Today's P&L: GBP 670.00
Today's Booze: 3 pints of Kronenbourg 1664, 2 pints of Organic Cider, 3 shots of Vodka
Today's Soundtrack: 80's Again, (hey it's my era).
So, Tate &Lyle are selling their sugar business to some American company for just over two hundred million pounds. Another iconic company disappears. Well they will continue to exist but only as a company producing additives for processed food, which sounds a revolting business to be in - even worse than being a bond trader. Tate & Lyle, before they had to take responsibility for rotting the nations teeth where one of those Victorian style companies with a social responsibility but rather than just provide housing and social welfare for their workers they founded the Tate Gallery, they also provided social spaces for the public such as Lyle park near their massive sugar refinery in Silvertown, see how long that waterside factory lasts under American ownership. The company claims that they will benefit shareholders by paying down debt and that competing sugar producers made the business unviable, but two hundred million seems very little for a business that has assets in the UK alone, ignoring the Singapore business, the American business and its Caribbean business. If I was around I'd look forward to seeing the new apartments on Sugar Wharf, which just happens to be a stones throw from the City airport. Still the ground under the factory must be quite polluted I imagine by maintaining a promise to invest in the borough, the new owners will have it cleaned on the expense of Newham Council.
Weird day trading today, I was out early in the morning for a load of blood tests and walking back decided to buy a mop,(I know,I know domesticated me). The US data came out which was as bad as expected and the market went up. An hour later when cash trading opened it settled down and turned rather more negative. People are beginning to realise if there is no job growth in the US, there is unlikely to be a consumer-lead recovery. Anyway I cleared a few hundred and decided to stop trading, although I will keep at least one spread betting broker open in case anything dramatic happens after Europe closes.
Today I was listening to more eighties music. The top five songs I listened to:
Joe le Taxi - Love this song but I only have a vague idea of what it is about as I don't speak French. Only the French would consider it appropriate to have a thirteen year old girl driving in a cab in Paris with an Algerian taxi driver. Still Mrs Depp had a good, though limited voice or maybe just everything sounds better in French.
Small Town - John Mellencamp. This song speaks to me of what it must be like to grow up in the middle of nowhere, I imagine endless miles of cornfields and trying to be the best at football or whatever so you don't have to grow up working on your daddies farm. At the same time their must be something so comforting about a place where everyone knows you. For me anywhere less than ten million people seems a small town. The Stalker asked if I wanted to go up to Liverpool or Glasgow as they seem to have so memories and I just knew I would find them limiting. Still who knows might be nice to see some of the places I lived in before.
Rock Me Amadaeus - The madcap Austrian Falco, anyone who was around then will remember how Amadeus was such a huge movie. The video for this song is great Falco who was a great musician, (der Kommisar, Jennie), Normally looks so suave and when he walks into the biker bar dressed as Mozart would, you know he is for real. Then he returns to his usual smooth self. The Extended mix is best.
Against All Odds - Today was a good day, but my brooding nature is never too far away. A Phil Collins record, I could be deported for less, but lets put it in perspective. I did used to be a banker although not when this was released.And I also got into this song because of the great film it was in. James Woods was always one of my favourite actors and back then I had such a crush on Rachel Ward. The car chase scene sums up how I lived most of my late twenties to mid thirties - breakneck speed. And the scenes in Mexico remind me of the heat and passion I found when I slowed down, although I never went to those Aztec pyramids, looks like it may be another for the bucket list.
I Say A Little Prayer - the Bomb The Bass remix, nothing like Dionne Warwick, this song starts off with an icy cold relentless drum pattern and the, fabulous female singer breaks in. In my imagination, the girl works in a chemist or something in Peckham or some other dump and she spends her time wishing she could have the chances to break out.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Thursday, 1 July 2010
Monday, 28 June 2010
Razorblade Love
Today's P&L: GBP -370.15 GBP so far
Today's Booze: one bottle of Bells Whiskey, which I hate but it was there.
Today's Soundtrack: The Pretenders
The Stalker is off doing more charity work, Christ I know she lost twenty million plus in the credit crunch, but she could ease a lot of my problems with just a wave of her hand. She is working with children with cerebral palsy for the next two weeks so it seems stupid of me to drop any hints and anyway I would never directly ask her for a hand-out. She asked me "Don't you care about anyone Else's feelings"? Which has got to be the most stupid question I have been asked since someone tried to sell me Dell stock. Of course I don't. I am the most selfish person in the world and to be frank, I thought that was what attracted her.
My wonderful readers have once again exceeded my expectations with their concern for me, but I think most of them are missing the point of this diary of self-destruction. I have to find out how far I can push it and what comes next. If this life is all there is then the world isn't big enough for me. My rib is healing ok, although there is a huge bruise across my body. That is quite usual for me, since my blood stopped clotting I bruise very easily and for a long time. The boy hasn't contacted me again, but after crying in my beer for a few nights I am over it. He had to break the tie between us, even his son asked him what was wrong with uncle ********.
Today I was listening to The Pretenders. The top five songs I listened to:
I Go To Sleep - For some reason this song reminds me of Russia and my crazy few days in Moscow. Russia was just on the verge of defaulting, but it was still gangstertown. Ideal for someone like me with my less than ethical morals.
Don't Get Me Wrong - Bouncy pop music, but make no mistake, Chrissy Hyde is a bona fide rock chick. This song reminds me of a hot night in Soho, London where I was turned away from a private members drinking club, possibly the easiest three thousand they ever lost. Wound up spending all my money in a few other bars and a great Indonesian restaurant that used to be near Soho Square. I always liked drinking in restaurants.
Hymn to Her - As Kitty says, a Mothers love is unconditional. I'll tell you something though, my mother and I are far too similar and I can read her like a book. I'll bet you all the Tea in China I can stop her having anything to do with me in less than five minutes.
Brass in Pocket - reminds me of when I was poor and I still had something to fight for.
I'll Stand By You - A song about supporting other people, something I never did enough of and something I will have to answer for. The Stalker thinks she is a lot like me, The Lunatic even more so but they are not. I am not special they are.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: one bottle of Bells Whiskey, which I hate but it was there.
Today's Soundtrack: The Pretenders
The Stalker is off doing more charity work, Christ I know she lost twenty million plus in the credit crunch, but she could ease a lot of my problems with just a wave of her hand. She is working with children with cerebral palsy for the next two weeks so it seems stupid of me to drop any hints and anyway I would never directly ask her for a hand-out. She asked me "Don't you care about anyone Else's feelings"? Which has got to be the most stupid question I have been asked since someone tried to sell me Dell stock. Of course I don't. I am the most selfish person in the world and to be frank, I thought that was what attracted her.
My wonderful readers have once again exceeded my expectations with their concern for me, but I think most of them are missing the point of this diary of self-destruction. I have to find out how far I can push it and what comes next. If this life is all there is then the world isn't big enough for me. My rib is healing ok, although there is a huge bruise across my body. That is quite usual for me, since my blood stopped clotting I bruise very easily and for a long time. The boy hasn't contacted me again, but after crying in my beer for a few nights I am over it. He had to break the tie between us, even his son asked him what was wrong with uncle ********.
Today I was listening to The Pretenders. The top five songs I listened to:
I Go To Sleep - For some reason this song reminds me of Russia and my crazy few days in Moscow. Russia was just on the verge of defaulting, but it was still gangstertown. Ideal for someone like me with my less than ethical morals.
Don't Get Me Wrong - Bouncy pop music, but make no mistake, Chrissy Hyde is a bona fide rock chick. This song reminds me of a hot night in Soho, London where I was turned away from a private members drinking club, possibly the easiest three thousand they ever lost. Wound up spending all my money in a few other bars and a great Indonesian restaurant that used to be near Soho Square. I always liked drinking in restaurants.
Hymn to Her - As Kitty says, a Mothers love is unconditional. I'll tell you something though, my mother and I are far too similar and I can read her like a book. I'll bet you all the Tea in China I can stop her having anything to do with me in less than five minutes.
Brass in Pocket - reminds me of when I was poor and I still had something to fight for.
I'll Stand By You - A song about supporting other people, something I never did enough of and something I will have to answer for. The Stalker thinks she is a lot like me, The Lunatic even more so but they are not. I am not special they are.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Saturday, 26 June 2010
Dissapointing Everyone
Wow, just got a call from my younger brother, he scolded me for my manic drinking yesterday and said he can tell on the phone I am drunk now. he said he will give me some cash to trade with or drink myself to death or whatever, just to go away. I love my brother more than anything else and I have dissapointed him. Looks like I have finally driven everyone away from me. I am finding this hard to take right now but I hope he really knows what he is saying because while I am hurt now, in a couple of days I will be over it.
I knew this was going to end this way , I didn't expect him to abandon me. I have always been able to count on him None of the women mattered or even my parents but he was always my last resort. Even so I had planned on being far away from him when I died.
I knew this was going to end this way , I didn't expect him to abandon me. I have always been able to count on him None of the women mattered or even my parents but he was always my last resort. Even so I had planned on being far away from him when I died.
Neon Lonliness
Yesterdayss P&L: GBP 210.00
Yesterdays Booze: 1 750cl bottle of Vodka, 12 Talisker Whiskey
Yesterdays Soundtrack: Not much as I was out most of the day.
So the Stalker called me again, mind you it was two am and her primary interest was finding out if I was screwing, my doctor, which I am not but have been vocal in how good she is. The doc is unhappy with some of the diagnosis given to me by the hospital, however she readily admits she knows little about liver disease. Anyway she is very supportive and I guess I do have a little bit of a crush on her. I also had to endure a two hour call from my mother, which she can't afford and it all made me realise that no matter how tough I think I am, I am absolutely starved for affection. Luckily The Stalker cured me of this by threatening to kill me if she ever saw me lose it the way I did the other day. I am not scared off her in the slightest, She is a black belt in Karate and a gold belt in some Indonesian martial art, but I have already taken a few blows from her and laughed it off. If it was the Lunatic, I would be heading for the airport.
Anyway I got into a brawl in Windsor, I don't understand quite why this happened as I haven't had a dust-up in years. Most people know enough to avoid someone like me. So I took a few punches, and considering my osteonecrosis, seems one of my ribs is broken, luckily it wasn't over my liver but it is over my spleen and pancreas. I am not going to bother going to the hospital because in my limited experience, (I have only broken my ribs a few times), there is little they can do and to be honest. I am just sick of hospitals - I have spent most of the first half of this year in one hospital or another.
Not sure what to do about my mother, she keeps sending me food packages from Waitrose and if she finds out I am back on the hard stuff she will be heartbroken. My father says I am making his life impossible as all my mother does is mope around worrying about me. I know she feels guilty about what happened to me as a child on her watch, but none of this new shit is her fault. Maybe its true what they say about a mothers love but I still don't see it - I have hardly been a good son.
Just scalped a few points trading yesterday all on the FTSE 100 contract.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Yesterdays Booze: 1 750cl bottle of Vodka, 12 Talisker Whiskey
Yesterdays Soundtrack: Not much as I was out most of the day.
So the Stalker called me again, mind you it was two am and her primary interest was finding out if I was screwing, my doctor, which I am not but have been vocal in how good she is. The doc is unhappy with some of the diagnosis given to me by the hospital, however she readily admits she knows little about liver disease. Anyway she is very supportive and I guess I do have a little bit of a crush on her. I also had to endure a two hour call from my mother, which she can't afford and it all made me realise that no matter how tough I think I am, I am absolutely starved for affection. Luckily The Stalker cured me of this by threatening to kill me if she ever saw me lose it the way I did the other day. I am not scared off her in the slightest, She is a black belt in Karate and a gold belt in some Indonesian martial art, but I have already taken a few blows from her and laughed it off. If it was the Lunatic, I would be heading for the airport.
Anyway I got into a brawl in Windsor, I don't understand quite why this happened as I haven't had a dust-up in years. Most people know enough to avoid someone like me. So I took a few punches, and considering my osteonecrosis, seems one of my ribs is broken, luckily it wasn't over my liver but it is over my spleen and pancreas. I am not going to bother going to the hospital because in my limited experience, (I have only broken my ribs a few times), there is little they can do and to be honest. I am just sick of hospitals - I have spent most of the first half of this year in one hospital or another.
Not sure what to do about my mother, she keeps sending me food packages from Waitrose and if she finds out I am back on the hard stuff she will be heartbroken. My father says I am making his life impossible as all my mother does is mope around worrying about me. I know she feels guilty about what happened to me as a child on her watch, but none of this new shit is her fault. Maybe its true what they say about a mothers love but I still don't see it - I have hardly been a good son.
Just scalped a few points trading yesterday all on the FTSE 100 contract.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Should I Care?
Today's P&L: GBP 0.00 yet
Today's Booze: 1 bottle of red wine, 4 pints of dry cider
Today's Soundtrack: hmmmmmmmm
No profit today, due to the small volumes trading I have put in place a straddle option on the Dow 30.
Haven't heard from the Stalker again, looks like I really did scare her off. Good luck, maybe she will be better off with her ex husband. He is Scandinavian and very cold by all accounts. I don't think she needs someone like me in her life. So as expected I will have to write an alternative bucket list that is just for me.
As the markets where so pitiful today I listened to a lot of music but I have decided to talk abut the songs that remind me of, what I remember, the greatest loves of my life. They are ot in any order as to preference just which songs I listened to the most.
Dancing Queen - The Princess, to me she was just a kid. I had rarely been out with anyone younger than me and she was ten years younger. It was surprising how little we had in common apart from sex. I met her shortly after the Lunatic and was quite happy to be with someone sane. She had such a good soul,all she wanted to do was help people. Her family were the major Catholic minority in Thailand. There is nothing bad to say about her, my favourite memory of The Princess is bullying her on a race track in Pattaya. My worst memory is seeing her cry when the doctor told her the extent of my ankle injuries.
The Winner Takes It All - The Stalker. She is a woman who only plays for all the money on the table. Her and I have such history, but there is this seventeen year gap when we were apart. I had no idea what her life was like and she had none about mine. I only found out when I met her again about her cancer. The thing about the Stalker is she is an absolute fighter. Very little impresses her as she has been quite wealthy most her life. I know she always loved me, but I doubt she realised what an asshole I can be. My favorite memory of the stalker, New Years Eve in Trafalgar Square a long time ago, drinking and having great sex. My worst memory, Just the other day when I let her see my bad side.
Wuthering Hights - This song probably more than any reminds me of the Lunatic. She would probably say Fairytale of New York, but this reminds me of her. Fairytale of Ney York was a song we both enjoyed together. Wuthering Hights reminds me of her, to be honest, totally insanity. The song and the book it is based on is filled with so much passion, I can't think of any other way to describe the woman. Seemed like she was so full of emotion that she was always on the edge of rationale thought. I didn't help her as if anything, I am worse although without her raw emotions. My favourite memory of the Lunatic, When I strolled in to one of her restaurants, looking like I had been away for three minutes, after a year and a half. I don't think I have ever felt such an outpouring of emotion. My worst memory, too many to mention, but I'll go for when she first sliced open the artery in her thigh. Even now I remember the blood pumping out of her and all because she felt I hadn't paid her enough attention.
The Promise You Made - Brilliant song by Cock Robin, reminds me of the Turk. My only muslim girlfriend. She was impossibly good looking, the kind of girl that attracts attention wherever she goes and I was a little below par when I met her. Still, promises were made, rules were broken- I don't have anything bad to say about her. Best memory When I had sex with her, (not made love - this was filthy sex), in a side street of The Notting Hill Carnival to an appreciative audience. The worst memory, not many to be honest probably an argument we had when I was too tired to screw her.
Rain Or Shine - This song reminds me of the Italian, she is the first girl I can actually remember having a boy/girl friend relationship with. She was a few months older than me but one of those girls that was physically more developed than all the other girls at school. She was always cheerful and had a beautiful smile. In the video for this song, the singer really reminds me of her. OK Suzy wasn't black but she clearly had some ethnicity in her. My best memory of the Italian, walking her home after a party as the dawn came up. My worst memory, possibly my lowest moment and the deepest scar on my soul. Me forcing her to have an abortion, something even now I am not happy to talk about.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 1 bottle of red wine, 4 pints of dry cider
Today's Soundtrack: hmmmmmmmm
No profit today, due to the small volumes trading I have put in place a straddle option on the Dow 30.
Haven't heard from the Stalker again, looks like I really did scare her off. Good luck, maybe she will be better off with her ex husband. He is Scandinavian and very cold by all accounts. I don't think she needs someone like me in her life. So as expected I will have to write an alternative bucket list that is just for me.
As the markets where so pitiful today I listened to a lot of music but I have decided to talk abut the songs that remind me of, what I remember, the greatest loves of my life. They are ot in any order as to preference just which songs I listened to the most.
Dancing Queen - The Princess, to me she was just a kid. I had rarely been out with anyone younger than me and she was ten years younger. It was surprising how little we had in common apart from sex. I met her shortly after the Lunatic and was quite happy to be with someone sane. She had such a good soul,all she wanted to do was help people. Her family were the major Catholic minority in Thailand. There is nothing bad to say about her, my favourite memory of The Princess is bullying her on a race track in Pattaya. My worst memory is seeing her cry when the doctor told her the extent of my ankle injuries.
The Winner Takes It All - The Stalker. She is a woman who only plays for all the money on the table. Her and I have such history, but there is this seventeen year gap when we were apart. I had no idea what her life was like and she had none about mine. I only found out when I met her again about her cancer. The thing about the Stalker is she is an absolute fighter. Very little impresses her as she has been quite wealthy most her life. I know she always loved me, but I doubt she realised what an asshole I can be. My favorite memory of the stalker, New Years Eve in Trafalgar Square a long time ago, drinking and having great sex. My worst memory, Just the other day when I let her see my bad side.
Wuthering Hights - This song probably more than any reminds me of the Lunatic. She would probably say Fairytale of New York, but this reminds me of her. Fairytale of Ney York was a song we both enjoyed together. Wuthering Hights reminds me of her, to be honest, totally insanity. The song and the book it is based on is filled with so much passion, I can't think of any other way to describe the woman. Seemed like she was so full of emotion that she was always on the edge of rationale thought. I didn't help her as if anything, I am worse although without her raw emotions. My favourite memory of the Lunatic, When I strolled in to one of her restaurants, looking like I had been away for three minutes, after a year and a half. I don't think I have ever felt such an outpouring of emotion. My worst memory, too many to mention, but I'll go for when she first sliced open the artery in her thigh. Even now I remember the blood pumping out of her and all because she felt I hadn't paid her enough attention.
The Promise You Made - Brilliant song by Cock Robin, reminds me of the Turk. My only muslim girlfriend. She was impossibly good looking, the kind of girl that attracts attention wherever she goes and I was a little below par when I met her. Still, promises were made, rules were broken- I don't have anything bad to say about her. Best memory When I had sex with her, (not made love - this was filthy sex), in a side street of The Notting Hill Carnival to an appreciative audience. The worst memory, not many to be honest probably an argument we had when I was too tired to screw her.
Rain Or Shine - This song reminds me of the Italian, she is the first girl I can actually remember having a boy/girl friend relationship with. She was a few months older than me but one of those girls that was physically more developed than all the other girls at school. She was always cheerful and had a beautiful smile. In the video for this song, the singer really reminds me of her. OK Suzy wasn't black but she clearly had some ethnicity in her. My best memory of the Italian, walking her home after a party as the dawn came up. My worst memory, possibly my lowest moment and the deepest scar on my soul. Me forcing her to have an abortion, something even now I am not happy to talk about.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Monday, 21 June 2010
Reach Out, Touch Faith
Today's P&L: GBP 410.00
Today's Booze: 4 Pints of Dry Cider
Today's Soundtrack: The Who
Back at home and only one of my monitors is working. Trading remains difficult for me, not sure if my heart just isn't in it or if my brand of arrogance stops me seeing the obvious. Haven't really been keeping in touch with the news so I shouldn't trade, (its sort of like jumping into a river if you can't swim).
The stalker and I have fallen out after she saw the side of me I rarely show to other people. I have a quick, almost rabid temper. Whilst I would never hit her, (which I think she knew), she was a little shocked at how quickly and violently my temper can change. All this time she knew me, she only ever saw my placid side. I cool down pretty quickly but for a few moments I can be quite scary. She will never understand that this side of me has saved me on a few occasions.
Anyway, sitting alone after she left I came across this story on the bloomberg:
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2010-06-21/family-sells-2-million-mansion-gives-half-to-charity-review.html
This really gave me hope, if a little girl can see the inequalities in our society, maybe we aren't all destined to die in our own iniquity. Maybe it is people like me who grew up, hungry for more who are the dinosaurs.
Listened to The Who mostly today. The oddest band ever, The drummer plays as if he is a keyboard player and the bassist plays like a lead guitarist. The guitarist/songwriter fits in around them and the singer is a classic rock star torch singer. It shouldn't work but it does.
Won't Get Fooled Again - I never saw The Who live, but my first memory of this song is when they performed it at Live Aid. There was so much obvious resentment between Daltry and Townshend it looked like they might swap blows on stage, (The Police are a little like this. Always simmering tension).
Real Good Looking Boy - OK, Keith was dead when this was recorded but it is still a great song. It seems to me to be a song of teenage ambition and that moment when you realise you are a guy who can attract women. I always thought the "him" his mother refers to in the lyrics, "She said, 'Son, well, you know, you're ugly boy. You don't really look like him. In this long line, there's been some real strange genes. You've got 'em all. You've got 'em all. With some extras thrown in", was Elvis. What mother would say that to her son? Might explain some of the obvious hostility of Pete Townshend.
Love Reign O'Er Me - Love brings the rain. From Quadrophenia. "On the dry and dusty road, the nights we spend apart alone. I need to get back home to cool cool rain. The nights are hot and black as ink, I can't sleep and I lay and I think Oh God, I need a drink of cool cool rain". For me this song is always coloured by the movie. The story of a sixties England I never knew but the pigeonholing of people into jobs that never suited them is something I am glad I avoided.
Behind Blue Eyes - From the classic Who's Next. In view of what I admitted about my irrational anger, quite a fitting song for me. Difference is this song sounds like someone is asking for pity. When I rage, even for just a flash. I don't look for pity. I must admit I have almost always kept this side of me away from people who know me and the look of shock on the Stalkers face was genuine. Now she has had a glimpse of my Mr Hyde character, I doubt I will see her again.
You Better, You Bet - The first Who record I brought. Another one after Keith died. Their new drummer, from The Faces, I think, was really good but nothing like Keith Moon. A really commercial song from this rock band , but it still has the urgency at the end. If love isn't worth making a fool of yourself over, then it really isn't worth having in my opinion.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Today's Booze: 4 Pints of Dry Cider
Today's Soundtrack: The Who
Back at home and only one of my monitors is working. Trading remains difficult for me, not sure if my heart just isn't in it or if my brand of arrogance stops me seeing the obvious. Haven't really been keeping in touch with the news so I shouldn't trade, (its sort of like jumping into a river if you can't swim).
The stalker and I have fallen out after she saw the side of me I rarely show to other people. I have a quick, almost rabid temper. Whilst I would never hit her, (which I think she knew), she was a little shocked at how quickly and violently my temper can change. All this time she knew me, she only ever saw my placid side. I cool down pretty quickly but for a few moments I can be quite scary. She will never understand that this side of me has saved me on a few occasions.
Anyway, sitting alone after she left I came across this story on the bloomberg:
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2010-06-21/family-sells-2-million-mansion-gives-half-to-charity-review.html
This really gave me hope, if a little girl can see the inequalities in our society, maybe we aren't all destined to die in our own iniquity. Maybe it is people like me who grew up, hungry for more who are the dinosaurs.
Listened to The Who mostly today. The oddest band ever, The drummer plays as if he is a keyboard player and the bassist plays like a lead guitarist. The guitarist/songwriter fits in around them and the singer is a classic rock star torch singer. It shouldn't work but it does.
Won't Get Fooled Again - I never saw The Who live, but my first memory of this song is when they performed it at Live Aid. There was so much obvious resentment between Daltry and Townshend it looked like they might swap blows on stage, (The Police are a little like this. Always simmering tension).
Real Good Looking Boy - OK, Keith was dead when this was recorded but it is still a great song. It seems to me to be a song of teenage ambition and that moment when you realise you are a guy who can attract women. I always thought the "him" his mother refers to in the lyrics, "She said, 'Son, well, you know, you're ugly boy. You don't really look like him. In this long line, there's been some real strange genes. You've got 'em all. You've got 'em all. With some extras thrown in", was Elvis. What mother would say that to her son? Might explain some of the obvious hostility of Pete Townshend.
Love Reign O'Er Me - Love brings the rain. From Quadrophenia. "On the dry and dusty road, the nights we spend apart alone. I need to get back home to cool cool rain. The nights are hot and black as ink, I can't sleep and I lay and I think Oh God, I need a drink of cool cool rain". For me this song is always coloured by the movie. The story of a sixties England I never knew but the pigeonholing of people into jobs that never suited them is something I am glad I avoided.
Behind Blue Eyes - From the classic Who's Next. In view of what I admitted about my irrational anger, quite a fitting song for me. Difference is this song sounds like someone is asking for pity. When I rage, even for just a flash. I don't look for pity. I must admit I have almost always kept this side of me away from people who know me and the look of shock on the Stalkers face was genuine. Now she has had a glimpse of my Mr Hyde character, I doubt I will see her again.
You Better, You Bet - The first Who record I brought. Another one after Keith died. Their new drummer, from The Faces, I think, was really good but nothing like Keith Moon. A really commercial song from this rock band , but it still has the urgency at the end. If love isn't worth making a fool of yourself over, then it really isn't worth having in my opinion.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Friday, 18 June 2010
Everybody Pays - Sooner Or Later
Yesterdays P&L: GBP 0.00
Yesterdays Booze: No grog in hospital
Yesterdayss Soundtrack: Not much music either but I have my laptop and listned mostly to The Stones and Led Zep.
You know, I hate this shit. I really hate being in hospital. Don't get me wrong the UK is the best country in the world to get sick in but all this being pushed around, bullied by nurses, prodded by student doctors - I hate this shit. First I had my ultrasound scan, Christ I don't know this woman she looks around my age. I hope I didn't screw her daughter because she pushed that fucking scan thing so deep into my stomach I thought it would come out my ass. Then I got moved between two wards for no apparant reason apart from finding me a ward with the most moaning, screwed up patients on it. First one was ok, but the second one was like being moved to a housing scheme where all your neighbours are senior citizen crackheads with asbos. I am going to request to go to the morgue - at least its quiet there.
At least i'll be out very soon, the shortage of available livers is so high that there is no way I can even be considered for a while. Maybe I deserve all this, The Princess used to say "You are unkind" every now and again to me and she wasn't wrong I was never a good hearted person. You grow up alone enough and you develop a certain "me angainst the world mentality". That doesn't explain my continuing inability to show emotion, at this point I should understand the need for emotional support more than most.
They say a man discovers himself at the worst of times, but I don't believe that. People give up. This world grinds most of us down, we don't know it, but its happening. Our latest government tells us that in order to restore fiscal responsibility we are all going to have to shoulder our share of the burden. It's not like British people haven't heard this before. In The First World War, The Great Depression and The Second World War we were told to carry our share. I doubt many people saw any relatives of David Cameron going over the top in the trenches. As usual, The British government really means you will have to bear the burden. Fair enough, spin out the old blitz spirit speech again but the politicians should know by now that if you expect joe public to fight, then he has to have something to believe in. When I watch television programs about world war two, it almost seems that everyone knew they were fighting against the evil despot and his final solution, but that wasn't the case. The great and the good knew all about the holocaust but the ordinary people didn't. The economic disaster the government is manoveuring us into is another blind ally, although without the tragic loss of life, (mind you the rationale for the final solution, dodgy eugenics aside was the destroyed economy of Germany). People don't understand why we are facing hard times, and when they really bite, they will look for someone to blame.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
Yesterdays Booze: No grog in hospital
Yesterdayss Soundtrack: Not much music either but I have my laptop and listned mostly to The Stones and Led Zep.
You know, I hate this shit. I really hate being in hospital. Don't get me wrong the UK is the best country in the world to get sick in but all this being pushed around, bullied by nurses, prodded by student doctors - I hate this shit. First I had my ultrasound scan, Christ I don't know this woman she looks around my age. I hope I didn't screw her daughter because she pushed that fucking scan thing so deep into my stomach I thought it would come out my ass. Then I got moved between two wards for no apparant reason apart from finding me a ward with the most moaning, screwed up patients on it. First one was ok, but the second one was like being moved to a housing scheme where all your neighbours are senior citizen crackheads with asbos. I am going to request to go to the morgue - at least its quiet there.
At least i'll be out very soon, the shortage of available livers is so high that there is no way I can even be considered for a while. Maybe I deserve all this, The Princess used to say "You are unkind" every now and again to me and she wasn't wrong I was never a good hearted person. You grow up alone enough and you develop a certain "me angainst the world mentality". That doesn't explain my continuing inability to show emotion, at this point I should understand the need for emotional support more than most.
They say a man discovers himself at the worst of times, but I don't believe that. People give up. This world grinds most of us down, we don't know it, but its happening. Our latest government tells us that in order to restore fiscal responsibility we are all going to have to shoulder our share of the burden. It's not like British people haven't heard this before. In The First World War, The Great Depression and The Second World War we were told to carry our share. I doubt many people saw any relatives of David Cameron going over the top in the trenches. As usual, The British government really means you will have to bear the burden. Fair enough, spin out the old blitz spirit speech again but the politicians should know by now that if you expect joe public to fight, then he has to have something to believe in. When I watch television programs about world war two, it almost seems that everyone knew they were fighting against the evil despot and his final solution, but that wasn't the case. The great and the good knew all about the holocaust but the ordinary people didn't. The economic disaster the government is manoveuring us into is another blind ally, although without the tragic loss of life, (mind you the rationale for the final solution, dodgy eugenics aside was the destroyed economy of Germany). People don't understand why we are facing hard times, and when they really bite, they will look for someone to blame.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
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