Thursday 31 December 2009

Lucky in Love

Today's P&L: Pah, who cares about money?

Today's Booze: Too early to tell, but it could get ugly

So this is it, New Years Eve. The most important day of the year for most Scottish people. Actually I guess it isn't nowadays. Maybe its more of a thing for us Scots in exile. My family always took it very seriously. Before we split apart from each other through necessity, I remember first footing since I was a child. Being very tall for my age and having jet black hair, I remember always being thrust outside the house before New Years Bells clutching coal, silver and whiskey. To me it always seemed like the next day was like a clean slate, the mistakes of the previous year, surprisingly enough I had always made plenty, were forgotten. Other kids at school often wondered why I ignored past fights or arguments. Its always been that way for me, although as I have grown older my personal experience has changed from raucous fun to more reflection as I consider what I have done. I don't make resolutions, well with one exception, I always resolve to be a better person than I have been - even though I know I will always let myself down.

So what do I have to reflect upon this year? Sure its been a low point, well these last three years actually have been plumbing the depths for me. My drinking whilst still out of control has got better. It will never end completely. I drink the way I live, there is an emptiness inside me that sometimes I feel will never be filled. its the same with relationships, the girl that's knocking around with me now should really step back and think about why she split up with me all those years ago.I haven't got any better. Anyway, she is likely to come and visit me this evening, so I won't be able to get completely out of hand with the booze. She will probably bring over the caviar and blinis - she knows I like Beluga but I would be happy enough with Sevruga and even though she watches what I am drinking like a hawk, I know she will bring some decent whiskey - probably Talisker, that's her favorite.

Anyway. Time to get to it, see the end of the year - fuck, the end of the decade. Happy New Year to everyone, I hope you all have a fantastic time.

7 comments:

Poetry of Flesh said...

I do believe that you're my new favorite blog.

I'd congratulate you, but my enjoyment may not be a good thing.

Kitty Moore said...

you feel that emptiness inside too? It's shit isn't it?

Toni said...

Thanks for stopping by Poetry, feel free to take any sadistic enjoyment in my self destruction blues.

Kitty, my favorite Turkish single parent, always glad to hear from you. I hate that sense of impending dread that is always lurking around the outskirts of normal life. You try and ignore it but you just can't shake it. I used to feel like Pinocchio. You know how he has Jimminy Cricket as a consciousness, well I have something similar only he is about seven feet tall, wears a hockey mask and carries a machete. Fucker doesn't say much but he is always there.

Poetry of Flesh said...

It's not a sadistic enjoyment I derive from your need to self-destruct, but more of a feeling of comfort when one finds something unexpected and familiar.

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