Today's P&L: GBP 90.00 - doesn't anyone work any more?
Today's Booze: Nothing
Today's Soundtrack: Dire Straits, (again)!
So, it didn't take long for us to find out the true colours of our new leadership. Laws, (supposedly smart as can be), seemingly wasn't smart enough to realise that giving forty thousand pounds to his gay lover might be viewed negatively after the expense account fiasco. What are they teaching them in Cambridge these days? He used to run the fx business at BZW in my day, but that was back in the days when the investment banking arm of Barclays was considered a bad joke. They used to have their offices in a converted multi-story car park, it may have been on London Bridge, but no matter how hard you squinted it still looked like a car park. I suppose I should have some sympathy for his struggles as a homosexual Catholic, but to be honest I don't. A lot of the press is making much of the fact that he struggled with his sexuality and weeping crocodile tears on his behalf. If he had been straight the same people would be much more hostile.
I was watching some movies today, whilst I don't watch much tv, I am easily transfixed by the movies. I watched Local Hero, this is another movie that I am kind of obsessed with and is stored on my hard drives. I am not sure why I love this move, it presents a view of Scotland that I don't know but wish I did. The small town contrasts with the American oil executives lifestyle so much. And, of course, the setting is beautiful. When the American, Mac, is leaving Houston, he is trying to find someone to go on a farewell drink with - nobody has time for him, I have been in this situation so many times. But the part that kills me is when he returns to his apartment and looks out the window, he places the shells he has collected from the beach as Going Home by Mark Knopfler plays. As most markets are closed today, I shall probably waste my time watching more movies tonight. Collateral will probably get a viewing as I usually only sleep three hours.
More bad news on the health front, just discovered a swelling on the shin of my right leg, it maybe I just banged it but it looks ominously similar to what happened before. If it is, it means I will lose the leg. The doctors said it was touch and go when I lost most of my calf and there simply isn't enough tissue left to do anymore grafts. I can't believe my body is letting me down this way.
Today I was listening to Dire Straits. The top five songs I listened to:
Private Investigations - Sleazy music noir. Does a rock band get any more cinematic?
"I go checking out the reports, digging up the dirt - You get to meet all sorts, in this line of work".
Espresso Love - Young love, just like espresso - quick, hot, strong and can burn you. Reminds me of long summer nights in the West End. Me and The stalker in Leicester Square in nineteen ninety two drinking tequila.
Sultans Of Swing - It's always the Sultans. A song that reminds me of what I dreamed about back when I didn't wake up in a sweat. The Stalker says I constantly moan and occasionally, scream in my sleep. Every time I hear this song I am amazed at the guitar playing, it isn't just his speed on the fretboard but his control of dynamics.
Tunnel Of Love - "Girl it looks so pretty to me, just like it always did. Like The Spanish City to me, When we were kids". I have never been to the North East but when I hear this song I imagine what the Spanish City amusement park looked like.
Love Over Gold - I know I talk about money a lot and there was a point in my life when it seemed important. Things have changed, maybe its my health or whatever but money isn't all that important. I would take Love over Gold any day, maybe one day I will find where they mine it.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Monday, 31 May 2010
Sunday, 30 May 2010
Wash Away My Sorrow
Today's P&L: GBP Nothing, its the weekend
Today's Booze: One bottle of Tinto Pesquera 1994
Today's Soundtrack: Luther Vandross
I am still reflective about my parents - didn't think I would miss them half as much as I do. Once again my father was the focus of my attention. This must kill my mother, she has three sons and, as a result of his job, (he would be away roughly nine months of every year), she was often alone and the sole disciplinarian. Added to that my fathers general coolness, it is no wonder he was treated like a rock star by us. I don't have many memories prior to a brain injury caused by my older brother, but I was told by so many people of a time when I was around three when my father had been charged with looking after us during one of his breaks as my mother went shopping. As she drove back into the small drive we lived in, she couldn't help noticing that it seemed awfully quiet for a hot summers day. When she went into the house she said to my father "where are all the children", (back then almost everyone had children so even though there was only thirty or so houses there were plenty of kids around). My father said "Oh they are in the back garden", this wasn't good enough for my mother who went to investigate further. Turns out my dad had got bored with the constant hassle from the children and gone for a smoke and a read - to keep us all distracted he had emptied our goldfish tank into the paddling pool and provided us with bamboo fishing rods with clothes pins as hooks. Apparently every child in the local area was in our back garden trying to catch these poor fish.
The old man used to be stunned about my readiness to take risk, I remember my younger brother, (Mr.Perfect and the apple of my parents eye), telling them where I was when I ended up in Indonesia and my father saying "that can't be right, back in the sixties we would chop through the mooring ropes at night and float in the harbour to provide some protection".
I think my parents were destined to be together, they were actually born within walking distance of each other in Glasgow, but ended up meeting each other in Japan. They have both had extra-ordinary lives and to a certain extent I feel obliged to try and exceed them. They did everything to ensure their children wouldn't have to grow up like did. I remember asking them once, "Have you ever read No Mean City"? and my mother said, "we didn't have to read it son - we lived it". OK the dates are slightly wrong but my dad was born in Govan in nineteen thirty nine, in fact the writer of No Mean City died outside the library across the road from the gym my dad used to box in, (Ibrox - not the gorbals for anyone who is interested).
I wonder if my father ever saw the irony in his boxing for money and then paying a fortune for me to go to a school where I boxed. My parents are both so smart, I have seen my mother hold conversations in three different languages at the same time, but more than that they have a fighting spirit that I can never emulate. My mother or father would never give up on life as easily as I did - That is the biggest difference between us.
Today I was listening to Luther. Of all the big soul singers he is one of my least favourite. I don't know why but I am not alone in this, despite his pitch perfect voice and slick delivery, he will never be held in the same light as Marvin Gaye, Al Green or Otis. The top five songs I listened to:
Dance With My Father - Based on the rest of this post it is a little redundant to explain why I love this song.
Give Me The Reason - One of his biggest hits, with the slick production I love in eighties music. The song is relatively simple, everyone must have had this feeling about a lover who realised she made the wrong choice but it is a showcase for Luther and his vocal gymnastics. Anyone who watches Britain/America has got talent and is impressed by a singer should listen to this.
Superstar - Another song that shows off his voice but lacks any real passion. Maybe that's why Luther spent most of his career as a back-up singer. I never sense the passion from him that I get from listening to Marvin.
So Amazing - This song is like eating a bag of sugar, I would love to see Lemmy from Motorhead do a cover version. I like the sentiment though. I have always been lucky in love despite my terrible personality traits. When I was younger I put it down to the way I look but I am getting on a bit now and still attract no shortage of admirers.
I really Didn't Mean It - A song that takes me back to pub/clubs in the late eighties. Who doesn't like this kind of music? OK it doesn't have any message - this isn't Stevie Wonder or Bobby Womack we are talking about, it is make-out music.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: One bottle of Tinto Pesquera 1994
Today's Soundtrack: Luther Vandross
I am still reflective about my parents - didn't think I would miss them half as much as I do. Once again my father was the focus of my attention. This must kill my mother, she has three sons and, as a result of his job, (he would be away roughly nine months of every year), she was often alone and the sole disciplinarian. Added to that my fathers general coolness, it is no wonder he was treated like a rock star by us. I don't have many memories prior to a brain injury caused by my older brother, but I was told by so many people of a time when I was around three when my father had been charged with looking after us during one of his breaks as my mother went shopping. As she drove back into the small drive we lived in, she couldn't help noticing that it seemed awfully quiet for a hot summers day. When she went into the house she said to my father "where are all the children", (back then almost everyone had children so even though there was only thirty or so houses there were plenty of kids around). My father said "Oh they are in the back garden", this wasn't good enough for my mother who went to investigate further. Turns out my dad had got bored with the constant hassle from the children and gone for a smoke and a read - to keep us all distracted he had emptied our goldfish tank into the paddling pool and provided us with bamboo fishing rods with clothes pins as hooks. Apparently every child in the local area was in our back garden trying to catch these poor fish.
The old man used to be stunned about my readiness to take risk, I remember my younger brother, (Mr.Perfect and the apple of my parents eye), telling them where I was when I ended up in Indonesia and my father saying "that can't be right, back in the sixties we would chop through the mooring ropes at night and float in the harbour to provide some protection".
I think my parents were destined to be together, they were actually born within walking distance of each other in Glasgow, but ended up meeting each other in Japan. They have both had extra-ordinary lives and to a certain extent I feel obliged to try and exceed them. They did everything to ensure their children wouldn't have to grow up like did. I remember asking them once, "Have you ever read No Mean City"? and my mother said, "we didn't have to read it son - we lived it". OK the dates are slightly wrong but my dad was born in Govan in nineteen thirty nine, in fact the writer of No Mean City died outside the library across the road from the gym my dad used to box in, (Ibrox - not the gorbals for anyone who is interested).
I wonder if my father ever saw the irony in his boxing for money and then paying a fortune for me to go to a school where I boxed. My parents are both so smart, I have seen my mother hold conversations in three different languages at the same time, but more than that they have a fighting spirit that I can never emulate. My mother or father would never give up on life as easily as I did - That is the biggest difference between us.
Today I was listening to Luther. Of all the big soul singers he is one of my least favourite. I don't know why but I am not alone in this, despite his pitch perfect voice and slick delivery, he will never be held in the same light as Marvin Gaye, Al Green or Otis. The top five songs I listened to:
Dance With My Father - Based on the rest of this post it is a little redundant to explain why I love this song.
Give Me The Reason - One of his biggest hits, with the slick production I love in eighties music. The song is relatively simple, everyone must have had this feeling about a lover who realised she made the wrong choice but it is a showcase for Luther and his vocal gymnastics. Anyone who watches Britain/America has got talent and is impressed by a singer should listen to this.
Superstar - Another song that shows off his voice but lacks any real passion. Maybe that's why Luther spent most of his career as a back-up singer. I never sense the passion from him that I get from listening to Marvin.
So Amazing - This song is like eating a bag of sugar, I would love to see Lemmy from Motorhead do a cover version. I like the sentiment though. I have always been lucky in love despite my terrible personality traits. When I was younger I put it down to the way I look but I am getting on a bit now and still attract no shortage of admirers.
I really Didn't Mean It - A song that takes me back to pub/clubs in the late eighties. Who doesn't like this kind of music? OK it doesn't have any message - this isn't Stevie Wonder or Bobby Womack we are talking about, it is make-out music.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Friday, 28 May 2010
The Luxury Of Life
Today's P&L: GBP -285.00
Today's Booze: Eight pints of Stella Artois
Today's Soundtrack: The Electric Light Orchestra
My first loss in what seems ages - kind of hurts, I had almost slipped into my infallible mode. The equity markets are up and for no good reason, other than its the end of the month and the mice that operate the global pension funds have to present their numbers. They don't have to make a lot of money, just beat whatever index the are bench marked against, then they can keep their little jobs and pretend they are "masters of the universe".
The parents have gone and if I am honest, I miss them. They are good people, but they have taken up too much time and money coming to see me. Somehow I doubt I will ever be able to repay the compliment. A lot of people think my parents were a little harsh on me, but it isn't true. Sure there was some toughness, but they brought me up to survive. I knew they always loved me, no matter how much I had let them down. I wish I was strong enough to tell them how much I care about them, hopefully I can make some serious money and give that to them, it's easier for me to show my emotions that way.
My mother gave me a Rosary, she had from the early sixties when she was a diplomat in Japan and still a Catholic. The Japanese are mostly Shinto or Buddhist but are pretty ambivalent about religion. This rosary was from the peace monument in Hiroshima. It is made out of uncultured pearls, I told her I didn't want it but she hid it in one of my jacket pockets anyway. My mother says she doesn't need to be a Catholic, as a committed Christian she can enter any place of Christian worship, but she is aware that I am a Catholic.
I thought for a while about even now how I always end up with exquisite things. For someone with little materialistic gain left inside him, I enjoy the beauty of well-crafted things. The stalker gave me a beautiful Montblanc pen and a leather bound journal to write in that has pages that feel so heavy they make my words seem insignificant. Of course I love my Patek watch and when I still drove I loved my Porsche. I don't however, need any of these things. If I had anything worth writing i can write it as well with a bic biro as a thousand dollar pen. My mother clearly knows I am scared to go to confession, (with good reason), and wants me to reflect on what I owe, not only God but others as well. She no longer needs the iconography but she knows me well enough to know it is one of the few anchors left in my life.
Today I was in retro seventies mood and listening to The Electric Light Orchestra, at one stage the biggest band in the world. The top five on my playlist:
Letter From Spain - Obviously I was thinking about my parents who live there all the time now. I have a house somewhere down there as well. This song seems to be about a guy whose girlfriend left him to live in Spain. "I read the papers this morning. I saw your photograph. You look good in the movie, it must be so much fun. Letter from Spain. From someone I once knew". To me it could be about anyone who goes far away and misses you. Not just a song about someone leaving you, geographically but also leaving you far behind in their career.
Telephone Line - Everyone who has ever been in a relationship, or even just loved someone from afar should listen to this song. "Hello. How are you? Have you been alright, through all those lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely nights That's what I'd say. I'd tell you everything If you'd pick up that telephone yeah yeah yeah". Reminds me of the lunatic ex, who used to phone me from Indonesia just to hear my breath in my sleep.
Mr Blue Sky - One of the all-time feel good songs, not my regular type of music at all. Maybe it's the last verse that appeals to me "Mr. Blue you did it right, but soon comes Mr. Night, creepin' over, now his hand is on your shoulder, Never mind I'll remember you this way." You know I try and shake this darkness that surrounds me but I just can't.
Diary Of Horace Wimp - The song of every single person who is too afraid to take a chance. I guess I was scared when I embarked on a new adventure, although I can't really remember it now. What do you have to lose?
21st Century Man - A song about a man out of time. I feel like this often, it isn't hard to feel like this. "One day you're a hero, next day you're a clown. There's nothing that is in between, now you're a 21st century man. You should be so happy, you should be so glad. So why are you so lonely, you 21st century man"? I am not really into science fiction but the idea of a someone waking up after a period of suspended animation of going forward into time fascinates me. After all, think about how adrift, someone from the eighteen hundreds would feel in our time.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: Eight pints of Stella Artois
Today's Soundtrack: The Electric Light Orchestra
My first loss in what seems ages - kind of hurts, I had almost slipped into my infallible mode. The equity markets are up and for no good reason, other than its the end of the month and the mice that operate the global pension funds have to present their numbers. They don't have to make a lot of money, just beat whatever index the are bench marked against, then they can keep their little jobs and pretend they are "masters of the universe".
The parents have gone and if I am honest, I miss them. They are good people, but they have taken up too much time and money coming to see me. Somehow I doubt I will ever be able to repay the compliment. A lot of people think my parents were a little harsh on me, but it isn't true. Sure there was some toughness, but they brought me up to survive. I knew they always loved me, no matter how much I had let them down. I wish I was strong enough to tell them how much I care about them, hopefully I can make some serious money and give that to them, it's easier for me to show my emotions that way.
My mother gave me a Rosary, she had from the early sixties when she was a diplomat in Japan and still a Catholic. The Japanese are mostly Shinto or Buddhist but are pretty ambivalent about religion. This rosary was from the peace monument in Hiroshima. It is made out of uncultured pearls, I told her I didn't want it but she hid it in one of my jacket pockets anyway. My mother says she doesn't need to be a Catholic, as a committed Christian she can enter any place of Christian worship, but she is aware that I am a Catholic.
I thought for a while about even now how I always end up with exquisite things. For someone with little materialistic gain left inside him, I enjoy the beauty of well-crafted things. The stalker gave me a beautiful Montblanc pen and a leather bound journal to write in that has pages that feel so heavy they make my words seem insignificant. Of course I love my Patek watch and when I still drove I loved my Porsche. I don't however, need any of these things. If I had anything worth writing i can write it as well with a bic biro as a thousand dollar pen. My mother clearly knows I am scared to go to confession, (with good reason), and wants me to reflect on what I owe, not only God but others as well. She no longer needs the iconography but she knows me well enough to know it is one of the few anchors left in my life.
Today I was in retro seventies mood and listening to The Electric Light Orchestra, at one stage the biggest band in the world. The top five on my playlist:
Letter From Spain - Obviously I was thinking about my parents who live there all the time now. I have a house somewhere down there as well. This song seems to be about a guy whose girlfriend left him to live in Spain. "I read the papers this morning. I saw your photograph. You look good in the movie, it must be so much fun. Letter from Spain. From someone I once knew". To me it could be about anyone who goes far away and misses you. Not just a song about someone leaving you, geographically but also leaving you far behind in their career.
Telephone Line - Everyone who has ever been in a relationship, or even just loved someone from afar should listen to this song. "Hello. How are you? Have you been alright, through all those lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely nights That's what I'd say. I'd tell you everything If you'd pick up that telephone yeah yeah yeah". Reminds me of the lunatic ex, who used to phone me from Indonesia just to hear my breath in my sleep.
Mr Blue Sky - One of the all-time feel good songs, not my regular type of music at all. Maybe it's the last verse that appeals to me "Mr. Blue you did it right, but soon comes Mr. Night, creepin' over, now his hand is on your shoulder, Never mind I'll remember you this way." You know I try and shake this darkness that surrounds me but I just can't.
Diary Of Horace Wimp - The song of every single person who is too afraid to take a chance. I guess I was scared when I embarked on a new adventure, although I can't really remember it now. What do you have to lose?
21st Century Man - A song about a man out of time. I feel like this often, it isn't hard to feel like this. "One day you're a hero, next day you're a clown. There's nothing that is in between, now you're a 21st century man. You should be so happy, you should be so glad. So why are you so lonely, you 21st century man"? I am not really into science fiction but the idea of a someone waking up after a period of suspended animation of going forward into time fascinates me. After all, think about how adrift, someone from the eighteen hundreds would feel in our time.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Wednesday, 26 May 2010
Better Be Good To Me
Today's P&L: GBP 270.00
Today's Booze: Two two litre bottles of dry cider
Today's Soundtrack: Tina Turner
There was money to be made today but not much, The futures had priced so much in, it may have been a better day to go and drink a bottle of good wine by the river. I made a few pounds shorting the DOW30 contract and lost a bit by getting into sell trade on the Euro when it was really at the bottom of the market.
My mother gave me her going away lecture today. She is quite a serious Christian and thinks I am wrestling with my internal demons. She wants to save me and doesn't accept I may be beyond saving. My mother has had a good life and she is no fool so she knows the temptations I have had, after all she and I drank together in a few bars when I was a thirteen year old. She does however, have a sense of self-preservation and she finds it hard to understand why I enjoy dicing with death so much. I have tried to explain to her that you never feel more alive than when death is wrapping its coils around you. Maybe its a male/female thing. My father just belives I need to take it easy for a while and then if I still need to be reckless, my body will be ready for it.
Today I was listening to Tina Turner, Everyone loves Tina - older than your grandmother but still rocking. The top five on my playlist:
Private Dancer - This song could have been in my post about jobs that you do. It's not against the law, but you still feel a little dirty at the end of every day. Apparently this was written by Mark Knopfler and he contributed it to Tina Turner's come back album in the eighties. For me the lyric that counts is the laid back disappointed way she sings "I want to make a million dollars, I want to live out by the sea, have a husband and some children, yeah, I guess I want a family". Dirty work is what we do when we have no other options.
Steel Claw - Another song from Private Dancer, the story of a girl in South American dictatorship who gave herself up for a little of the good life. This is almost as good as the Stones' Undercover Of The Night. For some reason reminds me of drinking in Puerto Cristobel,(Panama - I think), when I was about seventeen.
I Can't Stand The Rain - The sequenced background to this song drives me crazy. It is a very steamy song. Makes me think of sweat on a girls back as you make love.
Nutbush City Limits - Before she was Tina, she was an ordinary girl from a very small town, "On Highway number nineteen, the people keep the city clean". I am a city boy the idea of growing up in a small town seems attractive some times but I know it would drive me crazy after about five minutes.
Let's Stay Together - Ok, it will never be as good as the Reverend Al Green. But Tina sings this with some real passion, you can tell this is a woman who knows how to love and how to be loved.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: Two two litre bottles of dry cider
Today's Soundtrack: Tina Turner
There was money to be made today but not much, The futures had priced so much in, it may have been a better day to go and drink a bottle of good wine by the river. I made a few pounds shorting the DOW30 contract and lost a bit by getting into sell trade on the Euro when it was really at the bottom of the market.
My mother gave me her going away lecture today. She is quite a serious Christian and thinks I am wrestling with my internal demons. She wants to save me and doesn't accept I may be beyond saving. My mother has had a good life and she is no fool so she knows the temptations I have had, after all she and I drank together in a few bars when I was a thirteen year old. She does however, have a sense of self-preservation and she finds it hard to understand why I enjoy dicing with death so much. I have tried to explain to her that you never feel more alive than when death is wrapping its coils around you. Maybe its a male/female thing. My father just belives I need to take it easy for a while and then if I still need to be reckless, my body will be ready for it.
Today I was listening to Tina Turner, Everyone loves Tina - older than your grandmother but still rocking. The top five on my playlist:
Private Dancer - This song could have been in my post about jobs that you do. It's not against the law, but you still feel a little dirty at the end of every day. Apparently this was written by Mark Knopfler and he contributed it to Tina Turner's come back album in the eighties. For me the lyric that counts is the laid back disappointed way she sings "I want to make a million dollars, I want to live out by the sea, have a husband and some children, yeah, I guess I want a family". Dirty work is what we do when we have no other options.
Steel Claw - Another song from Private Dancer, the story of a girl in South American dictatorship who gave herself up for a little of the good life. This is almost as good as the Stones' Undercover Of The Night. For some reason reminds me of drinking in Puerto Cristobel,(Panama - I think), when I was about seventeen.
I Can't Stand The Rain - The sequenced background to this song drives me crazy. It is a very steamy song. Makes me think of sweat on a girls back as you make love.
Nutbush City Limits - Before she was Tina, she was an ordinary girl from a very small town, "On Highway number nineteen, the people keep the city clean". I am a city boy the idea of growing up in a small town seems attractive some times but I know it would drive me crazy after about five minutes.
Let's Stay Together - Ok, it will never be as good as the Reverend Al Green. But Tina sings this with some real passion, you can tell this is a woman who knows how to love and how to be loved.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Through These Misty Eyes
Yesterdays P&L: GBP 310.00
Yesterdays Booze: Four pints of Stella Artois
Yesterdays Soundtrack: Rod Stewart
My parents are leaving tomorrow, I can almost feel the weight lifting of me. I know they don't mean to impose but they feels so cloying when they see me. it is as if they are trying to fit twenty five years of love into ten days. I should be grateful, but gratitude isn't one of my strong points. I suppose I feel a bit of a disappointment to them, when I was a child the expectations for me were very high. They had been told I would probably be an Oxbridge student before I was twelve, instead I was regularly drinking by then. Anyway, they will be on their way soon and I am sure I will miss them when they are gone - who knows when we will see each other again?
Still trading, despite the good weather here. I am not really someone who enjoys the daylight. Made some small money range-trading the Euro against the Dollar, still it all adds up.
Today I was listening to Rod Stewart, surely one of the most unlikely of superstars, but if you have ever seen him in concert you can attest to what a crowd pleaser he is. Some of his songs are so emotional and he can wring feeling out of a line like few others but I always get the feeling it is just a game to him. Somehow I imagine him smirking on the inside as he sings his most heartfelt lyrics. The top five on my playlist:
Every Beat Of My Heart - The song for every ex-pat Scot. Why is it the further you live from Scotland the more emotional about the place you feel? My father is certainly in no hurry to return to Scotland from his Spanish paradise.
I Don't Want To Talk About It - A beautiful song but again I have the nagging feeling that Rod doesn't really mean it
Young Turks - A song about freedom, breaking away from the restrictions placed upon you. For someone like me who had few, if any restrictions it is difficult to imagine what its like growing up to follow the rules.
Downtown Train - Originally a Tom Waits song, but Rod has a perfect voice for it. I love the idea of people trying to "break out of their little world". I always had bigger dreams than just being happy, I really thought I could be like Elvis but for some people just being happy is enough
You Wear It Well - I remember listening to this in a bar in some dead-end Thai town about twenty years ago, writing letters to a girlfriend. Some of which I even posted to her.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Yesterdays Booze: Four pints of Stella Artois
Yesterdays Soundtrack: Rod Stewart
My parents are leaving tomorrow, I can almost feel the weight lifting of me. I know they don't mean to impose but they feels so cloying when they see me. it is as if they are trying to fit twenty five years of love into ten days. I should be grateful, but gratitude isn't one of my strong points. I suppose I feel a bit of a disappointment to them, when I was a child the expectations for me were very high. They had been told I would probably be an Oxbridge student before I was twelve, instead I was regularly drinking by then. Anyway, they will be on their way soon and I am sure I will miss them when they are gone - who knows when we will see each other again?
Still trading, despite the good weather here. I am not really someone who enjoys the daylight. Made some small money range-trading the Euro against the Dollar, still it all adds up.
Today I was listening to Rod Stewart, surely one of the most unlikely of superstars, but if you have ever seen him in concert you can attest to what a crowd pleaser he is. Some of his songs are so emotional and he can wring feeling out of a line like few others but I always get the feeling it is just a game to him. Somehow I imagine him smirking on the inside as he sings his most heartfelt lyrics. The top five on my playlist:
Every Beat Of My Heart - The song for every ex-pat Scot. Why is it the further you live from Scotland the more emotional about the place you feel? My father is certainly in no hurry to return to Scotland from his Spanish paradise.
I Don't Want To Talk About It - A beautiful song but again I have the nagging feeling that Rod doesn't really mean it
Young Turks - A song about freedom, breaking away from the restrictions placed upon you. For someone like me who had few, if any restrictions it is difficult to imagine what its like growing up to follow the rules.
Downtown Train - Originally a Tom Waits song, but Rod has a perfect voice for it. I love the idea of people trying to "break out of their little world". I always had bigger dreams than just being happy, I really thought I could be like Elvis but for some people just being happy is enough
You Wear It Well - I remember listening to this in a bar in some dead-end Thai town about twenty years ago, writing letters to a girlfriend. Some of which I even posted to her.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Monday, 24 May 2010
Dirty Work
Today's P&L: GBP 450.00
Today's Booze: One two litre bottle of dry cider
Today's Soundtrack: Random
More relatively listless trading. Made a quick buck shorting the S&P500 early in the morning and then couldn't really be bothered to trade more. I seem to have lost the greed element required to become a serious trader. If you think about it, making four hundred and fifty pounds after tax for one day isn't that bad a wage, ok it isn't like the good old days, but then I ultimately ended up losing everything when I overextended myself. I remember one day when I was living in Bangkok and I had called the market right, so I had booked a profit of about eight thousand US dollars in roughly an hour of London time trade. That's about nine pm Thai time So I sent a fax asking to transfer five thousand dollars to my bank account and decided to go out and spend the five thousand in one night. It proved a lot harder than I thought and I got back to my hotel two days later with about two thousand left.
I suppose I lived a rather gratuitous lifestyle then and really as someone who had already seen the worst of the slums in Asia, West Africa and South America I should have known better. I was a product of my environment however, and I earned the money i spent so recklessly. I haven't had a regular pay check since I was twenty seven, in my mind, I could have called the market wrong and lost ten thousand dollars just as easily. People like me inhabit a sort of murky, gray area where you take your chances to survive. You would be surprised how many people gamble for a living or end up in some shady cash in hand business. I could have just as easily ended up a thief or a leg-breaker. I suppose if I was female I could have ended up as a hooker or "exotic dancer". I just did what I knew how to do, I often think it would be nice though to have the security of a regular salary and a pension, to be able to obtain credit rather than having to buy things in cash. I have several credit cards but they are all pay as you go, I pay a premium to use them and fill them up to their five or ten thousand pound limits regularly but they do give me the illusion of respectability. Its easier paying for a first class flight to Singapore with a pay as you go Mastercard than in cash.
So, anyway, I am not giving the markets my full attention. I remain convinced that Euro has plenty of room to fall and have a target sell price of one point twenty four and would look to take profits around one twenty. As for the S&P500, I like trading this contract and think it is overvalued, I would like to see it drop to about nine hundred and fifty.
Today I was listening to Random pop music, the top five on my playlist:
Johnny Come Home - I love the Fine Young Cannibals, and this is one of their best. Obviously it means a lot to me because of the whole running away thing. "Johnny, we're sorry. Use the phone, call your mum - she's missing you badly, missing her son. Who do you know, where will you stay? Big city life is not what they say.Johnny we're sorry won't you come on home? . . ." Of course I didn't run from home - I didn't have a choice but I will never forget that cold morning in Tilbury Docks when we all agreed to separate for a while but, knew we would meet up again. And anyway, it didn't work out that bad, although I bet if you ask my parents they would wish I hadn't quite embraced my freedom so easily.
Echo Beach - Metro Music, could I be any more eighties? Where is Echo Beach? It is some kind of Shangri-La. We all hope it exists, sometimes we even think we have found it. This song holds out the hope for finding it but also reminds us of the banality of life. "From nine till five I have to spend my time at work, the job is very boring, I'm an office clerk, the only thing that helps pass the time away, is knowing I'll be back at Echo Beach some day".
Ready Or Not - The Fugees, anyone remember how big this record was when it first came out? I am not really one of these guys who pretends to be into the latest big thing. I am fairly Catholic on my tastes. Anyway I am still a victim of the eighties which was when I grew up, I do like a good song though and while I would lay odds you will never see me with dreadlocks, I have pretty diverse musical tastes.
White Flag - I am well aware that a straight male admitting to liking Dido may as well put on a dress and complain about period pains but I like this song. I like the video even more as the whole her and David Boreanaz missing each other as they come into contact reminds me of my relationship with the lunatic ex. Also the lyrics "I understand if you can't talk to me again.And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense". And "when we meet, Which I'm sure we will. All that was there,will be there still. I'll let it pass and hold my tongue and you will think that I've moved on..."Exactly the way her and I feel about each other.
Gloria - Laura Brannigan, this song seems a bit paranoid to me, I love Brannigans voice but would like to have heard Tina Turner do a version of this as well. I am guessing this song is about lost innocence, which I suppose ties into my earlier rant about my work.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: One two litre bottle of dry cider
Today's Soundtrack: Random
More relatively listless trading. Made a quick buck shorting the S&P500 early in the morning and then couldn't really be bothered to trade more. I seem to have lost the greed element required to become a serious trader. If you think about it, making four hundred and fifty pounds after tax for one day isn't that bad a wage, ok it isn't like the good old days, but then I ultimately ended up losing everything when I overextended myself. I remember one day when I was living in Bangkok and I had called the market right, so I had booked a profit of about eight thousand US dollars in roughly an hour of London time trade. That's about nine pm Thai time So I sent a fax asking to transfer five thousand dollars to my bank account and decided to go out and spend the five thousand in one night. It proved a lot harder than I thought and I got back to my hotel two days later with about two thousand left.
I suppose I lived a rather gratuitous lifestyle then and really as someone who had already seen the worst of the slums in Asia, West Africa and South America I should have known better. I was a product of my environment however, and I earned the money i spent so recklessly. I haven't had a regular pay check since I was twenty seven, in my mind, I could have called the market wrong and lost ten thousand dollars just as easily. People like me inhabit a sort of murky, gray area where you take your chances to survive. You would be surprised how many people gamble for a living or end up in some shady cash in hand business. I could have just as easily ended up a thief or a leg-breaker. I suppose if I was female I could have ended up as a hooker or "exotic dancer". I just did what I knew how to do, I often think it would be nice though to have the security of a regular salary and a pension, to be able to obtain credit rather than having to buy things in cash. I have several credit cards but they are all pay as you go, I pay a premium to use them and fill them up to their five or ten thousand pound limits regularly but they do give me the illusion of respectability. Its easier paying for a first class flight to Singapore with a pay as you go Mastercard than in cash.
So, anyway, I am not giving the markets my full attention. I remain convinced that Euro has plenty of room to fall and have a target sell price of one point twenty four and would look to take profits around one twenty. As for the S&P500, I like trading this contract and think it is overvalued, I would like to see it drop to about nine hundred and fifty.
Today I was listening to Random pop music, the top five on my playlist:
Johnny Come Home - I love the Fine Young Cannibals, and this is one of their best. Obviously it means a lot to me because of the whole running away thing. "Johnny, we're sorry. Use the phone, call your mum - she's missing you badly, missing her son. Who do you know, where will you stay? Big city life is not what they say.Johnny we're sorry won't you come on home? . . ." Of course I didn't run from home - I didn't have a choice but I will never forget that cold morning in Tilbury Docks when we all agreed to separate for a while but, knew we would meet up again. And anyway, it didn't work out that bad, although I bet if you ask my parents they would wish I hadn't quite embraced my freedom so easily.
Echo Beach - Metro Music, could I be any more eighties? Where is Echo Beach? It is some kind of Shangri-La. We all hope it exists, sometimes we even think we have found it. This song holds out the hope for finding it but also reminds us of the banality of life. "From nine till five I have to spend my time at work, the job is very boring, I'm an office clerk, the only thing that helps pass the time away, is knowing I'll be back at Echo Beach some day".
Ready Or Not - The Fugees, anyone remember how big this record was when it first came out? I am not really one of these guys who pretends to be into the latest big thing. I am fairly Catholic on my tastes. Anyway I am still a victim of the eighties which was when I grew up, I do like a good song though and while I would lay odds you will never see me with dreadlocks, I have pretty diverse musical tastes.
White Flag - I am well aware that a straight male admitting to liking Dido may as well put on a dress and complain about period pains but I like this song. I like the video even more as the whole her and David Boreanaz missing each other as they come into contact reminds me of my relationship with the lunatic ex. Also the lyrics "I understand if you can't talk to me again.And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense". And "when we meet, Which I'm sure we will. All that was there,will be there still. I'll let it pass and hold my tongue and you will think that I've moved on..."Exactly the way her and I feel about each other.
Gloria - Laura Brannigan, this song seems a bit paranoid to me, I love Brannigans voice but would like to have heard Tina Turner do a version of this as well. I am guessing this song is about lost innocence, which I suppose ties into my earlier rant about my work.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Since when was any of this negotiable?
Today's P&L: GBP 450.00
Today's Booze: One bottle of Rioja
Today's Soundtrack: Movies
Kind of a nothing day for me today. My parents are still loitering around, interfering with my trading. Of course I love them, but I would never tell them so. They have both registered as emergency liver donors for me, which I can't stand. Firstly because my mother is in her sixties and my dad his early seventies and too much time has passed for us to suddenly be the close family, also no one has actually said I need a transplant yet. In addition, I have a rare blood group I share with my father but left some anti-bodies in my mothers blood which have given her health issues since I was born. It is kind of weird having them around after all this time. The old man clearly knows that I have just lived life to excess but my mother seems heart-broken by the suffering. I keep telling her it doesn't hurt as much as it looks but she remains unconvinced. As far as I am concerned I wish I was rich when I had seen them - If this is the last time we ever meet, I would have liked to give them some serious cash to enjoy themselves.
The markets recovered from the sell-off in Euro assets yesterday, so I will be looking for an oportunity to sell tomorrow but to be honest my heart isn't in trading just now. My parents suck the life out of me - I resent all this babying me around.
During a listless trading day I didn't really listen to much music but instead watched the movie Collateral for what must be the hundredth time. I have kind of a Catcher In The Rye thing going with this movie. Maybe it's because my parents are around and the Tom Cruise character reveals nothing about his past life. Would I really like to be as dismally empty as he is in this movie? Often I think I would but then I think of my brother, his family and even my parents. No matter what, though, the final scene when Cruise is shot and sits down and says to Jamie Foxx "Guy gets on the subway and dies. Think anybody'll notice? " gets me every time. If I am to die I don't want people who care about me to see it. I would rather be like a dog and find a quiet place to die alone. I know its not what my parents want, but they have already come to terms with the very real liklihood that I will die before them.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: One bottle of Rioja
Today's Soundtrack: Movies
Kind of a nothing day for me today. My parents are still loitering around, interfering with my trading. Of course I love them, but I would never tell them so. They have both registered as emergency liver donors for me, which I can't stand. Firstly because my mother is in her sixties and my dad his early seventies and too much time has passed for us to suddenly be the close family, also no one has actually said I need a transplant yet. In addition, I have a rare blood group I share with my father but left some anti-bodies in my mothers blood which have given her health issues since I was born. It is kind of weird having them around after all this time. The old man clearly knows that I have just lived life to excess but my mother seems heart-broken by the suffering. I keep telling her it doesn't hurt as much as it looks but she remains unconvinced. As far as I am concerned I wish I was rich when I had seen them - If this is the last time we ever meet, I would have liked to give them some serious cash to enjoy themselves.
The markets recovered from the sell-off in Euro assets yesterday, so I will be looking for an oportunity to sell tomorrow but to be honest my heart isn't in trading just now. My parents suck the life out of me - I resent all this babying me around.
During a listless trading day I didn't really listen to much music but instead watched the movie Collateral for what must be the hundredth time. I have kind of a Catcher In The Rye thing going with this movie. Maybe it's because my parents are around and the Tom Cruise character reveals nothing about his past life. Would I really like to be as dismally empty as he is in this movie? Often I think I would but then I think of my brother, his family and even my parents. No matter what, though, the final scene when Cruise is shot and sits down and says to Jamie Foxx "Guy gets on the subway and dies. Think anybody'll notice? " gets me every time. If I am to die I don't want people who care about me to see it. I would rather be like a dog and find a quiet place to die alone. I know its not what my parents want, but they have already come to terms with the very real liklihood that I will die before them.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
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