Today's P&L: GBP 410.00
Today's Booze: 4 Pints of Dry Cider
Today's Soundtrack: The Who
Back at home and only one of my monitors is working. Trading remains difficult for me, not sure if my heart just isn't in it or if my brand of arrogance stops me seeing the obvious. Haven't really been keeping in touch with the news so I shouldn't trade, (its sort of like jumping into a river if you can't swim).
The stalker and I have fallen out after she saw the side of me I rarely show to other people. I have a quick, almost rabid temper. Whilst I would never hit her, (which I think she knew), she was a little shocked at how quickly and violently my temper can change. All this time she knew me, she only ever saw my placid side. I cool down pretty quickly but for a few moments I can be quite scary. She will never understand that this side of me has saved me on a few occasions.
Anyway, sitting alone after she left I came across this story on the bloomberg:
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2010-06-21/family-sells-2-million-mansion-gives-half-to-charity-review.html
This really gave me hope, if a little girl can see the inequalities in our society, maybe we aren't all destined to die in our own iniquity. Maybe it is people like me who grew up, hungry for more who are the dinosaurs.
Listened to The Who mostly today. The oddest band ever, The drummer plays as if he is a keyboard player and the bassist plays like a lead guitarist. The guitarist/songwriter fits in around them and the singer is a classic rock star torch singer. It shouldn't work but it does.
Won't Get Fooled Again - I never saw The Who live, but my first memory of this song is when they performed it at Live Aid. There was so much obvious resentment between Daltry and Townshend it looked like they might swap blows on stage, (The Police are a little like this. Always simmering tension).
Real Good Looking Boy - OK, Keith was dead when this was recorded but it is still a great song. It seems to me to be a song of teenage ambition and that moment when you realise you are a guy who can attract women. I always thought the "him" his mother refers to in the lyrics, "She said, 'Son, well, you know, you're ugly boy. You don't really look like him. In this long line, there's been some real strange genes. You've got 'em all. You've got 'em all. With some extras thrown in", was Elvis. What mother would say that to her son? Might explain some of the obvious hostility of Pete Townshend.
Love Reign O'Er Me - Love brings the rain. From Quadrophenia. "On the dry and dusty road, the nights we spend apart alone. I need to get back home to cool cool rain. The nights are hot and black as ink, I can't sleep and I lay and I think Oh God, I need a drink of cool cool rain". For me this song is always coloured by the movie. The story of a sixties England I never knew but the pigeonholing of people into jobs that never suited them is something I am glad I avoided.
Behind Blue Eyes - From the classic Who's Next. In view of what I admitted about my irrational anger, quite a fitting song for me. Difference is this song sounds like someone is asking for pity. When I rage, even for just a flash. I don't look for pity. I must admit I have almost always kept this side of me away from people who know me and the look of shock on the Stalkers face was genuine. Now she has had a glimpse of my Mr Hyde character, I doubt I will see her again.
You Better, You Bet - The first Who record I brought. Another one after Keith died. Their new drummer, from The Faces, I think, was really good but nothing like Keith Moon. A really commercial song from this rock band , but it still has the urgency at the end. If love isn't worth making a fool of yourself over, then it really isn't worth having in my opinion.
In case I don't see 'ya...good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
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4 comments:
The Stalker loves you....she'll be back (I'm sure of it) x
Not so sure sweet Kitty. Even I am repelled by my behaviour. For someone who considers themselves to be cool and in control, (despite my obvious failings), it is a very ugly thing.
It sounds silly, but I've always feared that there's an ugly side to me too, just sitting quietly, waiting for the breakpoint before it is unleashed. Is it my imagination? Is it possible for one to know how bad they can be when they break?
MJ, everyone has a darker side to them and that is normal. This is differrent, the Stalker has known me longer than almost anyone and for me to lose it in front of her is unacceptable. I caused a bit of destruction, smashed up a 42 inch lcd television, destroyed a bit of furniture. This isn't me, I am or was a businessman. When she left I could tell what she was thinking, she never knows when I will lose it again. I had hidden this side of me for years, I almost forgot what it is like to be in a bottomless pit of rage. I still feel ashamed she saw that side of me, but I can understand why she was scared.
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