On The Edge

Todays P&L: GBP 0.00, I hate weekends

Todays Booze: 4 liters of organic cider, (very green), 2 large rum and cokes, very large Remy Martin XO.

The most recent ex-girlfriend got back in touch. Apparently I am still the love of her life, she probably should have thought about that before she left me, might get back in touch with her. If I were her I would stick with the billionaire, I mean it is coming up to Christmas after all. She isn't going to South America for her charity thing - turns out she can't take a Yellow fever vaccination due to her cancer therapy. So that's twenty grand down the drain then. Hope she doesn't pull out the old cancer card on me. My doctor says I have pancreatic cancer and probably secondary liver cancer but he seems relatively unsure about it. The ex has been through the proper wringer and had some treatments that make me think perhaps it would be better to just give in. Still she is a fighter. Everyone who has met her, has liked her. Except my brother, he seems to think I should never have any kind of a normal relationship. He treats me with a huge amount of disrespect but I think he secretly wants to be me, although obviously without the alcoholism, gambling addiction and suicidal tendencies. He is six years younger than me and I imagine in his mind I have always been fucked-up. He can't seem to see me in any other way than as an irresponsible twat clutching a bottle of vodka, (last time I ask him for a reference - I tell you). So the idea of me settling down with anyone seems bizarre to him, even if it is with someone with almost as many problems as me.