the lunatic moniker for nothing. Although she seems quite rational nowadays. Lunatic is just a convenient reference. The same with the Princess, who wasn't really a princess but lived near the palace and was from quite a high society family. There are other long-term relationships I have been in and I will probably refer to them in some off-hand way if they should come up in my blog. Most of my relationships have been very short-term for a number of reasons but mostly due to my unwillingness to commit.
I suppose I still have commitment issues and despite knowing full-well that most of my girlfriends have had far better options than a washed up, alcoholic gambler with a dubious past, still find a way to pull away from people. The stalker got her nickname for the way that she just bypassed my defense and re-inserted herself into my life. Take for example my recent birthday when she invited herself along to an impromptu dinner with my parents, who she is now on excellent terms with. Something that I don't necessarily think is a good thing.
Anyway I still wasn't trading properly today and missed another big sell-off in the equity markets, concentration issues due to no grog I imagine. The markets so not seem to like the Obama bank plan and with good reason. The banking system may be flawed but what he is proposing will not make things better. By banning proprietary trading from the banks and limiting their size he is insuring that retail customers will receive a bad deal. The banks may have allowed their risk taking activities to spiral out of control but leaving them with customer only orientated business will squeeze their revenues and reduce the ability of them to offer competitive lending to customers. In addition a new breed of less regulated financial services companies will spring up to offer the services that grease the capital markets of the world and will either cater only for the rich or will be tremendously risky for other investors.His proposals will affect every part of the sophisticated financial services that Europe and America have developed. I assume that his plans will also include the finance divisions of corporates as well, at least those that have received state aid. So General Motors will have to close GMAC and without the financing available you will have to either obtain a loan from a traditional bank or pay in cash for a new car. I imagine there will also be difficulty with deciding on the role of corporate treasury departments as well. After all how much of the currency and commodity trading done by Delta and United is pure hedging and how much is prop trading? In fact all commodity trading wouldn't be easily justified by the banks which would impact the exchanges. Of course if any country didn't have the same approach to bank regulation, they would have a major advantage over the US banks. All in all it is a poorly thought out plan which smacks of a man who has just received a lot of criticism for failing to do anything in his first year in office.
Thursday 21 January 2010
Destination Nowhere
Today's P&L: GBP 90.00
Today's Booze: 4 pints of Stella Artois, 1 Large Talisker whiskey
Today's Soundtrack: Sweet Soul
Well, my recent melancholy continues, I was tempted to hit the booze but am trying to restrain myself, still drinking more than I should though. I am just so bored with all this. Nothing seems to change I feel trapped. I know everyone feels the weight of their life sometimes, but I didn't for years I went where I wanted and did what I wanted.
Everyone used to ask me don't you feel strange living alone in a hotel but the truth is I didn't. I loved it. I used to wake up after staying awake trading to the New York close, which is about three am Bangkok time. If the girlfriend was in my hotel room, I would wake her up and take a cab across town to where she lived so she could be home before her servants woke up. She lived across from the Royal Palace so the cab would drive back through the wakening city, the street markets beginning to be set up as the cab took me back to Sukhumvit. Bangkok never really sleeps so sometimes I would stop the cab and get out walking through the streets, the homeless sleeping everywhere, the tired hookers still looking for business outside cheap guesthouses. Then I would get home and grab a few hours sleep before eleven am, when after a shower I would head out for my first drink and lunch, usually at my friends pub near the Asok skytrain, just a short walk for me. Then I would drink and chat with friends, moving around the various drinking places until I felt the need to trade. I would normally try and get back about eight pm if there was any important US data. Sometimes I would get back earlier in there was anything big happening in Europe sometimes much, much later if I was having a good time. I rarely took a long-term visa so every month I would fly off for a weekend in Singapore or Penang or Jakarta or Ho Chi Minh and pick up a tourist visa on arrival. I can't count the hours I have spent in airport lounges in Asia.
Maybe I didn't have much of a purpose, but I don't have one here and life is a heck of a lot less fun. The stalker tells me if she marries me how my life will change and I just feel caged. It seems that if you let people into your life you owe them something, that can't be right. I feel like the coyote in the roadrunner cartoons that runs over a canyon and makes it pretty far until he looks down and realizes there is nothing underneath him. I didn't know I was running unsupported in fresh air until everyone told me I was.
Anyway didn't trade much today and missed a substantial fall in the European indexes. Trading is one of those things that if you don't focus you can get burned. Badly.
I was listening to soul and R&B music mostly. Far too big a genre to pick just five tracks, So I won't. According to IPlayer these were my favourites today:
Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay - An absolute classic, reminds me of a drinking in the Hong Kong beer bar in Penang with the lunatic ex and strangely leaving Liverpool on my dads ship when I was much, much younger. Otis had such a smooth voice.
Rainy Night In Georgia - Brook Benton is often overlooked but this song reminds me of how no matter how far away I was, I still thought of home sometimes.
Midnight Train to Georgia - Gladys Knight is also overlooked in comparison to the black female superstars, but this song is brilliant; "LA proved too much for the man", sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit you are weak.
Across 110th Street - Always loved this song, probably the first souls single I brought. Bobby Womack is perfect for this song, Luther or Marvin would have sounded too slick. "Crossing 110th Street is a hell of a tester". I love feeling sorry for myself as anyone who reads my blog is aware and Ok I didn't grow up in Harlem in the sixties or seventies but despite my middle class roots, I have ended up on the wrong side of the tracks far too often for my own good. My working class father tried everything to make sure I didn't suffer but my parents still shake their heads over my self-destructive nature.
Dance With My Father - Really a girls song in my mind, but Luther has such a perfect voice. "If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him, I would play a song that would never, ever end". I wonder what my parents, who went home today, will think about me if I die before them. Both my parents are scared of one of them dying before the other.
Harlem Blues - Branford Marsalis Quartet, I love this song. I am a city boy but sometimes everyone needs space to breath. "There are some spots in Harlem, where I am told its sudden death To let somebody see you even stop to catch your breath".
You Are Everything - Marvin and Diana, but the Stylistics version as well. When Marvin Gaye sings "How can I forget when each face that I see brings back memories of being with you, I just can't go on living life as I do, comparing each girl with you when they just won't do they are not you". Such passion, I feel it deep down inside my heart I just can't express myself. I can't remember ever telling someone how I felt about them to their face.
Today's Booze: 4 pints of Stella Artois, 1 Large Talisker whiskey
Today's Soundtrack: Sweet Soul
Well, my recent melancholy continues, I was tempted to hit the booze but am trying to restrain myself, still drinking more than I should though. I am just so bored with all this. Nothing seems to change I feel trapped. I know everyone feels the weight of their life sometimes, but I didn't for years I went where I wanted and did what I wanted.
Everyone used to ask me don't you feel strange living alone in a hotel but the truth is I didn't. I loved it. I used to wake up after staying awake trading to the New York close, which is about three am Bangkok time. If the girlfriend was in my hotel room, I would wake her up and take a cab across town to where she lived so she could be home before her servants woke up. She lived across from the Royal Palace so the cab would drive back through the wakening city, the street markets beginning to be set up as the cab took me back to Sukhumvit. Bangkok never really sleeps so sometimes I would stop the cab and get out walking through the streets, the homeless sleeping everywhere, the tired hookers still looking for business outside cheap guesthouses. Then I would get home and grab a few hours sleep before eleven am, when after a shower I would head out for my first drink and lunch, usually at my friends pub near the Asok skytrain, just a short walk for me. Then I would drink and chat with friends, moving around the various drinking places until I felt the need to trade. I would normally try and get back about eight pm if there was any important US data. Sometimes I would get back earlier in there was anything big happening in Europe sometimes much, much later if I was having a good time. I rarely took a long-term visa so every month I would fly off for a weekend in Singapore or Penang or Jakarta or Ho Chi Minh and pick up a tourist visa on arrival. I can't count the hours I have spent in airport lounges in Asia.
Maybe I didn't have much of a purpose, but I don't have one here and life is a heck of a lot less fun. The stalker tells me if she marries me how my life will change and I just feel caged. It seems that if you let people into your life you owe them something, that can't be right. I feel like the coyote in the roadrunner cartoons that runs over a canyon and makes it pretty far until he looks down and realizes there is nothing underneath him. I didn't know I was running unsupported in fresh air until everyone told me I was.
Anyway didn't trade much today and missed a substantial fall in the European indexes. Trading is one of those things that if you don't focus you can get burned. Badly.
I was listening to soul and R&B music mostly. Far too big a genre to pick just five tracks, So I won't. According to IPlayer these were my favourites today:
Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay - An absolute classic, reminds me of a drinking in the Hong Kong beer bar in Penang with the lunatic ex and strangely leaving Liverpool on my dads ship when I was much, much younger. Otis had such a smooth voice.
Rainy Night In Georgia - Brook Benton is often overlooked but this song reminds me of how no matter how far away I was, I still thought of home sometimes.
Midnight Train to Georgia - Gladys Knight is also overlooked in comparison to the black female superstars, but this song is brilliant; "LA proved too much for the man", sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit you are weak.
Across 110th Street - Always loved this song, probably the first souls single I brought. Bobby Womack is perfect for this song, Luther or Marvin would have sounded too slick. "Crossing 110th Street is a hell of a tester". I love feeling sorry for myself as anyone who reads my blog is aware and Ok I didn't grow up in Harlem in the sixties or seventies but despite my middle class roots, I have ended up on the wrong side of the tracks far too often for my own good. My working class father tried everything to make sure I didn't suffer but my parents still shake their heads over my self-destructive nature.
Dance With My Father - Really a girls song in my mind, but Luther has such a perfect voice. "If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him, I would play a song that would never, ever end". I wonder what my parents, who went home today, will think about me if I die before them. Both my parents are scared of one of them dying before the other.
Harlem Blues - Branford Marsalis Quartet, I love this song. I am a city boy but sometimes everyone needs space to breath. "There are some spots in Harlem, where I am told its sudden death To let somebody see you even stop to catch your breath".
You Are Everything - Marvin and Diana, but the Stylistics version as well. When Marvin Gaye sings "How can I forget when each face that I see brings back memories of being with you, I just can't go on living life as I do, comparing each girl with you when they just won't do they are not you". Such passion, I feel it deep down inside my heart I just can't express myself. I can't remember ever telling someone how I felt about them to their face.
Wednesday 20 January 2010
Never Forever
Today's P&L: GBP 150.00
Today's Booze: 2 large Talisker Whiskies
Today's Soundtrack: Kate Bush
I am still stuck in malaise, but surprisingly irritable today. I am not often a snappy person, I am normally quite laid back, but today everything seems to be getting on my nerves. Perhaps its the reduced alcohol intake.
The markets are still difficult to trade, There was an initial sell-off in the US which I should have made more of because my overall view is bearish, (looking to fall), but liquidity is still thin and movements are as snappy as my mood.
Nothing much happened in the markets today, Bank of America announced pretty poor profits, in line with Citibanks yesterday. Morgan Stanley announced it will give staff compensation amounting to sixty two percent of revenue or fourteen and a half billion dollars. I am an ex banker but this just seems madness to me, I believe solid performance should be rewarded with bonuses but it is quite clear the banks have learned nothing after their humiliation last year. the governments sat down and played poker with them and surprise, surprise they lost. In the UK it was made quite clear that the government went into a panic attack when faced with the possibility of the public going to cash points that had no money - So we had the concept of "too big to fail". Now everyone knows where we stand, the banks hold too much power and for all the hard talk from the government they know they have the upper hand. The only fly in the ointment is if the governments have taken too much on by shifting the risk from the private sector to the public sector. It is just so annoying that an insignificant bank like Northern Rock is bailed out by the government to the tune of one hundred billion pounds of tax payer money when the entire budget of the NHS is just ninety billion for a year. And yet we are told that alcohol costs the NHS four and a half billion a year, that cigarettes cost nearly two billion, (bearing in mind that the exchequer raises nearly nine billion from tobacco taxes). This bail out money could have been spent more wisely.
Listening to mostly eighties music today, but mostly Kate Bush. She is quite an odd artist, she is one of the few female artists that has always had complete control over her music and is something of a recluse now. She lives quite near where I am currently hanging my hat in Windsor. She was discovered by David Gilmour when she was sixteen. Almost everyone my age in the UK remembers hearing Wuthering Hights, her first single, which was a huge record. Anyway my top five Kate Bush tracks:
Wuthering Hights - A song that defined her and an instant success. Very passionate. For me it is her wailing at the end, it really reminds me of the lunatic ex who would howl in rage when she couldn't express her fierce emotions any other way.
Breathing - A weird song but if you lived in Britain at the time you remember the protect and survive leaflets, ("If you hear the warning, paint your windows white to deflect the blast"), The test radio broadcasts of a world where nuclear war not only seemed possible but likely. The song suggests that no matter what happens there will be survivors. This song also suggests an intimacy between mother and child that is alien to us men.
Cloudbusting - famous more for the video featuring Donald Sutherland. A song of hope but with menace from the government. My mother worked for the foreign office and I am never adverse to a conspiracy theory. The stupidest thing is believing that what happens in other countries doesn't happen in yours.
Hounds Of Love - To me this song is about the risks of falling in love. I have always been a reckless character, I remember jumping on a plane in New York to get to a girlfriends party in Jakarta, cost a fortune at the time - last minute first class flights are never cheap, but it was worth it.
WOW - A song about actors, I suppose few of us show our true faces.
Its hard to just choose five of her songs, I also listened a lot to Running up That Hill, Army Dreamers, This Womens Work Is Done, Babooshka, There Goes a Tenner, James and The Cold Gun.
Today's Booze: 2 large Talisker Whiskies
Today's Soundtrack: Kate Bush
I am still stuck in malaise, but surprisingly irritable today. I am not often a snappy person, I am normally quite laid back, but today everything seems to be getting on my nerves. Perhaps its the reduced alcohol intake.
The markets are still difficult to trade, There was an initial sell-off in the US which I should have made more of because my overall view is bearish, (looking to fall), but liquidity is still thin and movements are as snappy as my mood.
Nothing much happened in the markets today, Bank of America announced pretty poor profits, in line with Citibanks yesterday. Morgan Stanley announced it will give staff compensation amounting to sixty two percent of revenue or fourteen and a half billion dollars. I am an ex banker but this just seems madness to me, I believe solid performance should be rewarded with bonuses but it is quite clear the banks have learned nothing after their humiliation last year. the governments sat down and played poker with them and surprise, surprise they lost. In the UK it was made quite clear that the government went into a panic attack when faced with the possibility of the public going to cash points that had no money - So we had the concept of "too big to fail". Now everyone knows where we stand, the banks hold too much power and for all the hard talk from the government they know they have the upper hand. The only fly in the ointment is if the governments have taken too much on by shifting the risk from the private sector to the public sector. It is just so annoying that an insignificant bank like Northern Rock is bailed out by the government to the tune of one hundred billion pounds of tax payer money when the entire budget of the NHS is just ninety billion for a year. And yet we are told that alcohol costs the NHS four and a half billion a year, that cigarettes cost nearly two billion, (bearing in mind that the exchequer raises nearly nine billion from tobacco taxes). This bail out money could have been spent more wisely.
Listening to mostly eighties music today, but mostly Kate Bush. She is quite an odd artist, she is one of the few female artists that has always had complete control over her music and is something of a recluse now. She lives quite near where I am currently hanging my hat in Windsor. She was discovered by David Gilmour when she was sixteen. Almost everyone my age in the UK remembers hearing Wuthering Hights, her first single, which was a huge record. Anyway my top five Kate Bush tracks:
Wuthering Hights - A song that defined her and an instant success. Very passionate. For me it is her wailing at the end, it really reminds me of the lunatic ex who would howl in rage when she couldn't express her fierce emotions any other way.
Breathing - A weird song but if you lived in Britain at the time you remember the protect and survive leaflets, ("If you hear the warning, paint your windows white to deflect the blast"), The test radio broadcasts of a world where nuclear war not only seemed possible but likely. The song suggests that no matter what happens there will be survivors. This song also suggests an intimacy between mother and child that is alien to us men.
Cloudbusting - famous more for the video featuring Donald Sutherland. A song of hope but with menace from the government. My mother worked for the foreign office and I am never adverse to a conspiracy theory. The stupidest thing is believing that what happens in other countries doesn't happen in yours.
Hounds Of Love - To me this song is about the risks of falling in love. I have always been a reckless character, I remember jumping on a plane in New York to get to a girlfriends party in Jakarta, cost a fortune at the time - last minute first class flights are never cheap, but it was worth it.
WOW - A song about actors, I suppose few of us show our true faces.
Its hard to just choose five of her songs, I also listened a lot to Running up That Hill, Army Dreamers, This Womens Work Is Done, Babooshka, There Goes a Tenner, James and The Cold Gun.
Tuesday 19 January 2010
Winding Down
Today's P&L: GBP 90.00, (I just can't get into it today).
Today's Booze: 2 pints of dry cider, 1 large Talisker Scotch
Today's Soundtrack: Bob James
Somewhere in England a minister is defending actions that he clearly had little to do with to a select committee, giving the impression of justice and democracy. This is the man who asserted that Britain was prepared to use nuclear weapons on Iraq - give him the Nobel Peace Prize.
Meanwhile the guardians of the Cadbury group who derided an initial offer from Kraft have decided that ten percent extra makes all the difference and capitulated. That thirty thousand jobs that will go soon. The Cadbury family were one of the first philanthropic families of the empire, they were responsible for introducing low cost housing, annuities, bank accounts and education for workers and their families. There is no place for social conscience in modern Britain.
The Euro continues to take a beating as the options for Greece look bleaker. In some respects I don't care if the Euro falls through the floor, cheaper French, Italian and Spanish wine and food, but on the other hand I do still have a small house somewhere in Spain which is valued in Euro's. I was doing some consultancy work for an American bank when the Euro was introduced in 1999, (non physical), We had a big party as we were a Euro Clearing House, even then I expressed my reservations. I just couldn't see how the diverse economies of Greece, Italy, Spain, Portugal, France and Germany could link up. Back then I said that the Euro would collapse shortly after the UK joined, but now I think the collapse is inevitable anyway. Greece will be bailed out at some huge cost but the end is on the cards and the longer it takes the harder the break up will be.
I am feeling rather mellow today, I haven't really been following the markets and have spent more time idly reading other peoples blogs and watching online television. I am glad to see the new series of Being Human has started on the BBC. I love that program the idea of a ghost, a werewolf and a vampire living together in a house in Bristol just appeals to me. If you haven't seen it you should check it out.
My mellow mood has been reflected in my main musical choice of the day, Bob James. I know Jazz isn't terribly popular but this is cool, easy listening Jazz. Good for listening to while you have a nice cold drink. My top five Bob James tracks:
Storm Warning - Sung by his daughter, Hilary. This track really brings a lump to my throat, the kind of broken hearted torch song that can make you feel so bad you feel good. "Storm Warning, feels like a heavy rain, Winds on the coast tonight, we might get tossed tonight".
Angela - Or as everyone calls it the music from Taxi. I always loved this, when I was a child I used to watch Taxi mainly to hear the music on the intro and outro and Marilu Henner of course.
Restless - Easy listening Jazz like Shakatak but much more accomplished.
Deja Blue - More of the same, makes me want to get a good scotch
Back To Bali - Doesn't make me think of Bali, just reminds me of stretching out in bed with a girl while this plays quietly in the background.
So Bob James, not to everyone's taste to "elevator music" for some people certainly for the hardcore jazz fans but I like him and I like his approach to music and life.
Today's Booze: 2 pints of dry cider, 1 large Talisker Scotch
Today's Soundtrack: Bob James
Somewhere in England a minister is defending actions that he clearly had little to do with to a select committee, giving the impression of justice and democracy. This is the man who asserted that Britain was prepared to use nuclear weapons on Iraq - give him the Nobel Peace Prize.
Meanwhile the guardians of the Cadbury group who derided an initial offer from Kraft have decided that ten percent extra makes all the difference and capitulated. That thirty thousand jobs that will go soon. The Cadbury family were one of the first philanthropic families of the empire, they were responsible for introducing low cost housing, annuities, bank accounts and education for workers and their families. There is no place for social conscience in modern Britain.
The Euro continues to take a beating as the options for Greece look bleaker. In some respects I don't care if the Euro falls through the floor, cheaper French, Italian and Spanish wine and food, but on the other hand I do still have a small house somewhere in Spain which is valued in Euro's. I was doing some consultancy work for an American bank when the Euro was introduced in 1999, (non physical), We had a big party as we were a Euro Clearing House, even then I expressed my reservations. I just couldn't see how the diverse economies of Greece, Italy, Spain, Portugal, France and Germany could link up. Back then I said that the Euro would collapse shortly after the UK joined, but now I think the collapse is inevitable anyway. Greece will be bailed out at some huge cost but the end is on the cards and the longer it takes the harder the break up will be.
I am feeling rather mellow today, I haven't really been following the markets and have spent more time idly reading other peoples blogs and watching online television. I am glad to see the new series of Being Human has started on the BBC. I love that program the idea of a ghost, a werewolf and a vampire living together in a house in Bristol just appeals to me. If you haven't seen it you should check it out.
My mellow mood has been reflected in my main musical choice of the day, Bob James. I know Jazz isn't terribly popular but this is cool, easy listening Jazz. Good for listening to while you have a nice cold drink. My top five Bob James tracks:
Storm Warning - Sung by his daughter, Hilary. This track really brings a lump to my throat, the kind of broken hearted torch song that can make you feel so bad you feel good. "Storm Warning, feels like a heavy rain, Winds on the coast tonight, we might get tossed tonight".
Angela - Or as everyone calls it the music from Taxi. I always loved this, when I was a child I used to watch Taxi mainly to hear the music on the intro and outro and Marilu Henner of course.
Restless - Easy listening Jazz like Shakatak but much more accomplished.
Deja Blue - More of the same, makes me want to get a good scotch
Back To Bali - Doesn't make me think of Bali, just reminds me of stretching out in bed with a girl while this plays quietly in the background.
So Bob James, not to everyone's taste to "elevator music" for some people certainly for the hardcore jazz fans but I like him and I like his approach to music and life.
Saturday 16 January 2010
Bad News
Yesterdays P&L: GBP-1,100
Yesterdays Booze: 8 glasses of wine, 4 pints of Stella Artois
Yesterdays soundtrack: Depeche Mode
Bad day on the markets for me. The US data was good, Industrial production in America was up, Empire manufacturing up and the corporate data was much better than expected overnight Intel had good numbers and JP Morgan earned bucket loads of money. So the US stock market should have jumped and dragged the European indexes with it. So why did I get nailed on a ten pounds per point spread trade on the DAX 30? Who can tell?
Anyway, I left my beloved screens early, for all those who wonder why I am online so much I sit here with five monitors scorching my retinas, to go and have dinner with my brother and his wife and the stalker. We went to some trendy quasi-Chinese place in Soho. Dim Sum at nine o'clock, the stalker was outraged! That also explains why I drank more than I should have. I didn't drink any booze until I met them. The stalker was in fine form although, very pissed - she had had some bad news her billionaire admirer died and some sick children she looks after died on the same day, so all in all a bad day for her. She handles tragedy much better than I do. Like all good drunks, I am one sad song away from crying in my beer.
While I was at home I was listening to Depeche Mode, another of my favourite bands and one I have seen go from synth pop eighties goodness to stadium rock histrionics, kind of like my personal life. I have seen them live four times and they always put on a good show. My top five Mode tracks:
Personal Jesus - Forget the lame Marylin Manson cover, this is the best, "Feeling unknown and your all alone, Flesh and blood by the telephone, lift up the receiver, I'll make you a believer". this is supposed to be written about television evangelists, but it could just as easily be telephone chatlines or internet dating.
Its No Good - The most depressing song in the world, but with the casual arrogance of an aging Lothario. "Don't say you want me, Don't say you need me, Don't say you love me, It's understood. Don't say your happy, Out there without me, I know you can't be, Cause it's no good".
Clean - A forgotten track, probably about David Gahan and his struggles with addiction but when I hear it, I think of a guy in a padded cell, wearing a straight jacket, his body covered in cuts, screaming "get them off me" as he sees some invisible insects crawling all over him.
Shake The Disease - The first Depeche Mode record I ever brought. "Some people have to be permanently together, True lovers devoted to each other forever, Now I've got things to do, And I've said before that I know you have too, When I'm not there, In spirit I'll be there". Brilliant song, even when you love someone you don't have to be with them all the time.
See You - Early Depeche Mode very pop but even back then there was a dark undertone. When I hear this song, I don't think of a love struck teenager but an obsessive predator with a restraining order and a collection of photographs of the object of his desires.
Yesterdays Booze: 8 glasses of wine, 4 pints of Stella Artois
Yesterdays soundtrack: Depeche Mode
Bad day on the markets for me. The US data was good, Industrial production in America was up, Empire manufacturing up and the corporate data was much better than expected overnight Intel had good numbers and JP Morgan earned bucket loads of money. So the US stock market should have jumped and dragged the European indexes with it. So why did I get nailed on a ten pounds per point spread trade on the DAX 30? Who can tell?
Anyway, I left my beloved screens early, for all those who wonder why I am online so much I sit here with five monitors scorching my retinas, to go and have dinner with my brother and his wife and the stalker. We went to some trendy quasi-Chinese place in Soho. Dim Sum at nine o'clock, the stalker was outraged! That also explains why I drank more than I should have. I didn't drink any booze until I met them. The stalker was in fine form although, very pissed - she had had some bad news her billionaire admirer died and some sick children she looks after died on the same day, so all in all a bad day for her. She handles tragedy much better than I do. Like all good drunks, I am one sad song away from crying in my beer.
While I was at home I was listening to Depeche Mode, another of my favourite bands and one I have seen go from synth pop eighties goodness to stadium rock histrionics, kind of like my personal life. I have seen them live four times and they always put on a good show. My top five Mode tracks:
Personal Jesus - Forget the lame Marylin Manson cover, this is the best, "Feeling unknown and your all alone, Flesh and blood by the telephone, lift up the receiver, I'll make you a believer". this is supposed to be written about television evangelists, but it could just as easily be telephone chatlines or internet dating.
Its No Good - The most depressing song in the world, but with the casual arrogance of an aging Lothario. "Don't say you want me, Don't say you need me, Don't say you love me, It's understood. Don't say your happy, Out there without me, I know you can't be, Cause it's no good".
Clean - A forgotten track, probably about David Gahan and his struggles with addiction but when I hear it, I think of a guy in a padded cell, wearing a straight jacket, his body covered in cuts, screaming "get them off me" as he sees some invisible insects crawling all over him.
Shake The Disease - The first Depeche Mode record I ever brought. "Some people have to be permanently together, True lovers devoted to each other forever, Now I've got things to do, And I've said before that I know you have too, When I'm not there, In spirit I'll be there". Brilliant song, even when you love someone you don't have to be with them all the time.
See You - Early Depeche Mode very pop but even back then there was a dark undertone. When I hear this song, I don't think of a love struck teenager but an obsessive predator with a restraining order and a collection of photographs of the object of his desires.
Wednesday 13 January 2010
Little Things
Yesterdays P&L: GBP -410.00
Yesterdays Booze: 3 pints of dry cider, 1 large Remy Martin XO
Yesterdays Soundtrack: Elvis
A rough day on the markets. Just a few spread trades on the DAX 30 and the FTSE 100. Every time I went long, I got squeezed and closed out the trade for a small loss, they all add up. It's not a lot of money but I can ill afford any losses right now. I had hoped that the markets would return to normal after the Christmas break but liquidity remains tight.
The predominant sound of my day was Elvis. I am an eighties boy but I love the sound of black velvet. When I was in a band I made a lot of use of reverbs, harmonisers and compressors. Elvis used a microphone, my favourite five Elvis tracks:
In The Ghetto - An easy choice and in line with a recent post from the delectable Kitty on her blog, who can hear the lyrics "And his mama cries" without feeling some sadness?
Heartbreak Hotel - The original and best. Elvis as a young man but already singing about the loneliness and isolation that was his inevitable future. "Although its always crowded, You can still find some room, Where broken hearted lovers do cry away their gloom".
Suspicious Minds - Isn't it funny how sometimes the more you care about someone, the more doubts you have.
Viva Las Vegas - Party song for a party town. But if you strip the glitz away there is a very dark side. The acoustic cover by Phil Cody reeks of desperation. If I opened a school the motto would definitely be "All you need's a strong heart and nerves of steel".
Always On My Mind - Sometimes you don't know what you have until you lose it.
I should make a comment about the tragic earthquake in Haiti. I can't stand this kind of thing and I can see why so many people question the existence of God when something like this happens. It all seems so random and pointless. I felt exactly the same after the Tsunami, I used to live in North Sumatra so that had more of an impact on me but tragedy is tragedy, some just seem more personal than others. At least the governments of the world are making the right noises about mobilizing aid for one of the poorest and unluckiest countries in the World. If America can spend so much money sending military half way across the world then even in these recessionary times they should pull out the stops for a country practically on their doorstop. Even if it doesn't have any oil.
Seeing how ill equipped the UK is to deal with snow in Winter, we can only be glad we are not on a major fault line.
Yesterdays Booze: 3 pints of dry cider, 1 large Remy Martin XO
Yesterdays Soundtrack: Elvis
A rough day on the markets. Just a few spread trades on the DAX 30 and the FTSE 100. Every time I went long, I got squeezed and closed out the trade for a small loss, they all add up. It's not a lot of money but I can ill afford any losses right now. I had hoped that the markets would return to normal after the Christmas break but liquidity remains tight.
The predominant sound of my day was Elvis. I am an eighties boy but I love the sound of black velvet. When I was in a band I made a lot of use of reverbs, harmonisers and compressors. Elvis used a microphone, my favourite five Elvis tracks:
In The Ghetto - An easy choice and in line with a recent post from the delectable Kitty on her blog, who can hear the lyrics "And his mama cries" without feeling some sadness?
Heartbreak Hotel - The original and best. Elvis as a young man but already singing about the loneliness and isolation that was his inevitable future. "Although its always crowded, You can still find some room, Where broken hearted lovers do cry away their gloom".
Suspicious Minds - Isn't it funny how sometimes the more you care about someone, the more doubts you have.
Viva Las Vegas - Party song for a party town. But if you strip the glitz away there is a very dark side. The acoustic cover by Phil Cody reeks of desperation. If I opened a school the motto would definitely be "All you need's a strong heart and nerves of steel".
Always On My Mind - Sometimes you don't know what you have until you lose it.
I should make a comment about the tragic earthquake in Haiti. I can't stand this kind of thing and I can see why so many people question the existence of God when something like this happens. It all seems so random and pointless. I felt exactly the same after the Tsunami, I used to live in North Sumatra so that had more of an impact on me but tragedy is tragedy, some just seem more personal than others. At least the governments of the world are making the right noises about mobilizing aid for one of the poorest and unluckiest countries in the World. If America can spend so much money sending military half way across the world then even in these recessionary times they should pull out the stops for a country practically on their doorstop. Even if it doesn't have any oil.
Seeing how ill equipped the UK is to deal with snow in Winter, we can only be glad we are not on a major fault line.
Monday 11 January 2010
In A New York Minute
Today's P&L: GBP 150.00
Today's Booze: 2 pints of Stella Artois, 1 large Rum Coffee
Today's Soundtrack: Don Henley / The Eagles
Another boring day, I am beginning to see why I drink so much. Christ, if regular, sober life is so boring maybe it would be better if someone put me out of my misery now. When I was a youngster I used to do so much that drinking used to be something I had to fit in my life. I was in a band, I used to write, I fancied myself an artist, there were lots of girlfriends.
What am I supposed to do now, get a hobby? Playing with trains, stamp collecting, classic cars? I don't need to go out looking for girls, I already have a stalker and anyway, whats another girl going to mean to me, I am forty after all.
In line with the music off the day though, everything can change in a New York Minute. What a great song that is. Of course to people like me, the lyrics are fantastic.
"Harry got up,Dressed all in black
Went down to the station And he never came back
They found his clothing Scattered somewhere down the track
And he won't be down on Wall Street in the morning"
"He had a home, The love of a girl
But men get lost sometimes, As years unfurl
One day he crossed some line
And he was too much in this world
But I guess it doesn't matter anymore"
For me, this is one of the most perfect songs ever - not the whole Wall Street thing, my mother used to say to me I was too much of this world and that was when I was being relatively spiritual and I do wear a lot of black.
Maybe its time for some change in this world, we seem to be continuing down the same sorry path. Economically, America is still swaggering around like a heavyweight boxer that has taken too much punishment but is likely to make it through the next round. GM has decided to start talking tough about closing Saab in Sweden, the same GM that was on its knees crying for state aid a year ago. I don't know why the Americans think closing Saab down will bother the Swedes above and beyond the inevitable sting to national pride. Sweden isn't like the UK or America. These workers will be taken care of by the state. Almost all Scandinavians have, by our standard, an impossibly high social safety net. Britain is likely to be moribund until the election and probably afterward, because if there is any justice there should be a hung parliament, so I will have to reconsider my EUR/GBP trade. I am a bit surprised that China finally managed to overtake Germany as the worlds export engine. Perhaps it signifies that the world loves the kind of "cost effective" tat The Chinese make instead of the slightly higher quality stuff made by our German friends.
Today's Booze: 2 pints of Stella Artois, 1 large Rum Coffee
Today's Soundtrack: Don Henley / The Eagles
Another boring day, I am beginning to see why I drink so much. Christ, if regular, sober life is so boring maybe it would be better if someone put me out of my misery now. When I was a youngster I used to do so much that drinking used to be something I had to fit in my life. I was in a band, I used to write, I fancied myself an artist, there were lots of girlfriends.
What am I supposed to do now, get a hobby? Playing with trains, stamp collecting, classic cars? I don't need to go out looking for girls, I already have a stalker and anyway, whats another girl going to mean to me, I am forty after all.
In line with the music off the day though, everything can change in a New York Minute. What a great song that is. Of course to people like me, the lyrics are fantastic.
"Harry got up,Dressed all in black
Went down to the station And he never came back
They found his clothing Scattered somewhere down the track
And he won't be down on Wall Street in the morning"
"He had a home, The love of a girl
But men get lost sometimes, As years unfurl
One day he crossed some line
And he was too much in this world
But I guess it doesn't matter anymore"
For me, this is one of the most perfect songs ever - not the whole Wall Street thing, my mother used to say to me I was too much of this world and that was when I was being relatively spiritual and I do wear a lot of black.
Maybe its time for some change in this world, we seem to be continuing down the same sorry path. Economically, America is still swaggering around like a heavyweight boxer that has taken too much punishment but is likely to make it through the next round. GM has decided to start talking tough about closing Saab in Sweden, the same GM that was on its knees crying for state aid a year ago. I don't know why the Americans think closing Saab down will bother the Swedes above and beyond the inevitable sting to national pride. Sweden isn't like the UK or America. These workers will be taken care of by the state. Almost all Scandinavians have, by our standard, an impossibly high social safety net. Britain is likely to be moribund until the election and probably afterward, because if there is any justice there should be a hung parliament, so I will have to reconsider my EUR/GBP trade. I am a bit surprised that China finally managed to overtake Germany as the worlds export engine. Perhaps it signifies that the world loves the kind of "cost effective" tat The Chinese make instead of the slightly higher quality stuff made by our German friends.
Sunday 10 January 2010
Blank Pages
Today's P&L: Weekends, suppose I could trade the gold in the middle east
Today's Booze: Still being good, 2 pints of Aspinall Cider, 1 Pint of Stella Artois
Today's Soundtrack: The Rolling Stones
Well as my drinking is likely to dwindle until I have seen the quack, I have added the soundtrack to my day. I have been listening to other artists but the band of the day has been The Rolling Stones. I think I have almost all there records on my computer - records, how quaint! Next I shall be talking about going to the disco. The Stones are a little like me, against all odds they keep going. I have seen them in concert a few times and they are excellent. Still I suppose if you do anything long enough you develop a certain aptitude. A lot of people deride their huge money-making tours, but hey they give the public what they want. First Stones concert I saw was in the early Eighties, a European tour they knocked together after the success of the Still Life American tour. By all accounts they hated each other at this point but they still put on a good show. Back Then they played Wembley Stadium without any of the huge screens we are used to now. I actually met Jagger once in the club of a hotel in Bangkok, didn't get long to talk to him as he is very distant. For a small guy he is very impressive. He gives the aura of being much taller and I doubt I have seen a man who stands as ramrod straight as he does. Anyway after listening to The Stones all day, my favourite five tracks are;
Under My Thumb - The ultimate misogynist song of all time. I like to think I am not a misogynist, but I defy any man to listen to this and recall a time when he was messed around by a woman he probably cared too much for.
Gimmie Shelter - The song that rang in the changes from the hippy Sixties to the Seventies. An absolutely brilliant song that, to me screams of paranoia and desperation. When I hear this and close my eyes I see an eight track bolted to the side of a helicopter flying over Viet-Nam during the war.
Miss You - Still in the Seventies, The Stones go Disco, (told you). Disco music was supposed to be happy though. Jagger sings this like a man who is too tired, seen too much. Strangely it makes me think of back in the mid eighties after an all night party with a high school girlfriend. Not in the city, in the suburbs. That cold early morning feeling you get when you have been up all night. You are tired but you don't feel it because you are excited to be with someone. You exchange some small words of affection at the end of her road, kiss briefly and walk home feeling like you own the world.
Anybody Seen My Baby? - One of the Stones least popular records but this song is good. Predictably it speaks to me of loss. For me it reminds me of endless hours in Airports in Asia looking at people as they walk past, scanning the faces of women to see if it was either The Stalker or later, The Lunatic. KLIA in Malaysia is an especially soulless airport where I would wander through the oversized and bizarrely empty walkways, Knowing it was a place that my ex girlfriends were likely to fly through on a regular basis, but really what are the chances of bumping into someone in an international hub airport?
Wild Horses - I don't know why I love this song.
So why did I call this post blank pages? Well, I have been staring at the expensive buttery pages of the journal the Stalker gave me trying to think of what to write. Its so odd, in front of a keyboard I can type away, but its all vapour. Having the beautiful fountain pen she gave me in one hand and the clear, expectant page in front of me seems so real, like you are committing to something. You can't just backspace so its like if you write something it better be worth it. Its so long since I have written anything by hand as well, I doubt my penmanship is up to much.
Today's Booze: Still being good, 2 pints of Aspinall Cider, 1 Pint of Stella Artois
Today's Soundtrack: The Rolling Stones
Well as my drinking is likely to dwindle until I have seen the quack, I have added the soundtrack to my day. I have been listening to other artists but the band of the day has been The Rolling Stones. I think I have almost all there records on my computer - records, how quaint! Next I shall be talking about going to the disco. The Stones are a little like me, against all odds they keep going. I have seen them in concert a few times and they are excellent. Still I suppose if you do anything long enough you develop a certain aptitude. A lot of people deride their huge money-making tours, but hey they give the public what they want. First Stones concert I saw was in the early Eighties, a European tour they knocked together after the success of the Still Life American tour. By all accounts they hated each other at this point but they still put on a good show. Back Then they played Wembley Stadium without any of the huge screens we are used to now. I actually met Jagger once in the club of a hotel in Bangkok, didn't get long to talk to him as he is very distant. For a small guy he is very impressive. He gives the aura of being much taller and I doubt I have seen a man who stands as ramrod straight as he does. Anyway after listening to The Stones all day, my favourite five tracks are;
Under My Thumb - The ultimate misogynist song of all time. I like to think I am not a misogynist, but I defy any man to listen to this and recall a time when he was messed around by a woman he probably cared too much for.
Gimmie Shelter - The song that rang in the changes from the hippy Sixties to the Seventies. An absolutely brilliant song that, to me screams of paranoia and desperation. When I hear this and close my eyes I see an eight track bolted to the side of a helicopter flying over Viet-Nam during the war.
Miss You - Still in the Seventies, The Stones go Disco, (told you). Disco music was supposed to be happy though. Jagger sings this like a man who is too tired, seen too much. Strangely it makes me think of back in the mid eighties after an all night party with a high school girlfriend. Not in the city, in the suburbs. That cold early morning feeling you get when you have been up all night. You are tired but you don't feel it because you are excited to be with someone. You exchange some small words of affection at the end of her road, kiss briefly and walk home feeling like you own the world.
Anybody Seen My Baby? - One of the Stones least popular records but this song is good. Predictably it speaks to me of loss. For me it reminds me of endless hours in Airports in Asia looking at people as they walk past, scanning the faces of women to see if it was either The Stalker or later, The Lunatic. KLIA in Malaysia is an especially soulless airport where I would wander through the oversized and bizarrely empty walkways, Knowing it was a place that my ex girlfriends were likely to fly through on a regular basis, but really what are the chances of bumping into someone in an international hub airport?
Wild Horses - I don't know why I love this song.
So why did I call this post blank pages? Well, I have been staring at the expensive buttery pages of the journal the Stalker gave me trying to think of what to write. Its so odd, in front of a keyboard I can type away, but its all vapour. Having the beautiful fountain pen she gave me in one hand and the clear, expectant page in front of me seems so real, like you are committing to something. You can't just backspace so its like if you write something it better be worth it. Its so long since I have written anything by hand as well, I doubt my penmanship is up to much.
Friday 8 January 2010
My Life In Drink
Due to an upcoming medical procedure and some unexpected support from some readers I have made the decision to try and control the booze. As a result and in relation to my recent fortieth birthday, I have decided to review my life with booze. I have other addictions. I used to gamble a lot, but because i do this for a living it never had any real control over me. I have slept with a lot of women, certainly in the hundreds but my emotional distance kept a lid on that. Booze is different I have an intimate relationship with drink that I don't really understand. It's always been there. On my birthday my parents related the story of the first time I got pissed, I was two years old. My mother had taken my older brother and myself to pick up my father from a voyage to Asia. As usual, my father did his handover and had a few drinks in the bar with the other officers some of whom were leaving, others staying. Then we went to have dinner in the officers dining room. As a senior officer my father and my mother sat on the larger central "Captains table" while the junior officers and other guests sat on the smaller satellite tables. Back in those days it was all silver service and the Chinese stewards brought the food to our tables. As I came in to my table no one noticed anything odd about me. they hadn't realized that after the engineers had given me a few capfulls of whiskey at the bar I had been swigging out of everyone's glasses and was completely smashed on Whiskey and Rum. I soon started attracting attention by hurling silverware around the dining room and laughing like a maniac. It was after I picked up a carving knife and threw it at the Captain that my mother excused herself and took me out of the dining room.
I was relatively normal after that, it was normal for us to have a small glass of wine with Sunday dinner and of course we were allowed a little more on New years Eve. Unlike my brothers however, I had a real taste for alcohol:
Ten to Fourteen. These years were characterized by me drinking on an occasional basis. Mostly beer. I had a serious interest in the music of the time, (nineteen eighty to eighty four) and got involved in a New Romantic band. But was a big Stones fan. Remember going to a few good concerts and starting to develop a real taste for Rum and Vodka. Key moment? Getting drunk on Four Bells Rum in Tema, Ghana.
Fourteen to Seventeen. Difficult times for the family. We really lost touch with each other physically and emotionally due to conditions completely out of our control. By Now I was drinking very regularly. Key Moment? Arriving back in the UK from a voyage on my fathers ship and being given some cash, finding a bedsit and a lot of Vodka to hole up in until we reconvened in South East London.
Seventeen to Twenty Three. The working years. My first job, quite rapid success at work, my first house purchase. The last time I drove a car after six car crashes, (I never drove while drunk - I was just really bad at driving). Heavy drinking years, mostly Vodka, beer and wine. Key moment? My first solo adventure in Asia. Getting arrested and beat up by the police in Laos whilst loaded on Vodka. First went out with the stalker during this period.
Twenty Three to Twenty Eight. Last Years in permanent employment. Then quit to go traveling to see what happened. Drinking very heavily by now. Had a relationship with the maddest woman ever. Key moment? Indonesia during the Asian crisis in Ninety Seven. Never having seen so much suffering before in my life. Drinking liter bottles of vodka the way a chain smoker smokes for weeks at a time. Bad times.
Twenty Eight to Thirty Three. Back in London try to make it back. Lost all my savings in Asia so took a few consultancy jobs in London and New York. Decent money, constant drinking. Lots of meaningless women. The Vodka and Tonic years. Key moment? My boss saying to me, you are the worst employee ever because I have no control over you. Everyone else I can sack and they are scared of that but you don't even need the job after I drank one bottle of vodka at lunch time.
Thirty Three to Thirty Seven. Living in Asia. Trading online and drinking non-stop. Relatively stable relationship with the Thai Princess, (not really a princess but from a high society family and living across from the palace). Got sick for the first time, bizarrely enough nothing to do with my drinking - some bone disease. Key moment? Leaving Bangkok with everything I owned, which I put in the overhead locker on my Emirates first class flight back to London, drinking everything I could lay my hands on because I knew I had only three hundred pounds to my name - The same amount I had back in nineteen eighty six when I left my family for the first time. Which is OK for a good lunch but not to rebuild your empire.
Thirty Seven to Forty. Read all about it here. The time back in London, aka the wilderness years, scraping by on a pittance. Struggling with drink. Health not too good and mood worse. reunited with the stalker which is either the best or worst thing that ever happened to me.
So that is it. Doesn't look like much when I consider the amount of money made and spent. the amount of women I have known and The places I have been. According to that widget thing on facebook I have been to 32% of the worlds countries. And yet judging by what I just wrote its almost as if I was never here.
I was relatively normal after that, it was normal for us to have a small glass of wine with Sunday dinner and of course we were allowed a little more on New years Eve. Unlike my brothers however, I had a real taste for alcohol:
Ten to Fourteen. These years were characterized by me drinking on an occasional basis. Mostly beer. I had a serious interest in the music of the time, (nineteen eighty to eighty four) and got involved in a New Romantic band. But was a big Stones fan. Remember going to a few good concerts and starting to develop a real taste for Rum and Vodka. Key moment? Getting drunk on Four Bells Rum in Tema, Ghana.
Fourteen to Seventeen. Difficult times for the family. We really lost touch with each other physically and emotionally due to conditions completely out of our control. By Now I was drinking very regularly. Key Moment? Arriving back in the UK from a voyage on my fathers ship and being given some cash, finding a bedsit and a lot of Vodka to hole up in until we reconvened in South East London.
Seventeen to Twenty Three. The working years. My first job, quite rapid success at work, my first house purchase. The last time I drove a car after six car crashes, (I never drove while drunk - I was just really bad at driving). Heavy drinking years, mostly Vodka, beer and wine. Key moment? My first solo adventure in Asia. Getting arrested and beat up by the police in Laos whilst loaded on Vodka. First went out with the stalker during this period.
Twenty Three to Twenty Eight. Last Years in permanent employment. Then quit to go traveling to see what happened. Drinking very heavily by now. Had a relationship with the maddest woman ever. Key moment? Indonesia during the Asian crisis in Ninety Seven. Never having seen so much suffering before in my life. Drinking liter bottles of vodka the way a chain smoker smokes for weeks at a time. Bad times.
Twenty Eight to Thirty Three. Back in London try to make it back. Lost all my savings in Asia so took a few consultancy jobs in London and New York. Decent money, constant drinking. Lots of meaningless women. The Vodka and Tonic years. Key moment? My boss saying to me, you are the worst employee ever because I have no control over you. Everyone else I can sack and they are scared of that but you don't even need the job after I drank one bottle of vodka at lunch time.
Thirty Three to Thirty Seven. Living in Asia. Trading online and drinking non-stop. Relatively stable relationship with the Thai Princess, (not really a princess but from a high society family and living across from the palace). Got sick for the first time, bizarrely enough nothing to do with my drinking - some bone disease. Key moment? Leaving Bangkok with everything I owned, which I put in the overhead locker on my Emirates first class flight back to London, drinking everything I could lay my hands on because I knew I had only three hundred pounds to my name - The same amount I had back in nineteen eighty six when I left my family for the first time. Which is OK for a good lunch but not to rebuild your empire.
Thirty Seven to Forty. Read all about it here. The time back in London, aka the wilderness years, scraping by on a pittance. Struggling with drink. Health not too good and mood worse. reunited with the stalker which is either the best or worst thing that ever happened to me.
So that is it. Doesn't look like much when I consider the amount of money made and spent. the amount of women I have known and The places I have been. According to that widget thing on facebook I have been to 32% of the worlds countries. And yet judging by what I just wrote its almost as if I was never here.
Thursday 7 January 2010
Birthday Blues
Yesterday's P&L: GBP 50.00
Yesterday's Booze: Hardly a thing! 2 glasses of Rioja, 2 pints of Stella Artois, 1 large Cognac
So that was my birthday, I am now forty and shall have to start paying attention to all that spam e-mail about erectile dysfunction and Canadian viagra. Is that middle aged, I guess so. Actually as I seem to be living in dog years I must be almost geriatric. I had dinner in some cheap place with the parents and surprise, surprise the stalker. She had checked herself out of hospital for a few hours to come and see me, where she was about to find out if she needed a kidney transplant, so it seemed tactless for me to drink my own weight in booze which is my usual form on my birthday. Turns out she doesn't need it after all, the occasional health problems such as kidney shutdown are just side effects of the experimental cancer treatment she had a few years back.
Naturally enough she ignored my protests and brought me a present, a rather beautiful calfskin bound antique journal. After the Montblanc pen she brought me I can see where this is going. She seems to see me as a sort of cross between the Hungarian character in The English Patient and Indiana Jones. When in fact I am more of a cross between Gordon Gekko and Elvis with a touch of Sir Digby Chicken Ceaser, (look it up on youtube), thrown in. I keep catching her staring at me which is rather unnerving. as she has the sort of unbreakable gaze that could subjugate a pitbull. Still she had a good time which was nice because when she got back in the cab to the hospital, I didn't know how serious her health issues would be.
Now that the twelfth day is over, that's it for the festive period. We just have miserable weather and no fun. When I was a child I found it odd that the decorations all came down on my birthday and felt like a bit of a killjoy, but then when we were in Spain or Italy and they had the massive celebrations for The Epiphany, I sort of really thought they were all celebrating my birthday.
Yesterday's Booze: Hardly a thing! 2 glasses of Rioja, 2 pints of Stella Artois, 1 large Cognac
So that was my birthday, I am now forty and shall have to start paying attention to all that spam e-mail about erectile dysfunction and Canadian viagra. Is that middle aged, I guess so. Actually as I seem to be living in dog years I must be almost geriatric. I had dinner in some cheap place with the parents and surprise, surprise the stalker. She had checked herself out of hospital for a few hours to come and see me, where she was about to find out if she needed a kidney transplant, so it seemed tactless for me to drink my own weight in booze which is my usual form on my birthday. Turns out she doesn't need it after all, the occasional health problems such as kidney shutdown are just side effects of the experimental cancer treatment she had a few years back.
Naturally enough she ignored my protests and brought me a present, a rather beautiful calfskin bound antique journal. After the Montblanc pen she brought me I can see where this is going. She seems to see me as a sort of cross between the Hungarian character in The English Patient and Indiana Jones. When in fact I am more of a cross between Gordon Gekko and Elvis with a touch of Sir Digby Chicken Ceaser, (look it up on youtube), thrown in. I keep catching her staring at me which is rather unnerving. as she has the sort of unbreakable gaze that could subjugate a pitbull. Still she had a good time which was nice because when she got back in the cab to the hospital, I didn't know how serious her health issues would be.
Now that the twelfth day is over, that's it for the festive period. We just have miserable weather and no fun. When I was a child I found it odd that the decorations all came down on my birthday and felt like a bit of a killjoy, but then when we were in Spain or Italy and they had the massive celebrations for The Epiphany, I sort of really thought they were all celebrating my birthday.
Monday 4 January 2010
Last Chance La Luna
Today's P&L: GBP 210.00
Today's Booze: 8 pints of Cobra Lager, 2 bottles of Rioja, 3 Large Courvoisier
What a tedious day. The markets are all open but everyone seems reluctant to trade. I made some small money on a small GBP ten pounds per point long spread trade on the DAX30 through one of the UK's better known spread betting companies. Hopefully some volatility will return to the markets soon so I might get the chance to make some decent money.
Worst news I could have had is that my parents are paying a visit to gray old London tomorrow. I found this out through the stalker who has ingratiated herself. No doubt I will have to see them as it is my birthday on the sixth. That is something I can do without. It isn't that I have anything against my parents, on the contrary, I rather admire them. Its just that it has been a long time and I suspect that some ties that are broken cannot be fixed again. I often wonder what my parents make of me and my brothers. They are such tough people and have been through so much in their lives. I know they sacrificed so much for us but I for one have been nothing but trouble. I even infected my mother with some bad antibodies during birth as I have a rare blood group and she has the normal tap variety. Then growing up, it seems that whenever there was a problem, I was always the nexus - bad things just seem to gravitate towards me. To this day I remember whenever something bad happened my parents preparing themselves for the inevitable confession from me. A good Example was when I got the ship we were on in Nigeria impounded and the guy from the Office came aboard and said "some idiot was drinking and gambling with some insurgents on the ship last night". I sidled over to my father and said "I should tell you something" and my mother just shouted "I fucking knew it would be him".
That could be the story of my life "I fucking knew it would be him". Still my mothers a good sort, her motto regarding me would probably be forgiven not forgotten. As for the old man, I guess he just consoles himself with the idea that its every mans right to bury their son.
Today's Booze: 8 pints of Cobra Lager, 2 bottles of Rioja, 3 Large Courvoisier
What a tedious day. The markets are all open but everyone seems reluctant to trade. I made some small money on a small GBP ten pounds per point long spread trade on the DAX30 through one of the UK's better known spread betting companies. Hopefully some volatility will return to the markets soon so I might get the chance to make some decent money.
Worst news I could have had is that my parents are paying a visit to gray old London tomorrow. I found this out through the stalker who has ingratiated herself. No doubt I will have to see them as it is my birthday on the sixth. That is something I can do without. It isn't that I have anything against my parents, on the contrary, I rather admire them. Its just that it has been a long time and I suspect that some ties that are broken cannot be fixed again. I often wonder what my parents make of me and my brothers. They are such tough people and have been through so much in their lives. I know they sacrificed so much for us but I for one have been nothing but trouble. I even infected my mother with some bad antibodies during birth as I have a rare blood group and she has the normal tap variety. Then growing up, it seems that whenever there was a problem, I was always the nexus - bad things just seem to gravitate towards me. To this day I remember whenever something bad happened my parents preparing themselves for the inevitable confession from me. A good Example was when I got the ship we were on in Nigeria impounded and the guy from the Office came aboard and said "some idiot was drinking and gambling with some insurgents on the ship last night". I sidled over to my father and said "I should tell you something" and my mother just shouted "I fucking knew it would be him".
That could be the story of my life "I fucking knew it would be him". Still my mothers a good sort, her motto regarding me would probably be forgiven not forgotten. As for the old man, I guess he just consoles himself with the idea that its every mans right to bury their son.
Sunday 3 January 2010
Aftermath
Today's P&L: Pesky weekends!
Today's Booze: So far 6 pints of Cobra larger and 6 pints of dry cider...
Well, made it through another New Year, what a result! The ex girlfriend, who I have come to regard as a somewhat welcome stalker moderated my behavior but I still managed to get loaded by judicious mixing of beverages and generous pouring techniques. I had to have sex with her of course, but I have come to realize there is no such thing as a free lunch.
Anyway, I don't think I offended anyone too much, so that's a good thing. One of the reasons I never attempt the old twelve step programs is that, to be honest, that step where you have to apologize or make amends to the people you have upset - well, I would never have the time and wouldn't know where to start. I don't think I am a bad person, just somewhat inconsiderate. Lots of descriptions of me have involved the words fucking idiot and morally reprehensible, my father usually just uses the term insane and at a family gathering I failed to attend, birthday party for me actually, my brother described me as a "nasty piece of work", which seemed to go down well. As a boyfriend I have been described as a cross between Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa and Tank in My Best Friends Girl. Of course in my mind I am Cary Grant in the Philadelphia Story. Its funny how your self image is often at odds with other peoples. On the bright side, the stalker has decided to take our relationship "one day at a time" which considering she was all for forcing me to marry her, I liken to going from Defcon 2 to Defcon 4. Everyone who knows her tells me that if I let her slip through my fingers I will be sorry for the rest of my life, like my eternal happiness depends upon her. The general consensus seems to be that I am such a liability to myself that I must grab this lifeline at all costs. Well I did okay before she came back on the scene and anyway surely if she is so keen to acquire me she must be even more fucked up than I am!
Today's Booze: So far 6 pints of Cobra larger and 6 pints of dry cider...
Well, made it through another New Year, what a result! The ex girlfriend, who I have come to regard as a somewhat welcome stalker moderated my behavior but I still managed to get loaded by judicious mixing of beverages and generous pouring techniques. I had to have sex with her of course, but I have come to realize there is no such thing as a free lunch.
Anyway, I don't think I offended anyone too much, so that's a good thing. One of the reasons I never attempt the old twelve step programs is that, to be honest, that step where you have to apologize or make amends to the people you have upset - well, I would never have the time and wouldn't know where to start. I don't think I am a bad person, just somewhat inconsiderate. Lots of descriptions of me have involved the words fucking idiot and morally reprehensible, my father usually just uses the term insane and at a family gathering I failed to attend, birthday party for me actually, my brother described me as a "nasty piece of work", which seemed to go down well. As a boyfriend I have been described as a cross between Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa and Tank in My Best Friends Girl. Of course in my mind I am Cary Grant in the Philadelphia Story. Its funny how your self image is often at odds with other peoples. On the bright side, the stalker has decided to take our relationship "one day at a time" which considering she was all for forcing me to marry her, I liken to going from Defcon 2 to Defcon 4. Everyone who knows her tells me that if I let her slip through my fingers I will be sorry for the rest of my life, like my eternal happiness depends upon her. The general consensus seems to be that I am such a liability to myself that I must grab this lifeline at all costs. Well I did okay before she came back on the scene and anyway surely if she is so keen to acquire me she must be even more fucked up than I am!
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