Today's P&L: GBP -60.00
Today's Booze: 1 bottle of rioja, 8 pints of Kronenbourg 1664.
Today's Soundtrack: Various
So I got my assignment from the blogging Santa who doesn't live at the North Pole but resides on the blog of lifebegins@30ty. my assigned questions were:
1. Write about the relationship between sex and love.
2. Most embarrassing sexual experience.
3. What sort of kink do you draw the line at?
I decided to write about the first, because I am deep like that, (but anyone who wants to hear my answers to the other questions just ask).
The relationship between love and sex? I could cover that easily - Sex is fun, Love hurts. But I suppose I should go into it in more depth. There is no point in denying it we first get in to a relationship because we are physically attracted to someone. That part in a relationship is the best part the whole teasing thing you do where you get a girl just about ready to boil over then decide you have to catch the last train home or whatever. The Lunatic was a sucker for that but she got her own back. Sex is great at first but for men it can become something of a chore, most men won't admit it but after a while you do it because she wants it and you are a pussy if you don't fulfil her needs, even if there is an important game on the box. The Stalker once recognised the extreme pain I was in while making love to her and afterwards said you didn't really want to have sex did you? Naturally I laughed it off and said of course I did and whispered sweet nothings into her ear. And why? Because deep down I suppose I love her. Its hard to say because most of the time we hate each other but we always seem to end up with each other. I know her life would be far better if she had nothing to do with me and my life would certainly be less hassle but we always seem to find each other. You would think on a planet of six billion people we could escape , but it never happens. Is it love or fate or destiny - who knows? Like I say sex is easy but love is hard, its kind of like the US invasion of Iraq - the sex bit was the initial rush to Baghdad when everything seems so easy the love bit is like maintaining the presence there. A long painful process that involves pain on both sides. I don't mean to trivialise war but you know what I mean. I guess at the end of the day I am no expert on love as I even dislike myself but I do know I could have sex with someone I didn't love but I could never love someone I didn't have sex with, not including family of course. This isn't the Pit Cairns.
Trading was annoyingly difficult today I made a few hundred on the dollar / Yen trade which finally broke Eighty five but lost more on a silly long position on the DAX30.
Today I was listening to lots of different artists. The top five songs I listened to:
Chasing Cars - maybe it was the questions about love, but this song struck a chord in me today. "Those three words are said too much, but not enough". I know its cheesy but, even I feel lonely sometimes, no forget that I am alone never lonely.
Sunshine - Gabrielle is such a good singer, and went to school not too far away on Telegraph Hill. Sunshine is such an optimistic song for me, "Made a wish, I can dream I can be what I want to be". I suppose no one lives in the kind of isolation I would prefer. The Stalker wants a child even though we are both in bad shape, my brother said doesn't matter if you both die I will look after your baby as if it was my own.
The Name of The Game - Abba, I have a softspot for Abba, this song I have a connection with. I spent all my time in relationships building a wall, trying to show I don't care.
Hounds of Love - Kate Bush is another artist I love. Hounds of Love with its delightfully retro 39 steps video is one of her best. I love the line "I have always been a coward and I don't know what's good for me". Maybe something changed me from when I was a child, maybe I was a pussy I don't remember much before my first brain injury, just snatches. Maybe I was one of those scared kids and that's why I feel I have to prove myself, by being as daring as I can.
Drive - The Cars finest moment. Most people in this country remember it from Live Aid and the heartbreaking video attached to it. I have been to West Africa and the slums of Asia and have seen enough poverty and suffering to last a life time, I may talk about that in another post. For this one I just think about the song, which in my mind is forever linked to the Lunatic. "Who's going to tell you when its too late, Who's going to tell you when things aren't so great". Apart from the Stalker the lunatic was the closest I ever got to marriage, we even brought a massive diamond ring. It was another one of those relationships where you either hate each other or love each other. The only times we were not fucking or drinking we were fighting, it was one of those relationships that is like being addicted to crack cocaine, you know it is killing you but you go back for more. I have heard she is far more normal without me in her life, but even the sound of her voice makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Tuesday, 24 August 2010
Thursday, 19 August 2010
Don't Stand So Close To Me
Yesterdays P&L: GBP 150.00
Yesterdays Booze: 1 litre of Russian Standard Vodka
Yesterdays Soundtrack: The Police
Well that was good, The Stalker is back from her experimental cancer therapy and her first act...Go out with a friend and get smashed, she promptly got arrested after going all Bruce Lee on some black dude that kissed her coming out of the toilets, (she is a black belt at Karate and a gold belt at some other madcap martial art). I thought I was supposed to be the irresponsible one, I am feeling kind of left out. Anyway the guy didn't want to press charges - he was an American and probably didn't want to admit he got his ass kicked by a five foot eight inch Asian girl. I should be angry but I can't help but be impressed that she took on some big guy and his two friends, reminds me of my youth! She was feeling very sorry for herself the next day because she lost her wallet which always seems to have a load of cash in it and her Mont Blanc pen, but she has brightened up since then and seems as likely to cause trouble as before. I am beginning to suspect there is something she hasn't told me about the treatment she had abroad because she certainly has adopted my nihilistic approach to life.
Trading is as difficult as can be. Volatility is high because volumes are so low. Its all right for these fools on a guaranteed salary to take the summer off but I need to earn some money. Still squeezed a few quid out of a long position on the FTSE 100. Not because I have any faith in the market but just a short-term in and out trade at ten pounds per point. I missed my chance to benefit from the strengthening of the Yen, but all is not lost if it breaks through eighty five there is no real support until seventy six.
Yesterday I was listening to The Police, my top five songs:
Every Breath you take - forget the crap p diddy version, the original was a magnificent study in obsession. Anyone who has had a partner who won't accept its over knows what I am talking about. The moody black and white video adds to the sombre feeling. Predictably, it reminds me of the lunatic and her pleas for me to come back. I remember walking through the local airport thinking she knows anyone who counts in this town they will all tell her I have high tailed it out of here.
Wrapped around Your Finger - Ok we all know Sting is right up his own arse and the references to Scylla and Charybdis is a bit much for a pop song but underneath all that its a great track. All relationships have a dynamic to them - how could it be otherwise? I know the Stalker is rebelling just because its what I have always done and maybe her time is short so she wants to have a little zing, but she has a long way to go.
Message In A Bottle - This one is just for me, perhaps it is the reflection of the solution I seek in the bottom of a bottle. More likely the song stands out as a lonely man seeking some kind of redemption. "Just a castaway, an island lost at sea, oh. Another lonely day, with no one here but me, oh. More loneliness than any man could bear. Rescue me before I fall into despair, oh".
Can't Stand Losing You - Classic teenage angst. I was never like this as a child, didn't have the time. But that whole "You'll be sorry when I'm dead and all this guilt will be on your head", is just so typical of love struck teenagers. It's laughable to us now but don't we all remember when dating someone seemed more important than life or death.
Don't Stand So Close to Me - I must be the only person who prefers the eighty six remix to the original, but once again I feel the slowed down tempo gives the song that creepy obsession feeling it deserves. Of course Sting can't restrain himself from tossing in a reference to Lolita but this song really points to how strong the emerging sexuality of women is.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Yesterdays Booze: 1 litre of Russian Standard Vodka
Yesterdays Soundtrack: The Police
Well that was good, The Stalker is back from her experimental cancer therapy and her first act...Go out with a friend and get smashed, she promptly got arrested after going all Bruce Lee on some black dude that kissed her coming out of the toilets, (she is a black belt at Karate and a gold belt at some other madcap martial art). I thought I was supposed to be the irresponsible one, I am feeling kind of left out. Anyway the guy didn't want to press charges - he was an American and probably didn't want to admit he got his ass kicked by a five foot eight inch Asian girl. I should be angry but I can't help but be impressed that she took on some big guy and his two friends, reminds me of my youth! She was feeling very sorry for herself the next day because she lost her wallet which always seems to have a load of cash in it and her Mont Blanc pen, but she has brightened up since then and seems as likely to cause trouble as before. I am beginning to suspect there is something she hasn't told me about the treatment she had abroad because she certainly has adopted my nihilistic approach to life.
Trading is as difficult as can be. Volatility is high because volumes are so low. Its all right for these fools on a guaranteed salary to take the summer off but I need to earn some money. Still squeezed a few quid out of a long position on the FTSE 100. Not because I have any faith in the market but just a short-term in and out trade at ten pounds per point. I missed my chance to benefit from the strengthening of the Yen, but all is not lost if it breaks through eighty five there is no real support until seventy six.
Yesterday I was listening to The Police, my top five songs:
Every Breath you take - forget the crap p diddy version, the original was a magnificent study in obsession. Anyone who has had a partner who won't accept its over knows what I am talking about. The moody black and white video adds to the sombre feeling. Predictably, it reminds me of the lunatic and her pleas for me to come back. I remember walking through the local airport thinking she knows anyone who counts in this town they will all tell her I have high tailed it out of here.
Wrapped around Your Finger - Ok we all know Sting is right up his own arse and the references to Scylla and Charybdis is a bit much for a pop song but underneath all that its a great track. All relationships have a dynamic to them - how could it be otherwise? I know the Stalker is rebelling just because its what I have always done and maybe her time is short so she wants to have a little zing, but she has a long way to go.
Message In A Bottle - This one is just for me, perhaps it is the reflection of the solution I seek in the bottom of a bottle. More likely the song stands out as a lonely man seeking some kind of redemption. "Just a castaway, an island lost at sea, oh. Another lonely day, with no one here but me, oh. More loneliness than any man could bear. Rescue me before I fall into despair, oh".
Can't Stand Losing You - Classic teenage angst. I was never like this as a child, didn't have the time. But that whole "You'll be sorry when I'm dead and all this guilt will be on your head", is just so typical of love struck teenagers. It's laughable to us now but don't we all remember when dating someone seemed more important than life or death.
Don't Stand So Close to Me - I must be the only person who prefers the eighty six remix to the original, but once again I feel the slowed down tempo gives the song that creepy obsession feeling it deserves. Of course Sting can't restrain himself from tossing in a reference to Lolita but this song really points to how strong the emerging sexuality of women is.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
View From a Bridge
Today's P&L: GBP -260.00
Today's Booze: 1 litre of Patron XO Tequila, 2 pints of cider
Today's Soundtrack: Nothing
Ever stood on the ledge of a high building and wandered what it would be like just to let go? I did that a few times when I still had decent co-ordination. forty two floors is very beguiling, you almost feel like you could fly. I wouldn't do it now of course it would be almost certain suicide and we all know what Catholics think about suicide. I did a few DAX30 trades today but my heart wasn't in it. Despite my better instincts I am really worried about The Stalker, I would have laid odds on me dying before her but she is in really bad shape. I can't go and visit her because of her ongoing divorce and I wouldn't want to cause a scene. It just seems so unfair she is a really good person and her cancer wasn't caused by self-abuse like mine. She doesn't believe in God and seeing as I believe in Extra Ecclesiam Nulla Salus, I am worried we will never see each other again. Its ironic after all these years apart we finally meet up again only to be denied by our health. I don't regret all the things I did when I wasn't with her and I am sure she doesn't regret her life either. But no matter how far apart we go, we always seem to find one another. I don't care that she isn't as good looking as she was when she was twenty, even I don't look like I did back then, although I have changed less than her. The biggest difference between her then and now is she was so naive then now she is quite jaded. I remember when she asked me what my middle name was and I told her I couldn't afford one. "What do you mean" she asked and I told her that London was so overcrowded that if you had a middle name you had to pay a tax to have your extra name listed in the telephone directory. She accepted this and I forgot all about it until we were at a dinner party about a year later and this guy with four middle names told her his full name and she asked him "oh it must cost you a lot to pay for the telephone book". for about a second I couldn't work out what she was talking about then I spluttered the wine I was drinking as I realised what she meant. Back then I was even more of an asshole than I am now. I remember arranging to meet her at a bar in Leicester Square and going out with a broker instead I phoned the bar after an hour past when I should have met her and said is there an asian girl there drinking margaritas by herself the bar tender said yes so I said tell her I will be there soon, I turned up five hours later and she was still waiting but she wasn't very pleased.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 1 litre of Patron XO Tequila, 2 pints of cider
Today's Soundtrack: Nothing
Ever stood on the ledge of a high building and wandered what it would be like just to let go? I did that a few times when I still had decent co-ordination. forty two floors is very beguiling, you almost feel like you could fly. I wouldn't do it now of course it would be almost certain suicide and we all know what Catholics think about suicide. I did a few DAX30 trades today but my heart wasn't in it. Despite my better instincts I am really worried about The Stalker, I would have laid odds on me dying before her but she is in really bad shape. I can't go and visit her because of her ongoing divorce and I wouldn't want to cause a scene. It just seems so unfair she is a really good person and her cancer wasn't caused by self-abuse like mine. She doesn't believe in God and seeing as I believe in Extra Ecclesiam Nulla Salus, I am worried we will never see each other again. Its ironic after all these years apart we finally meet up again only to be denied by our health. I don't regret all the things I did when I wasn't with her and I am sure she doesn't regret her life either. But no matter how far apart we go, we always seem to find one another. I don't care that she isn't as good looking as she was when she was twenty, even I don't look like I did back then, although I have changed less than her. The biggest difference between her then and now is she was so naive then now she is quite jaded. I remember when she asked me what my middle name was and I told her I couldn't afford one. "What do you mean" she asked and I told her that London was so overcrowded that if you had a middle name you had to pay a tax to have your extra name listed in the telephone directory. She accepted this and I forgot all about it until we were at a dinner party about a year later and this guy with four middle names told her his full name and she asked him "oh it must cost you a lot to pay for the telephone book". for about a second I couldn't work out what she was talking about then I spluttered the wine I was drinking as I realised what she meant. Back then I was even more of an asshole than I am now. I remember arranging to meet her at a bar in Leicester Square and going out with a broker instead I phoned the bar after an hour past when I should have met her and said is there an asian girl there drinking margaritas by herself the bar tender said yes so I said tell her I will be there soon, I turned up five hours later and she was still waiting but she wasn't very pleased.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Saturday, 31 July 2010
Forgiven Not Forgotten
Yesterdayss P&L: GBP 520.00
Yesterdays Booze: 1 750cl bottle of Smirnoff Vodka, 3 pints of Kronenbourg 1664
Yesterdays Soundtrack: Local Hero
So made a few quid yesterday but still no consistency in my earnings. I wouldn't mind accepting a low wage of five or six hundred a day if I could at least get some regular income, just now its always one step forward two steps back. Mind you that isn't enough money if I have to fulfil the bucket list and definitely not if I have to bring the Stalker along, although that may be a moot point as she is back in hospital. I am fairly confident she will get through this latest set-back, I know what a tough girl she can be. It is worrying though, her hospital visits have recently become more frequent. Seems like one or the other of us has been in hospital most of this year so far.
Listened mostly to the soundtrack from Local Hero yesterday. I am a city boy and would probably be miserable in a small village like the one in that movie but sometimes it seems so attractive to be in a place like that. The Stalker sees all this beauty in the world that I don't even notice - maybe one day I will realise what I am missing.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Yesterdays Booze: 1 750cl bottle of Smirnoff Vodka, 3 pints of Kronenbourg 1664
Yesterdays Soundtrack: Local Hero
So made a few quid yesterday but still no consistency in my earnings. I wouldn't mind accepting a low wage of five or six hundred a day if I could at least get some regular income, just now its always one step forward two steps back. Mind you that isn't enough money if I have to fulfil the bucket list and definitely not if I have to bring the Stalker along, although that may be a moot point as she is back in hospital. I am fairly confident she will get through this latest set-back, I know what a tough girl she can be. It is worrying though, her hospital visits have recently become more frequent. Seems like one or the other of us has been in hospital most of this year so far.
Listened mostly to the soundtrack from Local Hero yesterday. I am a city boy and would probably be miserable in a small village like the one in that movie but sometimes it seems so attractive to be in a place like that. The Stalker sees all this beauty in the world that I don't even notice - maybe one day I will realise what I am missing.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Friday, 23 July 2010
Some People Call It A One Night Stand...
Today's P&L: GBP -380.00
Today's Booze: 1 litre of Smirnoff Black
Today's Soundtrack: more Duran Duran
Trading in the summer is so difficult. Anyone who doesn't think bankers are paid too much should walk around a trading floor in July or August. Volumes are way down, which allows easy manipulation of the markets. I got burned a little on some harmless FTSE 100 trades. The market has been waiting all day to see the results of the stress tests that we are assured will tell us if any of the banks are at risk in the event of a double dip recession or a European sovereign debt crisis. It is all meaningless of course, if there is one thing we have found out, it is that the banks lie and manipulate their figures to a level that would make Enron executives blush. The government is fully complicit in this as they know that a major bank failure would spell all kinds of doom for the economy.
I am beginning to find the endless corruption in the west tiresome, of course the seemingly constant drive to lower education standards stops the proles from asking questions. You wonder what the red top tabloids would say about some of the things that happen in this country if they took place in the third world. Not to say the third world is any more noble. A Standard Bank research paper estimated that in the last fifty years Nigeria has generated over six trillion dollars in oil revenue. I have spent some time in Lagos and would give you fifty quid for the country.
My health is quite good lately, (thanks Euro Anon). My most recent blood tests showed I had serious Anaemia, whatever that means, but generally I feel well and look quite sharp. The stalker is back harassing me. Don't get me wrong, she is a wonderful woman but I guess I am just too old to be told what to do. She is infuriating because while criticizing me, she refuses to recognize her own behaviour - at least I know when I act badly, she seems oblivious.
Today I was listening to Duran Duran. When I was in a band as a teenager, this was the band I most wanted to be in. The top five songs I listened to:
Last Chance On The Stairway - A song about a party about to end or something more desperate? To me it means the inevitable end everything comes to. You know how you just know when something is past its time, could be a relationship, could be a job - you just get this feeling that its over and no amount of talking or patching up is going to repair the damage.
Save A Prayer - Its a cliché, but this song reminds me of lots of exotic women I have slept with in exotic places. I suppose I have been luckier than most but being an alcoholic isn't all supermarket spirits and bottles of cider. I travelled the world and was usually staying in high dollar joints. Strangely, it doesn't remind me of any specific girlfriend, like the lyrics say, "Some people call it a one night stand but we can call it paradise".
Hungry Like The Wolf - This song is quite high energy and reminds me of the lunatic - she was definitely the kind of woman who went out hunting for men.
Rio - "And that means so much to me, like a birthday or a pretty view". Great song, kind of reminds me of my disposable life. Things that seem so important are really irrelevant. I wonder if someone like me has a mid-life crisis where I yearn for responsibility and commitment?
Skin Trade - I love this song, It is so well produced but also quite seedy and it isn't just the subject. We all work for the skin trade in one way or another, I am fairly harsh on strippers and hookers because I have lived in countries where you don't take your clothes off to buy a new set of rims for your car. Try telling a stripper in Vegas that in Cambodia a girl will stay all night with you for ten dollars. I suppose it just annoys me that so many strippers write blogs expressing how intelligent they are and how empowered by their jobs. I am no feminist but if I had a daughter, I sure as hell wouldn't want her stripping for a living.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 1 litre of Smirnoff Black
Today's Soundtrack: more Duran Duran
Trading in the summer is so difficult. Anyone who doesn't think bankers are paid too much should walk around a trading floor in July or August. Volumes are way down, which allows easy manipulation of the markets. I got burned a little on some harmless FTSE 100 trades. The market has been waiting all day to see the results of the stress tests that we are assured will tell us if any of the banks are at risk in the event of a double dip recession or a European sovereign debt crisis. It is all meaningless of course, if there is one thing we have found out, it is that the banks lie and manipulate their figures to a level that would make Enron executives blush. The government is fully complicit in this as they know that a major bank failure would spell all kinds of doom for the economy.
I am beginning to find the endless corruption in the west tiresome, of course the seemingly constant drive to lower education standards stops the proles from asking questions. You wonder what the red top tabloids would say about some of the things that happen in this country if they took place in the third world. Not to say the third world is any more noble. A Standard Bank research paper estimated that in the last fifty years Nigeria has generated over six trillion dollars in oil revenue. I have spent some time in Lagos and would give you fifty quid for the country.
My health is quite good lately, (thanks Euro Anon). My most recent blood tests showed I had serious Anaemia, whatever that means, but generally I feel well and look quite sharp. The stalker is back harassing me. Don't get me wrong, she is a wonderful woman but I guess I am just too old to be told what to do. She is infuriating because while criticizing me, she refuses to recognize her own behaviour - at least I know when I act badly, she seems oblivious.
Today I was listening to Duran Duran. When I was in a band as a teenager, this was the band I most wanted to be in. The top five songs I listened to:
Last Chance On The Stairway - A song about a party about to end or something more desperate? To me it means the inevitable end everything comes to. You know how you just know when something is past its time, could be a relationship, could be a job - you just get this feeling that its over and no amount of talking or patching up is going to repair the damage.
Save A Prayer - Its a cliché, but this song reminds me of lots of exotic women I have slept with in exotic places. I suppose I have been luckier than most but being an alcoholic isn't all supermarket spirits and bottles of cider. I travelled the world and was usually staying in high dollar joints. Strangely, it doesn't remind me of any specific girlfriend, like the lyrics say, "Some people call it a one night stand but we can call it paradise".
Hungry Like The Wolf - This song is quite high energy and reminds me of the lunatic - she was definitely the kind of woman who went out hunting for men.
Rio - "And that means so much to me, like a birthday or a pretty view". Great song, kind of reminds me of my disposable life. Things that seem so important are really irrelevant. I wonder if someone like me has a mid-life crisis where I yearn for responsibility and commitment?
Skin Trade - I love this song, It is so well produced but also quite seedy and it isn't just the subject. We all work for the skin trade in one way or another, I am fairly harsh on strippers and hookers because I have lived in countries where you don't take your clothes off to buy a new set of rims for your car. Try telling a stripper in Vegas that in Cambodia a girl will stay all night with you for ten dollars. I suppose it just annoys me that so many strippers write blogs expressing how intelligent they are and how empowered by their jobs. I am no feminist but if I had a daughter, I sure as hell wouldn't want her stripping for a living.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
Roll The Bones
Today's P&L: GBP 190.00
Today's Booze: 1 litre of Stolychnaya, 2 pints of lager
Today's Soundtrack: Prince
I know in an earlier post I complained about the nature of how I make my money, likening it to prostitution or lap dancing, I still stand by that. It isn't what was expected of someone like me. But I did a small trade today, nothing huge, just made me one hundred and thirty pounds on the December gold contract and I realised how much fun it can be. The other trades I did are still open, as a rule I hate leaving a trade open overnight because the financing cost are so high and also anything could happen, still added another sixty pounds to the gold trade. My father thinks that it isn't a real job, but he also says that if I had lived in America in the nineteenth century, I would probably be a poker player for a living - my dad loves westerns. Needless to say the Stalker can't stand what I do, but if you start doing what your girlfriend/wife asks I guess you might as well hand in your balls. Anyway, I have never done anything else and I guess I am too old to dust off the microphone and become a rock legend.
Today I feel quite good, apart the usual aches and pains from my shattered ankles and knees and my fingers which are generally fine apart from the two smallest ones on my left hand where the knuckles were badly broken. Days like this I feel I could live forever. My sleeping is not so good, I am finding it incredibly hard to sleep at all. I wonder why I can't do anything constructive in this time when I should be sleeping, I was much more productive when I was really drinking.
Today I was listening to Prince. Prince is a genius but also mad as can be. As a multi-instrumentalist maybe only Stevie Winwood comes close but he isn't as good a guitarist and doesn't have that funky mix, that my guitarist once described to me as chicken fat. The top five songs I listened to:
I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man - Love this song, women on the hunt for someone to take the place of their departed lover and father of their child. Some men don't mind being father figure to another mans children but to me it is too difficult a situation. Generally I don't agree with divorce unless there is violence involved - but really how hard is it for a guy not to get married or get a girl pregnant?
Lady Cab Driver - Misogynistic rape song. There is something compelling about this track though, the end section is actually quite disturbing, "This is 4 the cab U have 2 drive 4 no money at all. This is 4 why I wasn't born like my brother, handsome and tall. This is 4 politicians who r bored and believe in war. This -- Yeah, that's 4 me, that's who that 1's 4. This is 4 discrimination and egotists who think supreme. And this is 4 whoever taught U how 2 kiss in designer jeans. That 1's 4-- That 1's 4-- 4 U have 2 live" For me the best line is at the beginning, "Lady cab driver -- Can U take me 4 a ride? Don't know where I'm goin' 'cuz I don't know where I've been".
Purple Rain - Who can forget how big Prince was when this album was released? The song itself is kind of mesmerising. "Never meant to cause you any sorrow. I never meant to cause you any pain. I only wanted to one time see you laughing.I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain". Maybe its the time it was released bu this song reminds me of the Italian.
Little Red Corvette - My favourite Prince track. Not sure why, I have never felt intimidated by a woman, guess it's that whole cars and girls thing. Corvettes aren't very cool, (unless you get a fifties one), but neither are Porsche's and I loved mine when I had it. Like everything I love, I destroyed it. The best thing about this song is the imagery, "I guess I must be dumb 'cos you had a pocket full of horses, Trojan and some were used, but it was Saturday night. I guess that makes it all right, what have you got to lose". As i hope my blog makes it pretty clear, I have taken a few chances in my life. I have still missed out on somethings by not saying yes. I regret all those missed chances.
Uneedanotherloverlike - This song is quite intense and when Prince performs it live he is amazing. The lyrics are not so clear but to me it means ok, our relationship is done but you can't be with anyone else and if you are then you will still be thinking of me because you are always mine.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 1 litre of Stolychnaya, 2 pints of lager
Today's Soundtrack: Prince
I know in an earlier post I complained about the nature of how I make my money, likening it to prostitution or lap dancing, I still stand by that. It isn't what was expected of someone like me. But I did a small trade today, nothing huge, just made me one hundred and thirty pounds on the December gold contract and I realised how much fun it can be. The other trades I did are still open, as a rule I hate leaving a trade open overnight because the financing cost are so high and also anything could happen, still added another sixty pounds to the gold trade. My father thinks that it isn't a real job, but he also says that if I had lived in America in the nineteenth century, I would probably be a poker player for a living - my dad loves westerns. Needless to say the Stalker can't stand what I do, but if you start doing what your girlfriend/wife asks I guess you might as well hand in your balls. Anyway, I have never done anything else and I guess I am too old to dust off the microphone and become a rock legend.
Today I feel quite good, apart the usual aches and pains from my shattered ankles and knees and my fingers which are generally fine apart from the two smallest ones on my left hand where the knuckles were badly broken. Days like this I feel I could live forever. My sleeping is not so good, I am finding it incredibly hard to sleep at all. I wonder why I can't do anything constructive in this time when I should be sleeping, I was much more productive when I was really drinking.
Today I was listening to Prince. Prince is a genius but also mad as can be. As a multi-instrumentalist maybe only Stevie Winwood comes close but he isn't as good a guitarist and doesn't have that funky mix, that my guitarist once described to me as chicken fat. The top five songs I listened to:
I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man - Love this song, women on the hunt for someone to take the place of their departed lover and father of their child. Some men don't mind being father figure to another mans children but to me it is too difficult a situation. Generally I don't agree with divorce unless there is violence involved - but really how hard is it for a guy not to get married or get a girl pregnant?
Lady Cab Driver - Misogynistic rape song. There is something compelling about this track though, the end section is actually quite disturbing, "This is 4 the cab U have 2 drive 4 no money at all. This is 4 why I wasn't born like my brother, handsome and tall. This is 4 politicians who r bored and believe in war. This -- Yeah, that's 4 me, that's who that 1's 4. This is 4 discrimination and egotists who think supreme. And this is 4 whoever taught U how 2 kiss in designer jeans. That 1's 4-- That 1's 4-- 4 U have 2 live" For me the best line is at the beginning, "Lady cab driver -- Can U take me 4 a ride? Don't know where I'm goin' 'cuz I don't know where I've been".
Purple Rain - Who can forget how big Prince was when this album was released? The song itself is kind of mesmerising. "Never meant to cause you any sorrow. I never meant to cause you any pain. I only wanted to one time see you laughing.I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain". Maybe its the time it was released bu this song reminds me of the Italian.
Little Red Corvette - My favourite Prince track. Not sure why, I have never felt intimidated by a woman, guess it's that whole cars and girls thing. Corvettes aren't very cool, (unless you get a fifties one), but neither are Porsche's and I loved mine when I had it. Like everything I love, I destroyed it. The best thing about this song is the imagery, "I guess I must be dumb 'cos you had a pocket full of horses, Trojan and some were used, but it was Saturday night. I guess that makes it all right, what have you got to lose". As i hope my blog makes it pretty clear, I have taken a few chances in my life. I have still missed out on somethings by not saying yes. I regret all those missed chances.
Uneedanotherloverlike - This song is quite intense and when Prince performs it live he is amazing. The lyrics are not so clear but to me it means ok, our relationship is done but you can't be with anyone else and if you are then you will still be thinking of me because you are always mine.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Saturday, 3 July 2010
Excesses Of The Heart
Yesterdays P&L: GBP -90.00
Yesterdays Booze: 5 pints of lager, 4 pints of Aspinall Cider
Today's Soundtrack: The Stones / Mick Jagger
"Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall"
Measure for measure 2.1.42
So as expected the US data was pony, (pony and trap = crap, for any non-London readers). I knew this would be the case, but still failed to make any money because The Dow inexplicably rose on the news, before returning to rationale thought and selling off. There was then a mad spike at the end of the trading day, I should have remembered that trading on the last day of the month, before a US holiday, always involves the office workers doing "window dressing" for their accounts. Maybe next week will be better, Monday is bound to be dead as the UK traders often turn into Victorian maids without US traders to follow. The main problem for me is that it is shockingly clear by now how little knowledge was gained in the recent credit crunch. Bankers are being paid more than ever, interest rates remain at all time lows and the banks now follow a strategy of becoming too big to fail, witness Santander who have clearly decided being the European equivalent of Citicorp is the only way to guarantee government support. The Volcker plan is a joke and on Friday Morgan Stanley announced plans to hire upto five hundred bankers to sell "jumbo mortgages" and structured deals to clients, even though when Lehman collapsed it was generally acknowledged that the merging of investment and retail banking was a bad idea all round and that structured finance was the villain of the piece.
I have other concerns to worry about, the Stalker is back in town and demanding to see me - her strategy is to ignore my bad behaviour. The thing is just having her roaming around, (she has a key to my place), makes me feel uncomfortable. I make a special effort not to drink in front of her. Not because I am a pussy but because of the amount of distress it causes her. It is exactly the same when my mother is in the country. The Stalker is a remarkable woman but she and I have very little in common, (apart from both of us loving me). She does have a habit of making me feel guilty, and then failing to see why I resent her. Just because she chose to embrace responsibility, that's not my fault. She should know by now I am the opposite. I have avoided responsibility all my life. My experience with women, and I don't know if other men have found this, is that you can't shake them until they find some other guy - then its like you never existed. The Lunatic is just like that whenever I am plagued with e-mails from her, I know she is single, when I don't hear from her then she must be in a relationship. I sort of wish the Stalker would give someone else a go. Her and I cannot keep picking at the same wounds.
Yesterday I was listening to more Stones and Jagger solo stuff. The top five songs I listened to:
Almost Hear You Sigh - From Steel Wheels, a much underrated album, in my opinion. It is the album that kicked in the modern, corporate age of the Rolling Stones. This song is so smooth and slick but also has a lot of emotion. "What'll I do without you, They say that life goes on. I'm feeling sorry for myself, can't believe your gone". the flamenco style guitar break from Keith is unexpected. He is a great blues guitarist but no Clapton or Page.
Just Another Night - From She's The Boss, It could be a Stones song and really reminds me of Missing You. Mick Jagger wants to be regarded as a solo star so much, Like McCartney or Lennon. To me the Stones don't really function individually and its all based around Jagger, Richards and Charlie Watts. This is a great song, though and reminds me mostly of watching Live Aid on a ship of the West African coast. "I'm a stranger in this town, Can't I have my ups and downs. Can't you see that I'm human"?
Brown Sugar - Possibly the most politically incorrect song in the world. I have had few black girlfriends but quite a lot of Asian and Latin women. My brother used to think it was sexual imperialism, not at all, I don't see much difference between Asian women or English women, its just the type of girl that physically appeals to me is dark. No one makes the same assumptions about men who are attracted to Scandinavian type blonde's.
How Can I Stop - This song is an obvious choice for someone like me, "You offer me all your love and sympathy, Sweet affection baby, It's killing me". I am not as whiny as I seem though in real life, whilst I have a flair for the dramatic I am not a person who appears troubled - although most seasoned bar tenders know that someone that drinks a bottle of vodka at ten am probably has some issues. "How could I stop once I start", more importantly why would I stop? If I am going to be half a man, then I would rather take my chances.
Lonely At The Top - A great song about ambition. I only really think about things from the male perspective but I am sure women have the same dreams and ambitions that men do. This song says it all out of Sunset Boulevard to the Academy awards.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Yesterdays Booze: 5 pints of lager, 4 pints of Aspinall Cider
Today's Soundtrack: The Stones / Mick Jagger
"Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall"
Measure for measure 2.1.42
So as expected the US data was pony, (pony and trap = crap, for any non-London readers). I knew this would be the case, but still failed to make any money because The Dow inexplicably rose on the news, before returning to rationale thought and selling off. There was then a mad spike at the end of the trading day, I should have remembered that trading on the last day of the month, before a US holiday, always involves the office workers doing "window dressing" for their accounts. Maybe next week will be better, Monday is bound to be dead as the UK traders often turn into Victorian maids without US traders to follow. The main problem for me is that it is shockingly clear by now how little knowledge was gained in the recent credit crunch. Bankers are being paid more than ever, interest rates remain at all time lows and the banks now follow a strategy of becoming too big to fail, witness Santander who have clearly decided being the European equivalent of Citicorp is the only way to guarantee government support. The Volcker plan is a joke and on Friday Morgan Stanley announced plans to hire upto five hundred bankers to sell "jumbo mortgages" and structured deals to clients, even though when Lehman collapsed it was generally acknowledged that the merging of investment and retail banking was a bad idea all round and that structured finance was the villain of the piece.
I have other concerns to worry about, the Stalker is back in town and demanding to see me - her strategy is to ignore my bad behaviour. The thing is just having her roaming around, (she has a key to my place), makes me feel uncomfortable. I make a special effort not to drink in front of her. Not because I am a pussy but because of the amount of distress it causes her. It is exactly the same when my mother is in the country. The Stalker is a remarkable woman but she and I have very little in common, (apart from both of us loving me). She does have a habit of making me feel guilty, and then failing to see why I resent her. Just because she chose to embrace responsibility, that's not my fault. She should know by now I am the opposite. I have avoided responsibility all my life. My experience with women, and I don't know if other men have found this, is that you can't shake them until they find some other guy - then its like you never existed. The Lunatic is just like that whenever I am plagued with e-mails from her, I know she is single, when I don't hear from her then she must be in a relationship. I sort of wish the Stalker would give someone else a go. Her and I cannot keep picking at the same wounds.
Yesterday I was listening to more Stones and Jagger solo stuff. The top five songs I listened to:
Almost Hear You Sigh - From Steel Wheels, a much underrated album, in my opinion. It is the album that kicked in the modern, corporate age of the Rolling Stones. This song is so smooth and slick but also has a lot of emotion. "What'll I do without you, They say that life goes on. I'm feeling sorry for myself, can't believe your gone". the flamenco style guitar break from Keith is unexpected. He is a great blues guitarist but no Clapton or Page.
Just Another Night - From She's The Boss, It could be a Stones song and really reminds me of Missing You. Mick Jagger wants to be regarded as a solo star so much, Like McCartney or Lennon. To me the Stones don't really function individually and its all based around Jagger, Richards and Charlie Watts. This is a great song, though and reminds me mostly of watching Live Aid on a ship of the West African coast. "I'm a stranger in this town, Can't I have my ups and downs. Can't you see that I'm human"?
Brown Sugar - Possibly the most politically incorrect song in the world. I have had few black girlfriends but quite a lot of Asian and Latin women. My brother used to think it was sexual imperialism, not at all, I don't see much difference between Asian women or English women, its just the type of girl that physically appeals to me is dark. No one makes the same assumptions about men who are attracted to Scandinavian type blonde's.
How Can I Stop - This song is an obvious choice for someone like me, "You offer me all your love and sympathy, Sweet affection baby, It's killing me". I am not as whiny as I seem though in real life, whilst I have a flair for the dramatic I am not a person who appears troubled - although most seasoned bar tenders know that someone that drinks a bottle of vodka at ten am probably has some issues. "How could I stop once I start", more importantly why would I stop? If I am going to be half a man, then I would rather take my chances.
Lonely At The Top - A great song about ambition. I only really think about things from the male perspective but I am sure women have the same dreams and ambitions that men do. This song says it all out of Sunset Boulevard to the Academy awards.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
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